Authors: Danielle Steel
I smell like the horse. She whispered it to him with a giggle as they walked sedately past the marble desk.
I love it. He grinned at the smudge of ice cream on her chin. You're a mess. But he could hardly wait to close the door behind them. They spent an hour in bed, and then they both had to run. He had to do Jasper's show, and she was scheduled oh a rival talk show on another network.
It went very well, as did one of the two radio shows she did the next day. The second one was a bomb where no one seemed to know who she was or why she was there. And there had been nothing more in the papers. She was enjoying the trip, despite the frantic pace, and she was amazed at how quickly one adjusted to the interviews and the cameras. She was much less nervous this time when she did Jasper's show. And she let Nick help her pick out a dress, a clinging pearl-gray Halston. It was the sexiest dress she had ever seen, yet it was ladylike too. It was perfect for her. Even Jasper was a little startled when she appeared. She was a very striking-looking girl. And her appearance on the show was the climax of her trip.
So, Mr. Waterman, what's on the agenda for today?
I don't know. Want to go to the beach? It might be nice to see some sand again. It was Saturday.
Is there any around here? I thought they didn't approve of that sort of thing.
Southhampton. He lay on his side and looked at the woman he loved, just as the phone rang. You get it. This is your room. Remember? He thought of everything.
Hello? She expected it to be Licia, or maybe Jasper for Nick. Who else would call? But it wasn't. It was Tillie. He is? He did? What ' oh my God. Is he all right? She sat up very straight, and Nick's face puckered into a worried frown. Now? Why did they keep him there? Can't he come home? The one sided conversation was driving Nick nuts and he started asking questions, but she waved him back to silence. This afternoon? All right. I'll. see what I can do. She hung up with a frown, looked at Nick, and then at her lap with a sigh. Damn.
What happened, for chrissake?
Tygue fell off the gate at the Adams ranch and broke his arm. Tillie said he was just swinging on it with Joey, but he fell over backward. They thought he might have a concussion, so they kept him in the hospital overnight. She said she tried co call us last night, but we weren't home, and she was afraid to leave a message and scare me half to death. Godamnit. She got off the bed and stalked across the room.
Poor little thing. Are they sure there's no concussion? And what kind of a hospital did Tillie take him to? Nick looked suddenly very worried and Kate smiled.
He's in Santa Barbara and he's fine. He can go home this afternoon. All he has is a cast on his arm.
Nick looked at his watch. If I put you on a plane in an hour, you could be there at noon California time, catch a plane to Santa Barbara ' hell, Kate, you could be there by two. He smiled helpfully and she sank into a chair.
Yeah. I know.
What's with you? Nick stared at her in confusion. You're going back, aren't you?
I don't suppose I have much choice. But she looked as if she wanted one.
What's that supposed to mean? It was the first time she had ever seen him look disagreeable. In fact, he looked shocked.
It means that I know I should go, but I don't want to. I was having such a good time. And Tillie says he's fine, but I know that if I don't go back, I'll feel awful and hell hate me, and ' oh, Nick. I haven't done anything with my life in seven years and this has been so much fun.
It's not his fault you locked yourself in a closet for all those years, for chrissake. You're his mother! He was actually shouting. It stunned her.
Okay. I know that. But I'm me too. I'm Kate, not just Mom. I'm almost thirty years old, and I've been Mom nonstop for six years. Don't I have a right to more than that?
Yes. but not at his expense, lady. Never at his expense. He was stalking the room now, furious. Let me tell you something, Kate. I've seen a lot of assholes come and go from where I sit. They screw up their lives, they fuck over their children, they cheat on their husbands, they break up their marriages, and you know why? Because they're so goddamn in love with themselves they can't see straight. They love the noise and the lights, the introductions and the applause, the cameras and the microphones, and you know what else? I can see you falling for that bullshit too. Well do yourself and Tygue and me a big favor, kiddo-don't There's nothing there. Fame is a nice place to visit, but that's it. And now, your kid broke his arm, and you're going home, and that's it. He leaned past her, grabbed the phone, and asked the hotel operator for TWA, but before he could finish his sentence, Kate's finger was on the button, disconnecting his call. He looked at her in astonishment. Her eyes were blazing, but when she spoke, her voice was soft.
Don't ever do that again. When I want to call the airline, I'll do it. When I decide to go home, I'll let you know. And when I need your advice about my maternal responsibilities, I'll ask for it In the meantime, mister, keep your ideas and your threats and your righteous indignation to yourself. She stood up and walked across the room with her back to him. When she reached the window, she turned to look at him, and he had never seen such fury in a woman's face. I have given everything to that child for years. Everything I have, everything I am, everything I know how to give has been his. But it's my turn now. And I know better than anyone the price to be paid. I watched someone I loved grow cancerous with that bullshit fame trip. I know all about it, thank you. And I'm scared to death of it. But that doesn't mean I want to be buried alive either. I've done that to myself for years and I've had enough of it. I have a right to this. I have a right to my time with you, my career, my own life, and if I'm disappointed because I have to go back to reality now, then I have a right to that too. But don't you ever try to guilt-trip me out, and tell me what I owe that child. I know what I owe Tygue, and believe me, I've paid my dues. And don't you ever tell me what to do again. I've been there. I've tried that. I've relied on a man until there was no me left. I let him make all my decisions, and I loved it and I loved him, but it almost killed me when he wasn't there to do the telling anymore. So I grew up. I make my own decisions. And I like it that way. I love you, Nick, but you will never tell me when to go home. I'll make that decision. Is that perfectly clear? He nodded silently and she walked back across the room with her head bowed. She stopped when she stood right in front of him.
I'm sorry if I said too much, Nick, but it's been a long hard road from there to here, and I've paid a hell of a price for everything I have. I don't know how to deal with anyone messing with that. I'm not even sure I know how to deal with someone helping me. And there's an awful lot happening to me right now. I need time to absorb it' maybe going home isn't such a bad idea after all. Her voice was deep and gruff as she ended the words and reached for the phone. She asked for the same airline Nick had asked for only a moment before. He said nothing now. He only listened as she made a reservation on the next flight. He stood up when she was through on the phone, and they both remained still for a moment, neither of them speaking, neither of them sure what to say, both of them shaken by what they had felt and said. It was Kate who spoke first I'm sorry, Nick.
Don't be. I had no right' He pulled her gently into his arms and sighed. He wanted to do everything for her, because he knew that no one had for so long, but he knew she had to grow into this new life herself. He wanted to spare her the pain and the price, but he couldn't. He held her tight for a long moment and then swatted her behind and pulled away. You'd better go get ready, or you'll miss your flight
No, I won't She was smiling now. A small, womanly smile, and it evoked a real smile from him.
Listen, you '
Oh shut up. She led him gently by the hand into the bedroom they had shared during their stay in New York and she pulled him onto the bed and began to laugh. Don't be so serious, Nick. The world hasn't come to an end. As a matter of fact, she felt as though it was just beginning. And as he carefully pulled off her shirt, she reached out to him with a longing and hunger she could barely control. She pulled him down to her, her mouth and her body aching for his.
Tillie, can you stay with Tygue for a few hours?
Sure. I'll be over right away.
Kate smiled as she hung up. Nick was coming back from New York. It had only been a week, but it felt more like years. Tygue's cast made his arm itch and he was constantly restless. She had been up to see Tom twice and he seemed in poor form too. He looked tired and gaunt, and she could see that he was losing weight. And he cried the second time when she left. Everyone was pulling at her. But it was no different than it had been before. Only she was different. The past week had been like a living reminder of what her life had been like before Nick. But now he was coming home. And she had two chapters of a new book to show him.
Where are you going? Tygue looked worried as she pulled out the coral dress she had worn in New York.
To meet Nick. I'm going to surprise him. And then she knew she shouldn't have said it, because he'd want to come too. The boy's face lit up like a firecracker on the Fourth of July.
He's coming home? She nodded, with a smile. She felt the same way.
Can I come? She paused for a long moment, and then sighed.
Okay, tough guy. You win. Motherhood, Inc. And suddenly she wanted so much to be alone. But she knew Nick would be happy to see him. She called Tillie back and told Tygue to change his clothes. He could manage pretty well with the cast now.
They were in the car half an hour later. Tygue had on his new cowboy boots and his favorite hat, and she felt pretty again in the coral dress. It felt nice to wear good clothes. She was sick of blue jeans and old shirts.
They had three and a half hours to get to the airport, and they made it just in time. They ran to the gate just as Nick walked off the plane. Tygue shouted his name, and Kate stood there, breathless. It had been a mad dash through the building.
Hey, Tiger! Nick looked at the boy in astonishment and then at his mother. It had been years since anyone had met him at a plane. He just stood there and beamed, with die child in his arms. But the hug he gave Kate told him what her surprise meant
We brought you a present! The boy was ecstatic too. All three of them were, as they stood there blocking traffic
You did?
Yup. A picture of Brownie with me on it. Mom had it framed for your desk.
That's terrific He put an arm around Kate's shoulders and they walked slowly along. Hi, darling. He said it just for her and she reached up and kissed him again.
I missed you something awful.
He rolled his eyes in answer, pulled her closer, and turned his attention back to Tygue.
I missed you too, Nick. And I can ride Brownie, even with my arm.
Is that a good idea? He looked at Kate with a frown.
The doctor says it won't hurt him, as long as he doesn't go galloping around. They just walk.
Okay.
They collected his bags as the three of them charged in and out of the conversation, and then went to get the car. They chatted all the way home, where even Bert seemed happy to see Nick.
Now the whole family is together again! Tygue said it with a fervor that tore at Kate's heart. He was getting so attached to Nick. But he wasn't alone in his affection. Nick could hardly wait to get his hands on the boy. They tried out all his new toys before dinner.
And wait till you see the boat go! Your mom and I tried it out in New York. They exchanged a smile at the memory.
They have a lake there?
A boat pond. And a zoo. And pony rides. We'll take you there sometime. As a matter of fact, young man, I have another trip in mind for you now.
You do? Tygue's eyes opened wide. Nick was always full of surprises, and Kate stood by waiting to hear about a weekend in Santa Barbara. But this time she was surprised too.
Do you know what we're all doing tomorrow?
Tygue shook his head wordlessly.
We're going to Disneyland!
We are? His eyes couldn't open wide enough, and Kate and Nick laughed.
We are. All three of us.
How on earth did you manage that? Kate walked over and put an arm around him.
Jasper went to the South of France for a week. So I'm all yours. If you can stand me. And after a week in New York, busting his ass for the show, now he was taking them all to Disneyland. Kate looked at him in amazement.
Mr. Waterman, I must be the luckiest woman alive.
Nope. I'm the luckiest man.
The trip to Disneyland was perfect. They came home three days later, exhausted and happy, spent a day at Kate's place, and then went to Santa Barbara for the weekend. Kate hadn't been up to Carmel all week, but she didn't even care. She was happy where she was. And Tom had Mr. Erhard. For once, that would have to be enough. She had her own life to lead now.
Tygue looked miserable when the weekend came to an end.
I'll see you next weekend, Tiger.
But I want to see you sooner than that Nick would be there every night, but Tygue didn't know that
Maybe you will.
Nick didn't know how honest the promise was, until the next day. He started the drive back to Kate's at four o'clock, and got there at seven. She was surprised to see him at first, and then worried. There was something brutally unhappy in his face, but he insisted that they'd talk when Tygue went to bed.
Okay, tell me. I can't stand it They had just closed Tygue's door.
I talked to Jasper today, Kate. And ' he's made up his mind. Had he been fired? God, he looked awful. Kate reached for his hand.
What about?
The show moves to San Francisco.
When?
In six weeks.
Is that awful? She didn't quite understand.
I think so. Don't you? That's a five-hour drive, at best. Sometimes six. I can't drive that every morning and every night. Not even for you. Now what would they have? Weekends? But she was smiling at him and took him into her arms.