Secrets & Saris (22 page)

‘Because your sister loves you,’ Amber said as she stood to
look down on him.

Something inside him rejected the notion, and not just because
Reese had never said so in as many words.

‘And if you can’t do it for Reese,’ she went on. Her voice
dropped an octave, creating an ominous pressure in his lungs. ‘Then do it for
me.’

This time the word came out harsher. ‘Why?’

* * *

Reese stared down at Parker, her heart pumping wildly in
her chest.

‘Do it for the kid who saw you as worthy of adoration all those
years ago,’ she said.

The rest was on the tip of her tongue as she hesitated. But her
insecurities suddenly seemed so insignificant compared to all that Parker had
been through. He deserved the truth. He needed to
hear
the truth.

So she went on. ‘And do it for the woman who’s falling for you
now.’

Denial, exasperation and a massive dose of confusion flared in
his eyes just before he slammed his lids shut, muttering, ‘Damn.’

She hadn’t started out intending to share so much. But suddenly
her choice to tell Parker the words that were so simple and complex, the words
she was pretty sure he’d never heard in his life, was important—not just for
Parker, but for herself. An extension of her decision to finally
fight
for what she wanted. And she wanted this man in
her life.

Not the boy she’d obsessed about in the past, but the
man
of today.

Ironic, given it might be too late for Parker to ever truly let
himself love anybody.

When he finally opened his eyes, a blank look on his face, she
simply picked up the holster containing his keys and gently dropped it by his
foot. Going on, she looked at him and spoke the words she knew he needed to
hear.

‘I’m falling in love with you,’ she said. ‘And you deserve to
be loved, Parker Robinson.’

SIX

Whywhywhy?

Two weeks later Amber was dealing with her last customers of the day and preparing to leave for the Michaels’ dinner party, still unsure she’d made the right decision to abandon Parker with his keys to free himself. Which he had, of course. She’d checked, just to be certain. Part of her thought she’d been making a statement by walking out, taking the first step in seizing control of her romantic life by seducing the man she’d dreamed of for ages, sharing the truth of how she felt about him and then exiting with her head high. The other part knew the truth.

Cowardcoward
coward.

Because she didn’t have the strength to stick around and
really
deal with the repercussions of her confession.

Fabulous, Amber.

Staring at the couple deciding on the style of the tuxedo for their wedding, she smiled, a tiny bit envious. When the groom-to-be leaned over and kissed the top of his fiancée’s head, Amber’s lips twisted. Such a simple gesture, shared and accepted so freely. As if the act was a given.

For some people displays of affection came easily.

Amber’s cell phone rang and, grateful for the distraction, she turned her back on the couple and answered.

‘Amber,’ Reese said. ‘You’ll be there tonight, right?’

‘Of course.’ Without thinking, she went on. ‘Have you heard from Parker?’

My. God.

Would she always sound like that twelve-year-old little girl who loved Parker Robinson?

‘No,’ her friend said with a sigh. ‘But at least he agreed to be in the wedding, so thanks for that.’

Amber murmured a ‘No problem.’ And how did she tell Parker’s sister that the only reason he’d agreed to be in the wedding was because her friend threatened to tell embarrassing stories to his partner? Maybe Parker really was that shallow. Deep in her heart she knew he wasn’t.

But if
Parker
believed it, then the truth didn’t really matter.

Clutching her phone, Amber forced herself to focus. ‘Your dress is due to arrive next week,’ she said to Reese. ‘I’ll set up a time for the first fitting.’

Reese’s enthusiastic ‘Good’ was heartwarming. She knew Parker had his doubts about his sister’s marriage, but Amber envied Reese and Dylan because their relationship always looked so comfortable and easy. Just as Amber always thought love should be. Of course, Parker’s very DNA made acknowledging the possibility of forever near impossible.

Behind her, the tinkle of the bell over the door signaled another customer. Signing off the phone, she slipped it in her pocket as she turned...and spied Parker just inside the entranceway.

Her head spun, her gut tensed and her heart hurt too much to function. Unfortunately the overly dramatic angst of her teen years didn’t compare to the real, grown-up pain of a woman. Falling for him again was turning out to be easy. Doing something about it would be hard.

Now that she’d adjusted to his presence, her eyes roved lovingly over him. He wore jeans and his leather jacket, as usual. The only difference was the button-down shirt that he wore.

No matter, Amber was sure it smelled of leather. She’d spent enough time in his arms, kissing every inch of his skin to know his scent inside and out.

When the couple called out their goodbyes, Amber waved, working hard not to feel a sliver of jealousy as they held hands on the way out. Uneasy, she glanced at Parker, who was watching them leave. The slow barrel roll her belly was attempting wasn’t helping her nerves, and she swiped a damp palm down her dress pants.

‘Tuxedo rental,’ she managed to say lamely, nodding at the retreating couple.

His brow furrowed in humor. ‘Did you measure his crotch, too?’

‘It wasn’t necessary.’ Despite everything, she had to bite back the smile. ‘Only for you.’

His mouth quirked. ‘I figured as much.’

Five heartbeats pounded in her chest before the awkward silence was broken.

‘So...’ Parker leaned a shoulder against the wall, crossing his arms with that earthy easiness that was so seductive. And how could such a simple movement be so sexy? ‘What kind of woman leads a guy on by handcuffing him to a table and then up and leaves?’

‘I put the holster with the key in reach of your foot,’ she said. ‘I knew with a little bit of time and effort you’d eventually escape.’

Parker let out a cocky
hunh.
‘I was free and out the door in two minutes.’

Clearly he was proud of his skills.

Hiking an eyebrow at the expression on his face, she said, ‘Ten.’ She tipped her head. ‘It was
ten
minutes.’ And when he shot her a sharp look, she gave a small shrug. ‘I was watching your car from the window.’

The pleased look on his face was comical. ‘You worried I wasn’t going to get free, Ace?’

And here he was, choosing the shallow route again. As if the amount of time it took him to retrieve his key from the holster and unlock the cuffs around his wrists—not an easy task, she was sure—was the most important thing they needed to discuss.

‘I think we already established that I
do
care,’ she said.

Parker closed his eyes, and the easy look on his face died, his voice low. ‘Damn, Amber.’ He rubbed his neck and met her gaze again. ‘I got good news today, so I’m in a first-rate mood. And you were the one who convinced me to go to my mom’s tonight.’

Her heart soared at the words, and she realized that also explained his button-down shirt.

Frowning, Parker went on. ‘But I don’t think I’m ready for...’

He dropped his arm to his side and looked at her. Shifting against the wall, his movements were now stiff. He looked as if he was braced for battle.

A million questions crashed through her mind like a ten-car pileup, but she decided to start out simple.

‘What’s the good news?’ she asked.

‘That teen I was telling you about? The suspect in my latest case?’ he said. ‘Turns out he’s innocent. He’s been cleared.’ The small shrug was simple yet meaningful. ‘I don’t know if that will help him with his parents or not, but at least he’s got a second chance.’ The relief on his face was obvious.

And
this
was why she was falling for Parker all over again. He liked to pretend he was above those pesky things called emotions. To pretend he felt no fondness or affection or hope. To pretend he didn’t care. But it wasn’t that he had no heart. The problem was his heart was so big, had been through so much, the need to protect himself was automatic.

Today was an encouraging step, but there was a real risk this instinct might never be undone completely.

‘I’m glad you’re going,’ she said. ‘I know Reese will appreciate it.’

Thick dark lashes slowly blinked across a mesmerizing green gaze as he stared at her for several moments. ‘I’m not going just for Reese.’

Her breathing stalled, and she barely managed to murmur, ‘No?’

Two pounding heartbeats passed as she longed for him to clarify.

‘No,’ he said. ‘I’m also going for me.’

And while she breathed out a sigh of relief that he’d finally decided that he wanted family in his life, a small part of her was crushed he wasn’t going for
her.
She’d known all along the most she could hope for was to help him reconnect with Reese, and this was as good a start as any. In truth, it was a miracle he was going tonight. And while Amber was glad Reese’s wish would come true, the truth was, having him here—having him near
her—
was hard.

Because a part of her would always long to be loved by Parker.

‘Well,’ she said, shifting closer to the exit. Distance. She needed
distance.
Time to regroup. ‘Your sister will be happy to see you.’

‘Yeah, but I can’t say I’m thrilled with the idea of making polite conversation with my mom and stepdad,’ he said, his feet firmly planted in place. ‘Cuz I know things won’t have changed.’ His expression grim, he went on. ‘William Michael of the Park Avenue Michaels hates any reminder that he wasn’t my mother’s first husband. My mother is weak, petrified he’ll leave her. And, way back when, Reese was too young to notice,’ he said with a tiny shrug. ‘I’ve accepted all that.’

By the look on his face she knew it was true. He cleared his throat, suddenly looking uncomfortable.

‘I was hoping we could go together,’ he said. ‘Having you around might make things a little...smoother.’

A confusing mix of tenderness and disappointment flushed through her chest, and she picked up her purse, heading for the exit. ‘Then let’s go.’

Amber could feel him following.

‘But the other reason I came was because I wanted to see you first,’ he said.

Her feet stuck to the floor.

‘About—about what you said,’ he said from behind.

Clutching her purse harder, she turned to face him.

‘You know...’ He shrugged awkwardly. ‘Before.’

I’m falling in love with you.

The lag time from one heartbeat to the next seemed to lengthen to uncomfortable levels. So much so Amber was amazed she didn’t pass out.

‘As a kid—’ he puffed out a breath grimly ‘—it sucked not getting what I needed from my mom. And it’s...’ With a small scowl he plowed a hand through his hair before gesturing at Amber. ‘You’re...’ He dropped his hand, frustration etched in his every word. ‘You know everything I don’t want
anyone
to know.’

The raw, naked look on his face lasted several seconds before he let out a scoff.

‘Which makes you the last person on earth I should want to see,’ he said.

My God, this wasn’t getting any easier.

‘After that night,’ he went on. ‘I spent the first few days thinking you had some sort of...
misguided
sense of hero worship because of the whole drowning incident.’

She could hear the hesitation in his voice.

‘And then I spent the rest of the time hoping it was more than that,’ he finished in a low voice.

Her voice resolute, she said, ‘It is.’

Now the lag time between heartbeats was ridiculously short as she watched the emotions parade across his face. Relief. Followed by something that looked like contentment before landing on that cocky smile she loved so much.

Parker stepped forward, all awkwardness gone. The easy stroll was back, carrying him right up into her personal space, and her stomach swooped at the sight. The gorgeous green eyes. The ruffled hair. And that mouth, that beautiful, beautiful mouth that had first captured her attention oh so long ago. Little had she known then how good it would feel pressed against hers in a
real
kiss.

‘But the rescue was an incredibly awesome move on my part,’ he said with a grin.

She rolled her eyes, delighting at his responding bark of amusement. When he reached out to brush the hair from her cheek, her stomach swerved.

He paused, his voice uncharacteristically riddled with self-doubt. ‘Even the thought of trying for something that lasts past a few months scares the crap out of me.’

Inhaling slowly, Amber steadily held his gaze. She’d spent years pining after something that could never be hers. Parker, specifically. And as lame as the idea was, especially given she’d been just a ridiculous
preteen,
it was time to admit the years of unrequited feelings had had a profound influence on her choices in life. And the thought of putting herself in a vulnerable position again was almost incapacitating. But Parker had spent years hoping his mother would change, and was willing to venture back into her circle again with little likelihood that the relationship would improve.

‘That’s the thing about letting someone in,’ she said softly. And if he was willing to put his heart on the line for his sister, for
himself...
well, then maybe she should take a risk, too. ‘It’s both a beautiful and a dangerous thing.’

His eyes searched hers. ‘So why me?’

Drawing in a deep breath, she tried to put her thoughts into words.

‘I think over time,’ she said slowly, ‘the closer you get to a person, and the closer you let them
get to you,
the more the light and the shadows inside become more vivid. Clearer. More sharply defined.’

Love wasn’t easy. And sometimes, especially with a man like Parker Robinson, it would be especially difficult. But she loved the parts of him that were dark just as much, if not more, than she loved the lighter bits. Because they defined him the best.

And for a moment, she almost felt sorry for Reese and Dylan. A comfortable relationship would definitely take less work, but Amber wouldn’t trade the conflict or passion she shared with Parker for all the ease in the world.

She reached up to cup his face, and nothing,
nothing
would ever be as wonderful as the slight tip of his head into her palm. The contact wasn’t much. But enough.

Encouraging her to go on. ‘And knowing all those bits about a person makes it both more difficult, and—just as important, I think—more imperative that you take that chance.’

The tiny, nervous lick of his lips was almost heartbreaking.

‘So...’ he said. ‘You want to give this thing a whirl?’

‘Do you think it will work?’

‘Almost definitely maybe.’ His mouth curled at the edges. ‘We have several things in our favor.’

‘Such as?’

‘First, I’m adorable and you worship the ground I walk on.’ She lifted her eyes heavenward with a ‘whatever’ look, and he let out a chuckle. Amber wasn’t sure if his shallow reply was a coping mechanism or if he just liked to see her reaction. She suspected it was a bit of both. ‘Second,’ he went on. ‘I
want
it to work. And third...’

Amber didn’t miss how quickly he’d rushed through the second, almost as if embarrassed. She’d let it slide. For now.

‘And third?’ she asked.

The quirk in his lips was adorable. ‘I’m just stubborn enough not to give up.’

Eyes stinging, she swallowed back the mushy words and sent him a smile.

‘I’m not going to have to handcuff you for every hug I want, am I?’ she said.

He reached out and took her hand. The gesture was hesitant, the fingers that squeezed hers gentle. But the light in his eyes?