Secrets (17 page)

Kyle came around the side of the van and caught the last
few lines of Bill’s monologue. “You guys ready to hit the road?”

“We could, but it might hurt our hands,” Bill quipped.

“Come on, get in the van,” Kyle said. He tossed a set of keys to Teri and said, “You ready?”

“Sure. Jess, you want to ride with me?” Teri asked.

She really wanted to ride with Kyle and the other crazy guys in the van. “Okay,” Jessica heard herself say. She noticed that Kyle was looking at her again.
How that man’s look haunts me! How does he do that? One look, and I turn into a big marshmallow
.

Everyone found a seat, and the caravan began the long, hot journey. When they arrived in Calexico, the city on the American side of the border, Kyle dropped off the group at a Burger King while he and a couple of the guys made a run to a hardware store. They bought an odd assortment of lumber, paint, and supplies for their building project. It took another hour of driving beyond the border to reach the village.

Jessica had expected poverty and dirty villages the moment they crossed over to the Mexican side, but she was amazed by the huge industrial buildings and modern stores in Mexicali, the Mexican border town. The buses, which rambled a little too close to their truck on the narrow roads, looked archaic though. One of them looked as if it might fall apart any minute and the dozens of passengers inside would come spilling out.

When they finally pulled into the village of Nueva, it was nearly dusk. Teri nodded and smiled at the people who stood outside their simple wooden or adobe homes. They all waved to Teri and Jessica, and from out of nowhere, dozens of children came running and squealing toward the van. Some young boys hopped onto the van’s rear bumper as Kyle drove slowly over the rough dirt road to the center of the quaint village.

“Shouldn’t you tell them to get off?” Jessica asked Teri. “It’s so dangerous!”

“It’s sort of their way of welcoming us,” Teri said. “I think
they’re okay. Kyle knows they’re back there.”

A barefoot girl with her front two teeth missing came running up alongside the truck and grasped Teri’s arm, which she had hung out the open window. “Ana Maria!” Teri cried out in recognition.
“¿Cómo estás, mi chica?”

The endearing little girl held Teri’s arm and trotted alongside them the rest of the way, chattering happily. It was a touching scene. Jessica could understand why Teri said earlier that many of these kids look forward to them coming down from year to year the way American kids look forward to Christmas.

Jessica had seen the boxes of clothing, toys, and Bibles the church had collected and was sending down with Kyle and his team. In a way, Jessica did feel like a Santa Claus. These kids had so little.

They pulled up in front of a partially finished building and parked the van and truck. The minute they stepped out of the vehicles, dozens of dirty little arms wrapped around each of the Americans, and a jabbering chorus of excited children filled the air. To her surprise, three little girls immediately attached themselves to Jessica, hugging her and looking up at her with glistening brown eyes. They all spoke to her with rapid words that sounded like they could be questions. Jessica could only shrug her shoulders and smile. “Teri,” she called over her shoulder, “what are they saying?”

Teri had a baby in her arms, a young woman standing proudly beside her, and at least eight children clinging to her shirt and her legs. They all looked overjoyed to see Teri.

“They’re probably asking your name,” Teri said. “You can tell them that in English.”

Jessica pointed to herself and said, “I’m Jessica.”

The three little girls tried to pronounce Jessica but found it difficult.

“Jessica,” she repeated. It didn’t help. They couldn’t say it.

The girls giggled and then pointed to themselves and rattled off their names, which Jessica found hard to understand and even harder to repeat. It didn’t seem to matter to the little ones. They grasped Jessica’s arms and pulled her over to where their mothers now stood, gathering with many of the other people from the small town.

It was a moving reception. The men shook hands heartily with Kyle and the other guys. The women slipped their rough, work-worn hands into Jessica’s and warmly welcomed her. One older woman came up to Jessica, and speaking gently, she motioned for Jessica to bend down to her level so she could kiss Jessica on the cheek. Tears were in her eyes. Jessica wished she could understand what the woman was saying, even though in her heart the message was clear. These people were thrilled to see Kyle and his group. Jessica felt honored to be a part of them.

“Okay,” Kyle said to the group after about twenty minutes of hugs and handshakes. “Let’s put up these tents before it gets dark. Bill, can you and Joel start unloading the truck?”

Kyle stepped away from the group and came over to Jessica. He had a peculiar look on his face. It was that shy, little boy look mixed with a wrinkle of concern. “Jessica,” he said quietly, “I need to talk to you for a minute. Alone.”

J
essica followed Kyle to the front of the van, away from everyone else. She couldn’t believe the way her heart was pounding. What was wrong? Kyle looked so concerned.

Once they were away from the crowd, Kyle stood a respectable distance from Jessica and looked at his tennis shoes. It took him a moment before he looked up, and meeting her eyes, he said, “I feel really bad about something, and I want to clear things up before this weekend gets rolling.”

Jessica felt uneasy. What was he about to say? That he wished she hadn’t come on the trip? That she didn’t belong here? That he was offended by the way she had treated him at her house several weeks ago? What?

“I have to be honest with you,” Kyle said. “I feel a little uneasy around you. It’s bothered me all day. Well, actually, it’s bothered me for several weeks now. I don’t know what upset you that day at your house…” Kyle waited for a response, but Jessica didn’t say anything.

“And I don’t exactly understand why you decided to come on this trip, when you knew I’d be here.”

“Do you think I’m playing games with you?” Jessica asked defensively, and then wished she hadn’t said anything.

Kyle placed his thumb and forefinger across his jaw, slowly rubbing his five o’clock shadow and then tapping his finger on his lips. Jessica had seen him make this gesture before. It seemed to signal that he was thinking before speaking.

“I think you’re hiding something,” Kyle said plainly. “I don’t know what it is, and I guess it’s none of my business. But, you see, I have this problem.” He paused again. “My problem is that I find myself intensely attracted to you.”

Jessica felt her throat tighten.

“But, you see, I don’t know anything about you.”

“Why are you telling me this?” Again Jessica heard herself saying the words before she thought them through.

“Because we’re going to be together, working in rather close quarters these next few days, and as the sort of leader of this group, I need to ask you a few things. I’ve asked everyone who has come on this trip these questions. I should have asked you before we left. Better late than never, I guess,” he said with half a shrug.

Jessica would not let herself become vulnerable. She would not give in, whatever it was Kyle asked her.

“I need to know where you stand spiritually,” he said.

“Spiritually?”

Kyle nodded. “This is an outreach trip. It’s not so much about helping the poor and needy as it is about telling them who Jesus is. That’s why we’ve been building this church.” He pointed to the half-finished structure in front of the van. “We started last year, but ran out of funds and materials. These people have been waiting a whole year for us to return and finish their church so they could have a place to worship. All
the teens that came on this trip are believers. They’ve trusted Christ as their Savior and are eager to follow Him as the Lord of their lives.”

Kyle looked at Jessica with his eyebrows slightly raised. She supposed he wanted her to fill in the pause with her convictions.

“I don’t know where I stand, if that’s what you’re asking. I….” She stopped, trying to guard her words. “I don’t know where I stand on a lot of things in my life right now. I guess you could say I’m on a journey.”

Kyle’s expression softened and so did his words. He nodded. “That’s a good place to be. I want you to know that I consider myself to be on a journey, too. The one difference might be that eight years ago, I made a commitment to Jesus Christ. I surrendered my life to Him, and my journey is now directed by Him.”

Jessica thought it was interesting that Dawn and Kyle had both said the same thing that day about surrendering to God and being committed to Christ. She hadn’t known anyone in her life who had ever spoken in those terms. What did it mean? How were they any different than she?

“Kyle,” one of the guys called from the back of the truck, “we need a lantern over here. It’s too dark to see anything.”

“I’ll be right there,” Kyle called back. Turning to Jessica, he grasped her arm, his large hand swallowing her elbow. “What I wanted to say is that I’m here for you, if you want me to be. And I wish that you would be open. That’s all. Just be open.” He gave her elbow a squeeze and then jogged off to help the guys.

Open? Open to what? Open to a relationship? He doesn’t understand. It’s not that easy
.

Jessica slowly walked over to the group of girls, who were fumbling with a bunch of tent poles and squabbling over
which end went in where. Kyle’s phrase came back to her. “I find myself intensely attracted to you.”
Why would he tell me that?

“You can be in our tent,” Dawn said to Jessica. “It’s only Marjie and me. We have plenty of room.” Jessica was glad to see that during the long van ride Dawn had managed to buddy up with one of the other girls. Jessica wasn’t sure if she should come between them or if she should let them continue to develop their friendship without interference.

She ended up in Teri’s tent, which was just big enough for the two of them. Jessica’s sleeping bag had been a loan from Kyle, and as she rolled it out, it smelled of wood and campfires. Jessica zipped open her bag and pawed through her things in search of her bottle of saline solution and her lens case so she could take out her contacts.

“Where’s the bathroom?” she asked Teri.

Teri pointed out the open flap of their tent with her powerful flashlight. It was now quite dark. The beam fell on a roughhewn wooden outhouse. “There.”

“Very funny,” Jessica said. “I mean the real bathroom.”

Teri started to laugh. “That’s it!” She swirled her flashlight around in little loops, the light bouncing off the outhouse door.
“!El Baño!”
Just then the door opened, and Bill stepped out, raising his arm to block Teri’s flashlight from shining in his face.

“All right, I confess! Whatever it is, I confess!”

“Sorry,” Teri called out, muffling her laugh. Jessica leaned over and laughed into Teri’s shoulder. “The poor guy!”

“Bill can handle it. He’s a tough nut,” Teri said.

“I’d certainly agree with the nut part,” Jessica said.

“Hey, I heard that,” Bill said, now standing a few feet away from their tent.

“No boys allowed in the girls’ area,” one of the girls from the tent next to Teri’s called out, peeking through the front opening.

The teasing continued for another half hour as the group tried to settle into their tents and bed down for the night. It was only nine-thirty, but at their brief evening meeting Kyle had informed them that breakfast would be at six o’clock sharp, and everyone was expected to be there, dressed and ready to work on building the church.

Teri taught Jessica the fine art of washing with a baby wipe and brushing her teeth with a bottle of mouthwash instead of water. “I’ll set the alarm for 5:15. Do you need more time than that?”

“For what?” Jessica asked. “Unless there’s a hidden shower around here, why don’t we sleep until 5:45. Fifteen minutes should be enough time to get ready before breakfast.”

“You don’t understand. We are the morning chefs. You and me, baby.”

Jessica slipped into the sleeping bag and said, “I can see I should have asked a lot more questions before agreeing to come on this little outing. What else haven’t you told me?”

“Nada,”
Teri said innocently in Spanish. “Nothing.”

“Yeah, right,” Jessica said, snuggling down for the night. She had a backpack mat, also from Kyle, under her sleeping bag, which made it only slightly more comfortable. A dusty smell was all around her from the fine dirt that blew in through their open tent door. It was a warm night. Dry, dusty, and dirty. Not so far away they heard a dog snarling, followed by ferocious barking.

Teri popped out of her sleeping bag. “Maybe we better zip up this door. I’d rather be hot than become a mad dog’s midnight snack.”

Jessica lay quietly, listening to the fading sounds of a dog
yipping in retreat. Lively, danceable music played on someone’s radio in the distance, and the muffled voices and laughter of Kyle and a couple of the guys could be heard from their tent only a few yards away. Jessica strained to hear what they were saying. She only caught a few words here and there. Mostly Bill’s. He was no doubt entertaining his tent mates.