Second Chances (23 page)

“In the girls’ room,” he answered weakly.

“Okay,” she said slowly.  “So, do you want the girls to bunk with me so that you can sleep there?”

“No,” he answered weakly.
  “I may have let mother believe that we’re…together.”  He cautiously watched for a reaction.  

“Okay,” she said again, still waiting for a solution.

“So, she would expect that I would be upstairs with you,” he said quietly.

Hannah stiffened.
  “Really.”

Gavin frowned.
  “I’m just as upset over this as you are,” he complained.

“Well, what do you have to be upset over?
  I’m the one who has to suddenly share her bed with her employer!”  Hannah snapped and placed her hands on her hips.

“I can’t sleep in that room.  I hate being in that room.  I have panic attacks at the mere thought of entering that room.  And now…I’ve sentenced myself to a weekend of hard time…in that room.”  He turned and faced the fire, unwilling to see her reaction to all he had admitted.

Hannah crept over to him, slowly so as not to startle him.
  She wrapped her arms around his waist and laid her head on his back.  She could feel him relax slightly at her touch.  “What is it about that room?”  She asked gently.  She could feel him hesitate, heard him start to speak but stop.  “Was that ever your room?”  She asked, voicing what she had suspected for some time.

“Yes,” he responded weakly.

“Okay.  Are there just bad memories from your marriage?”  She struggled to understand.

“It’s more than that,” he said in a low voice.
 

“Tell me,” Hannah urged.
  “You know I’ll understand.  You know I won’t judge you or laugh at you or make you feel badly in any way.  Trust me, Gavin,” she said, giving him an extra squeeze.  “Trust me like I trust you.”

He knew her intent was to instill strength, but it only made him feel worse.
  He wasn’t worthy of her trust.  She was living with him under false pretenses.  And that’s why he was going to suffer for the next three nights in that room.  He at least owed her an explanation.

Turning slowly, Gavin held her upper arms so she knew he still needed her touch.
  Once he had maneuvered to face her, he stared deeply in her eyes, studying what he saw there.  The acceptance she offered nearly shattered him.  Taking a deep breath, he spoke.  “That was where my marriage ended.  That’s where I found my wife in bed with my sister doing…unimaginable things.”  He watched for a reaction.  “Say something,” he said weakly.

Hannah sighed.
  Her heart ached for him.  She knew what it was like to lose someone to another.  And it explained the condition of the room and why he slept downstairs.  He didn‘t want to be closer to his study; it was about being farther away from his painful past.  “I figured it was something like that,” she said honestly.  “I had hoped it wasn’t, because I know how much that hurts.”  He held her closer, pulled her head tight to his chest.  “I guess we have more in common than I thought,” she murmured.

Emotionally drained, Hannah let out a sigh.
  “Well, I’m exhausted,” she noted.  And she stretched some to emphasize her point.  “Are you coming?”  She watched him for a reaction.  She wanted to make going to bed together seem as natural as apple pie, but feared that she was doing a poor job of it.

Staring at her in surprise he said, “So, I’m staying with you?”
 

She could tell just by looking at him that he had mixed feelings about the situation.
  As close as they had been the previous evening while he held her all night on the patio, she knew that in less neutral territory, an actual bedroom, that they would both be nervous.  “Yeah, you’re staying with me.”

Hannah headed toward the door.
  “I just want to take a bath first, okay?”  She watched as he nodded numbly.  “I’ll be ready for bed in say…forty-five minutes.  Does that work for you?”

He wore a confused look on his face.
  “So, you want me to come up in forty-five minutes?”

Walking back to the sofa, Hannah sat down and patted the seat beside her.
  Slowly, Gavin sat in his usual spot.  “Is this the kind of marriage you had?”  She asked.  “Did you two never go to bed at the same time so you could talk about your day or just snuggle before bed?”  

He stared at her.
  “Did you?”  He frowned.  For some reason he hated to think of her sharing the kind of intimacy she described with anyone other than him.  And the moment she posed the question, he could imagine them doing everything she suggested…and more.

Chuckling, Hannah admitted.
  “Nope.  I went to bed alone every night.”  She frowned.  “Come to think of it, there were lots of mornings that I woke up alone as well.”  She sighed.  “I just asked because that’s the kind of relationship I want some day.”  She shrugged.  “I guess it seems silly to you, but remember how you asked me about wanting to be close to someone?”  He nodded.  “I think about being close to somebody all the time.  I never had that.  It’s what I yearn for.”

“You yearn, huh?”
  He smirked, trying to lighten the mood.

“Yup, I yearn.
  Only I want strings.  Lots and lots of strings.  I want to be good and attached.”  She nodded and smiled playfully then hopped up from the couch.  “So, I’m going to go have a nice relaxing soak in the tub.  See you soon?”

Gavin gave her a genuine smile.
  He could give her the intimacy she craved.  Hell, he’d gladly give her the strings she desired.  No, yearned for.  But first, he had to make it through the bedroom door.

He had hoped that maybe having the truth out in the open would help him work through the issue he had with even being in that room.
  It didn’t.  When Hannah emerged from the bathroom a while later, she found Gavin standing in the doorway looking frustrated and ashamed.

She studied him for a moment, while toweling her hair dry.
  She had the robe he bought her cinched around her waist.  And he was intrigued with the idea that she might be naked underneath.

“You’ll have to come in to find out,” she smirked.

Startled, and feeling like he was caught, Gavin straightened.  “I don’t know what you mean,” he stuttered.

Chuckling, Hannah offered him a dazzling smile.
  “Of course you do.”  She turned and brought the towel back to the bathroom.  A moment later she walked out and said, “I saw you staring at the bathrobe.  It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that you’re wondering what I’m wearing underneath it.”  She crossed her arms over her chest.  “Am I wrong?”  She asked, arching her eyebrow in a challenge.

Sighing, Gavin admitted, “You’re not wrong.”
  He shrugged helplessly.

“So, are you going to come find out?”  She asked, standing on one side of the bed, far from his reach.  

“I don’t know if I can,” he said quietly.
  “It’s been different with the girls here.  But when it’s just the two of us, it dredges up reminders of the past…”  His voice trailed off.

“I’m not her,” Hannah said in a gentle voice.
  “And you are not who you were back then.”  She walked slowly towards him and reached out to take his hand.  “More importantly, this, what’s between us, is entirely different.”

Gavin studied her.
  She spoke the truth, especially the part about what was between them being different.  He had never felt for India as he did for Hannah.  Of that he was certain.  And the more he contemplated and struggled to understand why he was so affected by the demise of his relationship, the more he began to suspect that it was the betrayal and the damage to his pride that had undone him not losing India.

Hannah had managed to move Gavin ever so subtly into the room.
  Before he had an opportunity to collect his thoughts and recognize his surroundings, she had him next to the bed.  “You can hold me tonight if you want,” she offered hesitantly.  And she told herself that this was for Gavin, not because she craved his touch, or the warmth and security he provided.  “All night.”

Looking down, Gavin studied her fingers laced through his and he caressed her hand with his thumb.
  “You’re volunteering to be my human teddy bear?”  He asked in a feeble attempt at a joke.

Smiling, she said, “It’s just one of the many services I offer here.”

His look changed entirely and he moved closer to her.  She could feel the heat of him radiating towards her as he drew near.  She swallowed hard.

“What are some of the other services?”
  He asked in a low suggestive voice.

Her eyes widened and her mouth went suddenly dry.
  She struggled to find an appropriate witty remark, but drew a complete blank.  Instead, she was flooded with images of what could be between them.

“Another time, perhaps,” he said with a chuckle.
  He smirked at her reaction to his innuendos.  “I’ll take you up on your offer.”  He sat on the edge of the bed and inhaled deeply.  He pulled off his shoes and socks, then took off his shirt and pants.  

Hannah was already blushing.
  She couldn’t imagine how she would survive with him so close and so naked.  She swallowed.  Surely he couldn’t expect to sleep with her wearing only his boxer shorts.  She squeezed her eyes shut as she was once again assaulted with images of them in a passionate embrace, his hands exploring her body.  When she opened her eyes once more, he was laying under the covers.

 
“Won’t you join me?”  He asked.  He was trying to focus on anything but his geographical location.

Slowly, Hannah walked over to her side of the bed, trying to regain the confidence she had previously, before he started torturing her with his nearness, his nearly nakedness, and the promise of his touch.
  Opening the robe, she let it drop to the floor beside the bed and heard him inhale sharply.  She was wearing a racer back tank and cheekster shorts.  It had seemed like a good idea at the time.  She climbed under the covers and rolled to meet his face for the first time in several minutes.

He ran a hand down the side of her face, traced her jaw with a finger and watched with satisfaction as he saw her shiver.
  “Roll over,” he commanded gently.

As though completely mesmerized, she did as he requested.
  And soon, his arms were wrapped around her; his body spooned to fit hers.  Somehow, despite the staggering difference in their heights, he had managed to fit his legs to hers perfectly.  He had drawn her hips to his so that she could feel every bit of him.  And now, his arm had neatly encircled her waist and been tucked under her hip.  It felt…divine.  Closing her eyes, she savored the feel of him, the slightly coarse hair on his thighs, the way his strong chest felt pressed against her back, how nicely his head fit over her shoulder, pressed against hers.  She could feel his deep even breaths, matched hers to his and quickly fell asleep.

Gradually Hannah woke as sunshine streamed through the window, the beams beating painfully against her eyelids.  She stretched contentedly only to realize that the hand around her midsection tightened ever so subtly in response.  She tested again, trying to edge slightly away, only to find herself hauled back into the warmth of his body.  She felt joy bubbling up within her and was about to test again when Gavin spoke.

“Stop,” he groaned.
  And he held her in his steely grip.

Hannah couldn’t complain.
  There was nowhere that she would rather be.  Sighing blissfully, she closed her eyes once more and surrendered to his embrace.  Once relaxed, she thought about their night.  And she quickly realized that she had just had the best most restful sleep in a good long time.  Even their night in the lounge chair couldn’t compete with snuggling in her bed.

She might have stayed wrapped in the warmth of her recollections of the evening and his embrace, but Hannah realized that she could hear the sounds of the girls struggling to be quiet and worried they might disturb Gavin’s mother.
  “Well, shitake mushrooms,” she mourned as she bound out of bed.

Gavin lifted one eye.
  “What?”  He asked irritated.  There was nothing he wanted more than to be able to lay in bed with Hannah just a few more minutes.  He couldn’t remember the last time he had had such a peaceful night’s sleep.  It was far superior to all the other nights when he had lain in his bed contemplating what she was doing, how she looked in the bed, and what she would be wearing.  Now he knew.  And somehow, he knew that in a few short nights, he would feel hollow once more when he lacked the excuse to remain with her upstairs.

“The girls are awake,” she explained.
  “And I have no doubt that in their efforts to be quiet they’ll wake your mother and ruin her morning.”

Nodding, Gavin understood.
  “I’m sure mother will be eager to spend time with them.  Don’t worry.”  He patted the bed.  “Come rest a few more minutes.”  He tried to seem non-chalant about the offer, but he feared his eyes gave him away, let on how important it was to him.

She studied him a moment.
  It was tempting.  Man, was it tempting.  She knew what happened, however, when one gave in to temptation.  Sighing she said, “Sorry.  Some other time.”  And with that she threw her robe over her pajamas and walked from the room.

Hannah worked to get the coffee made, boil water for tea, and bake muffins for breakfast.
  The girls were in the keeping room watching cartoons and drawing pictures.  They were determined to send artwork back to Florida with Mrs. Meyers.  Hannah only hoped that the woman would appreciate their efforts.

Soon the rest of the house was alive.
  Madge had come over to relieve Hannah so that she could shower and dress for the day.  Mrs. Meyers had made an appearance and was eating breakfast with the girls in the dining room.  Only Gavin had yet to be heard from.

As Hannah mounted the stairs, she realized that she secretly hoped he’d still be there, lying contentedly in her bed.
  She slowly pushed the doors open and realized that wasn’t to be.  A frown darkened her face.  Where could he be?  Fighting the disappointment, she made her way to the bathroom and started the shower.

The room was steaming up nicely while she picked her clothes for the day and brushed her teeth.
  She took her vitamins and grabbed a towel.  After discarding her clothes in the hamper, she stopped before the mirror, stunned.  He had left her a note invisible to the naked eye, but once the mirror fogged up…clearly readable. 
Meet me on the patio for breakfast.  I’ll be waiting
.  And with a giggle, feeling ever so much more light-hearted, she hopped in the shower and rushed to get ready.

For reasons she couldn’t explain, Hannah’s heart was pounding as she grabbed her mug and headed out to the patio.
  There he was, as promised.  Gavin was looking…at least as delicious as the food he had laid out for them.  And the fact that he drew her attention first truly attested to the depth of her feelings for him.  She inhaled sharply.

“You came,” he said simply.

“You invited me,” she reminded him as she crossed the distance between them.

 
Gavin pulled out her chair and waited while she sat.  He pushed it in a comfortable depth for her and leaned in to plant a kiss on her neck.  Feeling Hannah shiver at his touch made him smile slightly.

“I just wanted you to myself for a few moments.
  Whenever my mother is around she has a way of taking over and disrupting things.”  He was trying to explain away the obvious.  He knew she probably saw through him, but he didn’t care.  Why couldn’t he just admit that he wanted to be with her, spend more time with her, and get to know her better, the way a man should know a woman, especially the woman he had grown to love.  He sighed miserably.

Studying his face the way she so often did, Hannah nodded seriously.
  “I understand.”  And though she only spoke two words, they spoke volumes.  Hannah willed him to realize it.  Why couldn’t she just say that she wanted to be with him as well?  A slow smile brightened her face.

Before they knew it, they were engrossed in conversation over an impressive breakfast.
  Madge had made them fruit salad and Eggs Benedict.  She had supplied pastries and thick slices of bacon.  And if questioned later, neither one of them would have been able to speak to what they had eaten.

Mrs. Meyers had watched them from the kitchen window, smiling.
  This was going better than she could have predicted, better than she could ever have hoped.  If only she could be sure that the meal she had planned for them tomorrow wouldn’t ruin everything, she might be able to relax.  Instead, she would stay on her guard.  All she knew for certain was that there was promise here, potential.  Gavin was changing in all the right ways.  And she knew she had Hannah to thank for it.

After cleaning up from breakfast, the girls were ready to color eggs.  This was a momentous occasion for them.  This time, they were each offered three dozen eggs to color.  When Hannah had reacted with surprise at the large number and concern over the waste of it all, Gavin had reminded her that he was footing the bill and this was his first holiday with the girls.  There was a warning and edge to his voice as he announced that, an edge that made Hannah back down, but not without giving a disapproving growl.  She had simply turned on her heels and exited the room until her temperament returned to normal and she could be certain she wouldn’t snap on an innocent bystander. 

It would take more than a few minutes before she felt ready to return to the patio where the decorating was taking place.
  And Mrs. Meyers found her before that time.  Hannah turned in her pacing, only to find the woman standing in the doorway watching her with a smile.

“Oh!” Hannah exclaimed.

“Please carry on, dear,” Mrs. Meyers began.  “You wouldn’t be the first woman driven to pacing in this house by my often insufferable son.”

Smiling Hannah said, “Certainly not you…”

Nodding, Mrs. Meyers gestured to the keeping room couch.  “Please join me before you wear a path in the floor.”  She chuckled.

Hannah blushed slightly.
  “I know it is unseemly behavior.”

“Oh, no, dear.
  I completely understand.  Gavin has a gift for bringing out the worst in people.”  She studied Hannah for a moment.  “Now what has he done to upset you?”

Sighing, Hannah tried to figure out how to explain.
  “I hate when he over does.  I don’t want the girls to get used to this life of excess that I will never be able to provide on my own.  I wish we could find a balance between what he’s used to and what I’m comfortable with.”

Mrs. Meyers studied her, liking the strong woman before her more and more.
  “You’re uncomfortable with money?”

Hannah emitted a hollow laugh.
  “Oh, I’m comfortable with money, as long as it’s my money.  I’m not comfortable with other people spending money on me.  I don’t like feeling beholden to people or living beyond my means.”  She dropped her hands to express what she felt helpless to.  “I don’t suppose any of this makes sense to you?”

Reaching over and grabbing Hannah’s hand in both of hers, Mrs. Meyers said, “Oh, I understand quite well.
  That is a very admirable quality.  I hope you get comfortable.  Gavin will insist.  Comfortable enough, that is.  And I believe that if you are patient with Gavin, and firm, he will bend some to your ways.”  She watched Hannah for a reaction for a moment.  “Now what if we go watch the girls finish coloring their eggs?”

And after a slight nod and weak smile, Hannah felt relieved enough to join the older woman and head to the patio.
  Maybe Mrs. Meyers was right.  Gavin just needed to understand all of this from her perspective.  They could find that happy medium.  He wasn’t unreasonable.  Extravagant, yes.  Unreasonable, no.

The remainder of the afternoon was completely uneventful.  And then there was dinner.  That was another story altogether.  Hannah had  decided to make something she considered…safe.  It was a roast.  She had managed to get it into the crock pot earlier.  It wasn’t difficult.  Cut up some potatoes, carrots, and onions.  Throw a roast on top of it.  Pour the water and seasoning.  Let sit and simmer.  Hannah had become a big fan of the crock pot when Brett moved out.  As a single mother, she had a difficult time figuring out how to be everywhere, do everything, and feed the girls healthy meals…hence the crock pot.  And they could dine on leftovers for days!