Searching for Neverland (23 page)

“Christ, Taylor,” he hissed against my skin, which only made me press harder against him. His mouth stopped sucking and started kissing its way back north.

“I want to go upstairs,” I told him, as he alternating sucking and kissing my neck.

“Seriously?” he asked, his eyes darting up to meet mine as if trying to read whether I was joking.

I met his gaze. “You cannot bring me this close to the brink and not let me let go,” I said, shaking my head, knowing I was going to be super-pissed if he pulled back in that moment, and I had to have a private party with my vibrator. “And this couch is way too constricting for what I want to do with you.”

“Who the hell are you?” he asked, gazing up at me in wonder.

I smiled. “Come upstairs and find out,” I teased, and in one fluid motion, we got up from the couch and ran up the stairs together.

We stopped in Josh’s room since it was the closest, and as he unceremoniously yanked off his jeans, the bulge in his boxers became more pronounced.

I reached out to grab the waistband, pulling it out and yanking him forward. “Come here,” I commanded, my tone gruff and demanding.

Josh stepped toward me, as I let my hand drift down over the hardness.

“I did this,” I said, as I moved my hand around methodically, stroking him rhythmically.

“It’s not the first time,” he confessed.

“Really?”

That was an interesting and amusing thought.

“Nope,” he said, not elaborating on when and how I’d made him hard, but I was definitely curious.

I let my tongue dart out of my mouth and sweep along my upper lip, and I caught him watching it with hooded eyes.

“Have you thought about doing this before?” I asked him.

“Only for the past three years,” he confessed. Then he grinned. “I’m a guy, and you’re fucking hot, Taylor. There’s only so many times a guy can see you in your underwear before he starts to imagine what it would be like to peel those sexy panties off of you and . . .”

“And?” I prompted, my stomach fluttering at the thought of what he was going say.

“And do this,” he said, as his fingers slid under the edge of my panties and between my thighs.

I inhaled a breath through my teeth, as his fingers sought out my most sensitive area and teased it mercilessly.

“Is that all you wanted to do?” I asked, keeping up my end of the flirting, as he stroked me harder and faster.

“Not in the least,” he said calmly, almost seductively, as his arm wrapped around my waist and squeezed me tight, holding me in place. “There are many, many things I’d like to do to you.”

I liked that he was taking control. He’d seemed half-bewildered by what we’d been doing downstairs, but now he was in charge.

“I’m intrigued,” I said breathlessly, as I fought to stay in control, but quite honestly, had his arm not been around me, I probably would have collapsed. He was driving me slowly insane with his methodical movements.

I started to let my head fall back, but he captured my mouth with his before I could let go, and soon his tongue was writhing against mine, full of need and want, as he plunged a finger inside of me.

“Oh my God, Josh,” I cried, my head falling back, as he rhythmically moved in and out of me while simultaneously sucking a spot at the base of my neck.

Then he pulled out and moved his hand to my waist, and I was left unsatisfied and even more turned on than before, as he walked us back to the bed.

“Are you done with me?” I asked breathlessly.

He smiled. “I haven’t even gotten started.”

I fell first, and he landed next to me, looking down at me in wonder, as if he never expected to see me beneath him like that. Which was probably a good assumption since I’d never really pictured myself in that position either, well, except for that one time the week before. But that had just been a fleeting fantasy. Or so I
’d
thought.

Then Josh moved on top of me, and settled between my legs, and I knew exactly what would happen next. We still had a thin barrier of clothing between us, but were about to break through that barrier.

As he leaned down to kiss me, I unceremoniously rolled us so I was on top and broke the kiss.

“What’s the big idea?” he asked, as I sat up and pressed myself down onto his hardness. He sucked in a breath through his teeth, as I trailed my finger down his chest slowly and seductively.

“I’m just having fun.”

He smiled lazily. “I like your idea of fun,” he said, looking at me reverently. “You don’t know how many times I’ve thought about doing this with you.”

I smiled, and he sighed.

“Seriously, Tay. You get under my skin, and sometimes I don’t know what do to with it.”

Oh crap, was he about to get mushy with me? I just wanted to
have fun
. Did he want more than that? Shit, that complicated things.

“Is it true you don’t like blow
jobs?” I asked,
when my hand met his erection.

I was trying to divert his attention, because I knew feelings would complicate the shit out of what we were doing.
I
needed to get his mind away from wherever it had gone.

He raised his eyebrows
.
“Where did you hear that?” he questioned, and
I was pleased I’d successfully distracted him.

“Kimmy told me,” I said, as I danced my fingers over his hardness, teasing him,
and then I watched his face fall.

And I realized I’d just succeeded in reminding him that he had a girlfriend. Fucking genius, Taylor.

I hated Kimmy, or rather, I really disliked her, but I wasn’t about to
take advantage of the situation and make Josh out to be a cheating asshole. It wasn’t fair to
him
or her
, especially since this would just be a hook-up and nothing more. Drunk or not, I wasn’t a
home wrecker
.

As smoothly as I could, I slid off of Josh and sank down onto the bed.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, as he looked over at me with concern and just a little bit of hurt
in his eyes
.

“You have a girlfriend.”

“Oh. No, Taylor. Come on. Don’t worry about Kimmy. We’re not, I mean, I’m not.” He shook his head. “I want to be here with you.”

I covered my eyes with my hands. “I can’t do this,” I groaned, shaking my head
and feeling like shit as the gravity of the situation resonated with me
.

“Oh,” Josh said, and I wasn’t exactly sure what was behind that ‘oh’
, but I could guess, and I felt like a royal bitch for leading him on
.

“I’m sorry,” I said, and he shook his head and managed a small smile.

“It’s fine. No worries.”

But I knew it wasn’t fine. He was upset, and I didn’t think it was because I was about to leave him with a raging case of blue balls
or because he’d been cheating on his girlfriend. What mattered was that as
I watched him carefully,
and
as different
emotions crossed his face,
I knew in that moment that Josh felt something for me much more than lust.

He hadn’t been caught up in a moment and lost control. He’d wanted what was happening between us, and as fun as it would
have been
to sleep with him, I couldn’t go any further with him knowing he had feelings for me that I couldn’t reciprocate.

“Okay, I’m going to go to bed,” I said, as I started to slide off of his bed, feeling lower than low. “I’m sorry.”

His hand reached out and grabbed my wrist. I looked back at him and swallowed hard. Damn, he looked hot laying there half naked.

“Tay,” he said, as if appealing to me, and I felt out-of-this-world guilty for causing the pained look on his face. “Don’t go.”

I gave him a half
smile. “I’m sorry,” I said again, shaking my head, as inside my heart was pounding and my stomach was churning. “It’s just, there’s Kimmy, and–”

“It’s fine,” Josh said quickly. “Totally fine.”

But I just didn’t believe him.

Shit.

Biggest mistake ever.

Chapter 11

I awoke late the next morning and immediately flashbacks of my indiscretion came rushing back. I opened my blurry eyes and felt the effects of what I’d done the night before, but those effects were coupled with the fact that I’d almost slept with
Josh
. Jesus fucking Christ. What the hell was wrong with me?

I heard the sounds of him moving around in his room and knew he was probably headed to the gym, so I didn’t dare leave my room until I heard his bedroom door open and his footsteps fade down the hallway. Fortunately we were taking the day off from working on our bar plans since Josh knew I’d need a break after finals. Of course, he couldn’t have expected that I’d need a break from him. That was all one giant unpredictable mistake I hadn’t planned on making, and I was sure my advances had caught him equally by surprise.

I cringed just remembering back to what I’d said, how I’d come on to him
,
and where our hands had been. Those memories were never going away.

I took a deep breath, steeled myself, and picked up my phone.

“Casey Garrett,” Casey said professionally as she answered the phone at her new job. She’d been hired by the first company she’d interviewed with and had started on Monday.

“Please tell me you can get away for lunch,” I demanded.

“Excuse me? Who is this?”

“Casey!” I said, complete and total exasperation in my voice. “It’s Taylor!”

“Oh, sorry, babe. You sound a little masculine today.”

“I’m hung over,” I justified and heard how gravelly my voice was. “And I fucked up big time. Can you meet me?”

Casey paused, and I was sure she was looking over her appointments for the day.

“Yeah, sure. I can meet you at twelve-thirty.”

“Great. Thank you,” I said, instantly relieved. “I just, I did something, and I can’t take it back.”

“Yeah, you got it. So who’
d you sleep with?”

Damn she knew me too well.

I sighed. “Josh – almost.”

“Josh!” she yelled, piercing my eardrum.

“Yes,” I hissed. “And I need some serious advice.”

“Sure. Do you want me to call Allison?”

“No!” I said quickly, knowing I could never tell my best friend that I’d hooked up with her brother – especially since she would have an absolute field day with that information. She could never know. “Just meet me at our usual place, okay?”

“Okay, fine,” Casey said, exasperated with my dramatics, no doubt.

I hung up the phone and saw that I had a text from Josh.

I’m sorry. Really sorry. Can we talk? I’m going over to the bar for a few hours, do you want to meet me there? We also need to figure out the kitchen remodel. Sean’s asking about the plans Cole put together for us.

Shit. Shit, shit, shit. Why did I hook up with Josh? This was totally going to fuck up our brilliant working relationship. Why was I so stupid when I drank?

Avoiding the inevitable, I kept my response short and sweet.

Plans today. Sorry.
I texted back, avoiding conflict like I’d done
with guys
my whole life.

Can we talk tonight?
he texted back almost immediately.

Grr. He knew I didn’t like to face things head-on, and he so was going to make me deal with this.

Sure,
I finally told him,
presuming
I could spend the day figuring out what the hell I would tell him later.

* * *

“Okay, spill,” Casey said the minute I sat down across the table from her at the deli we’d always gone to when we worked together.

I took a deep breath and told her everything, including Josh’s drunken declaration of love from a few weeks earlier.

“So Josh likes you?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know, but if I had to guess, I’d say yes. He was really upset when I pulled back last night.”

Casey’s eyes widened in exasperation. “Well, yeah, you left him with a pretty severe hard-on. He probably beat off to images of you
while he was
in the shower not long after you bolted from his room.”

“Eww, Case, that’s gross.”

“And probably true,” she said, opening up her menu to peruse the lunch specials.

I put my head in my hands. “Shit. What the fuck am I going to do?”

“Fuck him,” she said, nonchalantly.

I shook my head. “I can’t blow him off. He’s one of my best friends, who I
happen to live with, and who I
now own a bar with. I can’t just treat him like a one night stand and not return his calls.”