Seduced by Pain (14 page)

I could tell
he worked a lot with the boy, who clearly came from a troubled background.
Remembering Serena's story, my heart softened for him.

"Yeah, I
remember. No popping in when you're working. Sorry, man. It's just crazy dull
today. Everyone's all like studying and shit."

His vulgarity
took me by surprise, but didn't seem to faze anyone else, even the priest.

"Perhaps
you should consider that a hint and work on your own lessons," Drake
suggested.

"Man, I
knew you was going to say that. Yo, whateve, I'm outta here." He
disappeared again.

Drake spoke in
his general direction. "I'll check your work tonight. Remember to ask for
help from your classmates if you need it."

When the
invisible stomping of feet faded out, Drake apologized. "He grew up on the
streets, as you probably guessed. His mother died in front of him, and he never
knew his father. This is the first home he's known, and the first time he's
gone to school. It's an adjustment."

"You're
really amazing with him. It must be so rewarding, working with these kids."
I wondered what role I could play here, if any at all. Would they even want
someone with such violent powers?

Drake smiled. "It
is. We could use more adults who understand what it's like to be different, but
we do the best with what we have."

Could he read
my mind like his wife? Or did I project my emotions about being here so
strongly? Either way, the news gave me something to look forward to.

If I could
figure out how to control my powers.

Big, gigantic,
impossible 'if'.

"This isn't
working," I admitted. "Nothing's happening. Other than an unnatural
amount of itching and scratching."

Father Patrick
turned to Drake. "Do you sense anything, son?"

Drake closed
his eyes. "She's divided. Parts of her feel broken off from others, like
she's in a battle with herself."

A wave of nausea
hit me as the truth of his words settled in. Serena must have felt what Drake
was now feeling. What I had always felt, but had never given voice to.

With a nod,
Father Patrick stood and gestured for me to follow him to the pond by the
weeping willow. "Look into water as you meditate this time. Allow yourself
to see your true reflection, to see all parts of you."

Derek and
Drake stood behind us, watching and waiting.

I sat on the
edge of the water and looked at my wobbly reflection. Unsure of what I was
supposed to be doing exactly, I just stared into my own eyes and willed my
inner self to get on board and play along.

In a moment,
similar to the kind you have when you're laying in your bed trying to sleep,
and then you wake up, with no memory of having fallen asleep, I lost time.

When my eyes opened,
the form reflected back at me had changed. Instead of my face, a dark smudge of
shadow glared back. The water rippled as the reflection gained substance and
pushed itself out of the water, grabbing hold of my jacket and pulling me in
with it.

I screamed,
but water flooded my throat, stale and full of dead things. Clamping my mouth
shut, I fought to find the surface, to find air, but a hand on my ankle pulled
me back in until I faced my shadow.

Like black ink
dropped in water, the shadow's form changed with the currents, but always
maintained the rough aspects of a human shape, with gaping holes for eyes and a
mouth.

I fought it,
kicking and punching to free myself, but my hands slid right through the oily
substance of the body, despite her ability to hold solidly to me. Fear clenched
my heart like a vice as the certainty of my death paralyzed me.

I'd just found
the love of my life.

Just
discovered a place I might belong.

Just embraced
hope for a better future.

And now I
would die.

Its mouth
opened in a scream, wide and long and so full of rage as to consume the whole
world.

My body
trembled. The air around me changed, and I realized it was my mouth screaming
as Derek shook me, yelling at Father Patrick and Drake to stop whatever they
were doing.

"You're
killing her! Let her go!"

Father Patrick
chanted in a language I didn't understand as I tried to close my mouth, to
shove back into it the vomitus rage that had been released.

I clung to
Derek, dry and safe, still sitting near the water, and terrified of what had
just happened. "I saw my dark gift. She's horrifying. That can't be me."
My sobs strangled my words until they sounded like hiccups. "I'm evil.
This proves I'm evil. I shouldn't be here, or around kids. You shouldn't marry
me."

Derek stroked
my hair and whispered soothing nothings into my ear until I calmed down and
could breathe again.

Father Patrick
rested his hand on mine. "You're not evil. Your soul is pure, that much I
can see. Whatever lives inside of you, we will learn to understand it together.
Every person here has their own dark struggles. They may not manifest in quite
the same way as yours, but we all have them. It's what we do with those dark
edges that make us who we are."

The sun had
come out, bright and big in the sky, so inexplicable, this weather in December.
In normal times, we'd be preparing for Christmas, and getting ready to
celebrate the winter solstice, a powerful day for witches. Now, as I leaned
against the weeping willow and listened to her sing, I wondered what this holiday
would bring. Would I destroy my new love and life with this dark part of me
that seemed so bent on death and pain?

Derek had
reluctantly stayed behind to teach some of the kids martial arts moves,
allowing me much needed space to think. Ocean and Sam had bonded and were off
playing with the baby.

And I stood
here, alone, empty save for the horror I'd finally met. A new guilt stole into
my heart as I considered the possibility that my victims had seen that monster
before being pulled into a demon realm.

Another
presence joined me, and I turned to see Drake standing a few feet away.
 
He looked more like a surfer than a wise man
in training, but he had a calmness about him that relaxed me.

"Do you
mind if I join you for a moment?" He seemed ready to leave if I asked.

"I'm not
very good company to be around right now."

"That's
okay. You don't have to pretend to be anything you're not around here. We're
all human, more-or-less, and at the end of the day, we all understand what it
feels like."

"Do you?
You didn't see what I saw. The evil that lives inside of me. How is that
anything like being able to make fire or disappear?" I didn't mean to diminish
the pain of others, but I doubt they were sending people to hell and being
drowned by an evil shadow living inside of them.

"It's not
the same, you're right. But many of us have gone through our own kind of hell,
being genetically experimented on, forced pregnancies, and so much more."

I dropped my
head in shame. "You're right. I'm sorry. I can't imagine these kids
suffering through something like that."

"I don't
say it to make you feel bad, just to help you understand that there are many
kinds of hell and many forms of shadows. You might be surprised to learn some
of our stories." He sat down on the bench, and I joined him.

"I hope
to hear more of them, someday."

He smiled a
secret smile. "You will. I've seen glimpses of what's to come—at
least one version of it. Have a little faith."

I'd forgotten
that part of his gift involved Seeing. Did that mean I did have a chance at
happiness after all?

"Rose, do
you mind if I offer a suggestion?"

"Fire
away. I'm at a total loss."

"We can't
kill off a part of ourselves without killing ourselves. When you fought the
shadow under water, you were fighting yourself. That never ends well. I
remember a video game I played when I was a kid. I had to fight my shadow self
with a sword, and no matter how good I was, or how skilled, I always lost. It
took me forever, but I finally figured out the trick to winning."

My breath
caught. "What was the trick?"

"I had to
put away the sword."

"And yet, to
say the truth, reason and love keep little company together nowadays.

—William
Shakespeare, A Midsummer Night's Dream

THE CANDLES FLICKERED
in our temporary room, setting the
mood for what I had in mind as I waited for Rose to return.

She feared her
powers and she feared hurting me, I understood that. But it was time to move
past fear and take a few risks. I wasn't just human; I was Druid and Shifter. I
had my own powers, my own source of energy.

I practiced my
speech one last time, and got half way through it when she opened the door and
walked in. Her eyes looked too bright, like she'd been crying.

Every time I
saw her she took my breath away. Not just her outer beauty, which she had
plenty of, but the light inside her soul drew me to her. I couldn't stand being
apart from her now that she was finally mine.

With long
strides I walked to her and pulled her into my arms, crushing her against my
chest and breathing in the scent of her strawberry shampoo. "I'm glad you're
back." I put distance between us so I could make eye contact. "Are
you okay?"

"Yes. I
think so. Today was hard."

She sank into
the loveseat in our small studio guest room, and I sat next to her, arm around
her.

"I know.
I think it's time we talked about the next step."

"Next
step?"

Her skin felt
like silk as I rubbed her neck. "With us. Rose, I know you're trying to
protect me, but you have to learn to trust me. I know my limits. I'm strong, not
just physically, but magically. I want to push the boundaries. I want to make
love to the woman who will soon be my wife."

Her eyes
widened in alarm, and I considered taking it back, slowing down, but no. We
needed to do this. If she was ever going to be free of fear, we had to face
this part together.

"I don't
want to kill you. Your brother was strong too, and look where he is."

I knew she'd
bring up Dean, but it still hurt. "He'd been drugged and attacked unaware
by your mother. When you arrived, he didn't know what was going on and had no
defenses left. This is different. I know the risks. I'll stop us if it's too
much. But you'll never learn control if you don't try."

To add fire to
my argument, I leaned my head into the nook of her neck and scraped my teeth
along the sensitive skin down to her clavicle, using my tongue to tease her
senses.

She sucked in
air and moaned.

My hand slid
under her shirt, but instead of heading toward her breasts, I slipped it into
her pants, then under her panties, until my fingers found the nib of her
clitoris.