Second Chances (15 page)

The bishop had slept for most of the journey, although his companion, another bishop
named Wilmer Kaufman—who lived in a nearby
g
'
may
—seemed content to talk with Freman
for most of the journey. Since Freman sat beside the driver, Wilmer leaned forward
as he talked. While the discussion mostly focused on crop rotation and Scripture,
it appeared to Anna that Wilmer conducted most of the conversation, voicing his opinions
as facts and ignoring the emotionless expression on Freman's face. As neither a farmer
nor an evangelist, Freman certainly had little to contribute, a fact which apparently
pleased Wilmer. Within one hour of their journey, it was clear to Anna that this
Wilmer enjoyed speaking almost as much as he enjoyed hearing himself.

Behind the two bishops, Cris and Mary occupied the middle row of the van. For the
duration of the long drive, Mary fussed and fidgeted, occasionally complaining that
the seat was uncomfortable and her back ached from
sitting for so long. To his credit,
Cris offered his sympathies and, at one point, offered to switch places with her
on the off chance that his seat was more comfortable.

The remaining three women occupied the rear row of the van. Anna sat by the window,
which afforded her the opportunity to either watch the scenery unfold or sneak fleeting,
undetected looks at Freman. The giddiness with which Leah and Hannah had embraced
the idea of the journey seemed to wear thin when they had been in the vehicle for
over three hours and with another three hours still ahead of them. Yet, unlike Mary,
neither one complained. They merely shut their eyes and let sleep overtake them,
which, to her relief, had left Anna alone with her thoughts.

“Here's our place,” Freman suddenly indicated, pointing to a large farm at the next
driveway, a long one that cut between two large fields. In the distance Anna thought
she saw a pond glimmer under the sun.

As the van pulled down the driveway, she turned her attention to the house. It was
more contemporary than the other farms they had driven past. With a wide front porch
that wrapped around the south side of the house, Anna imagined that Jonas and Rebecca
Esh might often pause to observe glorious sunsets from such a vantage point. It was
something she, herself, would certainly do should she be ever so fortunate as to
have such a view from her own home.

There were numerous flower beds in front of the porch, planted with hardy mums and
ornamental cabbage to reflect the change from summer to autumn. To the north of the
house was a large two-story barn. The double doors at its entrance were wide open,
and she could see a horse
standing in a stall, its ears perked forward at the noise
of the vehicle coming up the driveway.

“Hello there!” a voice called from the depths of the barn as they disembarked from
the van. A man emerged through the doors, a large black dog at his heels. He was
a short man with bright blue eyes and a gray beard that was trimmed in such a way
that it just touched the top button of his shirt. His black trousers had four horizontal
buttons just under the waist, and he wore large clunky boots upon his feet. He seemed
pleasant enough, and Anna knew at once that she would like him.

“Freman! Right
gut
to see you!” He extended his hand to shake Freman's before being
introduced to the others. From the expression on his face, Anna also knew that he
was genuinely pleased to welcome them to his farm.

The two older men, however, and in particular Bishop Kaufman, seemed anxious to continue
their journey, for they were headed farther east to Pequea. Bishop Kaufman stated
as much to Jonas Esh and abruptly turned toward the van. Bishop Troyer, demonstrating
more manners and grace, cleared his throat before confirming with Freman that the
group would be retrieved on Tuesday morning at four. Slipping a piece of paper into
Freman's hand, a note that contained a phone number to reach him in Pequea, the bishop
bade good-bye to the rest of the group and returned to the van, assuming the front
passenger seat while Bishop Kaufman returned to the backseat.

Jonas Esh led the group to the house. “Rebecca has been baking all day,” he said,
smiling as they climbed the steps to the porch. “So excited for company.”

“I hope we didn't trouble her,” Anna said softly. “Five people for company might
be more than she anticipated.”

He laughed. “Nonsense. A home is happiest when there are lots of people in it to
share fellowship! We raised our
kinner
here and plan to raise lots of grand-babies
here too!” He opened the door and pushed it open. “Providence just didn't provide
them for us.” He winked at her. “Yet.” Stepping aside, he gestured for everyone to
enter before him.

The downstairs of the house was large and open, the floor plan having been designed
with an Amish family in mind. Anna soon learned that Jonas and Rebecca Esh had six
children, four married daughters who lived in neighboring towns, and two sons, Benjamin
being the one set to inherit the large farm and Jacob, who had not felt moved to
become a baptized member of the Amish church.

When she learned this, Anna glanced at Rebecca. With her rotund face and pink cheeks,
she reminded Anna of her grandmother on her mother's side. The memory warmed her
insides, and once again, Anna was struck with an immediate sense of ease in their
company.

Within minutes, Benjamin entered through a back door, having seen the van arrive
from the fields where he had been working. With dust on his face and freckles on
his nose, he looked younger than his twenty-three years. He wiped his hands on his
black pants before he greeted the visitors. Unlike his parents, he did not smile,
nor did he have bright, sparkling eyes, a fact that caught her off-guard.

There was an aura of dullness about him, one that startled Anna, for it was a look
that she knew all too well. While Freman introduced everyone, Anna studied the young
man, wondering at the depths of his pain and why more than six months later, he could
still be so intensely mournful for a woman who had not even been his wife.
However,
as soon as she thought that, she reproached herself. Eight years after her own loss,
she too was still grieving. Why should she expect that Benjamin could regain his
spirits so soon after the death of his intended?

And yet, she knew, despite his pain and sorrow, he would find another to replace
his lost love. He was a young man with a grand future still ahead of him: not every
young man could offer a bride such potential sustenance. So, while she recognized
the depth of his grief, she remained dubious as to the eventual breadth of it.

Shortly after five o'clock, they sat for the supper meal, one that was far larger
than Anna suspected was normal for the Esh family. The larger farmer's table, however,
fit them nicely. After they were situated, Jonas bowed his head for the silent prayer
over the meal, the others immediately doing the same. A long minute later, he looked
up and the rest of the group finished their prayers. With a big smile, Jonas reached
for the plate of warm ham and began to dish it onto his plate.

During the meal, Jonas told stories about how he had grown up with Freman's mother
before she married and moved to Ohio. Rebecca smiled during his stories, laughing
at all of the right moments of conversation while she kept an eye on everyone's plates.
If she saw that someone's dish became even slightly empty, she began passing around
food items to refill it.

“And then Freman came to live with us,” Jonas said, with a look of admiration at
the man who sat across from Benjamin. “When was that, now?” He tugged at his beard
and looked at the ceiling as if counting in his head. “Oh, I'd say eight years now?”
He waited for affirmation from
Freman, who merely inclined his head. “
Ja
, just about
eight years, I reckon.”

Anna almost gasped aloud. So this was where Freman had retreated when she had refused
his offer of marriage? Now she understood better. It was no wonder that he had been
so concerned about Benjamin. If he had lived with the Esh family, his cousin would
seem more like a brother to him. Unable to stop herself, she looked at Benjamin and
wondered how much Freman had confided in him. If so, surely Jonas and Rebecca knew
too. That realization caused her a moment of panic: What on earth must they think
of her? While she knew that it was not in the nature of the Amish to judge others,
she also knew that the reality of their culture often spoke otherwise.

“Stayed for five or so years, ain't so?”

“Pass the potatoes down to Cris,” Rebecca said softly as she nudged Anna with the
bowl.

“Stayed until the wind blew him off to Indiana. Guess he had enough with the strictness
of the Pennsylvania Amish!” He laughed when he said it and sent a wink in Hannah's
direction. While stricter with their religious practices, they were certainly not
lacking in humor.

Freman turned his attention to Benjamin. “I heard of a new carpentry shop not far
from here. A Miller's Woodshop?”

“
Ja
, I know John Miller.”

“
Mayhaps
you might take me to see it tomorrow?” He gestured toward the women. “They
will be visiting with their cousins, and my time would be better suited seeing how
this Miller is making out with his new business.”

His cousin nodded.

Anna saw a look pass between Freman and Benjamin's mother. It was a look that she
did not need interpreted. Suddenly she realized that it was no accident that so many
people had descended upon the Esh family. Yes, Freman had traveled to Lancaster out
of concern for his cousin, but undoubtedly his aunt had contacted Freman out of concern
for her son. By bringing the others, Freman intended to lighten Benjamin's mood,
instilling him with a new sense of life.

He knows the sense of loss as deeply as Benjamin and I do
, she thought, realizing
the bitter irony of her own presence at the Esh home.

“Perhaps after we help clean the supper dishes,” Anna heard herself say, staring
directly at Benjamin, “you might take us walking?” She smiled at Leah, who sat next
to him. “I'm sure we all would benefit from stretching our legs and seeing the country
a bit,
ja
?”

It was after six o'clock when they finally set out upon their evening walk. To no
one's surprise, Mary had begged to be excused, claiming that what she needed most
was to lie down and rest. Without her participation, the rest of the group paired
off, Hannah enjoying the company of her older brother without any interference from
his overly opinionated wife, Leah falling in beside Freman, and Anna walking beside
Benjamin.

While they walked, Benjamin pointed out different farms along the road. However,
given that the road was flat and the farms so spread apart, he had soon shared all
that knowledge before they had traveled very far. For a few moments, Anna walked
silently, wondering how to start a conversation with a man so clearly distraught
over the loss of his fiancée.

“Freman told us of your loss, Benjamin,” she finally said. “I am very sorry. Losing
someone you care for is never easy.”

Benjamin took a deep breath and kicked at a loose stone in the road. “‘The Lord is
close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit,'” he said,
quoting from the book of Psalms. “Do you believe that, Anna?”

His question surprised her, and she couldn't help but look up at him in wonder. Out
of the corner of her eye, she noticed that Freman slowed his pace, his eyes scanning
the horizon as if mesmerized by the change of scenery, despite having lived there
for so many years. It occurred to her that he might have intentionally modified his
pace in order to overhear her response.

“I do believe that,” Anna replied, her voice carrying in the air. “I too have suffered
a loss.” She paused, just enough time for Benjamin to gasp. Lifting her hand, she
stopped him before he offered his condolences. “
Nee
, it was many years ago—my mother.
But a lost love is difficult too.”

“Such a tragedy to lose your mother,” he mumbled, shaking his head.

“It is only through my faith in the Lord that my spirit is lifted at all,” she continued.
“After all, Jesus bore our grief and carried our sorrows so that we wouldn't have
to. I take great comfort in that thought. Even with a heart that remains torn in
two.”

He sighed. “We might suffer together, I reckon.”

As a gray-topped buggy passed by, Benjamin lifted his hand to wave. By this time,
Freman and Leah were in front of them, and as such, the four of them walked together.
Anna listened to their conversation with only
partial interest. They spoke of people
that she didn't know and places she had never visited. She did, however, notice that
Leah hung on every word, appropriately smiling when Freman told a pleasant recollection
and carefully shaking her head when Benjamin shared a sorrowful one. There seemed
to be a careful balance between the two men, and toward the end of their walk, both
appeared more relaxed, whether from the company or the conversation, Anna could
not tell.

Over an hour had passed by the time they returned to the Esh farm, the sun having
set and the sky turning a grayish-blue color. The stars hadn't come out yet, but
Anna could tell that the sky would not be as full of them as at home. Despite the
darkness, there was a glow from the
Englische
houses and nearby cities that would
certainly drown out the crisp twinkling of lights in the night sky.

As they filed into the kitchen, the women removed their shawls and sweaters while
the men hung their straw hats on hooks near the door. Jonas sat at the kitchen table,
reading the paper, while Rebecca leaned over the open door of the oven. A sweet scent
filled the kitchen as she removed a baking sheet of fresh, baked cookies. Using a
quilted pot holder, she set the tray on a cooling rack before she turned around,
smiling as she greeted them.