“I’m sorry I said it how I did. He’s just so blasé about me.”
“Is he always like that?”
“More so than not. I don’t condone what my brother was like with Angie, but I keep thinking he’s fifteen, how can he know better when he has my parents for parents? With what he was born to?”
“I agree.”
“You do? I thought you were furious at him and me by association.”
“No. I was tired of Vanessa staring at us, so I thought I’d address it later. Besides, don’t you like time alone to deal with things?”
Not anymore
. She snuggled against him. His hands found hers and held on, clasping them comfortably, his legs parted, covering her.
“You ever notice whenever you’re upset you end up freezing?” he said as he rubbed his sock-clad foot over hers, which were admittedly, ice chunks.
“Yes, I noticed.” Only no one else had ever noticed that about her. No one had tried to care for her like Scott.
“You know my dad was an ass. I know how lousy it can make you feel.”
“What did he do?”
Scott shrugged careless, but his body tensed around her. He was anything but careless about it.
“He was just a crotchety old man. You know the type. Said stupid ignorant shit, and criticized everything and everyone, when he was nothing himself. Nothing I did was ever good enough. Hell, he even blamed me for mom leaving, instead of looking in the mirror at himself.”
“Did he ever hit you?”
“Some. Not like beat me up. If he got mean enough, he’d hit at me for annoying him, kick my feet out from under me, call me names, that kind of stuff. Until I got bigger, suddenly at six foot I wasn’t so scrawny and so things changed with us. He was a complete ass all around, to everyone, I wasn’t special in that.”
“Sounds like he makes my dad seem like Santa Claus. My dad was only uninterested in me, he never hit me. He was mean and stingy with his time, attention, and money, but never violent.”
Scott nuzzled her neck and sighed softly. “Ah, Sarah, I don’t think you’ve had it much easier. You don’t have to hit someone to hurt them. Makes you wonder sometimes why anyone bothers being a parent.”
“Or maybe those of us who have had lousy ones would know how to do it better.”
“I don’t think that’s how it usually works.”
“Well, it should. Look at how you are with Angie. By all accounts you should be mean and cruel to her, instead you’re kind and caring and supportive. In fact, you deal with her teenage girl self-confidence problems better than Vanessa or I. So your theory is wrong. You’re already better than your parents, you’re still here, and you put Angie first.”
“Yeah, and look at where she’s at right now. Summer of her junior year she should be working at the drive through and scoping out what boy she’s going to try and date. Instead she’s in birthing classes, agonizing over giving a baby away she never wanted, but is still hers. If I had been a better role model, maybe she wouldn’t have thought that any kid who looked at her, she had to do it with.”
“You think any of that is your fault?”
“I could have done a lot of things different. But I didn’t know better. I thought I wasn’t hurting anybody. I really did believe that. Turns out, I was hurting the person I love most in this world.”
“You were a single guy in your early twenties, your father had just died, and you were left to take over for what your older brother should have been taking over. It’s a wonder you didn’t ditch out yourself. And you think what you did was so bad?”
“Are you condoning my lifestyle now?” he asked the irony in his tone. “I thought you strongly disapproved of my, what do you call it? Womanizing.”
“You should have had no one to be accountable to. But you were and you stepped up, and you did a pretty good job. You’re twenty-six years old and you’re the primary caretaker and decision maker for a sixteen-year-old girl, not exactly your run of the mill situation. And you’ve done it admirably well.”
“So, you approve of how I date now?”
“No. I still think you should do it a little less, and maybe care a little more who it is, but as to it influencing Angie, no I don’t think your behavior is responsible for her pregnancy. Angie did what she did for reasons going back to her mother and lack of father, and her own self-esteem she’s just beginning to come to grips with. You…you have only been a positive influence for her.”
“If I could do it over again, I’d make sure she didn’t see me.”
“Do it that way in the future.” It took all of Sarah’s considerable self-control to say that without their being a hitch in her voice. It was a tough statement to force past her lips, leaving her feeling like something was squeezing her vocal cords shut. She didn’t want Scott to continue on with his usual ways. She didn’t want him to have future women.
She wanted him to want only her. She nearly bolted off the bed at the realization. Her heart started hammering in her chest as her head reeled with the implications. God, she was totally in love with Scott! And not in the passing fancy kind of way. But in the long-term kind of way. The way she thought she was incapable of feeling. Turns out, she was wrong.
She swallowed and sighed deeply. Confused. Scared. What to do now? “You want to—”
“No. I want to lie here with you. Just like this,” he said tightening his arms around her.
“Oh,” she said completely shocked. Silenced. And wishing her foolish heart didn’t take that as a reason to finally admit she was in love with him.
****
“So, let me get this straight. You realize you’ve fallen in love with Scott and instead of telling the man you’re currently living with that you love him, you want to leave town?”
Sarah nodded at Kelly’s summary of what she’d just spent the last hour explaining. They were at the shop, currently it was empty, and Sarah was pretending to concentrate hard on making up a new window display.
“I didn’t know. That it was like this. This strong. I didn’t get what you were talking about with Luke. I thought…well, I thought you were making it up. Kind of exaggerating it. And I was pretty sure I wasn’t capable of ending up like this.”
“It’s not a fatal disease,” Kelly said, biting her lip.
“Yes, it kind of is. I can’t control it. I can’t seem to make it stop. In fact, it’s getting worse.”
“Yes, that’s usually how it goes, hence why people commit to long-term, monogamous relationships.”
“That’s just it. I picked the one man not available for that in the entire county.”
“I doubt he’s the only guy who gets around and who isn’t looking for a girlfriend. Doesn’t mean he won’t change with the right girl. It has been known to happen.”
“I know that. It’s just that Scott doesn’t even understand the concept of what I want. And then there’s Vanessa, who still comes before me. Who lives with him. He won’t totally stand up to her for me. And—”
“And how will you know where he stands on any of this unless you tell him?”
“I can’t tell him.”
“Why not?”
“Because I think he’ll turn tail and run from me faster than I can blink.”
“You mean like you’re proposing on doing?”
“I’m not. I’m protecting myself. Besides I really do need to check on the Los Angeles store, and don’t forget there is a maybe stalker out there, which is the only reason Scott has let me be with him, and as close as I am, for so long. Maybe leaving town will make this wacko cool off or find something else to do.”
Sarah had never felt any longing to leave Seaclusion. She liked her home. She liked her life. The LA store brought in more money than she ever thought she’d make. But she’d never considered it
her
store. Until now. Maybe now was the time for a big change. A life-changing-direction, kind of change. Maybe it was time to get away from Scott before she became to him like the stalker was to her, a painful, annoying, terror-driven aspect of his life.
“So, will you run the store for me while I’m gone?”
“Yes. But I still think you should set that considerable pride of yours aside and talk to Scott first.”
Sarah shook her head. “No. Trust me on this. I’m not sure the exact reason, but there is something Scott keeps back from me. Some reason why he won’t even consider a future with me.”
“Maybe fear. Do the logical thing and ask him.”
“I’ll think about it. Anyway, I talked to Brett and he said it was fine if I stayed with him. His house has like twenty rooms and better security than the FBI. Maybe I should have gone there to start.”
“You don’t think maybe planning to stay with Brett might be a ploy testing if it makes Scott jealous?”
Sarah paused and glanced at her friend. “Well, if it has that desired side effect, that’s not my problem, is it?”
Kelly laughed. “No, I suppose it’s not.”
****
There were a dozen roses left on the porch. Sarah didn’t see Scott as a sending flowers kind of guy. He was right behind her walking up to the front of his house after work.
“I don’t suppose you ordered those for me,” Sarah said, her voice heavy.
“No.” He sighed. They both exchanged weary looks as they realized the most likely culprit.
Scott went over to them and pulled the card off with a jerk. He read it, his jaw tightening. He handed her the card. She read the short type written message.
“Looks like you’re a bad girl, Sarah. Now I know your secret.”
Sarah crumpled the note in her hand. She walked to the porch railing leaning against it wearily, defeat and disgust in her posture.
“You know what this means. He’s been here.
At your house.
Angie could have been home when he came. Or when he comes in the future.”
Scott came up next to her, leaning his elbows on the railing. “I know. What do we do?”
“We do nothing more. It’s actually quite perfect timing. I need to go to LA on business. So, I go, and let your lives get back to normal. And hopefully my absence makes this guy leave you guys alone, and maybe forget about me.”
Scott jerked his spine up straight. “When were you planning this?”
“Just the last few days.”
“What kind of business do you have? And how will you be protected? Why can’t this guy follow you there?”
“Kelly and I own another shop there. I go a few times a year to oversee it, make sure the shop’s up to date, check the books, you know, make sure it’s all going okay. And I’ve already talked to Brett and explained what’s been happening, and he’s agreed I should stay there. He has a lot of security, he’s loaning to me.”
“Brett Carlton? You’re leaving to go live with a movie star?”
“No, stay with a movie star.”
“When? When are you planning on leaving?”
“Tomorrow.”
“Were you planning on telling me?”
“Of course. Tonight. I just finalized plans today.”
“That’s just fucking great. You’ve got it all planned out, don’t you? As usual.”
She blinked. She hadn’t heard his temper snap in a while. Not since they started sleeping together. She stiffened her back. He straightened to his full height beside her, and stared down at her with cold eyes. She bristled.
“Why do you care? Do you have some reason to tell me why I shouldn’t go? Do you, Scott?” Her gaze locked with his. He stared back, his jaw set in a painful lock. But still, he said nothing. No,
stay for me, Sarah. Stay with me.
No kinds of proclamations or promises. Not from Scott. She knew that, and knew that was why it was time to get practical and protect herself.
“Is there some reason why this isn’t the best plan? I mean the flowers pretty much are a calling card this guy has been here. And so, now what? I stay here? No. I have work to do in LA, and Brett has lots of security, why wouldn’t I go? It’s just time I go.”
Scott looked away, his shoulders hunched. “You’re probably right. You should leave.”
She blinked. Had he just punched her? No. Not for real, but it felt like it. Her breath expelled from her lungs forced and painful. She blinked frantically to keep back the tears that threatened to fall.
“Good. That’s good we agree,” she said looking away, feeling like she’d taken her heart out of her chest to step on it. Scott turned, grabbed the vase of flowers, stalked over to the garbage cans and threw them in with enough force to break the vase. So much for letting the police look at it for clues Sarah thought in shock at his sudden temper. He turned and headed for the garage and not inside with her.
Sarah left town. As easily as she left for work, she left their lives. Angie was upset, and angry at Scott, as if he’d told Sarah to leave. She blamed him for Sarah leaving. Sarah had Kelly drive her to Portland to the airport, so she left with little ado. Scott went to work and when he came home, she was gone.
And that quick his life was his again. She packed up everything she had there, and either took it with her or back to her apartment. She’d even taken home the box of tampons that had sat on his bathroom shelf, which had appeared a few weeks before and nearly made him jump out of his skin when he’d first spotted it.
She had just left it there sitting on his shelf
. He knew women had those things. He did live with two women after all. But having the woman he was dating, personal items and
that
personal a toiletry, on his shelf had given him pause. Significant pause, as he determined how he felt about it and what it implied about the level of comfort between them. That level of intimacy. Because well, there was no mystery left if that was so out in the open.
But he’d passed them a few times and finally his eyes quit being drawn there as if porno were lying there open. He accepted their presence as a kind of necessary evil. One Sarah seemed to find perfectly within reason to be open about. And he had even decided he could live with it.
But now she was gone. Just gone. To what? Live with a fucking movie star. How could he compete with that?
But then, this was a good thing. He couldn’t be honest with how he felt about her, and so she was better moving on. This was a good thing. The best thing. For her. For him. For everyone.
Why then did it feel like she’d taken his guts and spread them out for him to inspect?