Seducing Phoebe (Crimson Romance) (4 page)

Phoebe went to close her door when she realized that Marco had gone and she was staring into space.

“Don’t close it yet.”

She let out a little scream, clutching her keys against her chest. A figure walked out of the shadows and stepped onto her path.

“Stop, don’t come any closer.” She held out her hand as if trying to ward off a bad spirit from entering her house. But it wasn’t a bad spirit — it was John Allen, the man who was causing all her turmoil, standing on her path. She could see the devil-may-care attitude about him — the same attitude that had lured her in the first time.

“Aww come on, Phoebs, let me in,” he said with a grin that at one time had her hanging onto his every word. Her heart gave a little stutter in response, before picking up its regular beat. Suddenly he didn’t seem to be as special as she remembered.

“What do you want, John?”

“I just want to talk.” He took a couple of steps closer. “Please, you owe me that much. Didn’t you get my flowers and card with my invitation? We were supposed to meet up tonight.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t owe you anything,” she said, unexpected anger starting to build up inside of her. If she should be angry with anyone, it should be herself for what she’d done that evening. “Yes I got the flowers and invite, but I had dinner plans already. And I also happened to think the idea sucked. You should leave now.”

“You broke off your engagement, didn’t you?” His self-assured question came out of the blue. “Was it because of me?”

“I don’t think that’s any of your business,” she said after a moment. “Besides, what makes you think I’ve broken my engagement?”

“Let’s see.” Smugness colored his voice as he tapped his finger against his temple. “You’re not wearing your engagement ring, and your fiancé left here in a mighty big hurry and his last words to you were ‘It’s not over
.
’”

Phoebe tried to keep the shock off her face. It was creepy that he knew so much. He had to have been watching her and Marco together. Her earlier thoughts of him stalking her returned. “It doesn’t matter what you think you know. Your opinion doesn’t concern me.”

“I think you’re protesting too much.” He went to touch her cheek but she took a step back, effectively putting her out of his reach. “So are you going to invite me in now that you’re a single woman again? We can pick up where we left off.”

Phoebe looked at the man standing in front of her. How on earth had she ever been attracted to him? It was like he was a completely different person than the person he’d been when they had been dating. And the person that had sat down at her table two weeks ago. Maybe this was the real John — and if it was, she didn’t want to have anything to do with him.

It seemed like he’d fooled her once again. He hadn’t sounded that way when they’d first spoken. He’d sounded heartbroken, as if his life was over and only she could make it better.

“So you’re just looking for a fling, are you?” she demanded. “What happened to your declarations of making a mistake by breaking up with me? You now sound like the high school jock who thinks he is better than the rest and all the girls will fall at his feet with just a wave of his hand.”

She straightened her spine as John came closer to her. This time he moved quicker and reached out a hand to stroke her hair. It was an action he’d done many times before, a gesture she had taken as him caring for her. She’d always melted against him when he’d done it. Now she felt nothing. No warming of her skin. No rapid beating of her heart. His touch now left her cold.

“Oh, Phoebe, what’s happened to the girl who only wanted to have fun? Who would joke and not take life too seriously.”

She was shocked at his impression of her. His words had made her seem so shallow. Had she been that way? Yes, with him she had, although it still hadn’t stopped her from giving more of herself to him than he had ever given to her.

“Life isn’t all fun and games, you know,” she said. Yet she’d thought she wanted more “fun” in her relationship with Marco.

He laughed at her words, as if she’d said the most hilarious joke. “It can be if you want it to be. Come on, Phoebs, you can’t deny that when we went out, we spent half the time laughing. I bet with the stuffed suit you’ve been seeing life has been rather boring. It’s just as well I came back and saved you from him.”

Words escaped her. She didn’t think she could possibly respond to that. There was a bit of truth in what he was saying. The events she’d been to with Marco had been all business, and she hadn’t been able to joke around. Nor could she talk about her job. The people attending the parties were from the upper echelons of Perth society. They might think her job admirable, but they certainly wouldn’t want to hear about the nitty-gritty of the ER. Some had even sneered when she’d said she was a nurse. It hadn’t mattered; she had been proud to be his partner. He was well respected and he was extremely creative with his architectural designs. There was one place he was anything but a stuffed shirt — that was in their bed. It was the only place where she had felt truly connected to Marco.

Fatigue warred with her frazzled emotions. All she wanted to do was go inside and crawl into her bed, close her eyes, and wish things were different. She wished she knew Marco loved her and wasn’t just settling. Wished she could trust herself to love again instead of being scared to take that risk because of the man standing in front of her.

She wished John had just stayed away; then everything would be fine. Or would it? John’s appearance had caused her to look deep inside and find that the relationship she had with Marco wasn’t the type she truly wanted. She did know one thing though. If the man standing in front of her was the “real” John, she didn’t want anything to do with him.

“I want you to leave,” she said tiredly. “Just go away. I don’t want anything to do with you.”

For a few minutes Phoebe thought he wasn’t going to pay any attention to her words and he was going to demand his way into her house to continue their conversation. She wouldn’t put it past him to do that, considering the way he’d acted throughout their entire little chat. Relief swept through her when he gave a small nod.

“Well that’s what you say now. I understand you don’t want to admit that you’ve broken off your engagement because of me.”

Why couldn’t he leave it alone? Why couldn’t he just walk away and leave her alone? She didn’t need him standing on her doorstep trying to convince her it was him she wanted. Had always wanted.

“John, will you just go? Just leave me alone. Please don’t text or call me anymore. There’s no point — things have changed. I’ve changed. You went off chasing your adventure and you left me behind. It’s over.”

“Fine, I’ll go. And you’re right. Things have changed. If they hadn’t, you wouldn’t be standing here having this talk with me. You’d be getting all cozy with your fiancé.”

He went to lean in and give her a kiss, but she took a step to the side. He sent a wry grin her way. At one time she’d found it endearing. Now it was plain annoying. “I’ll see you later, Phoebe, trust me on that.”

For the second time that night she watched a man walk down her front path, away from her. This time, however, her heart wasn’t aching and she wasn’t wishing that the man leaving would turn around and come back for her.

• • •

Phoebe gripped her morning coffee in both hands, hoping the warmth from the cup would take away the chill she had woken up with. For a few minutes after she’d woken, she’d forgotten all that had happened the day before. The moment she’d lifted her left hand and noticed it was bare, everything had come rushing back in all its Technicolor glory.

The ringing of her landline caused her to jump and spill her coffee over her hand. She swore as the hot liquid hit her flesh. She grabbed a nearby cloth and wiped her hand clean. There was no way she was going to pick up the phone. She wasn’t ready to talk to Marco. She gave a short laugh — why had Marco been the first person she thought would be calling her? She’d dumped him the night before. The incessant ringing stopped and she let herself relax.

Her cell phone began to ring. Whoever it was, they were persistent. She walked over to her handbag and pulled her phone out. Sophie’s name flashed up on the screen.

Phoebe slid her finger across the screen, connecting the call. “Hi, I’m fine.”

Sophie’s laughter drifted down the line. “No you’re not. But I’m not going to argue with you about that.”

“You’re all heart.” Sarcasm dripped from every word. “So what do you want to know?”

The pause on the other end of the phone lengthened and Phoebe wondered what was taking Sophie so long to answer the question. “Marco was here first thing this morning. He looked like shit.”

Phoebe pulled the phone away from her ear and looked at it, surprised by Sophie’s language — it was so unlike her. She put the phone back to her ear, tightening her hold. “Oh.” She couldn’t say anything else. She didn’t know what she should say.

“I still think you’re making a mistake,” Sophie said quietly. “But I’m not going to force you into something you’re not ready for.”

“I saw John last night,” Phoebe blurted out. She hadn’t planned on letting Sophie know about his little visit, but the words wouldn’t be held back.

“What? Again? Are you serious? Are you mad? Where? When?”

Phoebe could’ve laughed at the comical nature of the questions firing from Sophie. But she was afraid that if she did start laughing, her laughter would soon turn to sobs. She took a deep breath before answering her friend. “He was waiting for me after Marco left last night.”

“What did he want? You didn’t do anything with him, did you?”

“No, I didn’t do anything with him. He wanted to talk. I told him to go away.”

“Does that mean you’ve changed your mind? That you’re going to go ahead and marry Marco?”

That was the big question and Phoebe didn’t know the answer to it. She knew she didn’t want to be with John after the way he’d acted last night. She didn’t believe his declarations of love were sincere or meaningful. They were empty words, just like their relationship had been. She’d been a fool to be taken in by the texts he’d sent. A fool to believe that the grass was greener on the other side of the fence.

But even so, in some part of her mind she was glad that John had turned back up in her life. What his presence and messages had done was highlight the holes in her relationship with Marco. She realized she didn’t want to settle for a marriage without a semblance of love in the relationship. The only thing was she wasn’t sure Marco could give her was the love she now so desperately desired. And if she wanted to be loved unconditionally, it was only reasonable that Marco should expect that from her. Could she give it to him? What exactly did she feel for him? Was it love or was lust coloring her thinking? If what she felt for him was a forever type of love — and she couldn’t be sure that it was — could she trust that he wouldn’t take her love and then stomp all over it before discarding it?

“Phoebe, are you going to marry Marco now?”

“No, I’m not.” She paused, taking a deep breath to build up the courage to tell Sophie the truth about her relationship with Marco. “Soph, I want a marriage based on love and, well, I know Marco cares deeply, but I’m not sure he truly loves me unconditionally.”

“That’s complete and utter rubbish. The man who turned up at the crack of dawn on my doorstep this morning didn’t look like a man not in love with his fiancée. He looked absolutely devastated. I’ve never seen him look that way, and neither has Alex.”

“I find that hard to believe.” Phoebe ran a hand down her face. “All I know is I can’t go through with this. I can’t — no, I
won’t
— marry a man who doesn’t love me.”

“I still don’t understand why you think Marco doesn’t love you. I’ve seen the way he looks at you, watches you. That man is clearly devoted to you. Tell me that’s not a man in love.”

“He’s never said it to me,” Phoebe whispered. “We’ve never said to each other.”

A gasp sounded in Phoebe’s ear; clearly she’d surprised her friend with her declaration.

“But you’re engaged! Why on earth haven’t you said ‘I love you’ to each other?”

“When did Alex finally tell you he loved you, Soph? When he thought he was going to lose you. Just like you’d never said it to him even though you’d told me that Alex was the love of your life.”

“You’re right. I can see your point.”

“Thank you.” Phoebe hoped that would be the end of the conversation about love. Somehow she didn’t think it would be though.

“Do you know what this sounds like? It sounds like you and Marco need to sit down and talk about your feelings. A simple discussion and everything will be sorted.”

“If only it were that simple. But it’s not.”

“Why isn’t it?”

Phoebe could hear the frustration in her friend’s voice. For the first time in her life, she didn’t know who she was. Over the last year she’d had so many changes and had lost her identity. She’d seen two of her good friends find love and marry. She’d been so caught up in the heady excitement of weddings and babies that she’d grasped at it, even though she hadn’t really been ready for it. The breakup with John had been quickly followed by the death of Mrs. White, the woman who had been her mentor and surrogate mother. For a while there, Marco had been able to make her forget those things. She now needed to deal with all that had happened to her. Once she had, then she could decide what her future held and if Marco was going to part of that future or not.

“Because I’ve lost myself, Soph. You said yesterday at your place that when I’m with Marco, I’m different. Which means I’m not being me. I don’t know who I am anymore. I’m not the carefree, good-time girl I used to be. I need to find
me,
before I can let anyone into my life and be an
us
.”

Phoebe wasn’t surprised by her friend’s silence. She’d just laid quite a bit of information and inner feelings out there.

Finally Sophie responded. “So what do you want to do?”

“I’m going to go away. Somewhere I can be alone with myself and work out what I really want out of life.”