Authors: Ong Xiong
Her eyes
narrowed. “Jae?”
“The one and
only,” Jae replied smiling. He was wearing sweats with a matching sweatshirt
and a white NY baseball cap that shielded his eyes. He eyed her up and down
then grinned. “Nice sweatshirt. Looks familiar.”
Sue glanced at
her sweatshirt and to her horror, in her haste, she had put on his sweatshirt,
the one she had borrowed. She was too tired to fight. She returned to look out
the window just as the plane gained momentum on the runway.
“Suzy, we need
to talk,” Jae said. When she didn’t reply, he gently placed his hand on her
cheek and turned her face to him. She jerked away angrily. He was about to try
again, but realized he couldn’t force her. He tried to be diplomatic. “Will you
look at me, please?”
It was a long moment
before she responded. She took a deep sigh then turning to him, she asked,
“What do you want?”
He forgot what he
was going to talk to her about. The small, overhead light illuminated her
beautiful features and all he could do was look at her. Her dark brown eyes
were looking right at him. He saw sadness and wariness in them. Mindlessly, he
raised his hand to caress her cheek and he felt her flinch. Afraid she might
turn away again, he raised his other hand to her face and held her gaze. Her
brows narrowed.
He saw the change
in her eyes, now glistening with questions, then they changed to fury and all
he wanted to do was stare at them, savor them. His eyes fell on her lips. He
brushed her full lips with his thumb and they lightly parted. “Marry me,” he
said.
“No,” she
replied, brushing his hand away from her and leaning away from him.
“Why not?” he
asked, surprised.
“What do you want
from me, Jae?”
“I want you.”
“I’m not a toy!”
she said tartly. Ashamed she couldn’t control her anger, she calmed herself
before she asked, “Why are you doing this?”
“I love you.”
She closed her
eyes and drew a sharp breath, then asked again, “Why are you doing this?”
He loves her and
she didn’t believe him. He wanted forgiveness. He wanted her love. He wanted
his Shorty back and he was willing to make a fool of himself to do it. If she
didn’t believe his words, perhaps he could show her. “I want a week of your
time.”
“No.”
“Blimey, Suzy!
All I’m asking for is just one week. Just one bloody week,” he said. “Besides,
you owe me.”
She glowered at
him as she sneered, “It’s not just a
bloody
week. It’s a
bloody
week of my life. And what
exactly
do I
owe
you?”
“A tour. I showed
you Seoul. You have to show me St. Paul.”
Sue regarded his
smiling face for a minute or two before she turned away. She closed her eyes
and counted to ten. After controlling her ranging anger, she placed her book in
her bag and gathered her blanket. She turned to face him. “I don’t owe you
anything. I’ve paid for that encounter every single day since,” she said as
calmly as she could. “I would really appreciate it if you would leave me
alone.” She got up. “I don’t know what you want from me, but what you are doing
to me is not funny. I don’t know what kind of sick joke you are trying to pull
or what kind of media stunt—”
His smile faded.
“Is that what you think I’m doing?” he asked, pulling her back down to her
seat. “You think this is a joke? That I’m jesting?”
She couldn’t
answer him right away. She kept her gaze in front of her, refusing to look at
him. He wanted her for what? Want her, use her, and toss her? He didn’t love
her, they didn’t fit. Her throat tightened and tears trickled down her cheeks.
She quickly brushed them away and turned her face to the window.
Why
couldn’t you just leave me alone
?
Too angry to talk
to him without cussing, she remained silent for the rest of their flight.
Too angry at
himself for botching his plan and making her angry, he sat quietly for the rest
of the flight, trying to come up with something that would change her mind.
CHAPTER
34
Sue watched the
planes at the D. C. airport arriving and departing from a window seat. Her
flight had landed an hour ago and now she was waiting for her next flight. She
could tolerate the wait. It was Jae’s constant talking that was getting to her.
Not on her nerves, but on her heart. He was sitting across from her and he had
been talking since the plane landed.
“Can I tell you a
story?” Not waiting for an answer and not expecting one, Jae continued, “Once
upon a time, a young boy was left in the care of his father, abandoned for
unknown reasons by his mother. He was too young to know why his mother left but
old enough to remember the feeling of abandonment.
“His father left
him in the care of various people, whoever was available to watch him. Some
were competent, others, not so much. One woman, a kind woman with a gentle
voice and the patience of a saint, taught him to dance. The woman and the
little boy often danced the waltz, her favorite dance. Then one day, the woman
disappeared and he was left in the care of another woman who did not have the
gentle voice or the patience for him. Sometimes he would go for days without
food. The woman never beat him. In fact, the woman never touched him. No hugs.
No dancing. No care whatsoever. Then one day the woman disappeared and he was
left in the care of another woman who had the gentle voice of an angel and the
hands of the devil. The little boy often found himself starving for any kind of
affection. The little boy often wondered where his father was, but didn’t know
how to ask.
“One day, his
father disappeared forever and the various women disappeared as well. The
little boy was taken to another country and placed in the care of a kind
priest. Though kind, the priest didn’t know what to do with the boy so the boy
was sent to a boarding school in yet another country. The boy, scared and
taunted for being different, acted in the only way he knew, and that was to
behave like he didn’t have a care in the world. Everyone around him could all
be damned. He was not going to let another person hurt him. He was expelled and
sent back to the kind priest. Practicing what he preached, the priest continued
to love him, no matter what kind of trouble the boy got himself into.
“Then one day,
the priest brought the boy back to his home country and enlisted the help of
two wonder nuns to help raise him. Eventually, the boy learned to trust again,
but with limitations. One of the nuns introduced the boy to an old British
sailor who taught the boy to fight in exchange for his company. The old sailor
taught him how to control his anger and soon the boy grew to what he believed
was manhood. To truly be his own man, he left home to join the military where
he proved he could conquer dragons and needles.”
Sue kept her gaze
out the window as she continued to listen to his story.
“After his term
ended, the boy, now a young man, returned home to discover that his years of
running away from his past and damn-the-world attitude were hurting him in more
ways than one,” Jae continued the story pensively. “He learned he had trouble
conversing with people, especially with girls in general. In fact, he was
straight out afraid of them. His earlier years of experiences with women did
not leave a good impression.”
Sue watched his
reflection in the window, silently wishing for him to stop talking, yet hoping
he wouldn’t.
“When the old
sailor passed, he left the young man his most prized procession, his guitar
with the advice that life’s too short to waste it on yesterday. The old sailor
left the young man some money and encouraged him to pursue his passion. Once
more, wanting to prove himself worthy of life, the young man used the money to
pursue dancing. One day while the young man was taking a break from the
frustrating guitar, he met a young woman who smiled at him warmly with genuine
honesty, something he had not had the privilege of experiencing before. She
took his water with no disgust. She held his hand with no flirtation. And she
called him names he deserved with no shame.”
Sue’s heart raced
at the knowledge that he was now answering all her questions. Stupid man! Why
now? She continued to listen with only pride preventing her from surrendering
to him like a wanton wench.
“The young man
grew to love the young woman. Though the young woman was not in his plan, to
keep her, he asked her to marry him. Then in the span of hours after his
blissful taste at happiness, his lack of trust, his pride and his stupidity
caused him to lose her. Through the years…”
“
Koj puas paub
nah
(did you know)…” Sue said, cutting him off unable to endure anymore of
his torture. She needed to leave him intact and allowing him to finish would
leave her more broken than she was already. She continued in Hmong, “…that I
missed you every day since our parting? That I loved you then and I love you
still, you pig headed man?” Switching to English, she said, “Go home, Jae.” She
got up to leave.
Jae grabbed her
arm. “Please don’t go.”
“Go home, Jae.”
“Home is where
you are Suzy.”
Sue never thought
something so cheesy could make her hurt so much. “Let go, Jae,” she said
quietly.
Still holding
onto her arm, he stood up. With his free hand, he tilted her face to him. “Am I
so hideous that you cannot bear the sight of me?” He cupped her face in his
hands and when their eyes locked, he saw the hurt he had inflicted. “I’m sorry,
Suzy, for hurting you. Please believe me, it was not my intention to make you
think I’m jesting.”
He spoke with
such tenderness, such pleading that though Sue tried to shut him out, her heart
ached to hear his voice, calling her Suzy.
“I can’t change
what happened between us, Suzy.”
Sue closed her
eyes and tears trickled down her cheeks into his hands.
“All I’m asking
for is a chance to make up for the years we’ve lost. I want you to give me a
chance, to let us start over. Just one week. For one week, we won’t hurt each
other. We won’t hide from each other or be afraid of the what-ifs. For just one
week, let us love each other. Let us give each other the love we both deserve.
That’s all I’m asking for.” He was mindlessly wiping the tears from her cheek,
not realizing how that simple act was making her wall crumble.
Sue so
desperately wanted to believe him. She wanted him, too. She wanted to belong to
him. She wanted him to belong to her, so much so that it hurts. But she wanted
him for more than just one week. She wanted him forever. He haunted her very
soul. He occupied her every thought and though she told herself to move on, it
was harder said than done. The past week had been very painful.
“We didn’t fit,”
she hissed. “Now you want a week of my time? Years ago, you asked me to be your
wife and now you’re asking me to be your whore? For a week?” She smirked
bitterly. “What you’re offering is not enough. Not enough to heal the hurt or
take away the pain.” She trail off. “Go home, Jae. We don’t fit. So don’t make
this any harder than it has to be. We said goodbye…good luck, to each other
years ago.” All her energy drained and she looked at him wearily. “I was
getting so good at living. Why do you have to remind me of what I lost?”
“Suzy. Please…”
“No!” She
swallowed the lump in her throat. “No,” she said more calmly. “I can’t. I’ll
not whore myself for a week with the promise payment of another decade of
heartache. I’m sorry, Jae. I don’t love you anymore,” she forced herself to
say.
Jae closed his
eyes and let his head dropped in defeat at her painful words. He took a deep
sigh before opening his eyes to meet hers again. “God, Suzy, please don’t say
that. Not a day goes by do I not think about you and how much I hurt you. I was
wrong. Please, Suzy, be cross with me but don’t stop loving me.” He took her
hand in his. “Give me another chance. Please give me another chance. If after a
week I can’t convince you…then…then tell me to go…” He swallowed. “And I’ll
go.”
“Why do you have
to say that? If I give you one week, I’m afraid…I won’t be able to let you go.
I’m sorry, I c-can’t.”
“Then I’ll just
have to stay,” he said, cracking a smiling. He wiped the fresh tears streaming
down her cheeks with his thumbs and pulled her to him, resting her head on his
chest. He rubbed his chin on the top of her head. “Truce?”
For one week,
we won’t hurt each other. We won’t hide from each other or be afraid of the
what-ifs. For just one week, let us love each other. Let us give each other the
love we both deserve.
“Yes!” she wanted
to shout. “Yes you stupid, pig-headed man, yes!” she wanted to say. But…
Be happy Sue.
Even for just one week, savor it for life
.
She would go to
her grave with this memory. Whatever happens, she was older now. This time, she
would know what happens after the week was over. It wouldn’t be a surprise.
Shame. Shame.
Shame.
Shut up,
little old ladies.
Sue took a shaky
breath and nodded, bumping his chin. “Truce,” she heard herself whisper. She
felt him tighten his hold on her and the kiss he placed on her head.
You’re mad!
Oh, so be it
.
Sue missed him so
much, she didn’t want him to let go of her. She missed his scent. She missed
his touch. She missed him. She could hear his steady heartbeat and brought her
hand over his chest. He thought she was pulling away and pulled her closer,
held her tighter. She closed her eyes, feeling the beating of his heart against
her palm, savoring the moment.
For one week,
you are mine. And that will have to be enough
.