Seasons of the Heart (33 page)

At about five, Consuela, who couldn’t bear to hear Ann still crying, came in and sat by her bed, quietly holding her hand until Ann finally sobbed herself to sleep.

The next day Ann could barely drag herself out of bed. About ten, she had Consuela call the office and tell them that she would not be in.

Late that afternoon Evie rang. Ann could barely speak, but luckily Evie was bubbling over with news and didn’t seem to notice anything amiss.

“Home early, Mom? I guess you must still be tired from your trip. I have so much to tell you!”

Ann managed to murmur the right words as Evie went on and on about her roommates. Leslie and Kim were the greatest! Leslie was from Los Angeles. Her father was a neurosurgeon, and they had a fabulous mansion in Beverly Hills. She knew a lot about boys—which was Evie’s way of saying that she had a delicious fund of carnal knowledge. Kim had been to school in Switzerland, and vacationed all over the world, but she wasn’t sophisticated in the same way as Leslie. Evie just adored them both.

“And, Mom! I don’t know how I could have forgotten to mention it. Our room is gorgeous! Those beautiful roses on the curtains and bedspreads. Everyone has been coming by and just freaking out. How did you manage to do that?”

“I arranged it from New York, honey. Just a little surprise for you.” It seemed like a hundred years ago that she had made all those urgent calls.

“Well, thanks a million, Mom—I love it. Oh, and guess what, Mom? Guess who I saw on campus? Peter Newman!”

“Well, that’s not so surprising, Evie,” Ann murmured weakly. “He must be a senior there by now.”

“Yes, and he asked me to go with him to the first game, against Oregon, this Saturday! A senior, Mom! Leslie and Kim were pea green with envy. Oh, listen—the bell’s ringing for dinner. I have to go. I love you. Ciao!”

“I love you too, Evie,” Ann said, holding back the tears until after she had replaced the receiver.

She was happy that Peter Newman was still keeping an eye on Evie. He had always been around, teasing her, giving her tennis lessons, and, later, reluctantly squiring her to cotillions and dances while complaining that she was just a kid. Phillip would be pleased if they actually started to date. Peter was as clean-cut a young man as Evie was wholesome. That was something, in these times of drugs and rebellion. And, of course, he came from a good family and family was so important.

In the days that followed, Ann sank deeper and deeper into a state of depression. She was unable to get out of bed, let alone go to the office or do any work. The very thought of food was repellent, and she lost so much weight that Consuela began to eye her worriedly.

Phillip called several times, but their conversations were stilted and awkward. He was having his mail forwarded. Was there anything she needed him to do for her?

Numbly, Ann replied, “I’m fine. No. Nothing, thanks.”

Evie called often. She was pretty sure that she would be bid by the sorority she favored, and she was hoping that Leslie and Kim would be too, so that they could all be together. Peter had taken her to the game, and then out for a pizza. He was so handsome—well, didn’t Ann think so?

When Evie asked, “Is Dad there, Mom? I’d like to talk to him,” Ann could barely respond.

“I’m sorry, Evie. He’s not here.”

“Boy, he’s never home anymore. What is it, another one of his boring political shindigs?”

“Yes, I think so,” Ann lied. She couldn’t bear to tell Evie the truth, and obviously Phillip hadn’t yet done so.

“Well, it’s no big deal. I talked to him yesterday.”

“Oh? So he’s called quite a bit?” Ann asked dully.

“Oh, yes. All the time. I just thought of something to ask him. Well, bye-bye, Mom. See you soon. Ciao. Love you!”

Ann’s heart sank. Sooner or later, someone would have to tell Evie, but doing so would give the separation a dreadful air of finality….

Phillip knew that he would have to be the one to do it. Though they never discussed it, Evie had always been much closer to him than to Ann. When she had gotten her first period while at school, it was Phillip she had called, and he had been the one she had come to with stories of her first crushes. He wasn’t blaming Ann; she had always been so busy. But he must be the one to tell Evie about the divorce.

Deciding he would have to do it in person, the next time Evie called, he asked, “When can I see you, sweetheart? I’d like to meet Leslie and Kim. This weekend maybe?”

But Evie had answered, “Gee, Dad, I’d love it, but until Rush is over, I have parties and teas every single day. Can you wait until next weekend? Then I can show you and Mom around campus and you can see my sorority house—that is, if I get in. Here’s hoping! Ciao!”

It was Friday morning of the following week, and Ann lay listlessly on her bed, not even trying to read the newspapers. She didn’t care a damn what real estate prices were doing. When the phone rang, she almost didn’t bother picking it up.

“Hi, Mom, guess what! I got my bid! I’m in!”

“Oh, honey, that’s great.” Ann tried to rouse herself. “What about your roommates?”

“Leslie and Kim made it too, and we’re all going to room together in the house!” Evie waxed enthusiastic for a few more minutes before saying, “Well, I have a class. I just wanted to let you know about the sorority.”

“Thanks, honey. I appreciate it.”

When Ann hung up, Evie sat for a minute, worrying about her mother. It wasn’t anything Ann had said. She just sounded totally beat. Evie would have thought her mother was just working too hard, except that she was home so much during the day, which was in itself unusual. As she got ready for class, Evie made a decision.

Late that afternoon there was a knock on Ann’s closed door. “Come in,” she murmured, thinking it was Consuela.

The door opened and Evie came into the room. An incredulous look crossed her face as she took in the closed draperies, the unmade bed, the bottles of Valium and sleeping pills on the bedside table. But the biggest shock of all was her mother’s face, which was thin and wan, with dark circles under eyes swollen and red from crying.

“What’s wrong, Mom? Are you sick?”

Evie couldn’t remember her mother ever having had so much as the flu. She was always so vital and full of energy.

“Evie … I didn’t expect you,” Ann said, clutching nervously at the bedspread.

“I can see that. But I decided to surprise you and come home for the weekend.” She hesitated. “Mom, you look terrible. What is it?”

At the worried look on Evie’s face, the concern in her voice, Ann burst into tears.

“Oh, Evie, it’s just awful.”

Evie put her arms around her mother. “Mom, what in the world is wrong? Please tell me!” she said, beginning to tremble with sudden fear. “How long have you been like this?”

Unable to find the words to explain, Ann just shook her head. Terrified, Evie turned and called, “Consuela! Consuela, come here!”

When Consuela appeared at the door, she gestured to Evie to come outside the room. Puzzled, Evie stared at her, then said, “Just a minute, Mom. I’ll be right back.” In the hall, she whispered, “Consuela? What is it?”

“It’s your daddy, Evie.”

“Something’s happened to Daddy? But I just talked to him this morning!”

“No, your daddy’s fine. They didn’t want to tell you, honey, but your mama and your daddy are going to get a divorce, and your mama’s taking it pretty hard.”

“A divorce?” Evie echoed disbelievingly. “Oh, no. Consuela, you must be wrong. My mother and father are very happy together!”

“Well, all I know is that he moved out the day your mama came home from New York, and ever since, all she can do is just sit in that room and cry. I can’t get her to eat one thing, and I just don’t know what to do.”

Returning to the bedroom, Evie saw that her mother was still weeping into her pillow. Because Ann had never used drugs before, she was highly affected by them. Instead of calming her emotions, the sedatives and barbiturates heightened them so that her tears were as much a result of the drugs as her depression. But Evie was not aware of this. All she knew was that her mother was completely unlike herself.

Sitting down on the edge of the bed, she said softly, “Mom, listen. Consuela told me about you and Daddy.”

Ann’s only response was to bury her face deeper into the pillow. Evie patted her shoulder. “Come on, Mom, please. I know it must be a mistake. Why, it’s ridiculous! You love Daddy, don’t you?”

Ann nodded, gulping convulsively.

“Well, then, it will all work out.”

“It’s not going to work out. He’s not coming back.”

“Yes, he will, Mom! Of course he will.”

“Evie, you don’t understand. Your father has found someone else.” Her voice trembled. It was humiliating to have to tell her daughter.

Evie couldn’t hide her look of horror. “Another woman? Oh, Mom, no!” She got up and walked helplessly around the room, wishing there were something she could do to ease her mother’s pain.

Finally, when Ann’s sobs subsided, Evie asked, “Can I bring you some tea or something?”

“No thanks, honey,” Ann mumbled. But, desperate to do something, Evie brewed her mother a cup of tea and brought it to her with a plate of biscuits. Wordlessly, she sat by her side while Ann sipped listlessly.

Evie was almost as stunned as her mother by Phillip’s defection. The only tragedy in her life so far had been her grandfather’s death. She was only just beginning to get over that, and now the rest of her family was disintegrating. Her mother looked and sounded desperately unhappy. When Evie thought of her father living with some strange woman, she wanted to cry too.

Tucking the blankets around Ann’s shoulders, she left the room and made a phone call. Peter had dropped her off today and had suggested that he pick her up the next day for tennis.

“Peter, I don’t think I’m going to be able to play tomorrow. My mother’s not feeling well.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. Nothing serious, I hope.”

“I don’t think so, but I think I’d better hang around in case she needs me.”

“Of course, Evie. I understand. I’ll call you tomorrow to see how everything is.”

“Thanks,” Evie almost whispered.

The next day found Ann no better. On the contrary, she seemed sunk even deeper into her torpor, staring at Evie with unseeing eyes. When Peter called, Evie said, “You’ll have to play tennis without me. I’m staying home for another day or two.”

Evie’s first thought had been to phone her father. Then it dawned on her that she didn’t even know this woman’s name or phone number. She couldn’t reach Phillip until Monday morning, when he would presumably be in his office.

All weekend, she rehearsed what she would say, but on Monday morning she was so angry and unhappy that she took the car and drove downtown to confront him in person.

Not waiting for the secretary to announce her, she walked down the hall and unceremoniously entered his tiny office.

One look at his daughter’s face was enough to tell Phillip that she knew—and that she was furious. He cleared his throat and started to speak, but she interrupted.

“You know why I’m here, don’t you?”

“I think I do, Evie. But I don’t particularly appreciate the way you came in.”

“Well, I don’t particularly appreciate what you’ve done to Mom. Leaving her for some cheap … whore!”

Phillip jumped to his feet, his jaw tightening angrily. “How dare you, Evie! I forbid you to use that word. Linda is a fine woman in every possible way. How can you possibly judge her when you haven’t met her yet?”

“I don’t want to meet her! Ever! I hate her, and I hate you for what you’ve done,” Evie screamed, and then burst into tears. “Daddy, how could you? I thought you loved Mom!”

Phillip came around to her side of the desk and drew her unresistingly into his arms. He must try to make her understand.

“Sweetheart, of course I love your mother. I want to make you understand. Will you sit down?”

He took her hands in his. “Sweetheart, your mother and I tried. I would have done anything in my power to have prevented this, but the fact of the matter is Ann and I were never really happy together. We just weren’t compatible. Now I have found someone whom I really love. And your mother will find someone, too. Someone who will make her happier than I ever did.”

“Dad, how can you say you’ve done everything in your power? All you have to do is stay with Mom. I know you and Mom were happy until this other woman came along.”

A hysterical note crept into her voice. “Dad, please—can’t you come home? Mom is in a terrible state; she still loves you so much! Can’t we be a family again?”

Phillip looked away. The hope on Evie’s face tore at his heart. It cost him all his strength to say gently, “I’m afraid I can’t, Evie.”

Abruptly she pulled her hands away from his and stood up. “Can’t? You mean won’t! You prefer this woman you’re sleeping with to my mother. Well, Dad, I don’t want to see you again. Not until you leave her and come home.”

Phillip started to say, “Evie, please—” but she was already out the door and down the hall.

By the time she got home, Evie’s rage had turned into depression. She had hoped that all she would have to do would be reason with her father and everything would be okay. Now it was apparent that there would be no magic solution.

Meanwhile, her mother needed her. For the next few weeks, Evie commuted back and forth to Berkeley in her mother’s old Volkswagen. Sorority initiations came and went, as did parties, football games, and dances, but Evie had no heart for any of it, spending all her available time with Ann.

Peter had finally gotten the truth from her and was both outraged and sympathetic. He volunteered to drive into the city and take her out when she felt up to it, but Evie wasn’t interested now. The initial stirrings of love he had awakened were numbed by her mother’s agony. Evie was too young to recognize that in attempting to supply all her mother’s emotional support, she was dangerously depleting her own resources.

Evie was even more upset when May Brubeck called to say that they couldn’t get on much longer in the office without Ann.

“Look, honey,” May said, “will you please tell me what’s wrong with your mom? Consuela won’t tell me a thing. We’re almost frantic down here. Is Ann sick or what?”