“Me too, honey.” He rubbed my back.
“It must have been so hard leaving Sam, though.”
“It was.” His throat shifted with a hard lump. “More than I can say.”
“Then why not…”
“I can’t. I know what you’re going to ask, but I can’t bring him into this world. He needs a human life until his body is ready for that change.”
“The change?”
“Immortality.”
My eyes ballooned into round blobs of excitement and surprise. “He can be like me?”
“Yes, the first male born Lilithian.”
“That’s really cool,” I beamed, just imagining that day and how happy I’d be to see my little brother here too, then imagined how
he’d
react to know his dad was alive all that time and never told him. But another, darker thought cast a bit of gloom on the spotlight of joyous reunions. “What about Vicki? Will you ever—”
“No. It saddened me to leave her behind. I had hoped to spend a lifetime with her, but our love was not great enough to span eternity, and if I bring her into my world, that is exactly what she’d expect.”
My jaw dropped. “You don’t
love
her enough?”
He shook his head once. “Eternal love and lifetime love are two very different things, as you would know.”
“How would
I
know?”
“Just think about the difference between your love for Jason and your love for David.”
I understood then. And I thought David would, too, but when I turned my head to smile at him, his sad eyes were on the floor—avoiding mine.
“David?” Dad said.
He looked up, snapping away from his train of thought. “Yes, sir?”
“Give us a minute, please?”
David bowed and exited the room, closing the door quietly behind him.
“What was that all about?” I asked.
“He assumed we both meant that the love you have for Jason is eternal, while—”
“Oh no.” I looked at the door, half a step away from running after him.
“Leave it.” Dad steadied me by the arm. “You can deal with him later. But I need you to go find Jason now, please, and send him to speak with me.”
“Right now?”
“Yes.”
“Okay.” I took a step away but stopped. “
Hey, Dad?”
“Mm?”
“You shook Jason’s hand at my wedding—”
“Yes,” he said with a glint in his eye.
“Did you know why he was there that day?”
“I knew he was there to take you to safety. That was all I knew.”
“You didn’t think it might be a good idea then to step in and do something yourself?”
“And what would I have done—how would I have disguised a sudden need to steal you away?” he said. “Not to mention I trusted Jason, and were it not for Arthur’s pretend loyalty to the king, he would never have handed his phone to Drake, and Jason would never have answered if it had been any other number than Arthur’s. Without that call and the Compulsion Act that followed, he’d have taken you to safety and kept you there.”
I sighed, the air coming out through my nose. “You’d think if Drake didn’t want me hurt, he’d have just let Jason escape with me.”
“Not while David was in custody, no. He needed you together and did not, by any means, want to risk you falling for Jason and having a child with the wrong Knight.”
“What if I had? I mean, when I … when Jason and I…”
“It would have been as you suspect,” Dad said. “She would have been born soulless and the curse on your womb would not be broken. Any children you had subsequent to that would also be female and soulless.”
I shrugged and nodded, satisfied, until another question popped into my mind as it flashed back to my wedding day—when all the world seemed to be at my feet, possibilities endless. “You knew
then
, right? On my wedding day? That Jason was the one who’d kidnapped me at the masquerade.”
“I knew on the night he did it.”
“How did you not tear him to shreds the second you shook his hand?” I cupped my belly protectively. “If that had been my daughter and some punk did that to her, I’d
kill
him.”
Dad laughed. “Well, for one, it was your wedding day, and we had appearances to keep up.”
I rolled my eyes melodramatically, thinking,
There’s no way that would have stopped me
.
“And, two,” he added sadly.
“Dad?” I took a gentle step closer. “What is it?”
“Like I said, Ara, I planted the seed of revenge in him and I blame myself entirely
for what he did to you.”
“That’s a heavy burden to carry, Dad. We’re all responsible for our own actions and—”
“In some cases, yes,” he cut in. “But he is one of the kindest, purest souls I know, and from the moment I came to find him in his chamber, covered in your blood that night, I felt nothing but pity for him.”
“
Pity
?”
“You must remember, those boys are like sons to me. I watched them grow from infancy—guided them through every rough patch in their lives. And when I set out to hunt him down, in my dog form, hell-bent on my own act of revenge, I found only a small boy again—huddled up on the floor by his bed, hysterical, because he couldn’t make sense of his feelings—this sudden compassion he’d felt for you, like waking from a dream in the middle of nowhere, the anger, the hurt, the need for revenge so diluted now that he could find no motive in his intentions anymore, no rational reason he’d wanted to hurt you in the first place.” He looked down. “I won’t go into detail because I feel this part of his past is best left there, but I had to sit by, many times, while he punished himself for what he did to you, Ara—knowing all along that I was the reason. That I altered his intentions and caused an otherwise healing anger to fester, evolving it, in the end, into a compulsive need for vengeance.”
“Damn.”
Dad laughed lightly. “I know you’ve brought him peace in his heart, though—with your compassion and patience.”
“He’s okay,” I said with a nod. “I know he’ll always regret it, but he’s not so hell-bent on finding a way to die anymore.”
“Good,” Dad said, but his eyes didn’t believe it. “I’ve waited an awfully long time to tell him he was not to blame. I hope he comes to see me before we’re called to dinner.”
I checked my watch. “I can ask Chef to push it back an hour if you like.”
“That might be best.”
I nodded. “I’ll go tell him now.”
He bowed his head.
“See ya later, dad.”
“Oh, and Amara?”
“Yeah?” I turned to his insistent tone.
“I’m not your father here. I love you as my daughter, I always will, but your father is dead and must remain so.”
“But—”
He put his hand up. “People will ask questions if they hear you call me Dad.”
“Then let them ask, because you
are
my dad. I mean, what else am I supposed to call you?”
“You will address me as your Lord and superior. In my time here as Lilith's father, I was known as Vampirie, Lord of Eden, but I fear my Christian name is somewhat outdated now. You will address me as Lord Eden.”
“Eden?”
“So named for the lands I inherited.”
My heart skipped a beat. “You’ve been to—”
“Another time.” He held his index finger up, making a stern point that none of this was open for discussion right now.
“Okay. Lord Eden,” I said to myself. “It’s gonna take some time getting used to that.”
“You have about five seconds.” He cupped my shoulder and turned me toward the door. “I’ll see you at dinner tonight.”
***
Morgana may have interfered and put some kind of spell on either David or me, most likely David, but that didn't change the fact that I’d still seen clear and absolute proof of pain in his eyes when he thought I was referring to Jason as my eternal love. No matter where things would go between us, no matter what happened or what he felt, I needed him to know that I didn’t feel for Jason the way he thought I did. And if Morg was watching David with some ‘watching spell’, she was about to get a hell of a show.
“Knock knock,” I said, walking through David’s open bedroom door. My eyes went straight to the bustling servants, prancing around packing and shifting things like elves on some invisible assembly line. “Moving already?”
“Your father has given me little choice.” He laid a stack of papers at the foot of his bed and unzipped a black duffel bag. “What do you want, Ara?”
“I came to tell you something.”
“Make it quick,” he said, tossing a pile of clothes into the bag. “I’ve things to do.”
“I just spoke to Jason.”
“And?”
“And … he was packing, too.”
“Why?”
“He’s leaving tomorrow—for New York.”
He stopped packing for a second. “So?”
“So … he’s not just going for the interview. When he leaves … he isn't come back.”
“I never assumed he was.” He jammed a few items forcefully into the bag. “Did you come to say goodbye then?”
“No.”
“No?” He croaked. “Fine. Have a nice life.”
“No, I mean…” I walked around an armchair and stood about a meter behind him, waiting until the last maid left before continuing. “I’m not saying goodbye because I’m not going with him.”
He stopped stuffing but didn’t turn around. “Is this because your father returned?”
“No.” I took a brave step closer. “It’s because I never planned to go with Jason in the first place.”
He jerked around to face me, his eyes dark with hatred. “Then what the hell was that display at breakfast?”
“I didn't mean any of that,” I explained, morphing his anger into confusion. “I was upset by what you—”
“Just stop being so stupid.” He left the bag on the bed and stalked across the room, pushing past me. “This is your chance to have the life you wanted.”
“Yes, I know. A life without him in it. That’s why I’m not going with him.”
“Ara. Please.” He cradled the bridge of his nose between two fingers. “Don’t play this game with me. I’m really not in the mood.”
“It’s not a game. I was the one who asked him to leave in the first place.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m never going to—”
“Leave me in peace?” he asked, arms out wide. “You’re, what? Gonna stay here and rub your relationship with him in my face for the rest of our lives?”
“I’m not in a relationship with Jason,” I snapped haughtily.
“Since when?”
“Since—”
Grrrr
. I bit my front teeth together. “Since always.”
He shook his head with a sigh and walked back past me the other way.
“Okay, clearly I should have told you that—a long time ago.” I turned my body to watch him. “It just never occurred to me that you didn't already know he and I weren't together.”
“Ara, stop.” He put his hand up, angling his face away like my voice was agony.
“Why, David? You need to know what’s going on with—”
“I don’t need to know anything.” He pushed past again and placed a hand on his already open door, making a sweeping gesture for me to exit.
But I was resigned to leaving his sight only once he knew how I felt. No matter the outcome.
I stood fast in the middle of the room, my hands across my belly to calm the quickening, and aimed my gaze square at him. But he wouldn’t make eye-contact. “I don’t love him,” I said quietly, waiting after for some kind of reaction.
He flinched slightly, keeping his own gaze squarely on the ground. “Just leave, okay?”
“Okay.” I nodded, taking one step forward. “As soon as you understand that I’m not giving up on us, David. I made a mistake sleeping with Jason. An even bigger one thinking I loved him. And I don't know what went through my head that night—after I slept with him—why I thought I loved him. I don't know if it was him being there to catch me after a traumatic experience or—”
“He didn't catch you, Ara,” he snapped. “He
caused
the traumatic experience.
Both
of them.”
I frowned until I realised he meant the torture and the masquerade, which wasn’t what I’d been referring to. But I couldn’t tell him that I was talking about the nerve-damaging experience with Arthur in the Training Hall—that the feel of his finger inside me still woke me up at night in a cold sweat. “The fact is,” I continued, “I’ve had a lot of growing up to do, and a part of finding myself—learning who I am, was exploring the roads my heart wanted to take. It didn't mean it was right. It
doesn't
make it okay. But it’s a part of my story, David, and I’ve learned, from everything I’ve done, that no matter what I do or no matter what I feel, I can’t stop being in love with you.”