Second Chances (89 page)

She stood up, snatched the twenty from the table, and ended by saying, “Actually, the drinks are on you.”  She threw her half glass of Merlot and watched with some satisfaction as it splashed down the front of his crisp white shirt.  “And be sure to give the waitress a big healthy tip.”  She started to walk away then turned.  “Oh, and here’s my tip for you: seltzer the shirt before it stains.”  And with that she strode out of the restaurant.

When she reached the parking lot, Brian was leaning against her vehicle and she was shaking in rage.  “Whoa,” he said when she came into view.  “I stayed because I wasn’t sure if you would be in any condition to drive.  You can’t pick up Chloe looking like this.”

Sarah shook her head.  “I’m not.  She’s spending the night with her grandma.”

Brian frowned, the only outward sign he allowed of his intense response to her emotional pain.  “Then come back to the mill with me,” he said gently.  “It’s closer to campus and you don’t want to talk to Josh anymore tonight.  Give yourself a chance to cool down before you speak again.”  Her arms were covered in goose bumps and she had subconsciously begun to rub her arms.  Without hesitation, he threw his jacket over her shoulders and clasped the lapels in each hand.

“You’re a good friend, Brian,” her voice was skeptical and her eyes were trained on the ground.

“But?”  He waited expectantly for the rest of her thought.

“I just don’t know if spending the night at your place is such a good idea right now.”  She spoke the words really quickly in one long breath and stepped as far back as she could while she waited for his reaction.

“Sarah,” he began slowly while allowing her space, “do you trust me?”

“Yes,” she said quietly without even needing to consider her response.

Smiling, he pressed on.  “Do you think I’m the type of guy who would take advantage of a woman in a weakened condition?  Or take advantage of a woman period?”  His hands moved to her shoulders as he looked her directly in the eye.

Slowly, she raised her chin and studied his eyes a minute.  It wasn’t that she had to think over the answer, but she was suddenly transfixed in his gaze.  “No.”  She broke off eye contact.  “I don’t have any clothes.”

He sighed.  “Enough excuses.  Give me the keys.  I’m driving.”

She glanced around the parking lot.  “Where’s your car?”

“I took a cab.” 

“Oh.”  And with nothing left to say, they drove to his place in silence.

She leaned back and let the seat mold to her body.  The ride was over too soon.  She wanted to just lay back and feel the cool spring air on her face a while longer.  Sarah sat there even after the SUV had come to a complete stop next to his car.  She sat there even after he stepped from the vehicle, shut his door, and began to walk around the back of it.  In fact, she sat until he opened her door, reached for her hand, and wrenched her from her trance. 

She gazed at the old mill.  It stood beside a river that fluctuated between a steady stream and raging rapids, dependent upon the rainfall.  And because of the mountain runoff, its current was somewhere in between at present.  The mill’s outward appearance hadn’t changed much since the time it was the functioning hub of lumber in the region.  Inside, however, it was now divided into two apartments. 

Brian had made a home out of the top floor, and as he opened the heavy steel door that looked more like something one might expect to find in Greenwich Village than upstate Vermont, she could see that it had changed dramatically since she was here for his Christmas Party.  Well, for one thing, there was no tree, so the stone fireplace was more of a feature.  There were beautiful black and white nature photos all over the walls.  He had taken a minimalist approach to decorating, had chosen furnishings that were a healthy balance between rustic and contemporary styles, and the result was a cozy appeal.

Walking over to one of the large chocolate leather couches; she plopped down and sank in.  She wasn’t much in the mood for talking, and Brian seemed to sense that.  She simply wanted to be left to mull over what had just transpired at the restaurant.  Sarah was a planner.  She had a very detailed sense of where her life was going at all times.  She even created contingency plans for practically every plausible circumstance.  And yet, the possibility of divorce had never crossed her mind.  She was more of a ‘til-death-do-we-part kind of gal.  She took the vows and meant them.  She came from a long line of family that had done the same.  In her family, people married once and were only single if their spouse had passed away.  Her mother was a prime example.

Sarah had been away at school when her father suffered his terrible fate.  He had been on a ladder, cleaning the gutters.  It was the last of the tasks on the honey-do-list her mother had created for him.  He was going to surprise her by accomplishing everything in one day so that they could go away for the weekend.  Her mother
was
surprised, of course.  She pulled in the driveway with groceries, went calling for him to come help her bring them in, and was shocked to see him spread eagle in the backyard with the ladder on top of him.

Her mother gained very little comfort in knowing that every aspect of his final day on earth was spent making her happy.  She hadn’t loved anyone since.  Instead she devoted her life to her only child, which meant that Sarah, always a student of example, had learned to also reciprocate that relationship. 

Last year she turned down any professorship that would take her more than a three-hour radius from home.  Instead, she found a position here, at a major university, one that she had graduated from several years prior with her bachelor’s degree.  She rented a big old farmhouse with lots of yard and occupied herself with flowers, herbs, and vegetables.  She read everything she could get her hands on because she loved literature and could find no better way to make the long winters pass.  And she spent as much time as possible with the love of her life: Chloe.  She really was content with that. 

How could she have forgotten to make a Plan B?  Oh well.  She had time now.  The fire started crackling and Sarah jumped. 

“I usually start a fire in the evening,” Brian explained.  “It still gets cold at night.  As you can imagine, heating this place is a bear.”  He motioned to the log-beamed cathedral ceiling throughout the mill.

“I was just lost in thought for a moment.”  She stretched and forced herself to sit up straighter on the couch. 

“What’s that?”  Brain asked, pointing to her left hand. 

She glanced down and found the twenty-dollar bill was still clenched in her fist.  “Oh,” she smiled weakly, “this is actually yours.”  She gave an edited account of what happened and passed him the money.  She looked as though she might sink into the sofa and disappear once more, so Brian stopped her.

“Wait, before you get too comfortable.  Let’s get you changed and throw your clothes into the washer.  You can have my room tonight.  I’ll sleep on the couch.”  He walked towards his bedroom door.

“I can’t take your bed.  I think I’ve effectively proven I’ll be more than comfortable out here,” she argued.  “And I thought this was a two bedroom.”

“It is.  The second bedroom is my office.”  He rummaged around in his drawers and pulled out a pair of boxers.  They had bright yellow smiley faces all over them.  He walked over to his closet, found a long white t-shirt and handed the set over to her.  “Will this do for tonight?”

“Yes,” she said, biting her lip to keep from smiling over the boxers.  She knew every time she saw him from now on she would be wondering if he were wearing these.  Somehow she couldn’t picture it. 

“They were a gag gift from my mother,” he explained then added, “and I never wear them.”  He walked out the door, shutting it behind him so that she could undress.

When she was changed, comfortable, and her clothes were in the washer, she glanced at the clock and decided to call her mother.  “Mind if I use your phone?” She asked, even while reaching for it.

He smiled.  “I’ll give you some privacy,” Brian said as he walked into his study.

The phone rang three times before it was picked up.  “Were you asleep on the couch again?”  Sarah asked, picturing her mother all worn out from Chloe.

“Just resting my eyes,” her mother mumbled.  “Don’t worry; I’ll drop her off at school on time.”

“I’m not worried, mom.  I know you will.  I just wanted to let you know I’m staying at a friend’s house tonight in case you need me.”  She gave the number.

“Which friend?” Her mother asked in a mixture of curiosity and concern.  “Why aren’t you with Josh at home?”

“It’s a long story.  Can we talk tomorrow?”  And before she truly gave her mother an opportunity to respond, she had said her goodbyes.

After she hung up, Sarah called to Brian.  “It’s safe to come out now.  I’m done.”  He wheeled over to the doorway and peeked his head out.  She giggled.  “Nice chair.”

“Best part of having hardwood floors.”  He spun the chair around once, and then wheeled back into his study, emerging a moment later on foot.  Plopping down on the sofa beside her he asked, “So, do you want to talk or just be left alone?”  Sarah tucked her legs under her and began to answer his question when he reached out, brushed the hair away from her cheek, and pushed it behind her ear.  She froze at such an incredibly intimate act.

  “Sorry,” he mumbled.  “I couldn’t see your face.”  And he tucked his hands in his lap so he wouldn’t be tempted to reach out to her again.

She gave him a quizzical look and said slowly, “I don’t know what there is to talk about.  I’m kind of sitting here trying to imagine what to do now.  No one in my family has ever been divorced.”

“Wow,” Brian said, genuinely surprised, “Hardly anyone in my family is married.”  Sarah looked at him in shock.  “Let me explain.  My parents were these flower children, had me very young.  They were really only kids themselves, but they never married.  They like to say they’ve mated for life.  And somehow they just never saw the need to make it official.  Everyone else, all my other relatives, seem to have married badly or again, not at all.”  He finished in a way that suggested he didn’t quite know what else to say.  He shrugged.

Sarah digested that for a moment.  “Well, you’re over thirty now, right?”  He nodded.  “So what stance do you take on this whole marriage deal?”  She wasn’t sure why she was suddenly so interested in his views on the subject, but it was better than focusing on her own fate.

He tilted his head as he pondered how to skirt such a delicate subject.  “I don’t know.  Let’s just say that it has never been put to the test.”

“You must have had girlfriends?”  She stared at him and he made a slight nod.  “I mean, I know we’re in Vermont, and not that I care, but you never struck me as being interested in men.”  She spoke the words like a statement, but intended their meaning to be taken as a question.

Brian smiled widely.  “No, I prefer women.  I just haven’t been in a relationship with anyone I would ever consider ‘mating for life’ with.” 

“Hmm,” she murmured, covering a yawn.  The emotions of the day had completely drained her, leaving her utterly exhausted.

“I saw that.  You need some sleep.”  He grabbed her hands, pulled her to her feet, and walked her into the bedroom.  He pulled back the covers, watched her climb into bed, and tucked her in.  She gave him a weak smile, her eyes already closing involuntarily.  He watched her for a moment, gave in to impulse and leaned over her to plant a kiss on her forehead.