He massaged her neck, back, shoulders, buttocks, and thighs. He rubbed her calves and even her feet. Before, when they were dating years ago, he never did her feet. Now it was part of his repertoire. He even had his technique down and didn't tickle her any as he touched her. His touch was electric. It was desired. He rubbed her entire backside with the lotion from head to toe and back again.
Then she felt the warmth of his mouth.
He is not making this easy. Not easy at all, she thought.
She clenched the pillows.
Well into the night she smiled.
Until all the candles burned out.
Chapter Thirty-three
Jayna had been going to church since her breakup with Brandon. Her heart was broken and she asked God to make her whole again. She dressed more conservatively and she changed herself completely on the inside. She had a good time at church and headed home. After church there were a lot of men there who tried to get at her to ask her out, but she declined them all. She wasn't there for that. Naturally, many men began telling her what they could offer her. She explained to each of them politely that there was nothing any of them could offer that she couldn't get herself. She explained that she was in church to work on her, not to hook up with anyone.
A lot of the more beautiful women that were in the church were there for the wrong reasons. Many decided that it was time to leave the bad boys alone and get a Christian man. Others had sinned so bad or come so close to a near-death experience that they were scared into giving God a try. Other women were like Jayna. They were not quite sure what it was they were looking for, but they knew whatever it was, was at church.
Jayna drove home. She played some gospel music on CD. The CD seemed to bring her peace. She came home, undressed, and booted up her laptop. She had a world of things to do, business-wise. She poured herself a single glass of wine and looked at spreadsheets for a presentation she was giving tomorrow. Then she thought of Brandon. As much as she tried to get him out of her head, she couldn't. She held back tears and simply said a single prayer. It was the same prayer that she said each time her thoughts were of him.
God, please. I know anything is possible through you. I know that I have no right, but I want him back. If it's your will for us to be apart, I accept that, but I am asking that you send him back to me when I'm ready. I'm working on me. God, please work on him. Soften his heart. Please help him to see the potential that we have together. Please help him to see how much I love him.
She said her prayer and left it at that. Weeks ago she sent him an e-mail explaining her faults. It explained that she was sorry and it also explained that she was in therapy for her issues. The e-mail explained that she was going to church and that she loved him; that she wanted to be with him. She explained that if he would have her back in his life she would never betray his trust and that she would be a dutiful wife.
She used the word wife.
She felt it was appropriate.
In her mind, it was what God told her to do.
She thought to herself that perhaps it was true that you couldn't change a ho into a housewife. Men said that all the time and Jayna could think of no word that better described her than whore. Still, she had changed. She had begun changing on the inside, and she was better for it.
This must be how Mary Magdalene felt.
Jayna thought about every man that she bedded. She thought about her own self-esteem and self-worth. The more she thought about things, the more she beat herself up for being so loose, so open. She then thought about how Brandon must have felt upon finding out that many men who he knew and had done business with had been with his woman in the biblical sense.
She brought shame to their relationship. Worse yet, she brought shame to herself. For a while, she thought she was just exercising her independence. For a while, she considered herself just a strong black woman doing what men do all the time. Had she been a man, she would have been considered a player. Had she been a man, she would have gotten kudos for all the people she slept with. Had she been a man, society would be more accepting of her promiscuity. As a man, she wouldn't have to deal with such a double standard.
But she wasn't a man.
She was a woman.
And right or wrong, there were two standards. A man who bedded a lot of women was a player. A woman who bedded a lot of men was generally labeled whore. It didn't matter how independent she was, how much money she made, or how many degrees she had. Sleeping around defined her as a whore. Just because she was good in business just made her a business-minded whore or a whore with a good head on her shoulders and a lot of promise between her legs.
All afternoon, Jayna beat herself up. All afternoon, she thought about the things that happened and all that her relationship with Brandon had the potential to be. Still, she could not change the past. What was done was done. She thought to herself that perhaps she was wrong in asking God for Brandon back. Perhaps it was time for her to move on.
Chapter Thirty-four
Brandon and Vaughn boarded their flight for Germany. The two men had wine and chicken as they rode in first class together. They went over the business plan and talked with their associate, Jerry Howard, who would be the front man for their takeover. Jerry was an entry-level man with a lot of drive. He wanted to impress Mr. Harris and Mr. Lloyd and saw this as the perfect opportunity. After reviewing the plan for the sixth time, Vaughn and Brandon dismissed Jerry back to coach. The two men then discussed their personal matters.
“So, how are things going with you and Korie?” Brandon asked.
“They're great. They've never been better.”
“Great.”
“Have you heard from Jayna?”
Brandon let out a sigh. He missed her. He missed her a great deal, but didn't know how to admit it.
“No. No, not for a few weeks now. She sent me an e-mail stating that she was sorry.”
“Is that all that she said?”
Vaughn sounded concerned. It was the same concern that a father would give to a son.
“Huh? Oh, no. She also said that she was in therapy for her issues and that she was giving her life to God or something.”
“God, huh? It sounds like she's serious about turning her life around.”
“Maybe. Who knows? I guess.”
“Do you miss her, Brandon?”
Vaughn's concern was clear. In so many ways he could tell that Brandon was hurting. He wasn't distracted, and he was still on top of his game, but it was clear that he was hurting.
“She was loose. She and I not seeing each other is probably the best thing.”
“That's not what I asked you, son. I asked you if you missed her.”
His tone was sharp but sincere, tempered with concern for his protégé.
“Brandon, do you miss her?”
Brandon looked out the window. There was nothing to see that far in the air, but he did miss her. He saw her in the clouds, in his mind, and in his dreams. He missed her like the flower missed the rain.
“Yeah, boss. I do.”
“Then call her, son.”
Vaughn had no idea what was compelling him to tell Brandon to give Jayna a second chance. After all, he agreed with the breakup. It was clear that his concern was the same as a father for a son. Vaughn also thought about how empty he would feel if he were to lose Korie. There was also Korie's influence on him. What if Jayna was the one for Brandon? What if she was meant to be his wife? Vaughn didn't agree with Jayna's lifestyle. He especially didn't like the way Brandon had been embarrassed. He also knew, deep down, no matter what Jayna's transgression was, he had no right to judge her.
“Call her, Brandon.”
“After everything that she did? After the way that she embarrassed me?”
“Yes.”
“How do I bounce back from something like that? How do I just let her back into my life?”
“I don't know. But let me ask you another question. Do you love her?”
“How does a man fall in love with a woman who has bedded so many men? How does a man love a woman who brings that level of shame to the relationship?”
Vaughn laughed a little again. He looked at his protégé.
“Once again, you didn't answer my question. So let me ask you again. In fact, let me rephrase the question. Before you found out about her past, did you love her?”
“You know I did. That's why I got her the ring.”
“Because you loved her, and it felt right.”
“Well, yeah. It felt right then.”
“And now?”
“And now, I don't know.”
“You don't know or you do know and you're pissed off about it?”
“What? I don't follow.”
“Did you love her and stopped loving her after finding out? Or do you love her still and because your pride is hurt, you're pissed off?”
“I don't know.”
“You know.”
“Then I guess I'm in denial.”
“You need closure with this issue, son.”
“How do I get that?”
“I don't know. Maybe try the same thing that she's trying.”
“You mean go to church?”
“Maybe. When was the last time you were in church, Brandon?”
“Shit, a while.”
“How long?”
“I don't know. I think I was eleven the last time I was in church.”
Vaughn laughed.
“Okay, boss man, when was the last time that you were in church?”
Vaughn stopped laughing.
“I was in church just last week.”
“Vaughn, we loaned that church money that we were in last week. When was the last time you were in church for services?”
“I don't know, but I wasn't eleven.”
“No, but I'm betting you have been away from church more years than I have.”
“You may be right. But we're not talking about me. You need to get closure on this matter. You need to go see her.”
“Okay, when?”
“I don't know. But definitely not until we get back to the States.”
“What do I say to her?”
“I don't know, son.”
“You're a lot of help, you know that, old man?”
“Who you calling old?”
The two men laughed and had a few more drinks before watching an in-flight movie. Brandon watched the movie and tried to pay attention, but he could only think of one thing.
What do I say to her the next time that I see her?
Chapter Thirty-five
During the two weeks that Vaughn was gone, Korie and Darren did everything under the sun. They went to see plays, they went to Bulls games, they went to clubs, and of course they made love like teenagers, two or three times a day. Korie forgot how insatiable she could be. She forgot what it was like to make love every day for a week. She forgot what it was like to wake up tired, but a good kind of tired from long bouts of lovemaking. Darren cooked at her place, he brought movies over, and they went everywhere together hand in hand as they did years ago.
Korie was supposed to be weighing her options. She was supposed to be thinking about what both men brought to the table. Instead, she was enjoying Darren's company and everything he had to offer.
Everything.
She found herself lost in time. The way that they were now was the way that things should have been years ago. He loved her. He was happy with her. Now that he was successful, he wanted to give her the world as he had promised years ago. He even wanted to start having those babies that she wanted years ago. And she wanted to have babies.
She wanted to have his babies.
At the beginning of the second week, Korie got to see Darren's place for the first time. She was in awe of the condo that he had on Lake Shore Drive. His place reminded her of Eddie Murphy's condo in the movie Boomerang. Darren had hardwood floors, stainless steel appliances, fresh flowers, and the entire place had modern art pieces and the furniture was all first class. The condo was decorated the exact same way Korie would have done it had she been the interior designer.
The living room had two modular leather sofas. One was white with black pillows and the other was black with white pillows. Both sat on a large white area rug with smoked glass tables in front of them. The walls were adorned with African American art and the living room was accented by a picture-window view of Lake Michigan. He had a full bar, soft music playing overhead, recessed lighting in the ceiling, and what appeared to be aluminum ceiling fans from the Modern Fan Company. He had a fabulous bedroom, a study, and a bathroom with a Jacuzzi. His condo was on the fifteenth floor. The enclosed balcony overlooked the city and had two chairs and a table where two people could dine and watch the fireworks in the summertime or simply overlook the lake and the evening sky on a romantic night.
The balcony also had a speaker system and windows that opened outward so the balcony could take in the evening air. Simply put, his place was incredible. Korie walked out onto the balcony and overlooked her city. Chicago was beautiful at night. She took a few minutes to take it all in. She closed her eyes and took in the evening air from the balcony and wondered if she and Darren could continue to pick up where they left off. She wondered could things be better the second time around. Just as she went deeper in thought, she felt two hands hug her around her waist. She smiled as she took in his cologne.
“You're not wearing your ring,” he said smoothly in her ear.
“I know. All of this is so sudden.” She shook her head as if she were still trying to awaken from some dream. “This . . . situation. It's so hard.”
“It doesn't have to be.”
“But it is.” She turned to face him.
“Because he has money?”
“What?”
“Vaughn. We're talking about Vaughn now, right?”
Darren walked back into the condo and made himself and Korie drinks. He had rum and Coke and she had a seven and seven. He sat on the white couch. Korie sat on the black couch. She took a sip of her drink.
“It's not about the money.”
“Then what is it?”
“He cares for me.”
“Yeah, well, I love you.”
“You didn't love me enough to stay five years ago.”
“I did, but that wasn't what was best for us. Now, while it may be true that I messed up and true that I regret my decision, I only regret it because I lost you. Not because of everything else. My leaving was the best thing that could have happened for us, career-wise. I mean, look at you. Look at all that you've accomplished. Look at me and tell me you think we would be here if we stayed together five years ago.”
“Okay, we wouldn't have. I admit that. But would things have been so bad?”
“Bad? No. Chances are we would have had at least two kids by now, you would have been laid off from your job, and I would still have had my job. No private practice. No condo on Lake Shore Drive. We would have made it. We would be okay. But that's just the thing, Korie, we would just be okay. We deserve more than that. We deserve better than that. So do our children.”
“We don't even have kids yet.”
“Listen to yourself.”
“What?”
“You said yet. You want to have babies with me. You want this. You want to pick up where we left off and I know you want to see how far our relationship can go. Deep down, Korie, you want this. Deep down you know this is where you belong.”
“Then what is holding me back, Darren?”
“Vaughn has millions. He's a man of means. He took you to Tokyo. What's fucked up about that is taking you to Tokyo was my idea, only I didn't know that it was you he was taking. He loves you. I get that. You like him, though. Every conversation that we had you talked about the fact that you like him. Not once have you told me that you loved him. Not once have you said you were in love with him. You said you were seeing someone. You said it was serious, but you never used the word love.”
“I haven't told you that I love you, either.”
She said it to defend herself. She said it to throw him off balance. It didn't work. It was like trying to knock down a wall with a sponge. He had a sip of his drink and then placed it on the table and walked over to her.
“Stand up.”
Korie stood up and looked at him face-to-face.
“You haven't told me that you love me, but you don't have to. I see it in your eyes. I see it in your smile. I feel it when I hold your hand. I feel it when I'm near you. I feel it when I'm inside of you. Look me in the eyes and tell me that you don't love me. Look me in the eyes and tell me that you ever stopped loving me. Tell me that you don't want this. Tell me that your heart and spirit aren't telling you that things can be better the second time around. Korie, I love you. Tell me that you don't still love me.”
She looked in his face and all she saw was sincerity. She looked in his eyes and saw nothing but unbridled love. She knew. He knew. They were meant to be together. He may have broken her heart when he left, but her soul was healed with his return. This time, it would be different. This time it would be better. Tears streamed down her face as she looked at him. Tears welled up in his eyes as he looked at her.
“Baby, tell me you don't still love me,” he said smoothly.
“I can't. I do still love you.”
“Then marry me.”
They kissed.
“I will. I will marry you.”
They kissed. He picked her up and carried her to his bedroom, where they made love well into the night.