Secret Worlds (261 page)

She looked around the place with new eyes. She
had
seen this place, then, but she’d probably never been inside. To go inside as a Celtic woman would have spelled disaster, the kind that she’d now feel if she’d been there. No, she’d probably looked upon it from afar, maybe even from on the hill.

“I was one of those women, Cadan. But which one?”

Diana trudged up the wide wooden stairs to the second floor of Cadan’s house. They’d just returned from the ruined Roman fort and she was beyond ready to fall into bed. Even the wind had more energy than she did; it roared as it hit the house and dragged along crevices formed by windows and eaves. It would carry a storm, she was almost certain, and that suited her mood perfectly. Maybe it would drown out the chaos in her mind.

She finally had a lead. If she hadn’t been the warrior queen—which she wasn’t, since there was nothing regal or particularly warriorlike about her—she must have been one of the soldier women who’d chosen to make up the last line of defense between the Romans and the Celtic children and homes. She did have that dream about protecting her daughters, after all. She could almost see it. It...fit. A bit like an awkwardly large coat, but it fit.

Diana flicked on the light switch as she walked into her room. Just as she reached the bathroom door, a voice from behind said, “Nice sword.”

Shock dropped her stomach to her toes as her fist tightened on the sword she’d taken to Verulamium. She whirled around to see a lanky, dark-haired woman reclining in the big wing chair in the corner. The chair had been out of her line of sight when she’d entered the room. A scruffy black cat lounged by her side.

“Who are you? How did you get in here?” She worked to make her voice brave.

“I’m Esha. And this—” She pointed to the cat who’d started to clean himself shamelessly. “—is Chairman Meow.”

Diana’s heart slowed its gallop. “You’re the one who made the portal for Cadan and me to go to Verulamium.”

“Yep.”

“Why are you here?”

“I wanted to talk to you.”

“Not Cadan?”

“No. You, specifically. He’s not going to come up here anytime soon, right?”

At her words, the cat lowered the leg he’d stuck up into the air while grooming and sauntered toward the door to peer out.
Double weird.

“I don’t think so, but you never know.” Diana decided not to be afraid of the woman who’d done nothing but help her. And who, most important, wanted to speak to her specifically. As if she had information. “Why did you want to talk to me? Do you know who I was?”

“I don’t know any details, and even if I did, I’ve been warned against giving you too much information. But I think I have some clues about your task. And those, I am gut certain you need to know.”

“How? And why are you telling only me and not Cadan?”

Esha eased the door closed. “Cadan and Warren—that’s Cadan’s boss, by the way—both know who you were. Cadan won’t tell you, Warren won’t tell me. The only other people who know are Aerten, Warren’s boss, and Lea, the Historian. You met her when you first came to the university, remember? Anyway, Aerten is too high ranking for me to contact, but Lea is my friend and gave me a few pertinent details.”

Diana felt a scowl crease her forehead at the confirmation that Cadan and this Warren guy were keeping things from her. Any control she tried to exert over her life was slipping through her fingers and they weren’t helping. “Why?”

“Because I asked her.”

“No, I mean why do you care who I was?” Diana doubted that Esha was a Good Samaritan intent on helping her discover herself.

“Something in the Edinburgh underground has gone wrong. Really wrong.”

Diana listened with a growing
oh shit
feeling as Esha explained her ability to sense evil and the afterworld hell that was trying to break loose from somewhere in Edinburgh’s underground.

“What hell did you say it is?” Diana asked.

“Erebus. I think that fixing the portal could be your task, and that you should come to me as soon as you remember who you were.”

“Why do you think it’s my task?”

“Because of which hell it is, and because of what Lea told me about your life. She said you’re a professor from America.”

“What does that have to do with anything?” Diana asked.

Concern shone in Esha’s amber eyes. “I’m sorry, Diana. I don’t know if you actually knew her or not, but your colleague Vivienne Lawrence was abducted to Erebus a few days ago.”

The air rushed out of the room in a great gust, leaving Diana to sway on her feet. Vi? Abducted to the Roman afterworld?

“What?” Diana pressed her hand to her chest, trying to calm the sense that she was drowning.

“You knew her? I’m so sorry. Her soul was taken to hell while her body stopped at the portal. Her body couldn’t cross over because she’s mortal. She’s in a coma.”

“No. A coma? She can’t be. She’s safe in America, teaching my classes.”

“Maybe that’s where they nabbed her. They thought she was you, perhaps.”

Oh, God.
She was directly responsible for Vi’s abduction. And her
coma.

“She won’t wake up?” Diana asked.

“Not unless her soul is returned. And even then, I don’t know if it’s possible to revive her. Most mortals wouldn’t have survived. They’d die immediately at the portal.”

Diana stumbled backward to the bed. Sat. The sword tumbled from her loose fingers.

“I can get her back. How do I get her back?” A panicked sob strangled in Diana’s throat at the idea of Vi’s soul trapped in hell.

“I don’t know if you can. I don’t know why they took her, but it’s a clear link to you and suggests that this is your task. If it is, maybe there is some way you can save her.”

Diana nodded blindly. She could do this. She had to do this.

“If you can figure out who you were,” Esha said, “and if it turns out that the portal is your task, I can help you with it. I would bet a million pounds that this is why you were brought back. I shouldn’t be helping you, but I’ve never liked following the rules.”

Diana drew in a shuddering breath and looked Esha in the eyes. She looked tough, and she looked serious. And she had some major connections in this crazy new world. She’d need her. Vi would need her.

Especially if Cadan and this Warren guy were going to go all alpha male on her and stand in her way. She was going to need an ally.

“All right.” Diana forced her voice to be level as she held out her hand. “Deal. And…thank you for telling me. For helping me. For trusting me.”

“It was shitty news. I’m sorry.” Esha looked down at the Chairman, who’d nudged her with his head. He was looking pointedly at the door. “Someone is coming up the stairs. I’ve got to go. But hurry. This is only getting worse. Do whatever you can to figure this out. Whatever you can.”

Esha pressed a card into Diana’s palm. Then they disappeared.

Diana was staring blindly at the floor when Cadan knocked on the door a minute later.

“Everything all right?” he said as he walked through the doorway. “I thought I heard something.”

Diana raised her head to meet his eyes, knowing that her face reflected the bleakness within her.

“Ah, Diana, what’s wrong?” There was something in his eyes, some pain or longing she couldn’t recognize, that made her breath catch in her lungs. Like he hurt for her or wanted to fix her. Maybe both. But the way he stared at her, as if she were
someone
, could steal the very heart from her. She’d never been the recipient of such a stare, or of such intensity.

Yet he hid things from her. Things that were so vital they’d killed her friend. Or as good as.

“Why did you hide the importance of Verulamium from me?” she asked.

“I dinna.”

She had no idea if she should believe him or not. “But you’re trying to keep me from discovering who I was. I’m certain of it. It’s because of my past, isn’t it? You’ve got a stake in this whole thing, but I’ve got no idea what it is.”

He dragged a hand across his face, then spun around and stalked toward the window. His big hand gripped the wooden sill so tightly that the tension radiated down his arm, making the muscles and veins stand out in harsh relief.

He’s hiding something.
She was certain of it now. But what it might be terrified her. She cared for him, hated that he pulled away from her, but was afraid she knew the reason why.

She approached him, determined to force the truth from him if necessary. So much depended on it. She wanted to tell him about Vivienne, but didn’t think she should reveal her connection to Esha. If he was working against her, she’d need Esha more than ever.

She laid a hand on the bunched muscles of his shoulder, all too aware of the latent strength of the man she was cornering. “You’re becoming someone to me, Cadan. And you know the answers that I’m seeking. I’m running out of time to discover them on my own. You’ve got to tell me what you’re hiding.
Why
you’re hiding it.”

***

“Leave it, Diana.” Cadan turned and took a step toward the door, desperate to get out of there before he did something he regretted, but she grabbed his arm and jerked him to a stop in front of her.

“No.” She glared up at him, her hands tightening their grip on his arm. “Tell me why you’ve lied, damn it. Tell me why you get close to me, kiss me, then stop and storm off. It’s because of what you know, isn’t it?”

She wanted to know the whole, horrible story? That she tempted him with every move she made, reminded him of all that he’d lost? Made him think that everything could be better with her, except that if he went for it, it would all crumble to dust around him with her death?

Nay. These things he would not tell her. But helpless to stop himself, he cupped the back of her head and drew her to him, so close that he could almost feel her. The scant inch of air between their bodies vibrated with tension. Her scent washed over him, arresting and familiar, and the feel of her, the heat of her, stole the caution from his mind and tore the words from his throat.

“You want to know why I’ve lied?”

She nodded, her cheeks flushed and her eyes wide. Desperation and fear glimmered in their depths.

“Because I want you, damn it. I care for you. I’ve never been able to stop, no’ for thousands of years. But I can
never
have you.”

Desperate and crazed, he pulled her to him and crushed his mouth to hers. He kissed her with the fierceness and desperation of a man who had everything to lose and knew that it was already gone.

When she threw her arms about his neck, he clutched her closer, sinking his hand into her hair and wrapping his arm about her waist.

Just a moment more.

Just a moment of this thing he could never have. This person. He thrust his tongue between her lips, desperate to imprint her taste upon his mind. She was sweet and soft beneath his lips, everything he’d longed for and more than he’d ever expected. More than he could have. Three times he’d failed to keep his distance. Three times, yet it would have to be enough. He’d have to make it enough.

He pulled away, leaving her flushed.

He couldn’t resist her.

It was ridiculous to have thought he could. Yet the proof of his weakness was still hot on his lips, beneath his hands. One more encounter like this, and he wouldn’t be able to stop. And she would remember her past.

He made up his mind. He’d call Warren, have another Mythean Guardian assigned to her.

He stepped back. “No more.” He shook his head, then turned to stride out of the room. “No more.”

But only he could hear the words.

Diana barely restrained herself from chucking the book at the wall. It was the last of the books in Cadan’s library that might have something to do with her past. And it had been useless.

Which had come as no surprise, by this point. Books wouldn’t work, and visiting Verulamium had only told her that she had been one of the female warriors at the battle of Watling Street, but not which one. To ancient written history, they were nobodies. Her answers weren’t in books, as she’d proven today in a last-ditch effort to find something.

She leaned back in the chair and glared at the clock. Nearly nine at night and she was no closer to figuring out who she’d been or to saving Vivienne.

She’d only seen Cadan once today, when they’d trained in his gym for several hours. He’d excelled at acting like everything was normal when it so obviously was not. She’d tried to ask him questions about what he’d said last night, but he’d deflected them, ignoring her. Ignoring everything.

But he wasn’t just her protector. He was a link to her past. He was
part
of her past. And there was a very good chance that he was the man from her dream.

The idea that the man she’d come to care for was the same one who’d betrayed her sent a cold shiver through her. But if it was him—which she wasn’t entirely sure of—why had he locked her up like that? And did it have anything to do with why she’d been reborn?

Diana set the book down on the table and leaned back in the chair to think. She had to find out, but when she’d asked earlier today, he’d deflected her questions like she was a fly on his arm. He’d been avoiding her, and it seemed like he was going to keep it up. Letting him do so wouldn’t save Vivienne or get herself out of this mess.

But her previous approaches to figuring this all out weren’t working. She tapped her fingers against her chin. If only there was a way to get Cadan to willingly tell her everything that he knew.

And then a horrible, wonderful, terrifying idea popped into her mind. No, it was idiotic. Crazy.

But he did want her. And she wanted him. More importantly, she was desperate and at the end of her options. Insane as it was, it might work.

Cadan felt himself surface from a sleep as deep as death. As his eyes adjusted in the dark, he reached up to rub them, but his arms jerked to a halt.

Leather straps bit into his wrists.

The fog of sleep dissipated immediately and he jerked on the bonds. They held tight.