Secret Girls' Stuff (11 page)
Read Secret Girls' Stuff Online
Authors: Margaret Clark
When I was in Hawaii on vacation I got friendly with this girl called Harriet. She was twenty-two. She was looking worried and I asked her what was wrong.
‘I think I’m pregnant,’ she said.
So we bought a pregnancy test from a supermarket and the little stick changed colour and that meant she was pregnant, she said, even though I thought she needed to double-check with a doctor. She sighed.
‘Another abortion!’
‘How many have you had?’
‘Five. It’s no big deal! I can get a legal abortion for $500.’
‘So do you know who the father is?’
‘Yes. But I’m not going to tell him. It’s not his problem!’
Well, excuse me, but personally I think it was his problem. He should pay for the abortion. Or, equality being recognised, at least half. And I don’t think abortions are a good method of birth control!
Nowadays there are things you can do so you don’t get pregnant.
1 You can make the boy wear a condom or refuse to have sex if he doesn’t.
Now, when I suggested this to the girls I met when I was on Alcohol and Drug Centre they’d look dubious. You see, most girls don’t like asking a boy to wear a condom, especially if the boy gets stroppy about it. They don’t like producing it and telling him to put it on.
So let’s look at this problem. Do you produce the condom when he starts tongue-kissing you? Do you produce it when he gets erect? If he laughs and says the condom’s too small, do you meekly agree that yes, he’s king-size and give up?
Fact: most condoms fit most penises. Fact: most boys and men don’t like wearing them. However, we girls have an extra reason for getting a boy to wear a condom, and a lot of boys are rethinking the condom issue. That’s because of sexually transmitted
diseases and HIV.
2 You can go on the Pill. To do this you need a script. You can get one from a doctor at a health clinic, private practice or a Youth Support Health Centre (they often have a doctor on duty). It can be bulkbilled.
3 You can use a spermicide cream with an intrauterine device, but most doctors don’t recommend IUDs for young girls because you are still developing.
4 You can use the rhythm method which involves taking your temperature daily, and is definitely not foolproof or sperm proof, especially when you can easily miscalculate.
5 The safest method of all is not to have sex, then there’s no way you can get pregnant as long as sperm isn’t ejaculated near your vagina.
Some girls think that because they haven’t had lots of partners, or their latest partner hasn’t had lots of partners, that they’re safe from disease. This is an extract from a letter from Sam, age sixteen.
Hi Margaret, remember when I told you
about Jake? Well, we’ve been going with each other for six weeks now, so there’s no way we can catch diseases, so no condoms and I’m on the pill
.
Two weeks later, another letter.
Jake turned out to be a jerk. He was a real dick of an excuse for a male, and I found out he had the personality of a ducks arse and the brains of, well, a ducks arse. When I broke off with him he went spacko. He’s hated me ever since and sent me shit on the email. And some other guy sent me an email saying, ‘oh, some Jake guy said to say u r a fuct mole … and so … er … u r a fuct mole.’ But now I’m going with Jamie so I’m still taking the pill
.
Sam certainly wouldn’t think she’s in danger of getting a sexually transmitted disease. She’s not a slut. She doesn’t screw around. But how many partners had Jake had, and now Jamie? If you’re going to have sex, it’s sensible to make the boy use a condom.
When I was a teenager condoms were called Frenchies and I hadn’t a clue where to buy them, how much they were, what they looked like, or anything else. Also there was a rumour that they always had holes in them from being in boys’ wallets for years. The Pill wasn’t invented.
The IUD wasn’t invented. There were creams and spermicides but we’d never heard of them.
We didn’t have to make decisions about whether we would or wouldn’t do it. If a boy pressured us, then we dumped him and got someone else.
Dear Diary
,
These are reasons that boys want to have sex with me. And Ally and Jan and Yvonne, because we compared reasons. They are so stupid. (the reasons and the boys)
1 If you don’t do it my dick will swell up even more and I’ll be in agony
.
2 If you don’t do it my balls will blow up. (from Sandra Weymouth)
3 All the other girls do it
.
4 It won’t hurt and you’ll love it, I promise
.
5 You won’t get pregnant, I promise
.
6 If you really love me you’ll have sex with me
.
All lies. They can wait till we get married. Or have it with Veila Thomson
.
Wow. Tough words. I can’t believe I wrote that. But when I look at the reasons, though they may seem stupid, the last reason stands out like a sore toe.
If you really love me you’ll have sex with me
.
What about if you really love me you won’t try to make me have sex with you
.
As granny always said, ‘What’s good for the goose is good for the gander.’ One problem seems to be that girls’ expectations differ from those of boys.
Miranda, Katie and Selina, Year Seven, came to see me at the Alcohol and Drug Centre to get project material for their school assignment.
Somehow we got chatting about boys and Katie asked if we gave out condoms. I said, ‘Yes, it’s part
of the Health Department’s Safe Sex campaign.’
Selina giggled and said, ‘I didn’t know you were planning on having sex, Katie.’
She said, ‘You never know. You need to be prepared.’
Miranda blurted out, ‘It doesn’t work like that.’
‘Huh?’
She went red. ‘You mean you’ve done it? You didn’t tell us,’ said Selina.
Miranda haltingly told us that she’d been messing around with her boyfriend Mark after school in the lounge room at home and, ‘Things started getting hot, you know, like, the next thing we were doing it. Like, it just happened.’
The other two girls were round-eyed.
‘But you dumped Mark,’ said Katie.
‘ No. He dumped me. See, once he’d had sex he told all his mates about it. And I thought he loved me.’ She looked at me and two big fat tears rolled down her cheeks. ‘Why did he
do
that?’
Sigh. I had to explain that to young males in their early teens, having sex is a sort of conquest, a notch on their belts, so to speak, and that by boasting he was making a big man out of himself
in front of his mates who probably hadn’t
had
sex with a girl. He probably didn’t mean to hurt her feelings but
his
feelings were more important.
You see, a male and sex and his ego are all bound closely together. Sex is very important for most males, and in a different way from females. It’s to do with testosterone and being primitively male, and therefore procreators of the human race. I think. I’m not a male so I’m only guessing as to why they boast about sex.
Here’s an email from Grace, age sixteen:
Hi Maggie Malone, you remember me? I was a street kid last year. You talked to me in the mall and then got me into this school in Melbourne. I’m doing okay and off the wacky and the biccies and the goonie. You said to stay in touch. I doing okay at school and made some new friends.
One is called Brad. I’m back living with Mum. She’s got a new boyfriend. He’s a creep. My sister’s still in care and Tommy, do you remember him, with the number one, he’s in juvey, so there’s just me. The only person in the whole world who loves me is Brad. I think I love him. I’m not sure what love is. He would
like me to have his baby. He says then we would be a family. Mags, do you think it would be a good idea? I’d like a baby to love. But I don’t know anything about babys. The one in the next flat howls all the time. That would drive me C R A Z Y if mine did that. Is there something you can get to make sure you have a quiet baby, like but I don’t want to take smack, I don’t want a smackhead baby. Also I’ve heard its real painful having a baby when it comes out. I got a mirror and had a look ‘down there’ and I think I’m abnormal and I know the woman stretches but there’s no way I’m gonna stretch THAT much. What do you think? If you come to Melbourne do you want to meet for a burger or something? I’m doing this email in Info Tech. Please write. The address is …
I met up with Grace and we had Maccas in the city. By then the decision to have a baby to Brad had changed because her mother’s boyfriend had tried to have sex with her and she’d left home to go into shared accommodation with two other girls organised by Youth Support.
She’d sensibly decided that a baby with sixteen-year-old Brad wasn’t an option.
Basically, I think if you decide to have sex with a boy this is your decision and no one else’s. It could be wonderful and you’ll hear bells and see fireworks just like in Mills and Boon, or it could hurt like hell, and it could hurt when you go to the toilet if the boy has been a bit rough. He mightn’t mean to be but if he’s inexperienced his penis could rub too hard and you could get cystitis. It burns when you pee. Drink lots of water if this happens and if it still burns when you pee, go to the doctor.
While you’re there, get some advice. Also get your Pill prescription if you haven’t got one, and get a vaginal checkup as well.
If it hurts when you have sex you need an internal examination just in case there is a medical reason. The doctor will probably give you some lubricant to use, like KY jelly. Don’t use Vaseline: it’s not meant for that purpose and it’s a bit thick and sticky.
Your responsibility is not to get pregnant because it’s not fair on the baby or your parents or yourself. A baby isn’t a doll or a toy.
It’s hard,
lifetime work and commitment
. And you
have a responsibility to yourself not to get a disease.
Another secret. Some girls and guys have a bad sexual experience and decide that they are lesbian or gay. I’ve met a lot of young people who are very sexually confused.
I always tell them not to make up their minds on the strength of one or two sexual encounters and not to label themselves lesbian or gay until they’ve had more experiences and thought about it. You don’t have to give yourself a label immediately.
Mind you, some girls and guys are sure from an early age that they are lesbian or they are gay and that’s okay. It’s the ones who are confused who need time to sort themselves out. Sometimes it can help to talk things over with a youth worker if you’re worried or scared.
It helps to talk over any problem and not keep it bottled up.
As my granny used to say, ‘There’s nothing in the world so awful that you can’t talk about it to someone.’
Here is an email from Michaela, age sixteen:
Dear Margaret, do u mind if i call you
margaret? well, i read Care Factor Zero and i think it is the best book. i don’t know any street kids but i’m thinking of becoming one and going on th run. u see, my boyfriend had sex with me then when he found out i’m pregnant he dumped me and is denying it’s his baby and he says if i tell my parents he’ll say that i’d had sex with lots of guys. he is the only guy i’ve ever had sex with. i know i could get these special tests to prove he is the father but what good will that do? i am eight weeks pregnant and i feel like killing myself. please help me.
When I read emails and letters like this I feel like going out and castrating young men till they get past this disgusting stage of not being responsible, and then sewing their balls back on when they’re mature enough to be men.
But when I read the next letter from Brianna, age fifteen, I wanted to cry and castrate every male and not sew their balls back on, I was so upset and angry.
Dear Mrs Clark
,
I saw you when you came to school last month. I’ve read nearly all of your books
and I think you are an excellent writer. You seem to understand teenage problems, and when I read
Back on Track – Diary of a Street Kid,
I knew you were someone I could trust
.
You see, I’ve never told anyone this before but I’ve been sexually abused. This happened when I was between ages six to ten by this friend of our family called Brian. He used to pull out his dick and make me rub it and play with it. Once he put it in my mouth then he held my nose so I had to swallow this stuff. (Now I know it was his ejaculation but I didn’t know then.) He said if I told anyone he would sneak into my room at night and slit my throat from ear to ear. He even showed me the knife he would do it with. Once I tried to tell Mum and she just laughed and said I was watching too much TV
.
Then when I was ten he asked Mum if I could go over in the holidays and do some jobs for him. I screamed and kicked and yelled and said I wasn’t going, but she dragged me there
and made me stay with him
.
Looking back I suppose she thought I wanted to watch TV at home and not do his chores
.
Anyway, he gave me a list of things I had to do and then he walked away, and I started to relax, thinking that maybe he did want me to do his chores. I was squatting down cleaning the skirting board when he came up behind me and started to pull off my jeans. I tumbled forward in this sort of flip and hit my head on the wall. He crouched over me and took off my clothes. He was naked. I shut my eyes and started to cry. Then he shoved his dick in me hard, maybe about fifteen times and when I tried to scream he pushed his jocks into my mouth. I think that’s what it was
.
I was bleeding and crying and he said, ‘Now I’ll do something you’ll like,’ and he pushed his fingers into me and it really hurt. Then he said I was very sexy and he was pleased with me. He said I didn’t have to do chores and gave me the money and
said, ‘Remember, don’t tell anyone or I’ll kill you.’
All through the holidays I had to have sex with him
.
Now I’m fifteen and I can’t forget it although Brian is dead
.
I’m scared he’s going to kill me even though I know he can’t because he’s dead. I’ve got some friends at school but I can’t tell them this, or they’ll think I’m a slut, because none of them have had sex and I have. And I don’t want to go out with boys. I can’t stand the thought of one of them wanting to put himself in me. It makes me feel sick
.
Mum’s busy with her boyfriend and going to work, and she can’t understand why I just mope around the house as she puts it, and I don’t go out with my friends. She calls me a fat pig and a puberty pig. Please tell me what to do because I’m very unhappy and very confused
.
I hope you will answer this letter. If you write back can you do it before December
20th because Mum will be home from work for four weeks and she might grab the letter and open it
.
Yours sincerely, Brianna
.