Seized by Love (Love in Bloom: The Ryders, Book 1): Blue Ryder (24 page)

“Thank you for the sweet note this morning,” he said with a warm smile that stole her breath, “but I missed my sugary treat.”

“I wasn’t sure you’d want them now that you know why I bake so often.” She’d left a clean coffee mug beside a fresh pot of coffee for him, along with a note thanking him for being understanding the night before, but she’d been too conflicted to leave a cupcake.

“Lizzie, there’s so much we need to talk about.”

“I know you need time to figure out if you want to be with me, and I get that.”

“I want to be with you, Lizzie.” His voice went serious and soft at the same time, something she was sure only he could pull off. “
Want
isn’t the issue. You have to know that. And I didn’t mean to upset you last night by leaving.”

“I’m not upset that you didn’t stay. It just hurt, and I don’t know where we stand—”

“Where we stand is that I want to try to make this work. We have a lot to talk through, but I know we can get past this.”

“You…you do?”

“I do, Lizzie.”

The sincerity in his voice tugged at her heart. But she didn’t have time to talk through things now. She had to get Maddy, but she did want to tell him what she’d wanted to say last night.

“I didn’t get to thank you last night for convincing me to tell Sky. I didn’t get to say much of anything, because my heart was going crazy and my mind was in tatters—in the very best kind of tatters, of course.” She felt her cheeks flush.

He stepped in closer, holding her gaze, and placed his hands on her hips. His voice was smooth, rich, comforting. “I wasn’t trying to convince you of anything, and I’m sorry I overreacted.”

She knew she should react to his apology, but she still hadn’t decided if he’d overreacted or not. What she did know was that she had to tell him what was circling around in her head.

“I know you weren’t, but I told Sky about the webcast, and it was like crawling out from under a dark cloud. I never knew my secret was weighing so heavily on me, but you were right. I was rationalizing in order to continue. I’m planning to tell Madison and my parents tonight. As difficult as it was to come clean, Blue, it was also freeing, and I’m thankful that you opened my eyes to what my life had become.”

“You told Sky?”

She saw the surprise in his eyes, and as he drew her closer, the rest of what she’d been holding back tumbled out.

“I did, and Blue, being with you is everything. I never knew that I could miss you so much after only one day. But when we were apart, a piece of me was missing. I haven’t been able to think straight all day, and I just feel empty. Being close to you again made me think about what I really wanted and what I needed. I want to be with you, Blue.”

He breathed a relieved sigh and embraced her. “Thank God, because I can’t go another day without you.”

She forced herself to push back, unwilling to fool herself or him. “I care for you a great deal, and I know that you still care for me, and that gives me hope for us. But after giving it probably way too much thought, I’m certain that I need to continue with the webcast, for Maddy’s sake.”

His brows knitted together in confusion.

“I made a commitment to her education, and that’s a commitment I won’t back down from. It’s only two more years, which I know must feel like a lifetime to you.” Needing the connection and for him to realize how strongly she meant what she was about to say, she pressed her hand to his chest, surprised to feel how fast his heart was beating. “When you’ve been doing this as long as I have, you realize that two years will go fast. I still can’t believe that you had been asking me out for a year before I finally came to my senses. A year went quickly, Blue, didn’t it?”
Please say yes. Please, please say yes
.

“That was the longest year of my life,” he answered with a hint of exasperation
and
a smile. “You infiltrated my dreams and lingered in my mind every minute of every day. Two years is a damn long time. This is all new for me, so I don’t really know what I’m dealing with, but I know what I want, Lizzie, and I want to be with you.”

She held her breath for a
but
…

He swallowed hard, sending his Adam’s apple bouncing up his neck. “I saw you taping last night. I only watched for a minute, but—”

“You watched me?”
Oh God. That’s the kiss of death
.

“I couldn’t help it. I was getting ready to leave and I heard you talking, and…I’m sorry. I went down and watched from the stairs for just a few minutes.” He reached up and touched her cheek. “But what I saw was a woman who was acting, not
my
Lizzie. On some level I’ve understood that the whole time, but on a deeper, more intimate level, there was still a twinge of something gnawing at me.”

She dropped her gaze, unable to take much more. She was already standing on a precipice and was afraid that one strong gust of wind would send her over the edge.

He lifted her chin and gazed into her eyes. “I realized that I haven’t felt the claws of jealousy for so long, I didn’t recognize them.”

She fisted her hands in his shirt, stifling a laugh of relief, because it would be wrong to laugh at something like this, but she’d been so scared about what he might say that laughing was about all she could manage.

“Jealousy? Over guys I don’t know or care about?”

“What can I say? I’m jealous over my girl.” His lips quirked up, and in that split second, the tide changed between them. “When I first started working at your house, I was your friend, but I was hoping to become more. And every note, every sugary treat, every flash of your adorable dimples, made me want to cross that line even more. And then suddenly, there you were, and you were
mine
. And I was the happiest man on earth. Then I found out that while you were mine, you were seducing other guys with the same sugary treats and seductive voice. I’m not judging you. This part isn’t about you. It’s about
me
. I can’t help it if I’m jealous, and I admit it. I am as jealous as the day is long.”

“No, I guess you can’t help it.” She was still clinging to his shirt, trying to remain stable on this roller-coaster ride of emotions. As relieved as she was, and as much as she knew they needed to talk this out even more, she was painfully aware of the time and of her impending confession to Maddy and her parents hovering over her, making her even more anxious.

“I have to go get Maddy, but we both need to be sure about all of this. I know two years is a long time in your eyes, but I’ve been doing this for so long that I finally see a light at the end of the tunnel. I hope that when I get there, you’ll be waiting for me.”

MADDY HADN’T STOPPED chatting since they left the university grounds, and Lizzie couldn’t get a word in edgewise. She hardly had the heart to interrupt her sister’s rant about the trials and tribulations of college life; after all, she agreed with them.

“I mean really, Lizzie. Where do these guys get off thinking that just because a girl goes to a party that she wants to get laid? I like parties, but that doesn’t mean I’m there looking for a guy to sleep with.” Maddy shoved a Twizzler into her mouth and pushed her long, honey-colored hair from her shoulders. “All I want is to get my education, have fun with my girlfriends, and
maybe
meet a nice guy. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not opposed to sex in general, but…Are there nice guys out there? Are there guys who aren’t busy drinking and fucking every girl in sight?”

Lizzie laughed, but inside she was thinking,
Yeah, there are. And I hope I haven’t lost the best of them
.

“There are, Mad, but they may be hard to come by in college. Think of a hundred kids raised like us—no dating, nine-thirty curfew—all set free for the first time ever. Of course they’re going to be all over everything they possibly can get their hands on. They’re rebelling, and experiencing, and living life the way they haven’t been allowed to. But that doesn’t make them bad people.”

“Just horny people,” Maddy said with a laugh. “God, I’ve been talking this whole time. I’m sorry. I’m just so sick of it all, and the girls are just as bad, but I won’t go there.” Her eyes rolled over Lizzie like she could see the discomfort prickling her skin. “What’s up with you lately? How’s the shop?”

“The shop is great, but I do need to talk to you about something.”

“If it’s about my books, I got a job at the bookstore next semester. I’ll get a discount, and I hope to earn enough to pay for them myself.” Pride radiated from her sister’s hazel eyes. “See? You taught me well. I’m trying to pay my own way so Mom and Dad don’t have to stress about it and so you don’t have to keep shoveling your hard-earned money my way.”

“That’s kind of what I need to talk to you about. You know I don’t mind paying, right? And that Mom and Dad would if they could.”

Maddy grabbed another Twizzler from her purse and waved a dismissive hand, then pointed the long red candy at Lizzie. “I know you don’t
mind
, but I still feel bad.”

“Well, don’t.” Lizzie pulled off the highway at the exit for Brewster and drove toward their parents’ house. “Mad, I haven’t exactly been honest with you about where the money for your college is coming from.”

Maddy offered a Twizzler to Lizzie.

“No, thanks. Mom’s making dinner,” Lizzie said.

Maddy pulled a Snickers from her purse and waved it in front of Lizzie. “You know you want it.” She tore open the wrapper and handed the delicious chocolate to Lizzie.

“God, I love you.” Lizzie bit off a hunk while Maddy nibbled at her licorice.

“Did you hear what I said, Mad? I lied to you.”

“Uh-huh. But you never lie. You’re even more straitlaced than me.”

“Not really. It just seems that way.” She pulled over in the parking lot of their old elementary school and parked the car so she could give Maddy her full attention.

“Oh no, what are you going to tell me?” Maddy’s hands fell to her lap, a look of worry riddling her beautiful young face.

“It’s not that bad. Well, it is, maybe, but…here goes. When I was in college and Dad got sick, I had to pay my own way, too, and I ended up with loads of school loans. I saw myself working for minimum wage for the rest of my life and never realizing my dreams because of it, and so I found a way out. And that way out paid for my school loans, my flower shop, and now for your school, too.”

“Just tell me what it is, Lizzie. You sound like Mom when she’s dancing around something she doesn’t want to talk about.”

“I do a video webcast called the
Naked Baker
—but I’m not naked; I wear an apron—and it’s all monetized. I earn money from it to pay for your school.”

Maddy’s lips pressed into a firm line, and then she burst into laughter. She laughed so hard her head tipped back. “Oh my gosh, you had me there for a second. You? The
Naked Baker
? More like the
Proper Baker
.”

Her laughter was contagious, but it also irked Lizzie to know that everyone saw her as such a good girl. “Madison, I’m telling you the truth.”

Maddy whipped her head in Lizzie’s direction. “No, you’re definitely messing with me.”

Lizzie leveled her most serious big-sister stare at her.

Maddie gasped. “For real? Why? I thought you made enough money with the flower shop to help.”

Lizzie shook her head, shame burning her cheeks. She told Maddy the whole sordid story, and when she was done, they sat in silence for so long Lizzie felt sick to her stomach.

“Do you hate me?” she finally asked.

“Hate you? No. I just can’t believe you would do that. Not that there’s something wrong with it, but there kinda is.” Maddy’s gaze softened apologetically. “Do Mom and Dad know?”

Lizzie shook her head.

“Please don’t tell them. They can’t take this, Lizzie. I guess I’ve always known that you would do anything for me, and now that the initial shock has worn off, I get it. But
they
won’t be okay with this. God, I can’t even picture you doing something like this. Mom and Dad will have a stroke.”

“Hey, I make a great blonde, and my legs aren’t bad.”

Maddy rolled her eyes. “You’re gorgeous all over, but...” She reached for Lizzie’s hand. “Thank you for doing all that, but maybe you shouldn’t do it anymore. I feel responsible. I
am
responsible. Oh no. I’m going straight to hell. I’ve turned my sister into an online ho!”

“Wow, Mad, don’t soften the blow or anything.” Lizzie looked out the window, caught between laughter and dismay.

“I didn’t mean that. I just…Lizzie, now that I know what you’re doing, I can’t keep taking your money.”

“You can and you will.” Lizzie started the car. “And I have to tell Mom and Dad. I can’t keep lying to everyone.”

“They won’t understand, and then I’ll be to blame for that, too.”

“Mad, I’m a grown-up. This has nothing to do with you and everything to do with me and my choices. No matter how Mom and Dad take it, it’s not your fault.”

An hour later, Lizzie wished she’d listened to Maddy’s advice. Her parents sat at either side of their dining room table with pained looks on their faces. Her mother’s trembling hand covered her mouth; her thin brows were pinched together, and her father scowled, his eyes flaming with disappointment.

“Dad, say something. Anything,” Lizzie pleaded.

“You’re not the girl I raised.” Vernon Barber pushed from the table, avoiding eye contact with Lizzie. He bent and kissed the top of Maddy’s head. “Madison, thank you for coming home for dinner.”

It might have been the condescending way he made the proclamation about her or the emotions of the last few days getting the better of her. Lizzie wasn’t sure what tipped her over the edge, but she threw her napkin on the table and pushed to her feet.

“I’m paying for the education you couldn’t afford. How about saying something like,
Thank you. We may not think it’s the best way to go about it, but good job
.”

“Lizzie!” Maddy snapped.

Lizzie had never raised her voice to their father before, and she knew she was skirting a dangerous line, but she was too angry to stop.

Her father waited until she was done, then silently left the room.