Authors: Katherine Owen
Tags: #Contemporary, #General Fiction, #Love, #Betrayal, #Grief, #loss, #Best Friends, #Passion, #starting over, #Women's Fiction, #Contemporary Fiction, #Malibu, #past love, #love endures, #connections, #ties, #Manhattan, #epic love story
When I reach the top of stairs, Stephanie calls to me from the open doorway. “Julia, we’re off to the store for more milk for Reid. Do you have a list going?”
“Yes, I’ll get it.” I walk past Savannah. “Can I get you anything?” I ask.
“I have everything I need.” She studies my face briefly, then saunters back over to the railing, and watches Jake as he walks down the beach with Brad.
“We need more mixers too, Steph,” Kimberley says.
“Just come with us. Brad’s out at the beach. We never get you to ourselves anymore.” Stephanie throws her arm around Kimberley and drags her out the door. I watch the three of them get into Christian’s car and drive away.
A chilling breeze blows in from the open kitchen window and catches my attention for a moment. It serves as my only warning. The storm is here.
≈
≈*
D
isquiet swirls inside of me as I turn from the window.
“Alone at last,” Savannah says with a little laugh right behind me. “I haven’t seen you sit down once today, Julia. Can I call you that? Mrs. Hamilton seems so formal. Let’s have a drink and just chat.” She pours wine into a glass for me and soda water for herself into another.
“Sure.” I sit across from her in an opposing chair and toy with my wine glass, while she settles in on the sofa. She seems almost thoughtful, perhaps, preoccupied. Then, she smiles.
And it comes out of nowhere without intended provocation on my part and hits me at full speed, like a meteor hitting the Earth causing instant destruction, it eliminates the life I thought I knew. Instantaneous. This poison star.
“We were together for a while,” Savannah says. “Over a year ago, now. Yes, the spring before. March. He took me to the place in Malibu. Have you ever been there? It’s amazing.” Her violet-blue eyes sparkle as if she has a fever. “Yes, an unforgettable time for both of us.” She nods, moving her head ever so slightly, effecting perfect decorum. Then, she pauses with keen interest to ensure I’ve heard everything she’s just said.
Disbelief begins to run its course through my body, while my mind sifts and comprehends her words.
Evan.
She’s talking about Evan.
Then she laughs, one of those wicked laughs, not intended to be funny, while my mind races through calculations of time. Over a year ago. March. We were still in New York living at the penthouse. I’d just discovered the shrine to Elizabeth. We’d had a huge fight about…what else? Elizabeth. He’d left so angry and told me later he’d flown to California to figure some things out. Late March. I couldn’t fly because I was eight months pregnant.
Fear begins its slow drum beat inside. “What are you talking about?”
The fierce rolling waves of the stormy ocean reach at me. Drowning is so certain.
She laughs again. It’s this tinkling, coquettish practiced laugh. I amuse her.
“Oh, I think you know; don’t you? The wife always pretends to be the last one to know, but you’re really the first. Right? Marriage.” She shakes her head. “It’s such a permanent web, but we all want it.”
She gets up from the sofa, grabs a bottle of white wine off the counter, fills her glass, and finishes it in one long swallow, then, pours herself another.
Not pregnant.
She slides back to the sofa and leans towards me. “When Jake asked me to marry him, at first, it was terrifying to say yes, but I did because everybody wants that—to be happy, married, secure. I mean look at him; he’s gorgeous. And he has those special traits we all need: loyalty, trust.” She sighs and shakes her head. “Evan could never quite adhere to those, at least, not for long or rather with anyone still living.” She shrugs with nonchalance and leans back; her arms drape across my sofa swirling the wine glass in one hand.
“I trust Jake, but you … you could never be sure of Evan; could you Julia?”
I never could.
She looks at her red-nailed manicure as if she controls time and has plenty of it. I wonder if she even has a heartbeat, this poison star. I’m staring at her unable to look away from her intense gaze, even as I feel the burning.
“He actually took me to that wretched cemetery in New Haven. Can you believe it? But who could compete and win against a dead woman like Elizabeth Hamilton? I saw it in him right away, his endless quest in still loving her so much, searching for her persona in every woman he’s with or marries. I might look like her, but I could never be her. Who wants to be second, anyway?” She frowns and then, shakes her head as if to clear it of an unpleasant thought.
“He didn’t want you to find out. With a baby on the way, he wanted to try and make it work. With
you
.” She looks surprised by her own remark, and then sighs. “We both agreed it was best to end it. I had Jake; he’d asked me to marry him on Valentine’s Day. Evan had you. Our affair was just one of those things—an intoxicating heady experience, an amazing high. He wanted me; and his need was so great. I wanted him because he could satisfy me in ways no one else ever could.” Savannah gets this bemused smile. “But we knew we had to end it.” She looks sad for a moment, and then it’s gone. Her features harden as if she’s made of porcelain, perfect doll features, impenetrable, unaffected, and lifeless.
Then, she waves her hand in front of my face as if to say: pay attention; this is important. “He took care of me, of everything. He was so generous. He gave me a promotion, money, stocks. We had this secret between us and we agreed to keep it. We were both secure in knowing we could always start it up again, if we needed to. I was right there at the office with him, working closely with him every day, while Jake was away in London. Just the idea of it kept us going. But, I had Jake. And, he had you and the baby. Life went on. And Jake and I were getting married at Christmas time and that was my focus.” She nods. Then, her eyes narrow and hate just shoots from her as if she’s been suddenly lit afire and found her purpose. “And then, it all falls apart. Evan dies.” She says this with such vehemence, as if it was just inexcusable of him to do this to her. “Jake cancels
everything
. I couldn’t believe it. Your damn friend Kimberley couldn’t move fast enough to send out those cancellation notices. You two are quite a pair.”
“And
you
.” She stabs a red fingernail into my hand as I hold my wine glass.”You … you just couldn’t handle
anything
on your own. Could you? And, Jake, like the good guy he is … he’s helping you out at every turn.
Your
life’s ruined and somehow you’re interfering with
mine
.” Her chest heaves as she tries to catch her breath.
“Well, it’s not going to work that way. Jake’s mine. He’s marrying
me
. We’re going to be together in Austin where we both belong. And someday, when the time is just right, I’ll let him know about our tidy little hedge fund account. Then, we can live the lifestyle we really want. You’ve really inspired me today. It’s been quite informative. He loves your kid; imagine how much he’ll love one of his own. I intend to make that happen. Someday.”
She laughs as she pours herself another generous glass of wine, and swallows it down, reminding me of a black widow drinking its liquefied prey. “Evan insisted we keep our little affair quiet, but I believe the arrangement we had, died with him. And, you always knew. Didn’t you, Julia?”
I make a guttural sound and search for words. I clutch my midsection wanting the venomous words she’s spewing to just stop, to somehow not reach me, but they already have.
“There’s no point in telling Jake. It would just make you look vindictive and I’m sure you wouldn’t want that. Perfect Julia being vengeful? Not possible.” She laughs. “It’ll be our little secret.” She stands, runs her hand down the front of her black skirted thigh. I stand and face her, but shock ripples through me and I can’t form any words.
“I think we’re finished here. I just wanted to be clear. Amazing what we have in common after all, you do look … just like her. From her portrait in Malibu? Hey, if you ever get out there, can you look around for my black bikini? I left it there and it’s my favorite. Evan was supposed to bring it back, but you know how men are about the little things.”
I nod.
The little things, yes, it’s the little things.
“I should have kept it going a little longer with him, but he really wanted to make it work with you. Devote himself to you and … Reid? Is it? So, maybe, in the end, he really did love you, Julia.” She bestows me with a benevolent smile. “Yes, I think he did.”
She retrieves her white sweater from the back of the chair, slips it on, and lifts her long dark hair away from the inside of the collar with one hand. And I just watch, from a place so far away, I can barely see her anymore as these roiling waves of despair crash within and all but drown me. “Tell me this, did you have Evan buried or cremated?”
“Does it matter?” I ask. She’s landed every crushing blow squarely upon my soul.
“No, I guess not. It really doesn’t matter.” Her smile disappears. “He’s dead, either way.”
She turns toward the French doors, just as Jake and Brad come across the deck. My throat constricts and I gasp for air.
By the time I look to where she was standing, just moments before, Savannah is opening the doors and calling to him. “Jake? We should get going. It’s been a big day for everyone and I’m sure Julia wants to turn in early. She’s told me she’s tired.” Savannah turns back to me, takes my hand, and squeezes it, then, lets it go.
Jake comes up to us. His kind nature consoles me, although I feel so far away already. I glance over at Brad and try to smile, but then, Savannah claims my attention again by reaching for me.
“You do look a little tired,” Savannah says. She looks at Jake then and dazzles him with her radiance, but he hesitates and half-smiles at me. “Jake?”
He looks back over at her and she nods, satisfied she has his attention and then she shifts her trajectory gaze back on to me.
“It’s been so nice to finally meet you, Mrs. Evan Hamilton.
Julia
. It was a lovely party. Just so
sweet.
You have a beautiful child there. I’m so sorry about your loss, about Evan.”
Instinct for my survival, in some form, kicks in. This might be my only chance to save him from her as well, so I take it.
“I’m so sorry about your own loss,” I say in an even voice. “Thanks for thinking enough of me to share your story about losing the baby. Jake, I’m so sorry for you, for you both.”
I glance over at Jake.
Help me.
But he’s reeling with his own devastation, reaching for her.
“Savannah, you lost the baby?”
She’s stunned at my words, my comeback. She just stands there for a moment in disbelief that someone has dared to take her on. She hesitates. Her lips part as if she has something more to say. Then, she seems to recover, looks at Jake with this knowing lover’s smile as if to say, I’ve got this.
It’s incongruent: her smile, his devastation.
I can’t stop now. I just keep going, fighting back, and landing blows she’s not expecting.
I grab her hand. “Did you want to take the wine you opened with you? I’m not a white wine connoisseur.”
Her frozen smile looks out of place. I retrieve the open bottle, cork it, and hand it to her in less than sixty seconds.
Last salvo.
“He was cremated,” I say. “You asked and I never answered.”
There’s this vacuum of stunned silence from beside me as Dr. Bradley Stevenson comes closer to me, inadvertently providing me with his strength as well.
“You asked her about his burial?” Brad asks.
His incredulity bolsters me further. I remain standing, insulated from her poison star attack for a few more moments. I’m all powerful, gazing at her, holding my serve.
“Savannah?” Jake asks. “Why would you ask Julia a question like that?”
She recovers, affecting this pouty look. “I was … upset about losing the baby. I’m not myself. I didn’t know how to tell you. I know how much you wanted it. And, Jake, you know, I just want us to be together and happy. I wanted to be able to give you what you want.”