Secret Worlds (212 page)

“Of you. What do you think? You proposed to me. You were going to take me away from the world I knew, and I was letting you.” Amaia touched her hand to her chest, feeling an echo of the pain she had felt during her mortal life. “Do you know how difficult that was for me?”

“Yes, Amaia, I do. Even more so now that I’ve lived as a woman. But we dealt with those issues.”

“Yes, you were able to assuage my fears for a time, but they were always present. Lawrence offered me a chance to be strong, to live forever, to never have to be weak. I already feared losing you—”

“So you decided to break from me permanently?” Michelle shook her head. “That doesn’t make any sense.”

“I had thought you would join me. Lawrence said if you really loved me, you would agree to be turned as well, and we could live together for eternity. Nothing could possibly have made me happier. But if you turned me down, then I would know you didn’t really love me, and I would know I had made the right decision. I would have given up my mortal weakness for eternal strength.”

“You had Lawrence turn you into a vampire because you didn’t trust my love for you?” Michelle’s voice dipped low as if trying to mask the hurt.

“That’s not fair, Michelle. I was protecting myself.”

“You wanted this?” Her disbelief was unmistakable.

“Yes. I told you: I’m not a victim. I love being a vampire.”

“Of course you love eternal life, but is it worth the price?”

“What price?”

Michelle huffed, as if it should be obvious. “Your humanity. Having to subsist off of blood.”

“You don’t understand.” Amaia leaned forward. “Those are the things I love. I love drinking human blood. I don’t miss my humanity because I despise it in humans. I love killing.”

“I can’t believe you’re capable of killing someone. It’s not possible.” Michelle leaned back, shaking her head.

“I killed you.”

“That’s different. You weren’t in control of yourself. I could see it in your eyes. They looked the same as someone who has been driven mad by fever.”

“That may be true. The circumstances were different than my other kills, but not my enjoyment. In fact, out of all of my kills, yours was the most enjoyable. Sometimes, I feel like I’ve spent the rest of my life chasing the high I felt from killing you.”

Michelle paled. “I refuse to believe it.”

Amaia shrugged. “That doesn’t surprise me. You also refuse to believe that there is no god. I hate humans, Michelle. Killing them is a joy.”

“You love me though.” Her voice was sure. Amaia wished she could have that strength of belief.

“It’s not the same for me. You don’t understand.”

Michelle leaned forward, so far that her hair curtained them. “Teach me.”

Palermo, December 1794

Amaia found something adorable about the way Michelle slept. During the day, she was a confident, self-assured woman. As Amaia had observed, hers was the coolest head in any heated situation. In sleep, she was the same. Looking at her, one couldn’t help being struck with the distinct feeling that she meant to be sleeping in just that way and anyone who woke her would be interrupting the natural flow of life.

They had stayed up talking for hours until Michelle finally succumbed to sleep. Amaia had tried to convince her there was no reason for Michelle to love her, and Michelle had tried to convince her that she couldn’t keep living without her. Neither had been successful.

Michelle’s eyes opened. She didn’t yawn or stretch. Somehow, her body had decided it was time to be up, and so she was. “You’re still here.”

Amaia’s chest contracted. Had she misjudged the situation? “Did you want me to leave?”

“No, I’m glad you’re here, just surprised.”

“Well, you said you wanted to learn. I have the time today if you’d like to spend it together.”

“I thought vampires couldn’t be out in daytime.”

Amaia twisted her face, tilting her head as she peered at Michelle. “I’ve been out during the day with you many times.”

Michelle shook her head. “I know. It’s just strange now, knowing what you are.”

“Nothing’s changed. Your knowledge of the truth doesn’t alter reality.”

“You know, you could be gentle with me. This isn’t something I had ever anticipated. It’s going to take some getting used to, some adjusting. I need your patience and help.”

Amaia sat next to her on the bed. “I suppose that’s fair. After all, I believe you were quite patient with me when we were first together.” She tentatively placed her hand on the side of Michelle’s face. For the first time since she had learned how to warm her skin, she purposely left it natural when she touched Michelle.

“You’re cold.”

“I’m always cold. I’m dead.”

“But you’re so alive.” Her gaze was fervent as her hands traced Amaia’s features.

“It’s stolen life that comes from the blood I drink. Other people’s lives flow through me.”

“You don’t find it strange that you expect me to grasp that, but you find it ludicrous that I think you can’t be in daylight?”

Amaia snorted. “I see your point. We don’t like being in the sun. The heat does not bode well for us. Remember, we can’t sweat, so we don’t have a natural cooling system in place. Plus, heat does terrible things to the stench of humans. Not to mention it’s easier for us to blend in at night.”

“I thought you liked the smell of humans.”

“No, only their blood.” Michelle’s face turned a shade of gray that matched her eyes. “If you want to know the truth, I’m going to tell you. I won’t hold anything back.”

Michelle nodded, and the color returned to her cheeks. “Good. I don’t want you to.” Michelle rose and dressed. Amaia helped, not bothering to slow her movements.

“How can you move so quickly?”

Amaia shrugged. “I just can. The real trick is moving slowly like a human.”

“I wish I could move that fast.” The little bit of mirth in her eyes couldn’t hide that Michelle didn’t think it was a fair tradeoff—mortality for blinding speed. “Where to now?”

“Well, if this were any other day, I’d probably be engaging in my secondary profession about now.”

“And what is that?”

“Fortune-telling.”

Michelle’s lips pursed. “You tell fortunes?”

“Yes. It’s something of a hobby of mine.”

“And you take money for it?”

“It’s the only way to get people to take you seriously.”

“But you’re lying to them.”

Amaia cocked her head at Michelle. “So?”

“Amaia, it’s wrong.”

“According to you. I do nothing more than tell them what they want to hear. If anything, I help them live their lives. I don’t see it as any different from what priests do.”

“It’s dishonest.”

“Let me get this straight. You know the true nature of what I am, that I kill people and enjoy it, that I’m a courtesan, but it’s my fortune-telling that upsets you?”

“The other upsets me too, but it’s too foreign. My head can’t comprehend it. Fortune-telling, though, I know you’d be good at.” A gleam of admiration lit her eyes.

“You want to watch?”

***

“All right, only time for one more. Give me your hand.” Amaia reached for Michelle’s hand.

“No, I don’t think so.”

“Don’t be a killjoy. I won’t even charge you.”

Michelle smiled. “Fine. Should I ask you a question?”

“No, I’ll read your palm.” Amaia took Michelle’s hand and bent over it, tilting it slightly from side to side to catch the light, making a show of finding each individual line. “You will live a long and healthful life. A rich man will see your beautiful eyes one day when you’re out walking, and he’ll fall in love with you. After a whirlwind courtship, the two of you will be married. A child will follow in the first year. You’ll have five children, sons and daughters. They will fill you with pride and give you grandchildren. You’ll die an old gray woman, warm in your bed, your husband faithfully by your side.” Amaia set Michelle’s hand down and met her eyes.

After a moment, Michelle spoke. “You’re good. You almost had me believing you.”

“Almost?”

The only answer Michelle gave was a pointed stare.

Amaia heaved a dramatic sigh. “See, I told you. No one ever believes me when it’s free.”

Michelle softly laughed. “That must be it. Now tell me, which one is the fate line?”

“This one here.” Amaia pointed to one of the lines intersecting Michelle’s palm.

“Let me see yours.” Michelle turned Amaia’s palm up and traced her fate line. “The scar’s barely visible.”

“I told you it would blend in with the line. Besides, you didn’t want it to scar. The whole thing was silly anyway.”

“Not to me. I always considered that blood oath the strongest bond we made, much more so than the ring I gave you with the promise of marriage.”

Michelle’s eyes were rich with feeling. Amaia didn’t want to think of the promises they’d made to each other. What did they know back then? Nothing. Amaia pulled her hand away. “Well, at least I was able to keep the ring, though it’s seen its share of repairs.”

“Yes, it’s held up well, just like you. It looks exactly as it did the day I bought it. You’ve employed some fine jewelers to keep it in such condition.”

“It’s one of the advantages of my position. I’m able to hire jewelers who have worked for royalty. I wouldn’t let just anyone touch it.”

“Good.” Michelle rose and Amaia followed suit.

As they walked out of the inn, Amaia counted the money she had earned. “I did rather well today for such a short time.”

Michelle lowered her chin and glowered at her.

Amaia rolled her eyes. “Fine.” She deposited the coins into the cup of the next beggar they passed.

“How can you claim to hate people when you relate to them so well?”

“They fascinate me. The way a mortal thinks is very different.”

“How so?”

“Without even realizing it, nearly every thought in your head is tied in some way to your mortality. It’s silly when you consider how short a time humans live in the grand scheme of things. A lifetime is nothing.”

Michelle stopped and examined Amaia’s face with her arms crossed. “You really can’t die?”

“No, I can. It’s just incredibly difficult. Someone would have to want me dead pretty badly.”

“How?”

Amaia shook her head. “I can’t tell you that. It’s too dangerous. There are those who would kill you if they found out you knew. Not to mention that I’d hate for you to think you could do it and end up getting yourself killed.”

Michelle let the subject drop. Amaia danced a fine line. One wrong step and she could endanger the one person outside of her little clan she cared for. It would be nearly impossible to protect a mortal from Zenas’s wrath.

***

“I didn’t think a vampire could enter a house of worship. Looking back, I figured that’s why you didn’t join us for mass at the monastery.”

Amaia strode down the aisle of the church. “Another myth designed to make humans feel safe. You don’t do well against things you can’t explain. I’ve spent quite a bit of time in churches. We like feeding from people who feel safe and warm in God’s love.”

Michelle shuddered and shook her head. “We?”

“Yes, my friends and I.”

“I guess I never thought of there being other vampires besides you and Lawrence.”

Amaia laughed. “There are thousands.”

“Will I ever get to meet these friends?”

Amaia sobered. “No. Never.”

“Why not? Are you ashamed of me?”

“No, it’s too dangerous. It is an immutable law that humans not know of us.”

Michelle’s face twisted. “What? Humans know about vampires.”

“Yes, but only in a mythical sense. Any humans who know of us must be killed.”

“You have friends who would kill me?”

“No, my friends wouldn’t, but it’s too risky. The fewer people involved, the better.”

Michelle knelt when they reached the front of the church and crossed herself. Amaia waited.

“Why did you bring me here?”

“I like the stained glass. The sun is about to be in the perfect position to shine through the large window here.” Amaia nodded to the colorful depiction of Christ with Mary Magdalene. She picked a pew and sat, waiting for the right moment. Michelle sat next to her, apparently content to stay silent.

When the light hit just the right angle, Amaia grasped the pew until the wood creaked. The explosion of twinkling color enraptured her as if she were a little child seeing a rainbow for the first time. “I wish you could see it the way I do, Michelle. You claim belief in God because of the beauty of the world around you, but you can’t even see a tenth of it.”

“Are your senses really that different?”

“I experience a different world. My human memories seem shrouded because of the duller senses that made them. Imagine wearing a veil your entire life and then ripping it off. That’s what it’s like. And not just sight, sound, taste, and scent, but touch too.” Amaia turned to her. “For instance, I experience something as simple as a hug completely differently now. I don’t feel a hug. I feel the touch of every nerve, the contact between each fiber.”

Michelle reached forward and caressed her cheek. “How about that?”

“A hundred thousand little sparks.”

Michelle’s lips parted, and she leaned forward the slightest bit, as if it was an unconscious movement. They were suspended in time for a moment.

“I remember kissing you. I wonder what it would feel like to do it now.” Michelle’s breath caressed Amaia’s lips. The flush that crept up Michelle’s skin led Amaia to believe that a kiss wasn’t the only thing she wanted to feel.

“I thought you didn’t condone that sort of thing.”

“It’s different now that I’m a woman. I would have you in our marriage bed, but that’s not possible. What then am I to do?”

The raw desire in Michelle’s eyes was a tonic Amaia could drink in place of blood. The gray eyes that haunted her entire existence gazed on her with a yearning to see her, to know her, to drink her up in a way she had never been consumed before. Behind the fire was a question. A question of consent.

Amaia’s lips brushed against Michelle’s, full and soft in a way men’s lips weren’t. Michelle’s tongue slid across Amaia’s bottom lip, and Amaia pulled away. She had her own reasons to not follow through with this. The air touched her lip where Michelle’s tongue had, sending a cool tingling through her flesh. Amaia lifted her eyes to Michelle’s face. The blush in her cheeks, the shine in her eyes, the pout of her lips, it was all for Amaia. Every other thought left her mind as she advanced on Michelle, sucking her bottom lip and then plunging her tongue into Michelle’s mouth.