Saving Toby (31 page)

When Dad left the kitchen to change out of his uniform, I
poured two mugs of coffee and offered one to Toby.

“I can’t believe you talked to my father like that. You’re
lucky ‘Pops’ didn’t pop you.”

“Once you get past his crusty outer shell, he’s kind of soft
on the inside,” Toby shrugged. “We actually get along okay.”

“Wonders will never cease.” I led Toby into the living room
and got comfortable on the couch. Feeling relaxed, I beckoned him to sit with
me. “Park it, mister. I want to catch up on everything I’ve missed.”

He plopped down next to me. “Tell me what I missed, first.
What offer was your dad talking about?”

“It’s just a work-study opportunity I was offered here in
New York. You know my father, he always has to make his preference known.” I
carefully skirted a detailed explanation. “He’s just upset because my mother is
giving me a pretty spectacular birthday and graduation gift.  My birthday is
during spring break, so she booked me a week’s stay at a hotel on the beach.”

“I heard. April and Dario told me they’re going to be out
there with you for the week. Sounds great,” he said with a casual air. Though
his manner was offhand, I suspected he felt snubbed that I’d not asked him to
join us.

I had purposely not included him in the plans because with
our past, a whole week together seemed like asking for trouble. But tonight,
remembering the girl at the bar, it felt safe to extend the offer to him. “You’re
welcome to come, too.”

“Text me the dates. I’ll look into it.”

“Sure,” I agreed, and took a sip of my coffee. “So, besides
the kitchen and job searching, tell me how you’re doing. Don’t skip any
details.”

“What can I say? There are still moments when I want to
throw my shit in the Jeep and take off.” He waved a hand, motioning off and
away from here. “But I squash it and for the most part, I’m doing real good.
With the band, Dario and April, my aunt, Abe, and even your dad, I don’t feel
so alone anymore.” He lifted his eyes to mine then. “It feels pretty good to be
here, where I know people and actually have a life I like.”

Toby was happy.

I blinked back tears, almost speechless in this knowledge. I
knew Mrs. Faye would have been so excited to hear his words. She had wanted
this for him. It’s what I prayed for, too. “I’m so happy for you.”

“Yeah, things are finally coming together.” He paused a
moment. “Claude, when we were dating, I saw being with you as a way out of my
life. I wanted you to make me a better person. I realize now that it was unfair
to expect that from you. Changing my life is solely up to me. And, over the last
year, I’ve been making a conscience decision to move towards my goals. Focusing
on what I want, and what I need to do to get it, seems like such a small change
in mindset, but it’s made a huge difference. I feel almost … invincible.”

“Toby, that small difference has made all the difference.
Your life is better because of it. I’m so excited to see you like this.”

“Thanks. Unfortunately, I still haven’t found a job, but
since I’m not working, we can hang out all week.”

“Can’t. I’m flying out tomorrow.”

He gaped at me. “But you just got here.”

“I have to get back. My required Gerontology Practicum
work-study program just started last week.” I explained. “And, I’m co-chairing
the campus’
Relay for Life
.”

“Damn, you’re so busy all the time,” he muttered. “We could
have had more time if you’d told me you were coming home.”

“I didn’t want you to fuss over me.”

“Really, Claude, you’ve hardly been back since you started
USC. It’s a major event when you come home.”

“I bet your girlfriend wouldn’t like you making such an
event over my homecoming.”

“My girlfriend?”

“That girl at the bar. You’re seeing her, aren’t you?”

He ran a hand through his hair. “You sound as if you hope
she’s my girlfriend.”

“It might be a little weird for me, but I’d be, um, happy
for you,” I said in earnest. “And I think it would make things easier between
us.”

He made a project out of putting his mug down on the coffee
table, sliding it one way, then the other. I could see he wasn’t comfortable
telling me, but finally he said, “Leah and I hang out sometimes.”

“That’s very vague.”

“It falls into the category of, ‘we don’t talk about it.’ So
leave it alone.”

That meant they were involved, and knowing him, probably
sexually. My blood turned cold.

“Okay,” I inhaled, trying to push past the sting. “Whatever
it is that you have with Leah, I can’t be the center of your attention. Things
are different. We’re long past that kind of relationship.”

“I’m well aware of that, Claude. You really put me in my
place the last time I saw you.” He scooted forward to the edge of the couch,
putting some distance between us. I remembered the harsh words I said to him
and, in guilt, bowed my head.

Sighing, he leaned back. “The point is, I get it. We’re
friends and that’s fine. Actually, it’s great.”

I stared at him trying to determine his truthfulness.
“Seriously?”

“Yes, seriously.” He grasped my hand and let out a woefully
exaggerated sigh. “Please, don’t walk a tightrope around me.”

“O-okay.” I faltered, surprised by his steadfast certainty.

Appearing somewhat pensive, he smiled. “Julia said if I had
faith, I would be rewarded. Maybe our friendship is my reward.”

I wrinkled my nose. “Wow, that’s sweet. Saccharine sweet.
But I hardly believe even my friendship is enough a reward for what you’ve had
to deal with.”

“After what I put you through when I lost Julia,” he shook
his head and looked into my eyes. “You didn’t give up on me. And still, across
the country, when I’m having a rotten day, I know I can call you, and you’ll
give me that—”

“Annoying pep talk?” I supplied.

He laughed. “Yeah, but really, it helps me keep going.”

“You’re doing it all on your own,” I said. “I’m just the
cheering section.”

“Are you kidding?” Twisting to face me, he grabbed the
silver chain around his neck and pulled the attached medallion out from under
his shirt. Between his fingers, he held Saint Jude’s silver carved image. “I
wear this every day, Claude. You got me through that first Thanksgiving. And if
you hadn’t made that appointment and taken me to meet Bob, I’d probably still
be driving around the country, lost and confused. Even now, you still help me
just by listening—and being my ‘cheering section.’ Don’t underestimate what
you’ve done for me.” Gently, he stroked the back of my hand with his thumb. “I
don’t.”

I was surprised, overwhelmed, too, by his depth of
gratitude.

“You just needed someone to lean on.”

“Yeah,” he agreed as he put a hand on my shoulder.
“Hopefully you’ll never need the kind of help I needed, but I want you to know
that I’m here for you if ever you need me. I owe you.”

I warmed under the weight of his pledge. He was very
different—calm, collected, and focused. He even looked different; that haunting
sadness in his eyes was gone. It pleased me to realize that, without
consciously attempting to do so, I had ultimately kept my promise to Mrs. Faye.
I had helped Toby find what she’d always known he’d been looking for.

“You don’t owe me anything,” I insisted. I had to cover my
mouth as a powerful yawn escaped me. “I’m sorry. The East Coast-West Coast time
zone change is throwing me off. How about I lean on you right now … and sleep?”

“Sleep?” he laughed and shook his head. “Oh, hell. It’s
late. I should shut up and let you go to bed.”

As he rose to his feet, I grabbed his hand. I really didn’t
want him to leave. “It’s snowing bad. Hang out and wait for it to stop. We can
check to see what’s on television, and I think there’s some cookies in the
kitchen.”

He raised his eyebrows. “You have cookies?”

For the first time since we’d broken up, I didn’t worry
about him blurring the lines of our friendship. He got it, and now that he had
someone else in his life, I felt safe to really, truly relax with him. Knowing
that, I set out a sleeve of chocolate chip cookies and turned on the
television.

He draped an arm over me as I rested my head on his
shoulder. It was the perfect end to my visit home.

49
.
Toby

The house’s heating system made gurgling noises as it kicked
on. Claudia hadn’t even made it through the first ten minutes of the show she’d
put on before she fell asleep. From the Chiamettis’ living room couch, I could
see out the bay window at how the snow swirled around outside on the front
lawn. It was sticking—a sign that the temperature outside had dropped to or
below the freezing mark, but with Claudia tucked in under my arm, I didn’t care
what was happening out there.

Claudia was finally seeing me do well. Pressing my face
against the top of her head, I inhaled. Sighing, I stared up at the ceiling. I
could not act on my attraction to her. Instead, I thought about the trip out to
California in March. It would be an opportunity to create some new and positive
air between us.

The hallway light in the stairway went on, and I heard the
old man’s footsteps.

“You still here?” Mr. Chiametti asked, as he came into the
room. He was wearing a rumpled long sleeve tee shirt with plaid lounge pants,
and by his half-cocked eyes, he looked as if he’d been asleep. He still had the
need to check on us.

Claudia stirred sleepily, yawned, and then stood up. Looking
out the front window, she commented, “The snow is really piling up.”

I stood up, too. “Mind if I crash here tonight?”

“You should,” Claudia said, walking to the stairs and then
glancing over her shoulder. “We can have breakfast before I go to the airport
in the morning.”

Her body was backlit by the hall light, making her appear
unearthly. My body pulsed at the stirring thought of lying next to her
sleep-warmed body. It had me itching to follow her up the stairs.

“Sleep on the couch, not with my daughter,” Pops said, as if
he were reading my mind.

“Dad,” Claudia mumbled a drowsy complaint. “I wasn’t
offering him my bed.”

“Yeah, she might not be able to keep her hands off of me,
and then you’d end up with a grandkid with my face.”

“Don’t give me nightmares,” Pops muttered.

I smiled. “We’d make beautiful kids.”

“Keep it in your pants.”

“I’m just saying.”

Heavy-eyed, Claudia turned around on the stairs and pouted.
“Stop talking as if I don’t hear you.”

“Go to bed,” her father said.

“I’m going. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight,” we echoed. She disappeared up the stairs.
Seconds later, the hallway went dark.

Pops went to the door, flicked off the porch light, and
checked the door lock.

“She’s a good girl, my daughter,” he said with admiration.

I nodded. “She’s pretty terrific.”

Opening a closet next to the bathroom door, he pulled out a
blanket. “I hope she comes back to New York after graduation.”

“I didn’t know she was thinking about staying out there.”

He handed me the blanket and shook his head, clearly not
happy about it.

“Unfortunately, she seems to like it there, with her mother.
My ex-wife booked her in some fancy hotel on the beach for a graduation
present.”

“I know. Claudia invited me out there.”

“I’m sure it’s some tacit plan of my ex’s to sway Claudia to
stay out there and get her Master’s degree at USC,” he said, with a sneer. “But
Sterling, the senior residence she used to volunteer at, offered her a tempting
arrangement—a paid internship. She’d be able to work on her degree at Stony
Brook University while doing a few rotations at the home. It’s good work
experience, and I’m pushing for it.”

I dropped back down onto the couch and pulled off my shoes.
“Can I give you some advice on Claudia?”

He snorted. “You’re going to give me advice on my daughter?
This I gotta hear.”

I ignored his jab and made eye contact with him. “Let her
make her own decision. She doesn’t like being pushed into anything.”

He opened his mouth to say something, but snapped it shut.
He knew I was right.

“Damn, that kid is too much like me. Stubborn,” he muttered.
Turning to scrutinize me, he said, “Now, let me offer you some advice. No one’s
going to hire you looking like that,” he waved a finger at my hairy face.
“Clean yourself up.”

50
. Toby

The weather in Carlsbad, California, was perfect for an
early morning run. I did a few leg stretches before I stepped out from behind
the palm trees that lined the covered stone walkway in front of our suite and
headed to the beach. The resort was right on the shoreline, and it only took a
minute to reach it.

I started with a light sprint to warm up. My toes dug into
the soft sand, and the muscles in my calves started to fire up. I pushed myself
to go faster. As I did most days in New York, I had run every morning since I’d
hit the West Coast. The mild breeze carried the taste of the Pacific along with
it. The ocean air felt good on my freshly shaved face. Right after Claudia’s
visit home, I’d cut my hair and shaved my matted whiskers off. Clean-shaven.

I welcomed the salty fresh air. It helped me focus and clear
my head as well as discharged tension. It was not anger I needed to release,
but the growing need for something I knew I couldn’t have. I ran hard to drive
the hunger away.

The place Claudia’s mother had picked out was pretty
freaking incredible. Luxury accommodations—a full kitchen and two bedrooms with
queen-sized beds. Dario and April shared one room and the other bedroom, one
overlooking the ocean, Claudia had to herself. I was stationed on a pullout
couch in the common room, but I was fine with it. We spent our days laughing
while we moved aimlessly through the streets of the city. Every night, we
partied. We were having a great time together.

It was good to be here and see Claudia so happy. It gave me
a sense of satisfaction. I’d done the right thing by letting go. Without
holding on and without really losing her, we had both been able to move
forward. Over the course of the last year and half, I’d been able to define
what I wanted out of my life—I’d amended and streamlined it until I was sure I
was working towards the kind of life that I saw myself having. And now, for the
most part, I had it in place. I had friends, family, and finally a
job—Claudia’s resume did the trick.

I was now a full-time carpenter with Delfino Brothers,
Incorporated. My new bosses, two
pisans
, offered me a great package—benefits,
holiday pay—the works. I was making more money than I’d ever made, doing work I
honestly liked. I was fulfilled, as I’d never been. Still, it didn’t stop
there. I had more ideas, more plans. Claudia continued to be a part of that
picture.

I didn’t want to overwhelm Claudia with what I saw as our
destiny—a future where we were together, but with us spending so much time in
close proximity, I was getting impatient about keeping my hands to myself. I
wasn’t sure how long I could continue to hold back. Running was my only outlet.
As a last ditch effort, I tried to purge it from my system.

We spent our last night in Carlsbad at a local club, The
Lounge, a seedy little dance bar that we hit several nights during our stay.
The drinks were watered-down, the crowd was noisy and rude, but we called it
ours. It was Claudia’s birthday, but she made us swear we wouldn’t buy her any
gifts. So instead, we scored a coveted booth near the dance floor, didn’t allow
her to pay for anything, and toasted her through several rounds of drinks.
Dario and Claudia were out on the dance floor dancing to some obnoxious techno
remix. April stayed back with me to order another round. I stared off at
Claudia dancing with Dario, admiring the way she moved. Sighing, I forced myself
back to conversation with April.

She glanced at me with knowing eyes. “You still got it bad
for Claudia.”

I tapped my fingers on the table. “That obvious, huh?”

With a sly grin, she said, “
Papi
, you practically
have moonbeams in your eyes.”

“Moonbeams?” I grunted, and then laughed. “That sounds like
a serious condition.”

“Yes. And contagious. Over the week, Claudia seems to have
developed the same condition. I believe I saw the identical look in her eyes,
too.”

Wanting to hear more, I leaned forward. “Really?”

She nodded and then smirked. “I think you should just grab
her and lick her like you did the first time. That seemed to work.”

I chuckled. “Tempting, but I can’t.”

“Because you’re seeing someone else?”

“Come on, April. You know Claude just as well as me. I can’t
just throw myself on her, not after what happened between us. She’ll freak.”

“But you were hoping something would happen this week,
weren’t you?”

“Sure, but even though nothing did, it was still a great
week,” I said. “There’s always hope that if she comes home, things will fall
into place.”

“Wait, so you don’t have a girlfriend?” April cocked her
head. “And what do you mean ‘if’ she comes home?”

Laughing and breathless, Claudia and Dario came bounding
back to the booth.

Dario held out his hand to April. “Let’s go, mama. Dance
with me.”

April’s eyes lit up. Sliding out of the booth, she eagerly
followed him onto the dance floor.

“Let’s go. Your turn to dance with the birthday girl,”
Claudia put out her hand for mine.

I took her proffered hand without hesitating. On the dance
floor, with all of us slightly buzzed, I entertained my friends with my
off-the-cuff moves. With her arms loosely around my neck, Claudia was sweaty,
and her natural smell intensified. I had to fight the impulse to pull her
tighter to me.

“Thank you for coming out here to stay with me. The dinners,
the beach, dancing—this week has been the best time I’ve had in years,” she
hollered over the grinding beat. Her gaze dropped to my hairless chin. “I’m
glad you shaved. Not a fan of the full beard. Such a handsome face should never
be covered.”

Encouraged by her appreciation, I leaned down and rubbed my
smooth cheek against hers.

“Nice,” she purred, stroking my face with her hand.

I was further buoyed by her touch. “Mmm. You smell edible,
like coconut.”

Claudia angled her mouth to my ear, like she was telling a
secret, and whispered, “That’s the piña coladas. They go down easy.”

Her breaths made my skin tingle.

I teased her. “You’re so laminated.”

“Am not!” She giggled, tightening her arms around my neck,
and looking into my eyes. “I’m just having fun.”

I appreciated that we had finally arrived back to being
relaxed with each other, but as her hips swayed sexily under my hands in rhythm
to the music, Claudia held my gaze. The invitation seemed transparent, but
still, I wondered if she was conscious of how she made me burn for her.

For the first time all week, I didn’t want to drive the
hunger away. I wanted to feed it.