Authors: Raven Shadowhawk
Swivelling in his seat, Denise followed his gaze over the bodies pressed shoulder to shoulder in the narrow bar. ‘No idea. Why?’
‘He keeps looking at Karen.’
‘Maybe he is. Maybe he likes the look of her. Maybe he wants to talk to her. So what?’
‘She’s mine,’ Dan growled. ‘He shouldn’t look at her that way.’
Denise flicked his hair. ‘Pee on her then. Would that make you feel better?’
‘You’re no help,’ he muttered.
‘I am when you need it, but you’re being silly. So a cute, young man is staring at your sub. Has she spoken to him? Has she given him another glance? Has she given any indication that she even knows he’s there?’
‘You think he’s cute?’
‘Daniel . . . ‘
‘Fine, she hasn’t.’
‘Then stop worrying about it. Instead, make a decision about what
you
plan to do.’
‘I can’t. I don’t
know
what to do. What would
you
do?’ He hated to ask, it made his jaw ache, but there was no other choice. He
needed
advice and there was no one to ask but the grinning transvestite with the ruby lipstick.
Denise gave him a steady look from beneath the strands of his fringe. His eyes sparkled with mirth and as his mouth opened, Dan knew what was about to fall out of it.
‘If you crack another joke, I’ll punch you.’
‘Like you did yourself?’
‘I’m serious! You helped me before—whether you meant to or not—I’m just asking you to do that again. And don’t call me ‘sweetheart,’ I can’t handle it.’
‘Well sweet—Dan, if you sure don’t know how to beg for help.’
‘I’m not begging. We’re friends, aren’t we? I need a friend to tell me what to do.’
‘I thought you were the one in charge.’
‘I am. And it’s fucking hard. I need a break.’
Denise raised his hands as though that explained everything. ‘Then isn’t this perfect? Have a break, let Karen do her Domme thing and you can relax and enjoy it.’
‘I don’t know if I can.’
‘What is it you’re afraid of, Dan? This isn’t about her taking your place.’
‘It was never about that.’ The words came out rougher than he intended but he couldn’t help it. Then Dan looked at his friend again and realised he couldn’t possibly know the truth. Not when he’d never admitted it, not even to himself. He focused on the amber liquid within his glass. ‘She thinks I don’t understand, but I do. Karen doesn’t want to top
me
, that’s not her game. She wants to top someone else.’
‘You top other women.’
‘That’s different.’ Even as the words left his mouth he winced.
Hypocritical or what?
‘I don’t want to
be
with other women. I like having them around. But Karen . . .’
‘What about her?’
He toyed with the glass again, collecting condensation on the tip of his finger. A cool drop slid across the back of his hand and soaked into the cuff of his shirt. ‘What if she finds someone she likes more?’
‘What if?’
Dan glared. ‘Aren’t you supposed to tell me that won’t ever happen?’
‘Why? Lies won’t help you, sweetheart.’
‘Denise!’
‘Well, they won’t. She may find someone else, but it
is
unlikely. She loves you. Any idiot can see that.’
Some of the irritation began to ease. ‘What if she likes topping more than being a sub?’
‘Then you’ve got a Switch on your hands. Best of both worlds, if you ask me.’
‘But . . .’
‘What, Dan? What are you trying to say?’
‘What if she doesn’t want to be a sub any more?’
Denise snorted into his diet coke. ‘You think she’ll
grow out
of
her need to submit?’
With it put like that, Dan felt silly. A flush of heat crept up the inside of his collar. ‘You don’t need to laugh at me.’
‘I do. Because you’re blind. Sweetheart, you’re as blind as the sun is warm and it gives me great joy to lift the blindfold.’
‘What the hell are you talking about?’
‘Karen submits because she wants to. She
needs
it to balance the control she has everywhere else. I’ve not known her as long as you have, but surely you can see that. It rounds her off. Unless other parts of her personality change, I don’t see how the submission is going to change.’
‘But what about me?’ He glanced passed Denise’s shoulder to where Karen sat chatting to Henrietta. Her eyes were lively and bright, her features animated as she pointed to the stack of DVDs piled on the table between them. She tapped one and followed the blurb on the back with the tip of her finger. Her free hand unconsciously stroked the bell dangling from her collar. He could hear the faint tinkle over the general bustle of chatter and clanking glasses.
‘What if she doesn’t want to submit to
me
any more? What if she finds a Dom that does a better job?’
‘How? Is she asking for another Dom?’
‘No.’
‘Then you’re getting stressed and panicked over nothing. She doesn’t want another dominant, she wants to
be
dominant. And she wants to dominate someone else which means your dynamic is safe.’
Dan tightened his grip on his glass. He still wasn’t explaining very well. ‘Not if she brings in another man. It’s competition.’
‘There
is
no competition.’ Denise laid a hand on his knee. ‘She loves you. If you turned to her now and said you didn’t want to be her Dom any more, she would still love you. She wants
you.
The fact that you top her just makes it better. You’re the complete package and unless she gives you some sign that she’s interested in someone else, you’d better calm down and relax.’
It should have made him feel better. The facts—for facts they were—should have brought calm and peace to Dan’s mind. But as he looked again at the stranger across the room and found him staring at Karen, he just felt worse.
‘Thanks.’ He stood and pointed to the table of empty glasses. ‘Want another?’
‘No, ta. This will last me.’
Before Dan could move towards the bar he felt his phone hum in his pocket. Denise gave him a brief nod and turned to join Henrietta’s conversation with Karen, so Dan returned to his seat to answer it. ‘Hello?’
‘Hey, mate, only me. How’s your face?’
The sound of Pete’s voice lit a spark in Dan’s mind. He tightened his grip on the phone, thinking hard while staring at the far wall. The idea came quickly. Almost fully formed in the back of his mind. He grinned.
Why didn’t I think of this before? It’s perfect.
‘Fine. How’s your arm?’
‘Not bad. He may be tall, but he doesn’t weigh all that much. It didn’t take much to chuck him out. Is Karen okay?’
‘Just shaken. And pissed off.’ He thought again of her dark expression as she recounted her father’s actions. So cold. So angry.
Pete laughed. ‘I wouldn’t want to be that guy right now. Is he really her dad?’
The memory still stung, but Dan hid it as best he could. ‘Yes. Crazy but true.’
Pete took a deep breath. ‘Listen, about last night, I’m so sorry. I wasn’t thinking. I was drunk too. I didn’t mean to cause trouble—and Karen—’
‘Karen is fine,’ he cut in.
‘Really?’
‘Yes. We talked about it this morning. You’re an idiot and you never should have done it, but she’d rather forget it ever happened.’
‘Wow. Okay. I guess if she says she’s fine . . .’
‘Water under the bridge. Listen, can I ask you something?’
Life and enthusiasm returned to Pete’s voice. ‘Sure, anything.’
Dan paused, chewing his bottom lip. He had to ask now. Straight away before he could lose his nerve. ‘I need a favour.’ Silence. ‘Pete?’
‘Yeah, I’m here. I just . . . lately your questions or favours get me in a shit load of trouble.’
‘Not this time. This you’ll like.’
‘This? And what’s ‘this’?’
Dan fiddled with the hem of his shirt, tugging on a loose thread until it snapped. ‘I want you to join me and Karen tonight. Just for a little while. Let her boss you around a bit. You know, like I do to her.’
More silence. This time Dan couldn’t even hear breathing from the other end. He felt a stab of panic. ‘Hello? Pete?’ Nothing. He checked the phone. Frowned when he saw the call was still connected. ‘Pete, you need to say something. Are you there?’
‘You’ve cleared this with Karen?’ His voice was small. Child-like.
‘Yes. She wants a male sub to join the Library.’
‘Like those other girls? No way.’
‘Don’t worry. No one will be flogging or spanking you. She wants to mess around a bit. You know, blindfolds, handcuffs, feathers. Ann Summers sort of stuff. Nothing hard core.’
‘Right. And she wants me?’
‘Better you than some creep off the Internet. Besides, you’re a friend. We both know where we stand with you.’
‘I’m not sure. After last night—’
Dan scoffed. ‘Don’t worry about last night. I told you, it’s sorted. In fact, don’t even mention it again. And you’ll be doing us both a favour. This is what she wants.’
‘Really?’
He sighed. ‘To my eternal confusion, yes.’
Just talking to Pete calmed him. The nagging worries of earlier faded in the face of planning what he would need.
She can get it out of her system and it will be over. Much better with Pete than some creep who just wants to get into her knickers
.
‘I don’t know what to say,’ mumbled Pete.
‘Say you’ll do it. Trust me, you’ll have a great time. You told me a few weeks back you wanted to try some of this ‘kinky shit.’ And you were whining about me sharing. Now you can see for yourself.’
‘Okay.’ A little quiver filled Pete’s voice as he spoke. Dan knew his friend well enough to recognise excitement. ‘I’ll do it. What do I need? Condoms?’
‘No. And don’t get any ideas. Just because we’re playing doesn’t mean there will be sex. We’re just scratching an itch for Karen, understand?’
‘Right.’
‘Good. Come to our place at eight.’
‘I will. Thanks mate. And thanks for clearing up that business last night too. I don’t know what you said but if she’s forgiven me it must have been good.’
‘Don’t mention it. I’ll see you later.’
He hung up, already planning the evening ahead.
Getting Karen all fired up was the most fun of any play session, then leaving her wanting while other members of the Library played. It heightened everything until both of them wanted nothing more than to explode in orgasmic bliss. Reaching that point and then telling her what he had in store would be perfect.
He could almost see the pleasure in her eyes.
She smiled at him from across the bar. He waved back, then a twinge from stomach level reminded him of his need for the bathroom. He used the facilities quickly, still tweaking his plans. By the time he returned to the bar, the plan was set in his mind. All he had to do was surprise Karen with his plan after dinner. She would be so excited.
The thought of it made him groan aloud.
On the way back he brushed passed the man with long hair like Robert’s. Broad shouldered and slim at the waist, he looked more like a footballer than anyone Dan associated with kink.
The man smiled as he went by, a shy half grin. Dan stiffened, preparing to warn him off, but the man merely nodded. He did the same, now keen to reach the others and put his arm around Karen’s shoulders.
The stranger made a small sound, as if he meant to speak, but Henrietta chose that moment to grab Dan’s arm. ‘Dan! You really must pick one of these DVDs.’
‘Sure. One sec.’ He paused, but a glance at the stranger showed he had already returned to a previous conversation. The moment passed.
Karen tapped Dan on the shoulder. ‘Another beer? Or something softer?’
‘Softer. I’m driving, remember?’ He handed her a curled up twenty.
At the bar, after ordering two glasses of lemonade, she looked back at the cluster of kinksters chatting.
So many of them . . . from so many different backgrounds.
Max the accountant. Diane the secondary school teacher. Cheryl the prison officer. Sith the barrister in training.
As if to think his name was a summons, Sith approached, his dreadlocks pulled down over one shoulder. By now accustomed to his look and assured he was nothing like Robert, Karen smiled as he stopped beside her. ‘Hey, it’s Sith, right?’
He propped an elbow on the bar. ‘Actually it’s Sithembile.’
‘Sithembile. What a mouthful.’
‘Most people stick with Sith.’
‘Then I will too. Sorry we’ve not had a chance to talk. It’s really busy. Is that normal?’
‘No clue. I’ve only been to this munch once before.’
‘Really? You have the look of a veteran about you.’
‘Is that right?’ He leaned closer, flashing a smile that was all white teeth and dimples. ‘I could say the same for you. You look pretty comfortable hugging people, talking about dirty DVDs and tinkling that little bell.’
Karen tossed her head, hard enough to make said bell give a jaunty ring. ‘You like it?’
‘Very much.’ He chuckled, warm sound, like melted butter run through chocolate.
The appearance of two lemonade glasses saved Karen the need to answer. Not that she could have said anything that made sense. Her tongue stuck in her mouth, thick and awkward behind her teeth. A prickle of heat filled her face. She longed to touch the cool glasses against her cheeks and forehead. Instead, she cleared her throat. ‘Dan bought it for me. I like purple.’
‘Dan.’ Sith’s smile deepened. He turned and pointed. Is that Mr Salt’N’Pepper over there?’
Why is everyone obsessed with Dan’s hair?
She nodded. ‘That’s right.’
‘He’s cute.’
Karen paused in her gazing at Dan to reassess Sith. His smile remained in place. Teasing. Gentle. ‘I’m sorry, what?’
‘Oh—is that not allowed? Like I said, I’m new; I don’t know if I’m allowed to say that, when he’s clearly yours.’
Karen looked at him again. And again. She took a hasty swallow from her lemonade. ‘Um . . . no, no, it’s fine. I just didn’t think you—I mean, you don’t look like—what am I saying, here?’
He cocked an eyebrow. ‘You mean I don’t look like a gay guy?’
Shit.
‘That’s not what I mean.’ She frowned. ‘Okay, it is. But you don’t.’
‘What does a gay guy look like?’
‘. . . I don’t know.’
‘Well, I’m not gay. I
do
like men, but not gay. Pansexual.’
‘And what the hell does that mean?’
He chuckled. It was a soft, self depreciating sound and, despite her confusion, Karen found her body warming in places other than her face.
‘It means I’m attracted to all genders and sexual identities.’
‘You mean bisexual?’
‘No.’ His voice hardened. ‘
Pan
sexual. Bisexuals are attracted to males and females while I—or should I say those who identify as pansexual—are attracted to non binary genders too.’
She raised her hands in mock-surrender. ‘I don’t know what most of that means. Sorry if I offended you.’
‘You didn’t offend me, I just want to be clear. There’s often confusion so I try to make it easy to understand.’ He leaned forward. ‘I’d be happy to go through it with you in more detail.’
Karen tightened her grip on the lemonade. She didn’t remember picking them up, but holding the cool, moist glass offered some defence against the warmth billowing through the rest of her body.
Sith stood close, his hip almost touching hers. He stooped to look at her, blocking her view of anything beyond his shoulder. His hair swayed as he shifted his weight, brushing close enough to smell. Lemon and something else . . . possibly ginger.
She licked her lips. ‘That’s very kind. Maybe later, though.’
Sensing her mood, Sith leaned away. He took his sweet smelling hair with him and wrapped his own slender fingers around his glass of coke. ‘Find me on Kink4Life. I assume you’re there since everyone else seems to be? I’m
Black Angelus.
And before you ask, the picture
isn’t
my usual one. It’s normally my face. Promise.’
The subject change returned Karen a little of her confidence. She grinned. ‘What
is
your picture?’
‘You’ll laugh.’
‘Probably. Go on; spill it.’
He bit his lip.
‘Aaaah, you’ve got a dick-pic as your profile picture, haven’t you?’ Karen laughed. ‘God, you’re not one of
those
guys, are you?’ She walked back to the table. Someone had taken her chair, so she left Dan his drink and found an empty seat nearby.
Sith dragged a hand through his hair. He appeared truly mortified as he trotted after her. ‘It was a dare! Which I lost. It stays for two more weeks then it’s back to normal, I swear.’ He perched on a stool next to her. ‘And what do you mean ‘those guys?’’
‘Dick-pic guys?’ She thumped her glass on the table. ‘The arrogant idiots who think they’re impressive just because they have a long cock. The guys who think ‘this is all those
lay-deehs
want to see, so I’ll just leave it here to fuel their fantasies.’’
‘Oh,
those
guys. No, I’m not one of those. My cock is all about girth.’ Sith winked and adjusted his glasses with a playful waggle of his eyebrows.
Karen snorted into her lemonade. ‘You have an answer for everything, don’t you?’
‘I hope so. What kind of barrister would I be if I didn’t?’
‘What’s your
actual
picture?’
‘You’ll laugh.’ He lowered his head.
‘You said that before. Was it another dick-pic?’
‘No . . . it’s me in a strapedo-tie.’
Further waves of warmth swirled through Karen’s body. She shifted on her stool and crossed her legs. ‘I sense there’s more to this.’
He frowned. ‘Fine, a strapedo-tie and a ball gag.’
‘And?’
‘Strapedo-tie, ball gag and nipple clamps.’
She gave him a pointed stare.
‘And a chastity device.’ Sith’s voice dropped to a barely audible whisper.
‘There, that wasn’t so bad, was it?’ Karen patted him on the knee. ‘And why would I laugh? Sounds like fun.’
Sith’s head snapped up. His eyes glimmered with hope. ‘Really?’
‘Why not?’
‘Because I spend a lot of time domming. It’s nice—of course it is, you’d know—but every once in a while I’d like to change it up. You know . . . feel the lash every now and then.’
‘What do you mean, ‘I’d know’?’
‘You’re a Switch, right?’ He looked her up and down.
Karen touched her cheek. ‘What makes you say that?’
‘Because you are. You
are
a switch?’
‘No.’
‘For real?’
She forced a chuckle. ‘Do I really give off the vibe?’
‘The ‘I’ll spank you if you cross me’ vibe? Yes, you do.’
‘Wow.’ Her cheeks warmed and though she fought it, she failed to resist the little rush of pleasure. ‘Thanks. I think.’
‘It’s a compliment. Promise.’
‘I’ll take your word for it. So that’s what you want? When you talk about ‘feeling the lash’?’
He shrugged. ‘I like to be tied up. Used. Even humiliated, sometimes. It’s a rush. But you know about that part.’
Karen’s breath caught in her throat. She risked a glance at Dan, but he was too absorbed in his conversation with Denise to notice. ‘I love it.’
Sith’s expression became mild. Questioning. ‘You look confused.’
She shook her head. ‘It’s nothing to do with you. You’re great—I mean this is great. Ugh.’ She bit her lip. ‘Sorry, I’m usually more coherent than a teenager.’
‘Pity.’
This time Karen couldn’t hide her embarrassment. She took another slurp of lemonade. Choked. She slammed a fist against her chest.
‘You okay?’
‘Yes,’ she muttered, flicking sticky liquid off her fingers. ‘If you don’t count embarrassed and tongue-tied.’
‘Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone. Your spankilious street cred is safe with me.’
More laughter. This time real and loud enough to draw curious glances. ‘Oh, good. I’d hate to lose spanking credability with the Warhammer 40k crowd.’
Sith grinned. ‘You forgot Dungeons and Dragons. And the Marvel movies.’
‘Yes . . . the
real
loves of the kinky munch crowd. That and arranging an illicit hookup.’
‘Is that what we’re doing? Hooking up?’
She paused, staring out over his head at the milling crowds. ‘I don’t know. Do you want to?’
His gaze flicked over her shoulder toward Dan. Then back again. Slowly up and down her body before returning to her eyes. ‘Yes.’
Karen’s face burned. She felt sure her skin might catch fire at any moment.
‘You don’t have to say anything.’ He touched her knee. It was a tiny, feather-light touch, but she felt it through her entire body. ‘I don’t want to be pushy or weird, but I like you. You’re funny, smart and friendly. Your Dom is hot too. I haven’t spoken to him yet, or else I’m sure I’d have something more intelligent to say.’
‘You think he’s hot?’
‘Don’t you?’
She glanced over her shoulder.
Dan’s face was fixed in an expression of deep concentration. He leaned forward, listening to Denise as he and a woman she didn’t know explained the merits of cricket over football. When they finished, Dan shook his head and began his rebuttal.
His hands moved as much as his mouth, giving energetic weight to his verbal argument. A lock of dark hair, streaked with grey, flopped down into his eyes. He flicked it impatiently away. When it fell back again a moment later, he held it in place with his left hand, causing the muscles in his bicep to bunch against his shirt.
Karen blew a deep breath through her lips. ‘He’s the sexiest man I’ve ever known. The strongest, the kindest, the sweetest, the most loving.’ She touched her bell, then fingered the links of the slave band across the back of her hand.
‘Did he get you that?’ Sith touched the bracelet, tracing one of the chains with his index finger.
‘It’s my Collar.’ She said it carefully, watching his face to see if he understood the emphasis.
He immediately jerked his hand back. ‘Sorry, I didn’t realise.’
‘No, it’s fine. Not the traditional Collar, right?’
‘I’ve never seen anything like it.’
‘They’re around, but this is a custom design.’ She didn’t try to keep the pride from her voice. ‘He wanted three rings to signify the three different pillars of our relationship. Honesty, trust and friendship.’
Sith stroked his jaw. ‘That’s deep. How long have you guys been together?’
‘Two years.’
‘And you still have playmates?’
‘You have no idea.’ Karen grinned, as she tried to decide how much to share. ‘We have an arrangement called a Slave Library. Basically, Dan’s building a harem.’
Sith’s eyes grew round with delight. ‘Wow.’
‘There’s only three of us so far, but he’s always looking to expand. And one of the other girls is going mono soon.’
‘Other girls? Just girls?’ Some of the interest died from his eyes. He toyed with the hem of his shirt.
Only after a moment did Karen understand why. ‘Sorry, I don’t know what I was thinking. Dan is purely straight.’
‘Damn. Fair enough. But what about
your
Library?’
‘I don’t have one. Is it really so hard to believe I’m just a sub?’
He turned up his nose with a teasing snort. ‘Don’t believe you.’
‘We’ve talked about it,’ she murmured. ‘But he won’t even consider the idea of adding men to the Library. He says the thought makes him uncomfortable.’
‘So no men for Dan . . . but women don’t make
you
uncomfortable?’
‘I’m bisexual, I love women. They’re so freaking sexy. But sometimes I want—never mind.’
‘What?’
‘I shouldn’t have said anything. Don’t worry about it.’
Sith gave her a shrewd look. ‘Sore spot? Sorry, but your Dom sounds like he’s getting a great deal. A dream come true for most guys. What about you?’
‘I get plenty of fun. He takes good care of me.’
‘Does he?’
The question hung in the air, an invisible, delicate bubble. Karen longed to pop it with a joke, or blow it away with confident nonchalance, anything to save her from dwelling on the answer. But the words lingered and the longer she remained silent, the heavier and bigger they became.