Secret Worlds (214 page)

“That’s an interesting theory.” She did not hide the uncertainty in her eyes. She clearly recognized the truth in Amaia’s words, but she seemed be loath to admit it.

“It’s the truth. You know it. This crazy cycle has gone on long enough. I won’t be party to it anymore. We know what’s killing you. It’s time we took steps to fix it.”

“I can’t make vows before God to someone else when I’m in love with you. It wouldn’t be fair to him, it wouldn’t be fair to you, and it wouldn’t be fair to me, not to mention God. I won’t lie. I’m not even attracted to men.”

“I’m not asking you to lie. I’m asking you to be open to the idea of love. Give it a chance. There are so many other people out there who could make you happy. Find one and settle down. There’s no use wanting me, because you can’t have me.”

“Telling me I can’t have you isn’t exactly a good strategy to get me to want anyone else. I believe you told me I couldn’t have you once before, and look how that turned out.” Michelle smirked.

Amaia wasn’t amused. “Yes, look how it has turned out. It has led to this endless cycle of death and pain. How can you say that’s a good thing?”

“I get to see you, Amaia. That’s all I ever wanted. I want you. I want you to leave Lawrence and come live with me permanently.”

“And what about when you die?”

“You can come again.”

“I’ll wait until you’re an adult again and do it all over?”

“Yes.”

“That’s no way for you to live. You deserve a full life.”

“You mean that’s no way for you to live. Is that it? Is it too painful for you?”

Amaia knew if she said yes, she would win, but it wasn’t possible for her to lie to Michelle, especially when they held eye contact. “No, there’s no pain in it. My time with you is the least painful part of my existence. It’s the only time I’m free of the pain.”

“And you expect that to motivate me to change what happens? If what you say is true, then why don’t you marry me in my next life? Maybe that will break this cycle.”

“How? How are you going to marry me? In a church, Michelle? You won’t marry someone else because you won’t dishonor the marriage vows, but you’ll marry a vampire before God? How exactly does that work?”

“Maybe there’s a way to change you back into a human.”

“There’s not.”

“How do you know?”

“I just do. It’s never been done. I would know about it.”

“Maybe I can find a way.”

“No, Michelle, it’s impossible. When will you stop thinking that you believing something makes it so?”

“This isn’t easy for me, Amaia.” Michelle pulled her knees to her chest and rested her chin on them.

“I’m not capable of loving you, Michelle, not the way you do me. I killed you, in case you’ve forgotten. That’s how we got into this mess. It’s time you moved on and found someone who loves you enough not to kill you. That’s not such an unreasonable request.”

“It is when my heart’s yours. If what you say is true, then losing you hurt so badly that it has haunted me past the grave. You really think I can let go of that love for another?”

“You can, and you will. I’ll not be seeing you again.”

“What?” Michelle shot to her feet.

Amaia stood to meet her face to face. “You heard me. I’m letting you go, Michelle. You don’t have a choice. You can either wallow in self-pity, or you can go find someone else to love and some happiness. I’m removing myself from the picture to make it easier on you.”

“Easier my ass, Amaia.” Michelle’s anger boiled over. “You’re scared, and I understand that, but I never took you for a coward. You’re not the type of woman to run from problems.” She took Amaia’s arms firmly in her hands, holding on so tightly that Amaia would have bruised if she were mortal.

“No, Michelle, I’m not scared. You are. That’s why you’re reacting this way. Everything will be fine. You’ll be better off without me. You’ll see.”

“No.”

“I have to go, Michelle.”

“No, Amaia.” Her grip tightened.

Amaia brushed a kiss against her lips and then thought better of it. If this kiss had to last her through eternity, she would savor it. Amaia pulled Michelle to her, delving into her, tasting her, allowing every emotion to wash over her. Michelle’s grip loosened as she responded in kind. At some point, the torturous desire the kiss stirred was stronger than the ecstasy Amaia felt at the touch, and she pulled away. “Goodbye.” It came out a whisper. Amaia broke free from Michelle’s grasp and fled in a movement so quick and silent Michelle would barely have been able to see it.

Samegrelo, March 1798, 2 years, 10 months later

“And what have you been doing, Amaia?” Zenas’s voice had a certain serpentine quality to it made worse by the fact that Amaia resented being in his presence.

“Studying.” He would need to ask a lot more specifically if he wanted anything from her.

“Yes, obviously. What have you been studying?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” The murmurs of the assembled vampires quieted. Three pairs had been summoned to a ruined castle in southern Russia to aid Zenas in his battle with Ezekial’s clan. They stood in the drafty great hall, engaged in casual conversation until the last of Zenas’s council arrived.

“Careful, my child. There’s no need to antagonize him.”
Lawrence’s eyes shot her daggers.

Zenas chuckled. Amaia knew he admired her spirit. It gave him pleasure to lay claim over her. “Yes, I would. Tell me, Amaia, what have you been studying? I have a feeling it is far more interesting than anything else I’ve heard today.”

“Oh, it is. I guarantee you haven’t heard anything half as interesting.”

“I’ve heard that you’re studying reincarnation.”

Lawrence didn’t want Zenas knowing about her work on aura manipulation. Instead, he had led him to believe she was focusing on reincarnation. Lawrence encouraged her study of it since it helped his breeding program, and it was always easier to root misdirection in truth.

“Yes, that’s true. What do you know of it?”

“Only that it exists. I don’t see much more use for the knowledge.”

Amaia had to give him some tidbit. She didn’t really want him to know her business, but he already knew something, so she couldn’t feign ignorance. A partial truth would be easier to manage than an outright lie. “I’ve been studying to see if a person’s energy grows stronger with each life.”

“You’re able to track one person through multiple lives?” For the first time, Amaia saw Zenas show surprise.

“Yes.” She wouldn’t give him any more.

“Interesting.” Zenas seemed content to let her be, and a moment later, the door opened to admit two more vampires. “Ah, Ivan and Rodrigo. Finally.”

The two men approached and knelt to kiss Zenas’s hand. “Forgive us, sire. We weren’t in a position to leave right away.”

“I understand. I trust you not to cause a scene while obeying my orders.” Both men rose, and Zenas signaled for everyone to gather round. “As you all know, I have brought you here to deal with the menace that is Ezekial’s clan. They have meddled in our affairs one too many times.”

Amaia didn’t know what Ezekial’s clan had done to precipitate this gathering, but she hoped she would at least get to fight to distract her from her own problems.

“You are here because I value your counsel,” Zenas continued, “and will depend on each of you to lead our clan on the battlefield. I have sent out the call to every member of our family. We will all fight, proving our superiority once and for all. We must not let our power be diminished.”

Ezekial’s clan was strong. Whereas Zenas sought political power, Ezekial favored brute force. His vampires were fighters. Amaia didn’t know how Zenas’s clan would fare. It was well known that Ezekial did not have the strict control over his clan that Zenas did. Ezekial allowed his members to mate with outsiders and to birth their own vampires as long as they remained loyal. This meant he wouldn’t have direct communication with all of his members the way Zenas would. Amaia had to admire the superior wisdom of Zenas’s way of ruling.

“I want our forces organized into four waves. If you look around, you’ll realize there are four pairs present. Ivan and Rodrigo, you’ll be my eyes and ears for the first wave. Sylvia and Domingo, you’ll oversee the second wave, and Lorenzo and Rebekah, you’ll take charge of the third. Lawrence will command the fourth. I plan to stomp out this menace.”

“Where do you want me?” Amaia didn’t care for Zenas, but she wasn’t foolish enough to place herself in harm’s way by not following whatever plan he had established.

“I want you back from the initial fighting. We’re going to sustain losses. I’d rather you weren’t one of them.”

Amaia didn’t mistake Zenas’s words for affection. There was no love lost between them. He only cared about her importance to him, about the knowledge she held that he did not yet possess.

“From that vantage point, you’ll be better equipped to handle any of Ezekial’s forces that break through. You and Lawrence will be with me. You’re the only one with whom I don’t have a telepathic link. I want you within voice range.”

Amaia wondered how much of Zenas’s desire to have her close was rooted in distrust. “All right. How many do you think we’ll lose?”

“It doesn’t matter, as long as we win. I can always rebuild our numbers.” Zenas was as cold and calculating as Amaia knew he would be. His clan was not a family, but a group of minions to do his bidding. Only a few, like Lawrence, even garnered his respect. “Sabine, you’ll stay here, where I won’t have to worry about you.” It seemed odd that he would worry about anyone. Was his concern really for her, or for the fate he knew awaited him should she die?

“No, I’ll stand with you.” Sabine stood tall, daring him to contradict her.

“Impossible. It will be too distracting. I need you safe.”

“You need me by your side.”

“I need you to survive.”

“Zenas, I won’t stand by as if I’m some weak mortal. Ezekial is our mutual enemy. I want to see him die.”

The vibrations of Zenas’s energy accelerated. His anxiety was real. He took Sabine’s hand and touched his forehead to hers in a gesture more intimate than Amaia thought he was capable of. There was silence between them, but only because they were communicating through their link. Amaia could practically see their argument in the struggle between their auras.

Sabine sighed. “Fine. I will stay behind.”

“Good. I’ll leave a contingent of guards with you.”

“No. You’ll need every fighter you can get. I’ll be all right. They won’t even know to look for me.”

Another moment of tense silence. “Very well, woman. But you’d better hope that if they harm you, they kill you. You won’t like what I’ll do if I find out your foolishness has injured you.”

“Of course.”

A strange pair they were. Both cold and calculating, both eager for power, and both perfectly right for each other. How was it that people such as them could find each other, but Amaia couldn’t be with the person she loved?

If she left immediately, she could be with Michelle before she died. She could cradle her in her arms. They would undress each other, make love under the stars. Amaia doubted Michelle had taken her advice. Amaia didn’t know how many more births and deaths she would have to suffer through before Michael would marry. She hoped that by breaking the cycle, it would also sever her tie to him. In order for that to happen, she had to stay away.

There was no use thinking about it. She was here, with her clan, where she belonged. Michelle wasn’t hers to worry over.

Samegrelo, March 1798

The fight would start at night: a primal struggle far deeper than blood, deeper than time, back to the ancient ways, when vampires stalked the night and didn’t risk the daylight hours. This was a vampire feud. It had no place in the sun.

“I wish they would come already and get this over with.”
Amaia itched for the battle to get underway.

“Patience, my dear. I wouldn’t be so anxious to see it.”

“Have you seen one of these battles before?”

“Yes. They’re not pretty.”

“I didn’t take you for someone with a weak stomach.”

“Don’t be silly, Amaia. What we do to humans is natural. It’s the predator-prey cycle. What’s about to happen is decidedly unnatural. Fighting our own kind always feels wrong.”

“Aren’t you the one planning a vampire army to destroy your sire?”

“That’s different. I only want to improve our race. I have no desire to fight, but I will if I need to. I’d much prefer it if Zenas would let me go peacefully.”

“That’ll never happen.”

“I know.”

They spent the rest of the twilight hour in silence. A cool wind tugged at the wisps of hair that escaped her pins, tickling her nose. She marveled that after everything she had learned over almost two centuries, she still hadn’t discerned the secret to keeping her hair firmly secured. Strong gusts blew her skirt behind her, pulling her toward Michelle. If Amaia closed her eyes and blocked out the feel of the energies around her, she would have believed she stood alone. Not a sound came from any of the approximately eight hundred vampires present. She waited with Lawrence and Zenas on a hill overlooking a barren valley, their army poised on great boulders, ready to launch themselves at whatever vampires emerged from the forest beyond.

Scanning the forces, she saw each mated pair standing together, crouched, ready for battle. What thoughts were they sharing? Did they comfort each other? Promise eternal love? Prepare strategy? Pass the time with idle chatter? She had no way to know, but Amaia felt the heat of jealousy rise in her stomach. They all had someone with whom to face this. Her partner was thousands of miles away. Even now, Michelle called to her. It took every ounce of discipline Amaia possessed not to turn and go to her.

Amaia longed to run. If she couldn’t run to Michelle, then she wanted to run forward, to meet the opposing force, to start the battle. She needed to do something to clear her mind.

She sensed unrest amongst Zenas’s forces. They crouched deeper, moved slightly in the breeze. Amaia looked ahead and saw a massive force coming toward them through the darkness. It seemed Ezekial had increased his numbers. Amaia doubted they would be very good fighters. Many of them still moved as if they weren’t quite used to their new bodies. They were sacrificial lambs. They would slow Zenas’s army down, make it easier for Ezekial’s real clan.