Second Chances (114 page)

They sent Chloe to take her bath.  “I’m not that dirty,” she objected.  “You just want to have one of those adult conversations without me eavesdropping.”  She turned on her heels and sulked into the bathroom.

“She’s been waiting all day to use that word,” Sarah commented dryly.  She took a deep breath.  Something didn’t feel right.

“I know,” Brian agreed, taking her in his arms.  “Let’s figure this out.”  He grabbed her hand and led her to the couch.  She was still clutching the scraps she had so hastily jotted notes down on.  He gently removed it from her white knuckled grip.  He raised his eyebrows as he made a big deal of smoothing out the wrinkled, sweaty paper.  What he considered to be the most important piece of information, she hadn’t written down.  “So, how did he say he found you here?”

Sarah scowled.  “Supposedly, the college gave him this number.  He claims they must have misunderstood that he asked for ‘White,’ not ‘Waite.’  As for why they want me to speak at this conference… apparently they read one of my articles in a journal.  I don’t know.”

“I’m not going to lie to you, Sarah,” he began seriously.  “I have some grave reservations.  It’s not professional jealousy.  It isn’t because I feel robbed of some of our vacation.  This doesn’t feel right.  I don’t want you to go alone.”  He looked at the paper.  “Boston, huh?”

She nodded.  “I don’t want to go alone, either.”  She gave him a pleading look.  “He refuses to accept that I won’t do it.  While this is an admirable quality, he also makes one other important point: being a guest speaker at this conference will look great on my resume.”

“True,” Brian agreed.  “Have you heard of this particular organization before?”

“No,” she admitted, “but there are a lot of organizations that I haven’t heard of.”

“Well, at least we agree that you shouldn’t go by yourself.”  He thought quietly for a moment.  “What if Chloe and I go, too?”  Suddenly he was excited.  “We can go to the museum, check out all kinds of cool historical stuff, shopping…
”  He was anxious for her to consent.

Sarah stared at him, puzzled.  Did he really think she wouldn’t want them around?  “Let’s do it,” she said. 

Now they had only to sit back and wait.

James watched the clock. 
Three, two, one.  He hit the redial on the phone and listened as it rang.  On the third ring, she answered.  “So, Dr. White, I trust you have made a decision.”  He listened intently.  “Yes, I see.”  He ‘uh huhed’ a few times.

Evan paced the floor, ready to pounce once James hung up.  Apparently she had much to say.  Now James was giving her the topic she would be speaking on.  She must be coming.  He could feel his excitement building.

“That sounds fine, Dr. White.  You’re sure you want to make all of your own arrangements?  I could have a car waiting for you once you arrive at the airport if you’d only let me know when you think you’ll be arriving on Friday.”  He was silent a moment.  “In that case, I will compensate you accordingly.  I’ll simply add what we would have paid for your expenses to your check.”  He nodded, as though she could see him through the phone.  Evan rolled his eyes.  “Thank you so much for agreeing.  Look forward to meeting you on Friday.”  He placed the phone back on the charger and turned to face Evan.

He didn’t know why Dr. White was so important.  He had never seen the young man like this before.  James took only a second to organize his thoughts before reporting to Evan.  “Well, Mr. Winters, you have your wish.  She will be arriving some time on Friday.”

“Well done, James,” Evan gushed, clapping the older man on the back.

James sighed and prepared to exit the study.  “If you have everything you need, sir,” he began to bow as he made for the door.

“Not so fast,” Evan asked as an afterthought.  “Why is she making her own arrangements?”  He was wringing his hands anxiously.

“Oh, that, sir,” he paused and cleared his throat.  His body always gave him away when he was nervous.  Somehow he sensed danger in the answer he was about to give.  “Well, Dr. White said that she would be bringing her family, sir.  They plan to spend some extra time here visiting museums and such.”  Something in the way Evan looked at him made James back cautiously toward the door.

Evan’s hands were suddenly clenched in tight fists at his sides.  He strode over to the door and leaned angrily into the man’s face.  His eyes were flashing with fury.  “She was supposed to come alone.”  The words were spoken through clenched teeth. 

“I’m sorry,” James squeaked.  “You might have mentioned that, sir.”  He would have continued blathering apologies and excuses, but mercifully Evan held the door open for him.  It did little to improve his spirits, however, given that he would no doubt soon have to return with vacuums and garbage bags to clean up after Evan’s fit of rage.  He had always been that way.  The spoiled child may have grown but he had never grown up.  And while he was being coached to manage his father’s company, he had never been coached on managing his anger.  Shaking his head with regret, James thought it was too bad since he was a promising young man in so many other ways.

After everything inexpensive and breakable had been hurled across the room, Evan felt better.  His head was clearer.  It was a Zen-like moment for him, and opportunity for him to restore a sense of clarity, peace, and harmony.  He would have to chalk this one up to a learning experience.  But now he had to figure out what to do.  There was no organization paying for Sarah to come speak.  There was no conference for her to speak at.  There was only him, eager to spend some time alone with her so that she could see what a great guy he truly was.  And once he had her, he’d never let her go.

Thirty minutes passed before James felt confident that the rage had subsided and he could safely clean the study.  He opened the door slowly, allowing a growing sliver of light to brighten the room.  He knew the curtains had been pulled before he even entered.  It was part of the ritual.  Smash everything in sight during a blinding rage, followed by an equally blinding headache that left Evan weak, debilitated, and otherwise out of commission for the rest of the day.  It had been years since he had seen Evan this upset and he found it terribly disconcerting.  James had hoped that these episodes he likened to tantrums were a beast of the past, but for some reason, they had returned with a vengeance.  Now James entered the room slowly, as silently as possible, fearing for himself, Evan’s future, and the source of his anger, that poor Dr. White.

The drive to South Carolina was much more relaxing the second time.  And it wasn’t entirely because the circumstances for their visit had changed.  True, this would be their first visit since Brian’s mother passed away, and their first visit as a couple, but now Sarah knew who she was, and that gave her an immense measure of confidence.  Brian reached over and grasped her hand as she napped in the seat beside him.  She stirred slightly, opened one eye and glanced at his profile. 

“Was I asleep long?”  She murmured, giving his hand a gentle squeeze.

He turned slightly to face her.  “No, a little more than an hour, I think.”  He was watching the road intently.  “We’ll be there soon.”

It was late Sunday evening.  They had been on the road since before dawn, and because the trip took the better part of day, Chloe was in the back seat sound asleep long before they arrived.  After greeting his father and a few of his siblings, Brian scooped up Chloe and carried her to the room they would be staying in.  Sarah followed him up and watched from the doorway.  He lovingly tucked Chloe in on the cot that was set up on one side of the room.  “Goodnight, princess,” he whispered in her ear.  Sarah could barely make out that he was whispering other words in her daughter’s ear.

“What did you say?”  She asked when he had recovered from the surprise of seeing her standing there in the doorway.

Wrapping an arm around her shoulders as they walked back down the stairs he said, “Oh, it’s just something my mother used to say to me each night as she tucked me in. I had all but forgotten it until those times I’ve tucked Chloe in.  No big deal, just words of love and protection.”

Suddenly, Sarah shivered.  Ever since she had agreed to speak at this conference, she had been filled with a sense of foreboding.  “Maybe you should start saying them over me every night,” she half joked.

As they reached the bottom of the flight of stairs, Brian grabbed her shoulders and turned her to face him.  “I’ll keep you safe, Sarah.  I know you are fiercely independent.  I know you have done a phenomenal job of taking care of yourself to date, but this time you are going to need help.  Let me help you.”

She swallowed hard.  He was right.  And for the first time in her life, she wanted someone else to take care of her.  With Brian, she was unafraid of relinquishing control of her life.  Everything about her was safe in his hands.  It was an immense comfort.  Her eyes watered slightly.  “Of course.”

The first half of their vacation passed all too quickly, and the closer they came to the weekend, the more nervous Sarah grew.  She was having trouble sleeping at night.  She didn’t want Brian to worry, so she tried to hide the fact that she spent many nights out on the balcony off their room once he fell asleep.  She would stand there and listen to the ocean rushing upon the beach.  She would stare at the moon and the stars.  And mostly, as of late, she would read.  She poured over book after book, looking for some spell, some remedy for her fear.  Nothing stood out.

Thursday night found her walking alone on the beach.  In truth, she wasn’t walking so much as pacing.  Soon enough Brian’s father found her.  “I’ve been watching you,” he said quietly in a voice that held no judgment. 

“I hope I haven’t made too much noise, or been keeping you up,” she said apologetically.  Despite the warm night air, she ran her hands over her bare arms and threatened to shiver.

“No, you’re very quiet on the outside.  It’s the turmoil on the inside that has kept me up.” 

He took her hand and looped it through the crook of his arm to lead her to the patio furniture near the pool.  He watched her for a reaction, but she gave none.  “I know that you put on a brave face for Brian,” he announced.  This time she bit her lip.  “He doesn’t know, but that’s only because he’s working equally hard to keep you unaware of his concern for your safety.”  He spoke quietly, focusing his attention of soothing her fears.

“I’m so sorry.  You must have other things on your mind.  You must still be reeling from the shock of your wife’s passing…” she felt the inadequacy of her statement.  “I only hope I haven’t put those around me in danger.”  Her eyes watered.

“Now, now,” he said, squeezing her hand.  “Brian brought you here knowing that there would be no safer place for you on this earth.  Love will be your protection.  And thanks to my darling wife, no place will ever be filled with more love.”  She had thought they were going to sit on the patio before, but now she found herself in front of her bedroom door wondering how she had arrived here.  “You can rest here, Sarah. Here may all your dreams be sweet.  Here may you find restful sleep.  Safety exists here for thee.  As I wish so mote it be.”  He planted a kiss on her forehead and shooed her into the room.

It was the first time she had fallen asleep before three in the morning all week.  A calm had wafted over her as Mr. Waite spoke those words.  She climbed over Brian to take her spot against the wall.  In seconds he adjusted to her presence by enveloping her.  Something about the way he wrapped her in his arms, the way his stomach warmed her back, the way they fit so perfectly together overwhelmed her.  Her body was wracked with silent sobs as tears flowed in an endless stream down her face and onto her pillow case.  She was convinced that somehow she would be ripped from this happiness that she had struggled to attain, from this love that she had grown to cherish.  Sooner than she would have believed possible, she was able to find the restful sleep Mr. Waite’s spell had promised.

Brian had woken up that night the moment he felt her slip from the bed.  His father had warned him that afternoon while Sarah and Chloe swam that she was having trouble sleeping.  He had noticed she wasn’t her perky self, but chalked that up to the stress of visiting his family and spending her vacation preparing for a conference she wasn’t entirely sure she wanted to speak at.  He had watched her wander the beach and been tempted to go to her himself until he saw his father emerge from the shadows to join her.  He felt Sarah’s fear; he felt her trying to protect him from her true feelings.

Brian felt his heart breaking when she lay in his arms sobbing. 
I’ll protect you, Sarah,
he thought as hard as he could.  And in that moment he vowed to never let her out of his sight.  She still wore his necklace.  She drank all of his chamomile tea.  She was loved.  He didn’t know what more he could do.  And that’s what made him crazy, the feeling of helplessness.

They were silent as they waited for their luggage in the crowded Logan Airport.  Chloe stood between them, unsure of what to say.  The two people she had grown to depend on most in the world were upset.  She could see that.  She could also see that they weren’t upset with each other.  No, their relationship was fine.  That was apparent the way they were clinging to each other.  Stepping in between them, she wrapped an arm around each and pulled them close. 
I love you I love you love you love you…

That did it.  Suddenly, Sarah smiled.  “Okay, let’s snap out of it,” she announced. 

“We’re in Boston.  When I’m not speaking at a session, we’ll all be playing.  There’s so much to do here, and we only have the weekend.  So let’s act like total tourists and pick up all the brochures we can find and plan from there.”

Brian and Chloe stood there staring at her for a moment.  Then Brian caught her spirit, her sense of adventure.  He gave Chloe a nudge.  “Well, you heard your mother.  Let’s pick up those brochures.”