Sentinel [Covenant #5] (18 page)

work. Maybe I would lay some bruises on Zeus, but in the end, I couldn’t defeat another Olympian. All I had was Apollo in my corner. He could walk away from this, refuse Zeus’ bidding, because he was the only one who could kill me—besides a Titan, and our Titan had vanished. But Apollo didn’t look like he was going to disobey his father. Oh, my gods… Another shiver rocked my body as it really seeped in. This was it. I wanted to run. I wanted to fight, but as I stared back at the gods, I saw that it would all be so very pointless. If I fought, Seth would get hurt in the process. Badly. And who’s to say that Zeus wouldn’t turn to finding Aiden and my father to make this easier? I couldn’t risk them. I couldn’t risk anyone else like I’d done with Caleb, Lea, Olivia, and so many more. It…it was now my turn. Seth’s head snapped back as if he’d been slapped. “No. You can’t do this. We helped you! She did everything you wanted her to do!” He dropped my hand, forming his into fists. “You can’t do this to her!” Having not seen Seth this upset in a long time, I sucked in a sharp breath. My heart was trying to come out of my chest again. “Seth…” “No!” He took a step toward Zeus, but I shot forward, grabbing his arm. His wide eyes met mine. “Alex, you can’t—” “There’s nothing either of you can do,” Zeus said, taking a step back to stand next to Hera. She inclined her head to the side, and several strands of russet-colored hair slipped from her elegant coif. “It is for the best of everyone.” An angry flush flooded Seth’s cheeks. “Are you serious?” “Seth!” I tugged on his arm. “What?” he snapped, turning on me. He gripped my shoulders. “You can’t be okay with this. And you’re not giving up!” Was I giving up? I glanced back at Apollo and read the sadness in his expression. “I’m not giving up, Seth, but they won’t allow the God Killer to live.” Seth didn’t respond immediately, but when he did, he cursed harshly and blanched. “You knew! You knew that this would happen.” I shook my head and whispered, “Could happen. I knew this could happen.” “Could versus would? Are you shitting me? You knew this could happen, and you let me allow you to put yourself in this situation?” He shook me as more blood drained from his face. “How could you, Alex?” Blinking back tears, I shook my head again. How could I say that he couldn’t have handled the powerof the God Killer and not make him feel worse? “This is sweet,” Hera said, stepping back so she joined the other Olympians. “He cares for her so deeply, and yet she loves another. Tragic.” Really? My gaze slid to her, but then Apollo stepped forward, breaking ranks. Each step was slow, purposeful. A lump formed in my throat. There wasn’t enough time. I realized that then. The same crack I’d thrown in Ares’ face had now turned back on me. Karma was a bitch and a half. And so was Fate, because this was Fate, wasn’t it? Either way, I wanted to see Marcus one more time and share an awkward hug with him. I wanted to see my father once more, maybe have dinner with him. I wanted to watch Deacon and Luke laugh, and see Solos’ smile. And, oh gods, I wanted to kiss Aiden, just once more. But there was no time. This was happening. All those moments, from the second my mother had taken me out of the Covenant, had been leading up to this. She had tried to prevent this—even as a daimon, she had tried to prevent this. Grandma Piperi had said I’d kill the ones I love. She had forgotten to tell me that I would also die in the end. Gods, she sucked at the whole foretelling thing. But Solaris had known, hadn’t she? She had sounded like she’d been seeing me again soon, and she would be. This was so not fair. “Alexandria,” Apollo said gently. “It is time.” I turned to Seth, my heart racing. “Please—” “No!” he yelled, still fighting the inevitable. “This isn’t right. They can’t do this. You don’t deserve this. I do. They—” “They’re not going to take you,” I said, tears welling in my eyes. “Listen to me, Seth. They’re not. They can’t kill you. Ares is gone, and I’m the God Killer. There’s nothing we can do.” The full horror of the situation dawned in Seth’s expressive face, and he placed his hands on my cheeks. He pressed his forehead to mine. “Oh gods, Alex, I don’t want this to happen. Alex…” I gripped his arms, forcing myself to breathe. “Please take care of Aiden. I know you two don’t get along, but please. He’s going to need someone. So please watch out for him. Promise me, Seth. Promise me.” There was a long pause, and I thought I felt his tears mix with mine. “I promise.” Those two words, well, they helped a little, but God Killer or not, I was scared and I didn’t want to be alone. “Don’t let go,” I whispered, closing my eyes. “I won’t,” he swore, his lips brushing my cheek. “I will never let go.” I started to shake. I didn’t want to be scared. Where was that strength and courage I’d felt earlier? I wanted to be the one who faced Fate with her head high, but I was scared. I knew there was no coming back from this. I would never see my father, my friends, or Aiden again. My breath caught again, and each time I took a breath, I feared it would be the last one. “Don’t leave me. Please? I don’t want to be by myself.” “You’re not.” Seth slipped his arms around me, holding me close. “You’re not alone.” His tears were mingled with mine. “You’re not alone. You’ll never be alone, Angel. I promise you. You’ll never—” I took a breath and never heard his next words. There was a harsh expletive from Seth, and then the world ended for me on the heels of a burst of beautiful bright sunlight.CHAPTER 26Dying the second time was nothing like the first time. When I opened my eyes, I knew I was in the Underworld, and I knew I was dead. Not like when I was stabbed by Linard. Nope. I was as dead as everyone else around me. I also didn’t end up on the banks of Styx waiting for Charon with all the other dead folks; there would’ve been a lot of them there after all the fighting. My death was just all kinds of special. When I opened my eyes, I was standing in the middle of Hades’ palace. There had been no pain, no feeling of suffocation—a blink of an eye and my life was over and I was staring at the translucent, shimmery dress of Persephone. The first things I saw upon dying were Persephone’s breasts and nipples. Or at least one nipple, but there was definitely a nipple. Something seemed wrong about that being the first thing I saw in the afterlife. I was too dumbstruck by the whole dying thing to do or say much of anything. Hades was already back, and when Persephone dropped her arm over my shoulders, I was too out of it to be freaked out about her being so close to me. “Where’s Apollo?” I asked, because I wanted to see him, needed to see him. The arrogance that was typically present on Hades’ face was gone as he shook his head. “He will come when he can.” I didn’t like that answer. Apollo should be here, not Hades. Apollo had promised to take care of me, but I had ended up dead in Hades’ palace, staring at Persephone’s nipples. This was not what I’d expected when he’d sworn to make sure I was okay. Hades strolled up to me and clasped my cheeks. I flinched out of habit. “You did an amazing thing today. We will forever be in your debt.” I jumped on that. “Then bring me back to life.” He shook his head and smiled sadly. “I cannot grant such things.” So I jumped on it again. “Then release Aiden from his promise.” And he shook his head once more. “I cannot grant that either, Love.” “You can’t do anything?” I demanded. “You’re a god and you’re—” “It all is done, Alexandria. It is over.” Looking at his wife, he nodded. “Take her to her final resting place.” Her final resting place? I shuddered. Yep, that sounded just as disturbing as one would think. Persephone ushered me out the back of the palace, and at first I was absolutely stunned by what I saw. It wasn’t like any part of the Underworld I’d seen before. “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” Persephone asked. “This is the beginning of Elysian Fields, and it goes as far as the eyes can see. Like Tartarus, it is ever-changing, fitting to each person’s version of paradise.” Elysian Fields was…it was striking, and it looked so real, so normal, that my heart ached at the sight. The sky was beautiful—cloudless blue and bright. The air was warm, and the light scent of jasmine reminded me of… I didn’t let myself finish that thought. “Your paradise will be what you decide, Alexandria, and you can share it with others,” Persephoneexplained as I stared over the lush rolling hills and, beyond, the rooftops of many homes. In the valley below, the tips of exotic-looking trees swayed, playing peekaboo with crystal clear waters below them. “It will be your choice.” My choice? My choice had been not to die. Persephone took my hand, and the ground seemed to swallow us up. A second later, we were standing in an empty field cluttered with white and yellow daisies. “This will be your paradise,” she said, and vanished. And that was…that. She’d left me in an empty field. I stood there for an ungodly amount of time, until the sky overhead started to darken and tiny, brilliant stars appeared to blanket the deep blue of night. I learned a couple of things about being dead during that time. My lungs worked like they had when I was alive, because I kept feeling the air catch in my throat. I could still cry, because quiet tears tracked my cheeks. I’d always though the sobbing, body-shaking tears were the worst, but I was wrong. Quiet tears fell in a way that scarred my soul and seemed to never end. I’d also learned that, in death, I could still feel lonely. But finally, after what already felt like an eternity, I found my paradise. I closed my eyes, willing the tears to stop, and for some reason, I thought about Deity Island, of the rolling waves and the clean, warm sand. In my head, I heard the seagulls and felt the wet spray of the ocean against my cheeks. And I thought of the small but perfect cottage that had sat at the edge of the marsh. Opening my eyes, I let out a little yelp of surprise. I was back in North Carolina. I had to be, because the ocean rolled calmly before me, its waves a deep, dark blue in the night, and sand was under my feet. I could smell the marsh and feel the dampness on my cheeks. I spun around and cried out when I saw the cottage—a light was on in the window, glowing a soft yellow. I took off, slipping over the sand at breakneck speed. The door was unlocked, and the wood was warm and real, so real, in my hand. I threw the door open and realized that, even dead, my heart beat in my chest like I’d downed a gallon of energy drinks. Upon seeing the living room, I pressed a hand to my chest. It was exactly how I remembered: a small, efficient kitchen to the right, a large couch and TV , and very minimal design. In a daze, I walked back the short, narrow hall, passing a bathroom and then entering into the spacious bedroom. The bed was his—the black sheets, the pillows, and the scent of the sea and something earthy, of burning leaves and man. But he wasn’t here. Because he was alive and I, well, I was dead. I spent hours in that bedroom, soaking up his scent, before I pulled myself away. I opened the back door at the end of the hall and saw the garden—an exact replica of the one on Deity Island, the very one where I had met Grandma Piperi. Ripe blossoms and rich soils, trees I couldn’t begin to even name, and enough flowers to start a botanical garden. There was even an old stone bench. I turned back around, staring at the cottage. Once I’d found my paradise and the sun came back up the following day, the others around me had become visible—houses and apartment buildings of all different sizes, farms, and sprawling cities. And sunny palm trees and snow-capped mountaintops. It was a smorgasbord of every place in the world. But that wasn’t all. Paradise was simplistic, centering around needs but not wants. Over the course of time that seemed longer than normal days and nights, I learned how paradise operated. What you needed, you got. It was as simple as that.If I needed to be hungry, I would be hungry. And if I needed a juicy steak, it would simply appear after closing my eyes. If I didn’t need to eat, there were no stomach pains. If I needed to wear jeans or a dress, all I had to do was open the closet, and there they would be. There was more. Apparently when you died and you were scarred up like I was, you got an after-life make-over. My hair was long again; it was the length it had been before Ares had given me the beauty-schooldropout haircut. Reaching the middle of my back, the ends were neat, and the strands were shiny and soft. At first, I’d been obsessed with my hair—touching it to make sure it was still there, picking it up and waving it across my face. When you’re dead, it’s not like you have much else to do. Up until that very moment, I was still surprised by what I saw. Leaning in until my eyes almost crossed, I studied my reflection in the mirror. The fine network of faint pink scars was gone. They were also gone from my body. I’d been restored, but the afterlife makeover had gone further than that. The daimon tags I’d received when I was in Gatlinburg, those patches of pale white skin on my neck and arms, were healed completely. And if I pulled up my tank top, the jagged scar left behind from Linard’s blade and the first time I’d died was gone too. Underworld was like a scar-be-gone. I rocked back on my heels of my bare feet, sighing. Strangely, what took the most for me to get used to were my eyes. They were different. The irises were brown, like they had been before I’d Awakened, but there was a thin line of amber around the pupils. I didn’t know what that meant or why they were like that. He…he would’ve been so happy to see my eyes brown again. The inside of my throat thickened immediately, and I squeezed my eyes shut. I will not cry. I will not cry. Crying was bad in the Underworld, I’d discovered. Once you started, it was hard to stop and could become a one-way ticket to the Vale of Mourning. And that didn’t sound like fun. Tears pricked at my eyes nonetheless. I knew I shouldn’t cry, but it was hard because I missed my uncle and my dad. I missed Luke, Deacon, and Solos. I missed Seth and how easy it was for him to infuriate me. But I yearned for Aiden something fierce. With each passing second, it only got stronger, more intense. It didn’t fade, my longing for him, and I didn’t think it ever would. “Alex?” Looking away from the mirror, I turned to
the boy lying on my bed. His shoulder-length blond hair was pulled back into a ponytail, but shorter strands had escaped, falling across his tanned cheeks. Every day since the first day after I’d died, Caleb had been here for me. I’d spent time with my mom, with Olivia, and even with Lea, but I’d seen Caleb the most. I felt bad for sucking up so much of his time, because I was sure he and Olivia were trying to discover if you could make a baby in the Underworld every free moment they had, but I don’t know what I would do without him. “Come here,” he said, patting the spot next to him. I shuffled over and sat beside him. “Olivia’s going to cut me if you keep hanging out in my bed.” Caleb laughed, and each time he did, I had to smile. I’d missed that laugh as much as I now missed life. “She’s not going to cut you.” “I’m sucking up all your time.” “No, you’re not.” He reached over, tugging on the hem of my jeans. “And she understands. Dying isn’t easy, Alex. Not for anyone, and definitely not for you.” I arched a brow. Caleb tugged on the hem again. “Why don’t you come with me tonight? Me. You. Olivia. There’s this club I found a few weeks ago, near the palms. I think it belongs to some pure whose idea of a ‘happilyever after’ is a nonstop party.” Elysian Fields was as close to living as you could get, and there were a lot of things to do, people to meet, and whatnot. Lea had already hooked up with some half-blood and one of Hades’ guards. I shrugged a shoulder. “I think it would be good for you, Alex. I mean it.” “I know.” And I also knew where this conversation was heading. Caleb didn’t disappoint. “You need to get out and be happy. I know it’s hard, but I’m worried about you. I’m scared. You could end up in the Vale, and there’s no coming back from that.” “I don’t want you to be scared,” I said, staring at my fingernails. They’d never been this smooth and buffed in life. “But Apollo lied to me. He said he would take care of me.” Caleb didn’t say anything because this wasn’t the first time I’d said it to him. I’d been saying it every day. “And where has he been?” I asked, lifting my gaze. Sympathy crossed Caleb’s boyishly handsome face. “Not once has he visited me. I feel like he used me, which was stupid, because he’s a god and that’s all they do, but I…” I trailed off, shaking my head. “I’m sorry. It’s the Alex twenty-four hour whine channel.” “It’s okay. Don’t apologize.” He patted the spot again. “Lie down with me?” Stretching out beside him, I stared at the ceiling. “This reminds me of our…” “Last time together topside?” he supplied, and then laughed when I cringed. “At least you don’t smell this time around.” I laughed as I shot him a glare. “You jerk. I didn’t smell then.” “Hell you didn’t. You hadn’t showered in days.” He rolled onto his side, grinning. His blue eyes literally glimmered. “You were stinky.” “That’s so wrong.” “Love you,” he replied. My smile spread, and honestly, if I could spend eternity with Caleb, I might be okay. I might not go into the Vale, but that wasn’t fair to put that on him. He had made a life for himself…in the afterlife, but I snuggled closer to Caleb, into his open arms, and closed my eyes. “It’ll get easier,” he promised, resting his forehead against mine. “It does.” I wanted to believe him, but I wanted Aiden and I wanted life, and paradise simply could not provide those two things.CHAPTER 27I wasn’t big on the Covenant garden when I was alive, but I kept finding myself in this one now. There was something calming and peaceful among the roses and peonies. I kept coming back to the old stone bench, especially in the mornings. Maybe I thought Grandma Piperi would magically appear and give me another messed-up prophecy for old time’s sake. That would be fun. Or not. Making my way down the marble pathway, my gaze skipped over the intricate designs in the sidewalk. Somehow I hadn’t noticed this before, but the carvings were the marks of the Apollyon. Interesting. I rounded the thick nightshade bush and lifted my gaze. I drew up short, my eyes widening. The bench wasn’t empty today. Apollo sat there, hands clasped between his knees. “It’s about time,” he said. “I’ve been waiting for about an hour.” I stared at him, my mouth hanging open. “I…I slept in.” He cocked his head to the side. “I hear you’ve been sleeping a lot.” I snapped out of it. “Where have you been?” “I’ve been busy.” He stood, towering over me. “I came as soon as I could.” “As soon as you could?” I repeated dumbly. “It’s been more than a week!” Apollo folded his massive arms. “Time moves differently here, Alexandria. An hour or two here is a second in the mortal realm. It hasn’t been that long.” “Since I died?” I crossed my arms, mimicking his stance. “I thought you were supposed to take care of me.” “I did.” My eyes narrowed. “I’m dead. I’m not quite sure how that’s taking care of me.” Apollo unfolded his arms and strolled up to me. “You need to get over that tiny fact.” Then he patted me on the head. Actually patted me on the freaking head. “Come on. We have something we need to do.” I turned, half-tempted to spin-kick him in the head, and while I was sure I could break out some of the moves, I didn’t have any leftover, supercool Apollyon powers. Spin-kicking him probably wouldn’t end well. Apollo glanced over his shoulder, exasperated. “Are you coming? Time is ticking.” “Oh, I think I have, like, an eternity worth of time.” I wanted to stay where I was, because I was feeling pretty damn childish, but I groaned and then followed him. “Where are we going?” “You’ll see.” I made a face at him as I struggled to keep up with his long-legged gait. Pissed as I was at him, I remained sullenly quiet as we walked. We made it to the edge of the garden before I couldn’t hold back my questions. “How is everyone?” He looked at me sideways. “How do you think?” My palms tingled, and anger heated my cheeks. “A part of me knew that this would be the outcome, but I hoped it would be different. I hoped because of what you said and what I was being asked to do. You let me down, Apollo. So the least you could do is give me a straight answer.” His blue eyes deepened, turning the color of the sky before a storm. I knew I’d struck a chord, but I didn’t care. What could he do? Kill me? A quiet voice whispered in the back of my head that he could drop my unhappy ass in Tartarus, but I doubted he’d ever do that, no matter how much I ticked him off.Apollo sighed. “They’re not happy. Your uncle holed himself up in a room and drank himself into a stupor. Your friends? Inconsolable. I think you know how Seth feels. Maybe you don’t—not to the full extent, anyway. And Aiden?” He paused, and the back of my eyes burned. “I have never seen a man break the way he did. And he broke. Set half the damn Covenant on fire. If his brother hadn’t showed up when he had, I’m positive that he would’ve stayed in the burning building. Is that what you wanted to know? Did it make you feel better, Alexandria?” “No,” I whispered, my chest aching as if someone had split me wide open. Tears welled up and spilled down my cheeks. I wiped at them hastily. “That didn’t make me feel better at all.” “I didn’t think it would, but you insisted.” He headed around the front of the cottage—the cottage I wasn’t sure I could even look at now. “People loved you—still love you. Mourning is never easy. But they will heal, and they will continue to live.” And I wanted that—I wanted them to move on. Even as badly as I wanted to see them again, I didn’t want them here. They deserved to live. “The Elixir is no more,” Apollo said. “I thought you’d like to know that.” I looked up at Apollo as we crossed the beach, the sand warm under my bare feet. Since I’d died, I’d boycotted shoes. “Thank you.” “Some of the servants will have lasting effects from being on the Elixir for so long, but many are functioning well. Many are presented with options they’ve never had before.” He stopped, several feet from the edge of the lapping waves. “After Ares’ defeat, an emergency Council meeting was called. Solos was given a spot on the Council.” My mouth dropped open. “Are you serious? A half-blood on the Council? Oh my gods, that’s…wow, that’s awesome. How did it happen?” A small grin appeared on his lips. “Only a few days have passed, but a lot has happened. Aiden took his spot on the Council as well.” I sucked in a shallow breath as pride swelled through me. “He did? His parents…” “He did. With his vote, among others, they officially revoked the Breed Order and gave those rights I promised you back to the halfs.” Oh, my gods galore, I felt like I needed to sit down. This was major. “He also gave up his seat afterward. He gave his seat to Solos.” My eyes widened. “He did what? I mean, that’s great about Solos, but why would he do that?” Then fear poured into my chest like ice. “Oh gods, he’s going to be okay, right? He’s not going to do anything stupid—” “He’s not going to do anything stupid. He will be okay,” Apollo responded. “Change is coming for our society, Alexandria. It will take some time, but it will happen. Just like you will come to accept your new path.” Thrown off by that last statement, I took a step back, away from Apollo. “My new path?” “Yes, it’s time that you start to move on.” I gaped at him. “I just died!” “And apparently enough time has passed for you to get ticked off about me not coming to visit you immediately.” Apollo smiled widely at my death glare. “Remember what you did with Caleb to honor your mother and those who died last summer?” “What?” The change of subject left me spinning. “You used spirit boats as a way of moving on, didn’t you?” I frowned. “Were you peeping on me then, Apollo?” He ignored that. “I think you need to do the same thing for yourself.” “What the what?” I stared at him, stunned into stupidity. “You want me to set a spirit boat into the ocean that’s meant for me?”Apollo nodded once more. “I think it’s the perfect idea. It will be symbolic and hopefully a new start for yourself.” Several seconds passed while I waited for him to yell “just kidding” and slap me on the shoulder, but he didn’t. “You’re serious.” “Do I look like I’m joking?” Actually, he looked like he wanted to hit me. “But that is so…weird.” “It is not weird.” His gaze dropped over me. “But you should be dressed nicer than this, like you were when you did it before.” My mouth opened, but before I could utter a word, Apollo snapped his fingers, and my clothes changed. They changed while on my body. Jeans and tank top, my choice of afterlife attire, turned into the black tube dress I’d worn the day Caleb and I had set the little spirit boats free. Smoothing my hands over the soft material, I lifted my gaze. “That’s…that’s creepy, because there had to be a split second when I was naked, so don’t do that again.” He shrugged and then held out his once-empty palm. Not so empty now. A spirit boat rested in his hand, candle and all. I hesitated. “You’re really going to make me do this.” “Yes.” Fighting the urge to roll my eyes, I recognized that Apollo wasn’t going to be swayed on this matter. And it was strange. Ever since Apollo had killed me, I’d imagined letting loose on him hundreds of times, but now that he was here, holding a damn spirit boat in hands, I didn’t have it in me. Maybe because I had agreed to become the God Killer, knowing how it would probably end. Shaking my head, I took it from Apollo. The moment my fingers wrapped around it, a tiny flame encased the wick of the white candle. I held the fragile spirit boat in my hands. “You know this is twisted and morbid, right?” “You need to let go of your old life, Alexandria.” “My only life,” I muttered. Apollo didn’t respond to that. Exhaling harshly, I turned toward the ocean. Sun glinted off the waves, and I knew the water would be warm and foamy, because that was how I liked it. But walking out to those waves with a spirit boat meant for myself wasn’t as easy as anyone would think. I stood there for several moments, so many thoughts racing through my head as a soft breeze rolled off the ocean and stirred my hair. Could I really do this without laughing or crying? Because I wasn’t sure if it was funny or just really sad. And was I ready for this? Contrary to Apollo’s annoying opinion, I did just die. Was I ready to move on? Did I want to? That was a tough question. The pain, the longing, and the yearning had become familiar to me. Letting go seemed like I was giving up, but that wasn’t right. Even in my darkest moments, I knew that wasn’t true. The truth was, I didn’t want to be like this forever. I didn’t want to be like this for another week. And I sure as hell didn’t want to end up in the Vale. I wasn’t sure that a spirit boat would be the answer, but it wouldn’t hurt to try. And who cared if I felt a little stupid for doing it? I was dead. Not like anyone was going to judge me here. Taking a deep breath, I forced my legs forward. The sand gave way under my feet, and water tickled my toes. I kept going until the water foamed just below my knees. I stopped, staring down at my boat. I’d done this before. Hadn’t I said that Mom was in a better place? She was—I saw her yesterday. We pulled weeds in the garden together. So wasn’t I in a better place now? No more looming threats of death or dismemberment. No more messed-up Fate or duty. No more loss. There was just the loss I’d already suffered.But maybe that too would fade one day. And I’d see my friends and family again. I knew that. And maybe when it was time for Aiden, Hades would take pity on us. After all, the rotten S.O.B. owed us. He most definitely owed me. Letting out a sigh, I bent down and placed the spirit boat in the ocean. My fingers lingered for a second, and I said the only thing I could think of saying. “Goodbye.” And so I let the boat go. Straightening, I watched the waves carry it off, further and further out until I couldn’t see the boat anymore. I wasn’t sure I felt any better, but I thought it was a step in the right direction. It was something, which according to my own personal motto was better than nothing. I turned around, about to yell back at Apollo and ask him if he was happy now, but as my gaze flickered over the god, something else caught my attention. My heart stopped. Dead or not, it was possible. Air froze in my lungs. I couldn’t