Second Chances (20 page)

As a last ditch effort, he had called the home phone, thinking she might not have heard the cell phone ring or the battery might have died.  He struggled with any excuse for her suddenly falling off the grid.  Instead, he now faced more questions than answers.  Madge had picked up after the third ring.  And when he had asked to speak to Hannah, he was told that she wasn’t there.

In fact, Madge seemed as confused and concerned as he was.  The facts were these: Hannah hadn’t been herself all day.  She left the house around noon wearing business casual attire.  She expected she would be back at dinnertime with the girls, but not a moment before.  And armed only with that limited knowledge, his mind imagined the worst.

First he thought that she might be going to another job interview.  Maybe he worked her too hard, or she wasn’t challenged enough.  Maybe she had an opportunity to put her degree to good use.  He hadn’t given her that chance.  Maybe there was another man who wanted to be her sugar daddy.  Maybe she wasn’t her normal perky self because she was planning on turning in her notice.  His heart pounded in his chest as he imagined having to say goodbye to her and the girls.

Once he was able to move past the fear, the anger took hold.  Hannah had some explaining to do.  She couldn’t just go off and ignore his calls.  She couldn’t search for other jobs or other men behind his back.  She couldn’t…leave him.  Only…he knew she could.  She had no idea how he felt about her.  He still didn’t understand it himself.

Unable to focus, and after begging off early due to a migraine, Gavin reached his house before five.  He knew Hannah wouldn’t be expecting him for an hour.  As he feared, she wasn’t home yet.  He had called her phone several more times and even sent her a text saying he’d be home early and needed to speak with her.  Still, she had failed to respond.  So, he did what had so often become his habit since her arrival.  Gavin spent the next hour pacing his study and staring longingly at the buffet where he had a well-stocked bar at his disposal.  Then he growled in frustration.

The court hearing had gone just as Amy expected it to, but still Hannah was unprepared.  She felt as though she were on trial.  She couldn’t believe the lengths she was going to have to go to in order to secure child support from Brett.  And that he brought the stripper with him, she found utterly disconcerting.  The next date had been set and they would reconvene in a month.  She was frustrated and disappointed in the system.  No wonder people no longer referred to it as the justice system.  There was no justice.

At precisely six, she was pulling to a stop in the driveway.  She saw Gavin’s car parked in front of his garage, which didn’t surprise her since he had already sent her a message to that effect.  Her late arrival couldn’t be helped.  She had waited an interminably long period of time for her ten minute hearing.  Then Amy had spoken to her in one of the small conference rooms outside the courtroom to explain what was happening and what the next step was.  She had nodded numbly, pretending she understood, but really she couldn’t even think at that moment.

After that, she had attempted to compose herself long enough to pick up the girls and buy dinner before trekking home.  She could only imagine what she faced once she entered the house.  Actually, she knew exactly what she faced.  Gavin would stalk out of the study with that scowl plastered to his face, arms crossed over his chest.  He would tell her about common courtesy and how she should have answered the phone, responded to the text, and called him back.  She would recognize that it was out of fear that he responded that way and call him out on it.  They would have a mildly uncomfortable dinner and patch things up later in the study.  There.  Now she just had to live it.

The moment Gavin saw the headlights come up the drive he had planted himself before the front door.  There was no way she was going to get past him without an explanation.  After all, when people lived together, it was just common courtesy to keep in touch.  She had to understand that.  He folded his arms across his chest.

The door opened slowly as the girls pushed through.  Hannah was taking up the rear, as usual, arms laden down with food.  She had picked up Italian apparently, since he could smell the garlic and marinara sauce wafting out of the foam containers.  Her face was drawn in a grim line and she simply stared at him blankly as she entered.  Convinced something was truly wrong, he opened his mouth to speak but she silenced him before he could utter a single sound. 

“Not now,” Hannah said simply.  She could tell he was still tempted to speak.  Sighing, she said, “You can tell me which common courtesy I’ve violated later…in the study.”  And she moved past him toward the dining room where she quickly set out the meal.

The tension in the air was palpable and impacted everyone.
  The girls were silent and fluctuated between focusing on their meal and glancing back and forth between the adults.  Gavin tried to give them reassuring glances, but knew his smiles were hollow.    As for Hannah, she pushed the food around on her plate, but couldn’t quite manage to consume any of it.  Even the bread had hit her stomach like lead weights and that was after she had struggled past the sawdust consistency it had formed in her mouth.  Each swallow was an effort.  Finally, she gave up, sighed, and pushed her plate away. 

The girls headed upstairs without prompting but with several sad backward glances.  Silently, Hannah began to clear the table and throw away the plates and containers, taking some comfort in her nightly ritual.  All the while, Gavin simply sat and studied her.  This was not his Hannah.  This was a hollow shell of the woman who was fast stealing his heart.  He hated seeing her like this.

He fell into synch with her and cleaned up alongside her as if they had been doing it for years instead of weeks.  Soon the clean up was done and she moved to head upstairs as well.  Gavin had watched her quietly, waiting for her to acknowledge him, to give him some sign that she was open to his affection because the longer he was around her, the more desperate he became to enfold her in his arms until all the sorrow inside her melted away.  Yet that sign never came so he never reached out.

Somehow, in his desperate need to be closer to her, he found himself standing just inside the bedroom while she read.  Slowly, he lowered himself to the ground, never taking his eyes from her face.  Gavin sat with his legs crossed, his head propped on his fists.  Suddenly, one of the girls climbed down from the bed.  He watched Hannah, expecting her to chastise the girl or call her back, but she seemed so distracted, so oblivious, that nothing was said. 

“You know--one loves the sunsets, when one is so sad…” She read on.

It was Zoe who moved carefully, until she stood before Gavin.  She studied him a moment as though she was trying to decide something.  And without warning, she seated herself in his lap.  If that surprised Gavin, then he was shocked when she purposefully grabbed his hands and wrapped them around her.  When she was finished, she said simply, “There.”

He sat stiffly at first.  Then, he realized what a show of trust he had been given, and he embraced the little girl who snuggled against him.  If only her mother would come around so easily.  Too soon the reading was over for the night.

Hannah gave each girl a hug and kiss before heading toward their room.  Once she had walked past him, Gavin headed down the stairs to his study, convinced that she would be with him soon enough to talk about what was troubling her so.  In anticipation of her arrival, he stoked the fire and moved her favorite chair a few inches closer to his desk.  He was even contemplating making her a hot tea, which he had observed was her idea of a comfort drink. 

Glancing at the clock, he sat and waited.  Soon he found himself once again struggling to read through files he cared nothing about.  He stood and walked to the door.  He paused, trying to decide if he wanted to be perceived as impatient, realized that perception was in this case reality, and stalked out to the hall.  By moving two feet to the right and craning his neck, he could see that the girls’ door was closed.  Gavin stood silently, listening for any clue that might reveal Hannah’s location.  Nothing.

In frustration, he strode up the steps, the plush carpeting masking his angry footfalls.  He proceeded directly to the room he detested, and knocked on the door.  It wasn’t closed entirely and the double doors fell open at his knock.  He stepped back, startled for a moment, almost afraid of what he would find.  Nearly instantly, he realized that the room was vacant.  Hannah wasn’t here either.

Now he was on a mission.  If she thought to avoid him for the remainder of the night, she had better think again.  He would never allow that to happen.  He needed her presence too much for that to ever be an option.  He rounded the corner to the kitchen, and then walked into the keeping room.  He knew she loved this room, but once again, the room was strangely empty.  On the coffee table was evidence that she had been there, however.  She had left behind an untouched mug of tea.

Without thinking, Gavin picked it up.  This was her comfort drink.  She needed her comfort drink.  A frown affixed to his face, he moved to the French door that stood ajar several feet away.  Peeking out of it, he realized the lights were on over the pergola, like a beacon shining on Hannah.  Her arms were wrapped around one of the posts; her face pressed against the cool white wood with her eyes squeezed shut.

Before she even realized he was there, Gavin had stepped to within two feet of her with his arm outstretched, offering her the tea she had left on the coffee table.  “Hannah,” he said gently, “please take this.  I know you need it.”

Slowly, her eyes opened, and even more gradually, they focused on the mug he offered her.  “Thanks,” she whispered.  Hannah grasped the mug and pulled it toward her until she was able to cup it in both hands.  She let the warmth seep through her fingers, then course through her.  And she knew if she just brought the rim to her lips, she could be warm inside and out.  Slowly, she took a sip, and as she did so, she stared at Gavin.

“I suppose you’re eager to lecture me now,” she said quietly, “so have at it.”  She gripped the mug tightly in both hands and stared at him evenly.