Second Chances (43 page)

Each photograph captured the beauty of the area, the architecture, the pastoral setting, and the students relaxing and enjoying themselves.  He had wanted to climb into those photographs and be a part of that life.  And once he discovered his father was working with a corporation stationed in the industrial park there, he was able to convince him of the many benefits of Gabriel taking up residence in Plattsburgh for the summer.

So today, more than a week later than he planned, he would be stopping by the college to pick up the summer course schedule, find an apartment, and get his picture taken for his business card.  He was looking forward to the pictures.  The camera loved him.

Isabella paused outside the building and gazed upward.  She had been working at Blair and Webber photography for nearly five months, the same amount of time that Dr. Pam had been working with her on her graduate degree.  And on this day in particular she was struck by the beauty of this place that had offered her a new life, new opportunities.  This gorgeous ivy covered brick home with numerous palladium windows had been converted for partial commercial use.  In truth, Christopher lived on the second story, a walk down the stairs being his big daily commute.  He had turned his home into his office and studio.  Isabella counted her blessings that it had become home for her, as well.

Christopher Webber was unlike any boss she had previously worked for.  She remembered her first meeting with him.  He had greeted her warmly as she entered the room.  “You must be Isabella!”  He exclaimed.  He was a short man, maybe five and a half feet tall.  And she was struck by how fit and handsome he was for a man in his late forties.  He took her under his wing immediately, exposing her to a whole new world in photography.  One day they might be at a bakery photographing pastries and cakes for a new cookbook, the next might find them in a park taking pictures for some regional advertising campaign for sunglasses.  Sure, they still did portraits, but for the most part, the job was new, challenging, and exciting.

Just over a month had flown by since she decided to focus on making a concerted effort to put her life back together, whatever that meant.  Still, there were times that she struggled and her work reflected it.  She remembered the day she found Christopher studying some of her proofs from a shoot she had on campus, pictures the college wanted for their magazine.  “Hmmm,” he began, ready to critically appraise her work, while tempering his commentary with love.  “If it were anyone but you I would think it was…fine.”

She had let out a hollow laugh.  “Fine, huh?  Thanks for the rave review.”  She watched him, knowing there was more, knowing that he would explain.

“Yes.  Just ‘fine.’  I’ve seen so much better from you, Isabella.  Somehow you need to regain your passion.  This sadness that you haven’t entirely conquered is affecting your work.”  He had walked over to her then and grasped her face in both of his hands.  She had stiffened, afraid he might try to kiss her, but instead he just spoke to her.  “Find the passion, Isabella.”

Today, the air was electrically charged.  There would be some monumental change.  Isabella could feel it.  So she wasn’t surprised when Christopher greeted her and announced that she must call Dr. Pam right away.  Isabella marched into the office and dialed her mentor.

“Isabella,” Dr. Pam cried before Isabella had even spoken.  “I’m thrilled that you were able to call me so quickly.  Now, what I really need is for you to come see me during your lunch hour.”

“
I…,” Isabella began.

“Don’t worry about what time.  Just come when you can.”  Dr. Pam said resolutely.

Knowing that she would never deny her mentor any request, she responded, “Absolutely.  I’ll get there when I can.”

All morning the reason why Dr. Pam needed to see her so urgently nagged at Isabella.  She played out various scenarios in her mind until Christopher tired of how distracted she was.  “Oh, just go,” he insisted.  “I want your head in your work when you come back.  And pick up some Chinese, too.”  He winked as she bolted for the door.

Crossing campus, Isabella‘s mind reeled.  She tried to anticipate the rationale for the summons and then a response.  Yet, her mind was a complete blank.  She had no idea why she was rushing across the crowded campus.  At last, she reached the metal door that bore her professor’s name.  Hesitantly, she tapped.

“Come in,” Dr. Pam’s welcoming voice boomed from inside. 

“Um, hello, Dr. Pam,” Isabella began tentatively.  Dr. Pam gestured for her to sit in the lumpy chair in front of the desk directly across from hers, so Isabella gladly accommodated her.  Unsure of what would happen next, she took a deep breath.

“Apparently you were able to take an early lunch,” Dr. Pam began with a twinkle in her eye and a glance at the clock.

The clock read barely half past ten.  Isabella blushed.  “Christopher sent me.”

Dr. Pam nodded and said, “So, how are you and Christopher getting on?”

Smiling warmly, Isabella responded, “He’s wonderful to work for.  I’ve learned so much already.  I feel like I’ve really grown…”  Her voice trailed off.  She knew what she’d been about to reveal, and apparently, so did Dr. Pam.

“Until recently, huh?”  Dr. Pam noted with a comforting smile.

Isabella nodded and offered a wistful smile in return.  Somehow, she began to tell bits and pieces of her life story, her recent separation and impending divorce.  Not one to reveal her life to strangers, and only rarely to her friends, Isabella wondered what had stirred her to pour out her heart to Dr. Pam.  The voice was hers, and yet she felt as though she watched someone else speak, her behavior seemed so uncharacteristic. 

“So you see, Dr. Pam,” she said tentatively, “it’s as though I have lost my passion.  I don’t see the pictures the way I used to.  In the past, I instinctively knew what to shoot, from what angle, and always found the right light.  Now…I’m not as good.  Christopher noticed.  Did he tell you?”

Dr. Pam, who had been leaning forward listening intently until now, slipped back in her chair.  The worn leather creaked against her back.  She sat pensive for a moment, rubbing her chin, gazing at the room around her.  The walls were covered in framed photographs, mostly black and white.  Stacks of photographs filled every inch of available
work space.  Cameras lined the shelves.  All of which were illuminated by sunlight filtered through a hazy window.  Suddenly, Dr. Pam began rifling through stacks of proofs and art magazines piled on her desk.  Pausing, she leaned forward again.

“No, my dear.  You haven’t lost your passion.  You’ve just forgotten what it’s like.  That’s all.  You seem to have shut off your feelings as a defense mechanism to survive right now.”  Dr. Pam studied Isabella’s face for a moment.  “Feelings aren’t a sign of weakness.”

“Wait.  I feel!”  Isabella interrupted.  She wanted to say more, but her professor raised her hand.

“Of course you feel, but you only allow yourself to experience the good, you fear suffering, even though you are right now.”  Isabella’s head dropped as her eyes fell to her lap.  “It’s okay to be angry.  It’s okay to be sad.  It’s okay to be scared.  And most importantly, whenever you experience any of those emotions…it’s okay to cry.”  She watched Isabella’s shoulders heave as she struggled to control her emotions still.  Dr. Pam sighed, knowing it would take more than a single speech to break down those barriers.  “But that’s not why I called you here,” she said seriously.  “I have good news and more good news.

Looking up and offering a shy smile, Isabella said, “I could use some of that.”

“First, let me say that those pictures you took around campus…” Isabella glanced at her alarmed.  “No, not the ones for Christopher, the ones you took for my class before you graduated.  Anyway, they were so well done that when I heard that a new catalog was being created for the college and the committee came to me for photographs…I gave them yours.”  She watched Isabella’s face for a reaction.  The young woman sat there biting her lip.  “And they loved them.”  She slid the catalog through the debris on her desk.  “I know I should have mentioned it sooner, since they have been in distribution for several months now, but…better late than never, right?”  She shrugged.

Tentatively, Isabella flipped through the pages.  They must have used at least ten of her photographs.  And she was credited for each one.  She beamed.  “Wow.  I can’t believe you can tell me any better news than this.”

“That’s what you think.”  Dr. Pam smiled widely.  “Isabella, my dear, I am about to make your dream come true.” 

Isabella looked at her curiously.  She knew she used to have dreams, but recently she had set them all aside and just struggled to survive each day.  And now it was impacting her work. She had lost her edge, lost her confidence, when she lost her dream for the perfect family. What dream could Dr. Pam possibly help her achieve?

“A gallery show.”  Dr. Pam said simply.  “You will have your own gallery show in Montreal.  Someone saw your work in the catalog and called the college.  They referred the gentleman to me, and now I’m talking to you.  He sent me his card.  Call him and then get back to me.”

Isabella was instantly numb and racked with doubts about her ability to have an entire show devoted to her work.  Yet, at the same time, her confidence had been elevated by her photographs being published in the college catalog.  She nodded wide-eyed at Dr. Pam, took the offered card, and slowly, mechanically exited the building.

She barely remembered the drive back to the studio.  Why didn’t she just walk?  It was such a beautiful day and her destination was so close.  The minute she saw Christopher, she remembered and bit her lip.  “I forgot the Chinese food,” she said apologetically.  “We can have it delivered.  I’ll pay the delivery fee and the tip.”