Selected Stories (16 page)

‘But to reshume. My room – ‘twas before I was married – was wid twelve av the scum av the earth – the pickin's av the gutther – mane men that wud neither laugh nor talk nor yet get dhrunk as a man shud. They thried some av their dog's thricks on me, but I dhrew a line around my cot, an' the man that thransgressed ut wint into hospital for three days good.

‘O'Hara had put his spite on the room – he was my Colour-Sargint – an' nothing cud we do to plaze him. I was younger than I am now, an' I tuk fwhat I got in the way av dhressing-down and punishmint-dhrill wid me tongue in me cheek. But it was diff'rint wid the others, an' why I cannot say, excipt that some men are borrun mane an' go to dhirty murther where a fist is more than enough. Afther a whoile, they changed their chune to me an' was desp'rit frien'ly – all twelve av thim cursin' O'Hara in chorus.

‘“Eyah!” sez I, “O'Hara's a divil and I'm not for denyin' ut, but is
he the only man in the wurruld? Let him go. He'll get tired av findin' our kit foul an' our ‘coutrements onproperly kep'.”

‘“We will
not
let him go,” sez they.

‘“Thin take him,” sez I, “an' a dashed poor yield you will get for your throuble.”

‘“Is he not misconductin' himself wid Slimmy's wife?” sez another.

‘“She's common to the Rig'mint,” sez I. “Fwhat has made ye this partic'lar on a suddint?”

‘“Has he not put his spite on the roomful av us? Can we do anythin' that he will not check us for?” sez another.

‘“That's thrue,” sez I.

‘“Will ye not help us to do aught,” sez another – “a big bould man like you?”

‘“I will break his head upon his shoulthers av he puts hand on me,” sez I. “I will give him the lie av he says that I'm dhirty an' I wud not mind duckin' him in the Artillery troughs if ut was not that I'm thryin' for me shtripes.”

‘“Is that all ye will do?” sez another. “Have ye no more spunk than that, ye blood-dhrawn calf?'

‘“Blood-dhrawn I may be,” says I, gettin' back to my cot an' makin' my line round ut; “but ye know that the man who comes acrost this mark will be more blood-dhrawn than me. No man gives me the name in my mouth,” I sez. “Ondhersthand, I will have no part wid you in anythin' ye do, nor will I raise my fist to my shuperior. Is any wan comin' on?” sez I.

‘They made no move, tho' I gave thim full time, but stud growlin' an' snarlin' together at wan ind av the room. I tuk up my cap and wint out to Canteen, thinkin' no little av mesilf, an' there I grew most ondacintly dhrunk in my legs. My head was all reasonable.

‘“Houligan,” I sez to a man in E Comp'ny that was by way av bein' a frind av mine; “I'm overtuk from the belt down. Do you give me the touch av your shoulther to presarve me formashin an' march me acrost the ground into the high grass. I'll sleep ut off there,” sez I; an' Houligan – he's dead now, but good he was whoile he lasted – walked wid me, givin' me the touch whin I wint wide, ontil we came to the high grass, an', my faith, sky an' earth was fair rowlin' undher me. I made for where the grass was thickust, an' there I slep' off my liquor wid an aisy conscience. I did not desire to come on the books too frequint; my characther havin' been shpotless for the good half av a year.

‘Whin I roused, the dhrink was dyin' out in me, an' I felt as though a she-cat had littered in me mouth. I had not learned to hould my liquor
wid comfort in thim days. 'Tis little betther I am now. “I will get Houligan to pour a bucket over my head,” thinks I, an' I wud ha' risen, but I heard some wan say: “Mulvaney can take the blame av ut for the backslidin' hound he is.”

‘“Oho!” sez I, an' me head ringing like a guard-room gong: “fwhat is the blame that this young man must take to oblige Tim Vulmea?” For ‘twas Tim Vulmea that shpoke.

‘I turned on me belly an' crawled through the grass, a bit at a time, to where the spache came from. There was the twelve av my room sittin' down in a little patch, the dhry grass wavin' above their heads an' the sin av black murther in their hearts. I put the stuff aside to get clear view.

‘“Fwhat's that?” sez wan man, jumpin' up.

‘“A dog,” says Vulmea. “You're a nice hand to this job! As I said, Mulvaney will take the blame – av ut comes to a pinch.”

‘“'Tis harrd to swear a man's life away,” sez a young wan.

‘“Thank ye for that,” thinks I. “Now, fwhat the divil are you paragins conthrivin' agin' me?”

‘“'Tis as aisy as dhrinkin' your quart,” sez Vulmea. “At sivin or thereon, O'Hara will come acrost to the Married Quarters, goin' to call on Slimmy's wife, the swine! Wan av us ‘ll pass the wurrud to the room an' we shtart the divil an' all av a shine – laughin' an' crackin' on
¹⁰
an' t'rowin' our boots about. Thin O'Hara will come to give us the ordher to be quiet, the more by token bekaze the room lamp will be knocked over in the larkin'. He will take the straight road to the ind door where there's the lamp in the verandah, an' that'll bring him clear agin' the light as he shtands. He will not be able to look into the dhark. Wan av us will loose off, an' a close shot ut will be, an' shame to the man that misses. 'Twill be Mulvaney's rifle, she that is at the head av the rack – there's no mishtakin' that long-shtocked, cross-eyed bitch even in the dhark.”

‘The thief misnamed my ould firin'-piece out av jealousy – I was pershuaded av that – an' ut made me more angry than all.

‘But Vulmea goes on: “O'Hara will dhrop, an' by the time the light's lit agin, there'll be some six av us on the chest av Mulvaney, cryin' murther an' rape. Mulvaney's cot is near the ind door, an' the shmokin' rifle will be lyin' undher him whin we've knocked him over. We know, an' all the Rig'mint knows, that Mulvaney has given O'Hara more lip than any man av us. Will there be any doubt at the Coort-Martial? Wud twelve honust sodger-bhoys swear away the life av a dear, quiet, swate-timpered man such as is Mulvaney – wid his line av pipe-clay roun' his cot, threatenin' us wid murther av we overshtepped ut, as we can truthful testify?”

‘“Mary, Mother av Mercy!” thinks I to mesilf; “ut is this to have an unruly mimber an' fistes fit to use! The hounds!”

‘The big dhrops ran down my face, for I was wake wid the liquor an' had not the full av my wits about me. I laid sthill an' heard thim workin' thimsilves up to swear me life away by tellin' tales av ivry time I had put my mark on wan or another; an', my faith, they was few that was not so dishtinguished. 'Twas all in the way av fair fight, though, for niver did I raise my hand excipt whin they had provoked me to ut.

‘“'Tis all well,” sez wan av thim, “but who's to do this shootin'?”

‘“Fwhat matther?” sez Vulmea. “'Tis Mulvaney will do that – at the Coort-Martial.”

‘“He will so,” sez the man, “but whose hand is put to the thrigger –
in the room
?”

‘“Who'll do ut?” sez Vulmea, lookin' round, but divil a man answered. They began to dishpute till Kiss, that was always playin' Shpoil Five, sez: “Thry the kyards!” Wid that he opind his tunic an' tuk out the greasy palammers,
¹¹
an' they all fell in wid the notion.

‘“Deal on!” sez Vulmea, wid a big rattlin' oath, “an' the Black Curse av Shielygh come to the man that will not do his jooty as the kyards say. Amin!”

‘“Black Jack is the masther,” sez Kiss, dealin'. Black Jack, sorr, I shud expaytiate to you, is the Ace av Shpades which from time immimorial has been intimately connect wid battle, murther, an' suddin death.

‘
Wanst
Kiss dealt, an' there was no sign, but the men was whoite wid the workin's av their sowls.
Twice
Kiss dealt, an' there was a grey shine on their cheeks like the mess av an egg.
Three
times Kiss dealt, an' they was blue. “Have ye not lost him?” sez Vulmea, wipin' the sweat on him; “let's ha' done quick!” “Quick ut is,” sez Kiss, throwin' him the kyard; an' ut fell face up on his knee – Black Jack!

‘Thin they all cackled wid laughin'. “Jooty thrippence,” sez wan av thim, “an' damned cheap at that price!” But I cud see they all dhrew a little away from Vulmea an' lef' him sittin' playin' wid the kyard. Vulmea sez no wurrud for a whoile but licked his lips – cat-ways. Thin he threw up his head an' made the men swear by ivry oath known to stand by him not alone in the room but at the Coort-Martial that was to set on
me
! He tould off five av the biggest to stretch me on my cot whin the shot was fired, an' another man he tould off to put out the light, an' yet another to load my rifle. He wud not do that himsilf; an' that was quare, for ‘twas but a little thing considherin'.

‘Thin they swore over again that they wud not bethray wan another, an' crep' out av the grass in diff'rint ways, two by two. A mercy ut was
that they did not come on me. I was sick wid fear in the pit av me stummick – sick, sick, sick! Afther they was all gone, I wint back to Canteen an' called for a quart to put a thought in me. Vulmea was there, dhrinkin' heavy, an' politeful to me beyond reason. “Fwhat will I do? – fwhat will I do?” thinks I to mesilf whin Vulmea wint away.

‘Prisintly the Arm'rer-Sargint comes in stiffin'
¹²
an' crackin' on, not plazed wid any wan, bekaze the Martini-Henry
¹³
bein' new to the Rig'mint in those days we used to play the mischief wid her arrangemints. 'Twas a long time before I cud get out av the way av thryin' to pull back the backsight an' turnin' her over afther firin' – as if she was a Snider.

‘“Fwhat tailor-men do they give me to work wid?” sez the Arm'rer-Sargint. “Here's Hogan, his nose flat as a table, laid by for a week, an' ivry Comp'ny sendin' their arrums in knocked to small shivreens.”

‘“Fwhat's wrong wid Hogan, Sargint?” sez I.

‘“Wrong!” sez the Arm'rer-Sargint; “I showed him, as though I had been his mother, the way av shtrippin' a ‘Tini, an' he shtrup her clane an' aisy. I tould him to put her to agin an' fire a blank into the blow-pit to show how the dhirt hung on the groovin'. He did that, but he did not put in the pin av the fallin'-block, an' av coorse whin he fired he was strook by the block jumpin' clear. Well for him ‘twas but a blank – a full charge wud ha' cut his eye out.”

‘I looked a thrifle wiser than a boiled sheep's head. “How's that, Sargint?” sez I.

‘“This way, ye blundherin' man, an' don't you be doin' ut,” sez he. Wid that he shows me a Waster action – the breech av her all cut away to show the inside – an' so plazed he was to grumble that he dimonsthrated fwhat Hogan had done twice over. “An' that comes av not knowin' the wepping you're provided wid,” sez he.

‘“Thank ye, Sargint,” sez I; “I will come to you agin for further informashin.”

‘“Ye will not,” sez he. “Kape your clanin'-rod away from the breech-pin or you will get into throuble.”

‘I wint outside an' I cud ha' danced wid delight for the grandeur av ut. “They will load my rifle, good luck to thim, whoile I'm away,” thinks I, and back I wint to the Canteen to give thim their clear chanst.

‘The Canteen was fillin' wid men at the ind av the day. I made feign to be far gone in dhrink, an', wan by wan, all my roomful came in wid Vulmea. I wint away, walkin' thick an' heavy, but not so thick an' heavy that any man cud ha' tuk me. Sure an' thrue, there was a kyartridge gone from my pouch an' lyin' snug in my rifle. I was hot wid rage agin' thim all, and I worried the bullet out wid me teeth as fast as I cud, the room
bein' empty. Then I tuk my boot an' the clanin'-rod and knocked out the pin av the fallin'-block. Oh, ‘twas music whin that pin rowled on the flure! I put ut into my pouch an' shtuck a dab av dhirt on the holes in the plate, puttin' the fallin'-block back. “That'll do your business, Vulmea,” sez I, lyin' aisy on me cot. “Come an' sit on me chest, the whole room av you, an' I will take you to me bosom for the biggest divils that iver cheated halter.” I wud have no mercy on Vulmea. His eye or his life – little I cared!

‘At dusk they came back, the twelve av thim, an' they had all been dhrinkin'. I was shammin' sleep on the cot. Wan man wint outside in the verandah. Whin he whishtled they began to rage roun' the room an' carry on tremenjus. But I niver want to hear men laugh as they did – sky-larkin' too! 'Twas like mad jackals.

‘“Shtop that blasted noise!” sez O'Hara in the dark, an' pop goes the room lamp. I cud hear O'Hara runnin' up an' the rattlin' av my rifle in the rack an' the men breathin' heavy as they stud roun' my cot. I cud see O'Hara in the light av the verandah lamp, an' thin I heard the crack av my rifle. She cried loud, poor darlint, bein' mishandled. Next minut' five men were houldin' me down. “Go aisy,” I sez; “fwhat's ut all about?”

‘Thin Vulmea, on the flure, raised a howl you cud hear from wan ind av cantonmints to the other. “I'm dead, I'm butchered, I'm blind!” sez he. “Saints have mercy on my sinful sowl! Sind for Father Constant! Oh, sind for Father Constant an' let me go clane!” By that I knew he was not so dead as I cud ha' wished.

‘O'Hara picks up the lamp in the verandah wid a hand as stiddy as a rest. “Fwhat damned dog's thrick is this av yours?” sez he, and turns the light on Tim Vulmea that was shwimmin' in blood from top to toe. The fallin'-block had sprung free behin' a full charge av powther – good care I tuk to bite down the brass afther takin' out the bullet, that there might be somethin' to give ut full worth – an' had cut Tim from the lip to the corner av the right eye, lavin' the eyelid in tatthers, an' so up an' along by the forehead to the hair. 'Twas more av a rakin' plough, if you will ondhersthand, than a clane cut; an' niver did I see a man bleed as Vulmea did. The dhrink an' the stew that he was in pumped the blood strong. The minut' the men sittin' on my chest heard O'Hara spakin' they scatthered each wan to his cot, an' cried out very politeful: “Fwhat is ut, Sargint?”