Sea of Dreams (The American Heroes Series Book 2) (20 page)

“No,” she wept, pushing him away. “Don’t hold me. People are watching.”

“Screw them,” he hissed. “I don’t care who’s watching.”

“Please,” she begged yet again, trying to open the gate. “I just want to see the girls.”

Seeing that he wasn’t going to convince her to come back to the table, he pushed the gate open and walked out with her, his arm around her shoulders.   He held her as they walked back out onto the sand.  She wept softly beside him.

“I want to talk to you about something,” he said softly. “Can you walk with me a little bit before we go back and see the girls?”

She nodded, wiping at her nose with the back of her hand. “Beck, I know this is what you do for a living and I’m sorry I’m not tough about it yet,” she sniffled. “I’m not tough like Gina is. She’s almost jaded about it.”

He hugged her gently as they walked across the warm sand. “She’s not jaded,” he told her. “Believe me, she gives Butch plenty of crap about it.  But I would say that she has accepted the situation for what it is.  She deals with it, using the other wives as a support group. A lot of military families do that. Actually, I’m glad you met her. I’ll have her call you while I’m away so she can check in on you. Would you be okay with that?”

Blakesley nodded hesitantly. “I guess.”

He hugged her. “Thanks. It makes me feel better, too, knowing you’re not so alone.”

Blakesley fell silent as they reached the water’s edge and began strolling.  There was a great deal on her mind.  Beck felt her cuddle against him as they walked with her head against his chest and her arm around his waist.  He kissed the top of her head, noticing Cadee, Crosby and Charlotte in the near-distance as they built their sand castle of pristine white sand.

“My team is deploying tonight at midnight,” he said softly, his focus on the little girls in the distance. “I don’t know when we’ll be back.”

Blakesley was nearly collapsed into him as they walked. “Can you tell me anything more?”

“I can tell you that I love you and that I’ll miss you.”

She came to a halt, facing him as the sea wind blew gently across her features. “I love you, too, and I don’t want you to go,” she said, “but I understand you have to.  Can… can you tell me if this is going to be a really dangerous trip?”

He smiled faintly. “They’re all pretty dangerous.”

“But how dangerous?” she wanted to know. “Like, if you were to rate it like terrorist alert levels, would it be mild, moderate, serious or extremely serious?”

He sighed faintly and shook his head. “If I tell you, you’re just going to worry,” he pointed out. “Does it make you feel better knowing it’s extremely serious? Moderate? It doesn’t matter what I tell you, you’re still going to worry.”

“Would you rather I didn’t worry?”

He put his hands on her shoulders.” I would rather not frighten you unnecessarily,” he said. “I would rather that you miss me every day but know that, in the end, I will come back to you. I swear I will always come back to you, Blakesley.”

She could see his point. She sucked up the rest of her tears and squared her shoulders. “Okay,” she said resolutely. “If that’s how you want me to handle it, then that’s the way I’ll handle it.  I don’t want to make your job any harder than it already is and I don’t want people to go around describing me as bitchy like they do your ex-wife.”

He grinned.  “Hell, toward the end of our marriage, Sharon would change the locks when I deployed and I’d come home and my key wouldn’t work,” he snorted. “Once, Butch broke into the house and she was there and clobbered him with a lamp before she knew who it was. I don’t think Gina ever forgave her for that.”

In spite of herself, Blakesley grinned. “I’m not sure I would have, either,” she chuckled, sobering as she gazed into his green eyes. “I promise I won’t change the locks. I’ll be just where you left me and your key will still work.”

His eyes glimmered warmly at her. “I don’t have a key.”

“I’ll give you one.”

He pulled her closer, his arms going around her as the waves swirled around their feet. “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about,” he murmured. “Can you spare about an hour? I want to show you something.”

***

With a sundress pulled over the pink bikini and flip-flops on her feet, Blakesley sat beside Beck in his big Chevy truck, watching the bay as they crossed over on the big Coronado Island Bridge.   He held her hand but was so far tight-lipped about where they were going, but Blakesley didn’t mind.  She was just glad to be with him. It was such a lovely day, bright and warm, as the bridge dumped them out onto the California mainland.

They took the 5Freeway north to the 19th Street exit, paralleling the freeway until they came to Market Street.  On Market Street, they cut east through the older and more run-down section of San Diego, very bustling and full of businesses and people, until they came to 27th Street.  Beck took a right and went south for a few blocks before he pulled the car over and parked it.

Blakesley was looking around with interest.  There were older homes in the area, some run down but some well tended.  It was an old and established neighborhood. They sat next to a park on the west side of the street while a line of older homes were on the east side.  They were on a slight rise, as San Diego was rather hilly, and they could see the great green Coronado Bridge in the distance.

“Come on,” Beck said as he opened up his door. “I want to show you something.”

He was already out of the truck.  Blakesley went to open her door but he was already around the truck, opening it for her.  She climbed out, the long sun dress blowing in the breeze as she looked around the neighborhood.  He took her hand and led her across the street.

There were two big old Victorian homes sitting side by side.  One was well lived in and cluttered while the other one looked newly restored.  The exterior walls were a medium green color while the gingerbread moldings all around the roof were bright yellow.  It really was a lovely house and someone had taken the time to lovingly restore it.  As they went up on the wide porch, Beck went to the door and tossed the combination on the Knox Box.  The box popped open and he pulled out a key.  Blakesley watched him curiously.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

He just grinned at her as he opened the door, one that had the original hardware from when the house was built. Blakesley stepped into an empty home with glossy restored hard wood floors, newly painted walls, and all new or restored fixtures.  She gasped with delight as she went into the living room with its enormous windows and deep brown floors, looking with pleasure upon the moldings and detail work on the ceiling.  Beck stood next to her as she inspected the place before pulling her into the kitchen.

“Come take a look at this,” he said.

The restored kitchen was gorgeous with a black-tile brick backsplash and new stainless steel appliances. In fact, the entire house was gorgeous, all five bedrooms and three bathrooms worth of it.  The old Victorian staircase had been left untouched for some reason but it was in spectacular shape for its age. Beck followed Blakesley up and down the stairs, from room to room, listening to her talk about how she wanted to restore her home much the same way the old Victorian had been restored. When they were in the master bathroom with its new double sinks and deep-soak tub, she turned to Beck.

“So are you thinking about buying this place?” she asked.

He half-nodded, half-shrugged. “I’ve got a townhome on Coronado that I bought about twenty years ago,” he said. “Sharon and I lived there while we were married and when we divorced, I had to pay her half of the equity accumulated during our marriage.  Anyway, she ended up getting about forty thousand dollars from it, which she pretty much gave back over to me because we had a  lot of credit card debt when we divorced.  To make a long story short, the townhome is almost paid off because I’ve owned it for so long so I was thinking about selling it and buying something bigger.”

She smiled as she looked around the bathroom, at the big new tiled shower. “This house is gorgeous,” she said sincerely. “It would make a great home.”

“Enough for you to live here?”

She turned to look at him, the smile fading from her face. “I… I already have a house,” she said, suddenly seeing why he had brought her here.  She felt cornered but under no circumstances did she want to hurt his feelings. “I think this place would be great for you….”

He cut her off. “It’s got five bedrooms,” he told her.  “Cadee, Crosby and Charlotte can all have their own rooms and Lizzie can have her own room when she comes to visit.  I picked this house because it was old, because you seem to like old homes, and it’s across the street from a park, which would be perfect for the girls.  Baby, I know you said you had to think about moving in together and all that, but I just can’t stand the thought of living away from you. I also can’t stand the thought of you living in that big old house with secret tunnels under the floors and God knows what else.  I just don’t get a good feel for that place and although I know you bought it, I just don’t like it.”

Blakesley stared at him. She wasn’t sure what to say.  She sighed faintly and averted her gaze, looking at the bathroom again before wandering into the master bedroom with the beautiful French doors that overlooked a new deck and new backyard. She put her hand on the window molding, absently running her fingers against it as she thought about what she was going to say.  Finally, she turned to him.

“The truth is that I would like nothing better than to be with you, in the same house as you, like one big, happy family,” she said softly. “I’ve known you all of a week and already I feel like I’ve known you a hundred years. I feel like I know your heart and soul, and I can see what a good and sincere man you are.   But I have to ask you this; if you’re already trying to push me into moving in with you, what are your long-term plans for us?”

He folded his big arms across his chest thoughtfully. “That’s a fair question,” he said. “The fair answer is that I don’t see myself being with another woman, ever. You’re what I’ve been waiting for my entire life, Blakesley.  I want to be with you forever.”

She thought on his statement. “You told me that you would never get married again.”

He pursed his lips and looked at his feet, unable to look her in the eye. “I know,” he muttered. “I still don’t know how I feel about that.  Sharon went through such hell and I just can’t do that to someone else.”

Her eyebrows lifted. “So what’s the difference? You want to move in with me, with my girls, and make a life with us like we’re a family.  Do you think not being married to you is going to make it any easier when you deploy, or get injured, or God knows what else?  Do you think the absence of a wedding band makes me magically impervious to pain and suffering and worry? It doesn’t, you know. Married or not, I’ll worry about you and love you just the same.”

He cocked his head, the green eyes intense. “You’re right,” he agreed. “Not marrying you isn’t some magic wand against what I do for a living.”

She leaned back against the windowsill, gazing out over the California sky. “Marriage wasn’t any picnic for me, either,” she said softly.  “It was more like a business arrangement, really. Ed and I had a lot of the same goals and dreams of financial independence.   But the fact that we were more business partners than anything hasn’t soured me on the idea of marriage in general. I still want to get married to someone I love someday. I deserve to be happy again. So do you.”

She could hear him moving closer to her, his boots making softly muffled noises against the hard wood floor. When she looked up, he was standing over her.

“I want to buy this house and move you and the girls in,” he said softly, sincerely. “They won’t have to live in a hotel anymore and we will live here while that house is being renovated.   If you want to get married, then we’ll get married, because I can’t even comprehend not having you with me for the rest of my life.  The thought of you marrying someone else… God, Blakesley, you have no idea how that would destroy me.  I’d explode into a million different pieces of heartbreak.  I’d be in pieces forever.”

She looked up at him seriously. “I’m not going to force you to do something that you’re uncomfortable with.  But I’m not sure I can move in with you if that’s the case.  It somehow cheapens what we have between us, like we’re not committed enough to each other to get married and tell the world that we’re proud to belong to each other. I think moving in with someone without marriage makes the whole relationship seem cheap and easy.”

His jaw ticked as he thought on her words.  Then, he slid down against the wall until he was sitting on the floor beside her, his back up against the wall.  He pulled her down onto his lap, smelling the scent of suntan lotion on her sun-kissed skin.

“I never saw myself getting serious with a woman again much less getting married,” he said quietly. “I said that I’d never marry again before I really knew you or knew what you would come to mean to me.  When I said I’d never get married again, I just meant that I wanted to spare a woman the uncertainties that being with me would bring. I didn’t mean I was opposed to marriage in general.”

She wrapped her arms around his neck. “I’ll tell you what I told you yesterday,” she said softly. “It’s way too soon for us to talk about moving in together. For the same reason, it’s way too soon to talk about marriage.  We’re really just starting to get to know each other but things are moving incredibly fast.   My head tells me to slow down but my heart tells me to go for it.”

He sighed faintly, thinking of the mission he had before him, knowing the risk, wondering if he wasn’t feeling these things because he was afraid, in spite of all of his assurances to the contrary, that he really wouldn’t make it back to her.  It was difficult to sort it out in his head, mostly because he’d never had to deal with these feelings before.

“Can you see yourself married to me, though?” he asked, his green eyes intense.

She smiled faintly, nodding. “I can,” she murmured. “Can you see a baby brother for all of these girls we have between us?”