The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women

To Felice Newman and Frédérique Delacoste, for their time, devotion, and gracious understanding. In 1997, they took a chance on a first-time author and a provocative subject, and I am forever grateful to them. Special thanks once again to Felice, to whom I dedicated the first edition, for going beyond the call of duty as an editor. Thank you to my copyeditor, Kevin Bentley.

So many people contributed to the success of the first edition, and some of them are Tom Bates, Rosana Francescato, Karen Green, Russ Kick, Robert Morgan, Chip Rowe, the folks at San Francisco Sex Information, Don Spargo, Jr., Howard Stern, and Don Weise.

To Joani Blank, Susie Bright, Patrick Califia, Debi Sundahl, Nina Hartley, Bert Herrman, Nan Kinney, Jack Morin, Carol Queen, Anne Semans, and Cathy Winks for their extraordinary, groundbreaking work. Without them, this book could not exist.

To Ray Cirino for his inspiration, Beth Tyler for her kick-ass website, the vixens at Vixen Creations for making my dream butt plug, and Shar Rednour and Jackie Strano for putting bend-over boyfriends on the map.

To Claire Cavanah, Rachel Venning, and everyone at Babeland for their support and the opportunity to work in such an important place.

To John Stagliano, Ernest Greene, Evil Angel, and the cast and crew of my video for bringing the book to life in an entertaining and educational way.

To the organizations, colleges, universities, and stores that have invited me to speak or teach about anal sex, and to the courageous people I have done anal demos on—including Barb, Carol, David, Frasier, George, Glenda, Janet, Jessica, Maggie, Marsha, Nancy, Nina, Paula, Sarafina, and Tracy. I learned so much from each of you.

To Thia “Fish” Jennings for her wit, her understanding, and her brilliant illustrations.

To Nancy Bereano of Firebrand Books, Joan Nestle, Greg Constante, Patrick Califia, and Sarah Miller for permission to reprint their work.

To Dr. Beth Brown for her medical expertise.

To Audrey, Barb, Betty, Carly, Clyde, David, Dylan, Greg, Helen, Ira, Julie, Kate, Kathy, Morgan, Nina, Tey, Toni, and Winston for their love and friendship.

To my mother and my late father for always supporting me no matter what.

To my partner Colten Tognazzini for teaching me about unconditional love, patience, and unlimited possibilities, and to our dogs—Reggie Love, Jordan, and Harley—who are my constant companions during research, reading, writing, and revisions.

Introduction:

Confessions of a Backdoor Betty… Eight Years Later

Yes, I admit it—I love anal sex. The first time someone put a finger in my butt, I thought I’d died and gone to heaven. I think I almost went crazy from the pleasure. The sensations I experienced were so intense that I felt high from the experience, and I couldn’t wait to do it again. The first time I put my finger in someone else’s butt, the results were just as fabulous—I felt entrusted with my partner’s deepest vulnerabilities, in awe of the ecstatic pleasure I could give. Then came more fingers, tongues, vibrators, small dildos, bigger dildos, butt plugs, cocks, bigger butt plugs, even an entire small hand. Each time I could take a little more and give a little more, I felt more sexually alive and powerful. As I incorporated anal eroticism into my sex life, my sex life became better and better. The sex got hotter, my partners more adventurous, my orgasms fierce and explosive. The physical sensations were undeniably some of the best I’d ever felt in my life. I confess too that beyond the deep body gratification, the naughtiness of it all really turned me on.

The opening paragraph of the introduction to the first edition of this book really says it all. It was my passion for anal sex that fueled my desire to write a book about it, and I’m pleased to say that my love for the subject,
both intellectually and carnally, has only grown since the book was first published in late 1997.

When I sat down to research and write
The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women
in 1996 and 1997, there was very little information out there. At the time, there were books and articles on specific topics—solo sex, oral sex, vibrator sex, sex after fifty, fantasy role-playing sex, lesbian sex, phone sex, gay sex, Tantric sex, healing sex, cybersex, kinky sex—yet only one book devoted to the back door,
Anal Pleasure and Health
by Jack Morin. (I must continue to acknowledge and pay homage again to Jack Morin, who was so far ahead of his time, whom I still consider to be the king of anal pleasure, and whose work influenced me tremendously.) Other more general sex self-help manuals, of which there were plenty, dodged the topic of anal sex, devoted scant attention to it, or subtly dismissed it with misinformation that could scare readers away from exploring anal pleasure. Mentions of ass-fucking and ass loving—especially positive ones—in the media barely existed, with the exception of gay male erotica and both gay and straight porn videos.

I’m thrilled to say that in less than ten years a lot has changed. There is a new generation of sex books—titles like
Guide to Getting It On!
by Paul Joannides,
Nerve’s Guide to Sex Etiquette for Ladies and Gentlemen
by Emma Taylor and Lorelei Sharkey, and
The Ultimate Guide to Cunnilingus
by Violet Blue—that include plenty of sex-positive info about anal pleasure. The butt is front and center in the
Bend Over Boyfriend
video series and makes appearances in new lesbian porn by S.I.R. Video. There’s even
The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Men
!

Ass sex is not only getting its fair shake in sex books and videos, it was the sole subject of former ballerina Toni Bentley’s lauded memoir
The Surrender
and it turns up in mainstream media like
Redbook
,
The New York Times
,
The New Republic
,
Glamour
, and
Jane
. I spoke about anal sex on MSNBC, HBO, and the Discovery Channel, and it got plenty of airtime on
Sex and the City
.

Beginning with its auspicious debut on
The Howard Stern Show
,
The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women
took on a life of its own. I developed several workshops based on the book that I’ve taught to more than a thousand people around the world. I cannot count how many times I’ve illustrated anal penetration with my finger nestled in the pink puckered
A-hole of a men’s masturbation device called the Fleshlight, while the rest of my digits wrapped around a bright green dildo, as I explained to a roomful of people how to get a dildo in someone’s ass. In private and in public, I’ve put fingers, butt plugs, and dildos in the asses of friends, lovers, and complete strangers (the latter for demonstration purposes, of course). I made two videos based on the book and designed two butt plugs that were named after me. I’ve received thousands of letters from people, and answered hundreds of different questions. All this just goes to show that when you give people permission to discuss anal sex, they will. And I know from experience that lots of people want information about anal pleasure.

Other books

Sympatico Syndrome (Book 1): Infection (A Pandemic Survival Novel) by McDonald, M.P.

The Great Detective by Delia Sherman

Arsenic and Old Puzzles by Parnell Hall

Misguided Angel by Melissa de La Cruz

Belonging to the Steer Brothers by Sam Crescent

Light Over Water by Carle, Noelle

Urban Gothic by Keene, Brian

The Legend by Augustin, G. A.

Fatal Liaison by Vicki Tyley

Side Effects May Vary by Murphy, Julie