Authors: Cathy Glass
On Monday we fell into our weekday routine and the week progressed as usual. Danny had contact on Tuesday, when Reva took him for a walk in the woods, but it rained so they didn’t stay long. Reva told me this when she returned Danny, but the next day I overheard Danny telling George, ‘Daddy came to the woods with Mummy and me. We had fun.’
As far as I knew that was the first time Danny had seen his father since the incident at my house, and it was certainly the first time he’d ever mentioned having fun with him. While I was pleased they’d spent some quality time together, again I felt it was too little too late, and I assumed that, like Reva, Richard must also be relieved that the decision on Danny’s future had been made.
I hadn’t heard anything further from Terri or Jill – I wouldn’t, unless there was some news. However, Jill telephoned on Friday while I was out and left a message on the answerphone to say she was going away for a long weekend and would be back in the office on Tuesday, and that I should phone the agency’s out-of-hours number if there was an emergency. Homefinders, the agency I fostered for, was very good with their out-of-hours service; there was always someone on the end of the phone, day or night, all year round, even on Christmas Day and public holidays.
It was May now and summer was just around the corner. The air was much warmer and the days were quickly lengthening, so we were able to spend more time in the garden, especially in the evenings. The following week, on the Wednesday morning, I was in the garden hanging out the washing when I heard the phone ring. I went in through the patio doors and answered it in the living room. It was Jill, and I could tell from her voice she had something important to say.
After a very brief hello and how are you, she said, ‘I’ve just finished speaking to Terri. There’s been a significant development, and it involves you.’
‘Oh?’ I said, immediately concerned.
‘It’s OK,’ Jill said. ‘You haven’t done anything wrong. I’ll explain. Apparently, the weekend after that scene at your house Richard went away. He saw his parents and finally told them that Danny was in foster care. They had no idea and were very shocked, as you can imagine. His mother said he should have asked them for help. Then Richard admitted he was planning on leaving Danny in care, and both his parents were horrified. They telephoned Terri and said they wanted to look after Danny. They asked to have him straight away. Richard’s mother was very upset on the phone to Terri and cried. Not only because Danny was in care, but because Richard had believed all those years that Danny had the same condition as Robert. It’s impossible, because Robert had cerebral palsy – he was brain damaged at birth as a result of oxygen starvation, so it’s not a genetic condition.’
‘Has his mother told Richard this?’ I asked.
‘Yes. She has now. She told Terri that she realized it was a conversation she should have had with Richard a long time ago, but it had never occurred to her that Richard believed Danny had inherited a condition and was the same as Robert. She and her husband had thought the reason Richard had stopped taking Danny to see them and never invited them to their house was because Reva didn’t like them. She had no idea it was because he was trying to protect them from Danny. She also told Richard that they never regretted their decision to look after Robert and care for him at home, even though it had been very hard work.’
‘They sound like a lovely couple,’ I said.
‘Yes,’ Jill agreed. ‘She was adamant that Danny shouldn’t stay in care and should live with them. Terri said she’d have to talk to her manager, and then explained that they would need to be assessed as kinship carers, even though they were Danny’s grandparents. They weren’t very happy about this, but agreed to do whatever it took to have Danny live with them. However, the next day Richard telephoned Terri and said that, having spoken to his parents and after a long discussion with Reva, they’d decided they wanted Danny home to live with them. But of course you and I know it’s not that simple. Although Reva has stopped drinking, Terri had other concerns and she called a meeting for Reva, Richard and his parents.
‘This is the outcome,’ Jill continued, ‘it’s possible that Danny may be able to go home, but not straight away, and only after certain conditions are met. Firstly, Richard and Reva have to agree to Danny being assessed by the educational psychologist and accept the help that is recommended. Danny is to have regular contact with his grandparents, and Terri has also told Richard she would like Danny to see his step-brother and step-sister sometimes, although she can’t force that. Reva has to attend a parenting course for children with special needs. Terri would like Richard to attend too, but she accepts that he has to work, so it may just be Reva. Also – and this is where you come in – Terri would like both Richard and Reva to spend time shadowing you at your house. Again, because of Richard’s work commitments, it’s likely to be mainly Reva, but Terri has said that Richard must come to you at least once, preferably twice. She’s been so impressed by the way you handle Danny, she thinks Reva and Richard would learn a lot by watching you. So be flattered, my dear.’
‘I am,’ I said, astounded by all Jill had told me. ‘What an incredible turn of events.’
‘Yes. Terri will be asking you, Richard and Reva for feedback as we go along, and once Danny is home – assuming he goes home – she will be visiting and monitoring him there.’
‘I see,’ I said. ‘So when will all this start?’
‘Friday. Danny will have contact as usual tomorrow, and then either Reva or Richard will come to your house on Friday, early evening, for at least two hours. Contact will take place as usual on Saturday, and Terri has made it clear to Richard that he needs to be there – she wants to see commitment from him. Then, so that Danny’s rehabilitation home isn’t too protracted, Terri wants either Richard or Reva or both to spend at least two hours with you on Sunday. She’s leaving the exact times for you to arrange between yourselves. The following week one of them will come to you on the evenings Danny doesn’t have contact, and again on the Sunday.’
‘So he’ll be seeing them every day?’
‘Yes. That’s the idea. Then, if Terri is satisfied, the plan is to move Danny home on the following Monday – in twelve days’ time.’
Chapter Twenty-Five
I’m not sure who was the more nervous when Reva arrived on Friday for her first visit to ‘shadow’ me – her or me. We’d agreed she would come at five o’clock, which would give Danny a chance to settle after school, and would also include dinner – an important thing for Reva to see, as prior to coming into care Danny had eaten his meals alone. I’d already decided that I wouldn’t be lecturing Reva or overtly instructing her – I didn’t think that was required – but I’d try to show her through example, then let her parent Danny, and I’d be on hand to help if necessary.
I’d explained to Danny that his mummy would be coming to see us and would stay for dinner and then go home, because she wanted to spend more time with him. I couldn’t tell him the real reason – that it was in preparation for him hopefully returning home – because it wasn’t definite he
would
be going home. I thought it would be less disruptive to Danny if I kept everything as normal as possible while Reva was with us, so, following his usual routine, he was in the garden with George when she arrived. Paula was out there too. I offered Reva a drink and she had a glass of cold water, which she took into the garden. She said hello to Paula and Danny.
‘Mummy!’ Danny exclaimed slightly surprised.
‘Hi, were you expecting me?’
Danny gave a small nod and returned his attention to George. He hadn’t come over to hug his mother and she didn’t go to him. As one of Reva’s concerns had been Danny’s lack of affection towards her, I thought it would be a good idea if she began initiating it, as I had started doing, instead of relying on Danny – though of course keeping within the boundaries of what he felt comfortable with.
‘I would just give him a kiss on his head if he doesn’t want a hug,’ I suggested to her.
She went over and lightly kissed the top of his head. Danny responded by kissing George’s head. Well, it was a start!
Paula stayed for a while and then went indoors and I continued chatting to Reva about things in general, trying to put her at ease as Danny played with and petted George. Presently I went indoors to put the finishing touches to dinner while Reva stayed in the garden with Danny. I could see them through the kitchen window as I worked, and very slowly they lost their awkwardness, Reva was talking more to Danny and he was nodding, although I couldn’t hear what she was saying. Adrian and Lucy came down from their rooms to see when dinner would be ready and then went into the garden. Once dinner was ready I called everyone. Danny knew to put George in his hutch first, and when he came in he automatically took the stool to the sink to wash his hands ready for dinner.
‘Good boy,’ I said, hoping Reva would realize how important it was to praise Danny.
The start of the meal was quiet and uncomfortable, but then Reva broke the ice by asking my children what they planned to do when they left school, and conversation began. As the meal progressed I had the feeling that Reva had been used to socializing in her work, meeting and greeting clients, attending business lunches and similar, for she knew how to keep a conversation flowing and put others at ease. I thought, not for the first time, that she must once have been a very confident and accomplished lady, but had been brought down by Danny’s high level of needs and challenging behaviour. I noticed as we ate that she kept glancing at Danny, who, as usual, was cutting up his food and arranging it around the edge of his plate.
‘Come on, eat up,’ she said to him. Then to me, ‘He’s still playing with his food then? I wondered if you’d managed to stop that.’
Feeling his mother’s criticism, Danny immediately grew anxious and ate even more slowly.
‘I haven’t tried to stop it,’ I said to Reva. ‘I think that at Danny’s age if it helps him to eat then it isn’t a real worry. If he doesn’t grow out of it, it’s something that can be addressed when he’s older.’ Reva had paused in eating and was looking at me intently, so I felt I should explain further. ‘I’ve found through fostering that it’s usually impossible to correct or modify all aspects of a child’s behaviour at once, so I concentrate on what I think is most important. Danny has far fewer tantrums now, is talking more and hasn’t had a meltdown here or at school in weeks. He’s also enjoying activities that would previously have petrified him. So I think he’s doing well.’
Reva gave a small nod and returned to her food.
We all stayed at the table until Danny had finished and I praised him for having a clean plate.
‘Well done,’ Reva added. I could see from Danny’s expression that his mother’s praise was worth far more than mine, which was how it should be.
As soon as he’d finished eating he was down from the table and wanting to feed George as he normally did. I suggested to Reva that she might like to go with him while I cleared the table.
‘I feel I should help you with the dishes,’ she said politely.
‘Don’t worry. It’s fine,’ I said. ‘Adrian, Lucy and Paula will help me. It’s more important you spend the time with Danny.’
She went with Danny as he collected George’s food bowl from the hutch and then returned indoors to the cupboard under the stairs. ‘One, two, three scoops,’ I heard Danny telling his mother.
‘Good boy,’ I called from the kitchen.
‘Yes, good boy,’ Reva repeated.
I wished she’d praise him more; I’d have to mention it.
I left them alone to feed and settle George for the night and then, when they returned and Danny had gone into the living room and couldn’t hear us, I explained to Reva why I took every opportunity to praise Danny, even in the actions he was used to getting right. ‘Children can never have enough praise,’ I said. ‘It builds their confidence and self-esteem. It also makes them more open to suggestions for correcting their negative behaviour, which is helpful in a child like Danny.’
‘That makes sense,’ Reva said amicably.
We went into the living room and, following his usual routine, Danny fetched his school bag from the hall but now presented it to his mother. I could see she was pleased. Danny hadn’t really said much to his mother or paid her much attention, but I knew he was coping with this very new situation in his own way. It must have been strange for him to suddenly have his mother here without a plausible explanation. I left Reva with Danny, listening to him read, while I went to clear up in the kitchen. The doors were open so I could hear Danny, first reading and then practising the words and numbers from his learning targets, but I couldn’t hear any responses from Reva. Presently I went into the living room. ‘He’s doing well, isn’t he?’ I said enthusiastically to Reva.
‘Yes,’ she said. ‘I hear him read at contact sometimes.’
‘That’s good,’ I said. But had she told him how well he was doing? Not from what I’d heard. Danny needed so much encouragement. I didn’t want to labour the point further that evening, so I said, ‘Lovely reading, Danny,’ and hoped Reva would pick up the message.
When Danny had finished his homework he put his school bag in its usual place in the hall, and as he did Reva took the opportunity to speak to me. I could see from her expression she was worried. ‘He’s still so far behind in his learning,’ she said. ‘It worries me. Do you think he will ever catch up?’
‘I don’t know,’ I said realistically. ‘But the educational psychologist’s assessment will give you a better indication. She’ll also make recommendations of the type of help Danny needs. I think what’s more important is that Danny reaches his full potential, which, with help, I’m sure he will do.’
‘You’re always so positive,’ Reva said with a small smile. ‘I saw that the first time I met you – at that meeting at school. Richard and I are more positive now, but I still worry what the future will hold for Danny.’
‘That’s only natural,’ I said. ‘The future is a scary place, so let’s concentrate on the present.’ And if it sounded like a lecture then so be it. I was entitled to give one.