Seasons of Tomorrow (24 page)

It was someone not really there.

Someone wearing an Amish dress.

She went to the waiting room and found her brother in a chair, hunched over and staring at the floor. Before she called to him, movement rustled behind him, and before Rhoda could divert her eyes, Phoebe stood before her.

Rhoda closed her eyes. Was there a bundle in Phoebe’s arms?
Stop, Rhoda
. Phoebe wasn’t there. It was just her imagination. That’s all. The stress had her imagination running wild, and she hadn’t realized it until now.

Pulling her focus from the vision, she looked at her brother. “Steven.”

He rose and engulfed her in a hug. “It’s viral pneumonia, brought on by some strain of H1N1. They don’t know if she or the baby will make it.”

Rhoda closed her eyes. She wouldn’t open them, would not look at the vision. She was too afraid of what she might see.

NINETEEN

Groceries and plastic bags rattled in the back of the wagon as Leah kept a steady eye on the horizon. Erlene’s old store was just over the next knoll, and for some reason the sight of it eased some of her heartache. Was it because she’d really enjoyed rummaging around in it with Landon a few times? Or maybe it was because the Olson family had used the building for storage, and some of the items in it were from the Great Depression. It was comforting to touch things that had once belonged to others who’d been through really tough times too.

Crist tapped the reins against the two horses’ backs and made a tsking sound numerous times, encouraging the team to pick up speed as they approached a hill. Iva and Crist sat next to each other on the wooden bench with Leah. The two of them moved from one conversation to another like a gentle river, but Leah found it impossible to stay tuned in to the discussions. Still, getting off the farm with friends brought her a little peace.

How could Landon have agreed to leave and not speak to her for a year? Who did that?

Iva looped her arm through Leah’s. “Spring brings such lovely weather.”

Did it?

Leah pulled from her gray, cloudy thoughts and noticed the crisp air and golden sunlight. But it was like being hungry and homeless and looking through a window into a well-stocked, warm home.

She’d brought some of this on herself by accusing Landon of caring more for his job and potential promotion than her. As rash and wrong as that had been, she’d said it in the heat of the moment. Landon should have known not to give in to her Daed’s demands … unless he was fed up with her as well as her family. Did he agree to her Daed’s terms because it gave him the out he wanted?

She reached into her coat pocket and felt the phone he’d given her. If he’d wanted free of her, he wouldn’t have given her a phone earlier that same
day. Maybe her Daed had said something to him that made him realize just how impossible it’d be to free her from her family and the Amish community. Or maybe he realized what it would mean to marry someone whose family could never embrace him and could never be part of a support system for him and Leah and their children.

They topped the hill, and Erlene’s old store came into sight. Thoughts of past years and all the heartache people had survived came to her again, and she could feel hope for her future begin to stir.

Crist peered around Iva. “You want to stop by it again?”

Leah shook her head. She didn’t need to go in again. They’d gone through it once today already before going to the grocery store.

Iva squeezed her arm. “Sure she does. During our two visits thus far, she’s yet to have time to go into the attic.” Iva lifted the camera from her lap. “And
Leah
wants to see the attic and take more pictures.”

Crist chuckled. “Having trouble separating what you want, Iva, from what Leah wants? Last time we were there, I told you to go up to the attic, but, no, you were too busy staging items on the first floor for good snapshots.”

A few weeks ago Crist would have nothing to do with Iva’s camera or her taking pictures, but now he helped her stage inanimate objects, and after she took a few shots, he looked at the LCD panel with her to see if they needed better lighting or needed to add different objects to the scene.

Iva jabbed Crist with her elbow. “Just hush it and stop at the store.”

“Oh, I’ll pull in at the store, but I’m not hushing. And you can’t make me.” Crist smiled as he continued prattling, and he didn’t get quiet until he’d pulled onto the driveway.

Once he was parked, Leah did what she did best of late—moved like a snail. Iva and Crist hurried into the building while Leah meandered around outside. She pulled the cell phone from her pocket and took a few images, although she had no idea why.

A car slowed as it passed by, and the driver, an Englisch man, craned his neck to look at her. Was that Pastor Weld? He came to a stop, put the car into reverse, and then pulled in behind the wagon. He rolled down his
window. “Hi, Leah. I thought that was you. I’m actually coming from a visit to Landon’s.” He searched her eyes. “Erlene said he didn’t live there or in the area anymore. I don’t need to know anything other than are you okay?”

Leah’s eyes filled with tears, and she shrugged. “My Daed found out I was seeing Landon, and”—she blew out a long stream of air—“that’s that … for now. Maybe for forever.”

“I don’t want to instigate any trouble between you and your family, but if you need anything, you’re welcome to reach out to me. If you want to talk or want someone to pick you up for church, you call me.”

“Thanks.”

He gave a nod and started to back out but stopped again. “Listen, Leah, I need to be sure you feel safe at home. If you don’t, there are people at the church who can offer assistance.”

“It’s not like that. My Daed yelled a lot at first, but the real issue is my family doesn’t understand how I feel, and it leaves me so isolated from them.”

“I know about being an outcast in a family. My family believes in academia and not much else. To say they were humiliated when I came to Christ is an understatement, and they were mortified when I gave up the family wealth and status and went into the ministry. Family often tries to control us for reasons that make perfect sense from their point of view.”

He understood? Even if it was just a breadcrumb of understanding being tossed her way, she deeply appreciated it.

“Leah?” Crist called as he and Iva came out of the old store. “Is everything okay?”

Pastor Weld looked from them to Leah, his face taut with concern.

“It’s okay, Pastor. These are friends.” She gestured for Crist and Iva. “I’m fine. This is the pastor from the church Landon and I went to. Can we have a minute?”

They nodded and disappeared into the store.

Pastor Weld breathed a sigh of relief. “I thought I’d gotten you into trouble. Remember, Leah, you have the right to follow your conscience—in
church attendance, your future spouse, and just about anything else you can think of. It really comes down to only a few things, and I think the most important of those is, Do you have the strength to set aside what everyone else wants—Landon, your family, or even people like me—to discover what’s in your heart and follow it?”

“I’m not sure. I keep getting stuck before I can get that far.”

He smiled. “I like your answer of not being sure. It shows careful forethought. What are you getting stuck on?”

“For years I’ve gone round and round about what to do, most of my life actually. The one thing I can’t figure out is what happens if I burn a bridge with Landon or my family and then I regret my choice?”

“That’s a great question. Again, it speaks of your wise caution. But everyone has regrets. Whatever you choose, you will have to accept your regrets and commit to staying faithful to your decision. I regret that my relationship with my parents and siblings hasn’t been good since I chose to become a pastor. I regret that they’re so uncomfortable with my choice we can’t enjoy a meal or a family discussion around a fire in winter. But I do not regret following my heart. It led to my finding the real me—not the one my family wanted, but the person I was born to be. So the first question you need to ask isn’t which path you will regret, but which path you are willing to commit to.”

“Shouldn’t the first question be, what does God want?”

“Some would say so. But in a situation like yours, where it’s not a matter of sin drawing or tempting you, you need to trust that your heart’s desire is His heart’s desire. The latter part of Psalm 37:4 says He will give you the desires of
your
heart. If you want to discuss that further, I can give you other scriptures to back up what I’ve said.”

She had so many questions for him, but it would be dusk soon, and the wagon didn’t have any lights, only reflective strips, so they needed to get home. “Another time. We really need to go before the others start to worry.” As he pulled out, Leah called to Crist and Iva.

They loaded into the wagon and headed to the farm. Leah kept mulling
over all the pastor had said, and she longed to latch on to it. Was it possible that her future was already written on her heart and she just needed to follow her heart?

The thought caused fresh peace to mix with hope. Maybe she would survive this time after all.

As they pulled into the driveway, Samuel came to the door of the barn, carrying Arie. Isaac was at his feet. Crist brought the rig to a stop.

“Hi.” Samuel waved, but he looked upset with them. “Crist, I need to talk to Leah and Iva. Could the children help you take groceries into the house?”

Crist paused, glancing at Leah and then Iva. “I know we’ve been gone most of today, but that is my fault.”

Leah didn’t see how he was to blame, but she appreciated his willingness to say so.

Samuel carried Arie closer to the wagon. “It’s not about your lengthy trip to get groceries. Phoebe’s in the hospital.”

Leah’s heart began to soar. A new baby! But her next thought stole her excitement. It was too early for the baby to come. Way, way too early.

Samuel was pale, and his hands trembled. She’d rarely seen him look this way. Fear gripped her heart, and she got out of the rig. “What’s wrong with her?”

Iva got down, and Samuel set Arie on the seat next to Crist. Isaac climbed into the back of the wagon and made a place among the grocery bags. Crist drove the rig to the house.

Samuel put his hands into his pants pockets. “I just got off the phone with Rhoda. Phoebe has a strain of the H1N1 virus.” He lowered his head. “She might not make it.”

“No!” Leah turned to Iva, who had her hand over her mouth, her eyes large.

Leah turned back to her brother. “That’s not possible!”

“I know it’s hard to believe, especially since she goes almost nowhere.”

“But she got Camilla to take her to town a few days ago.” Iva sighed, shaking her head. “They went to half a dozen stores looking for fabric and
acceptable shoes for the children and even went to the pharmacy to stock up on over-the-counter stuff. Maybe she picked it up then.”

“Maybe.” Samuel shrugged. “Regardless of where she came in contact with it, the doctors have put her in what’s called a medically induced coma, hoping to give her and the baby a fighting chance.”

Leah couldn’t see for the tears, and the barn seemed to be spinning. “If I’d been more help lately …”

Iva took her by the hands. “It’s a virus, Leah. She would be in the same place no matter how much work we’d done.”

Leah stood there staring at Samuel as he choked back emotions.

Samuel was normally a nose-to-the-grindstone man, and Leah had convinced herself that he could shoulder the weight of the world. But seeing him like this …

She opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out. Her mouth was dry, and her face burned with an embarrassment she didn’t understand. As dizziness caused the world to sway, she realized why she felt the sting of shame.

Here she’d been lamenting that she wouldn’t speak to or see Landon for a year, and Steven could be facing a lifetime without his wife and the mother of his children. What must it be like to think you might not ever see your wife and baby again? Or that you’d raise the little ones without the person who helped create them?

“It’s a boy, they said. Phoebe’s child.” Samuel smiled weakly. “The doctors did a sonogram.”

“Oh.” Leah couldn’t manage to say anything else. A baby boy. It somehow felt more real knowing what that beautiful protruding belly held. Phoebe was having a boy.

At least Leah prayed she would have the baby.

“I want to check something in the office.” Samuel went into the barn office, and they followed.

He made sure the phone was securely in its cradle before he sat on the front edge of the desk. “Steven and Rhoda are staying at the hospital. Phoebe’s parents will arrive tomorrow. Steven and Rhoda’s parents too.
Hopefully she’ll get better and there won’t be a reason for more relatives and loved ones to come to Maine.” His voice returned to its usual timbre, although Leah suddenly heard his voice differently than ever before. The harsher tone he used at times wasn’t because he was trying to be tough or cold. He was trying to be strong, to be what other people expected or perhaps even needed him to be: a rock of leadership. The one who would do whatever was necessary without complaint.