Shades of Darkness (Redemption Series) (36 page)

“Hey, Cale, you want to grab a drink after we get checked in?” Mitch asked, nodding at the Super 8 across the street.

“Sure. Hope you know Haden’s going to be pissed we’re stopping.”

“Can’t be helped. We need the rest, my man.” Mitch turned and walked away, the pump clicking off as he rounded the corner. He pulled the nozzle out of the tank, hung it back up, and refastened the cap. Getting into the car, he said, “All right, I told ‘em we’re stopping for the night. Let’s go get checked in.”

***

It was after ten when Ashley dropped her bags onto the motel floor and flopped down on the bed in total exhaustion—physically and mentally. Her stomach growled and she pressed her hand against it to silence the complaint. She wasn’t sure she had the energy to eat, or the patience to have dinner with Mitch after the thoughtless douche bag remark he made in the car.

She laid there with her eyes closed, letting the exhaustion overtake her as her thoughts drifted to Balen. Where in the hell was he, anyway? She’d been anxious to see him all day, and the fact that he hadn’t showed made her wonder if he wasn’t avoiding either her or Mitch—possibly both.

The more time he spent with her, the harder it was to resist the urge to touch him—to kiss him—hell, to throw herself at him. She knew it was wrong. He didn’t want her like that. Well, perhaps he did, but she’d never know for sure, because he would never let things get that heated between them. Everything about him appealed to her—the way he looked, the way he smelled, and the way he cared for her as if she were the most precious thing in the world to him.

She had no doubt that he loved her, but the problem was that she was irrevocably “in love” with him. Despite the convoluted relationship Liam and Olivia shared, she was secretly envious of them because, although they experienced their share of pain together, they also experienced a passion she would give anything to have with Balen, even if it was only for a little while. To be loved that fully…that passionately…

What woman wouldn’t want the chance to experience that?—even if it did ruin her for all other men. As it was, she compared them all to Balen, anyway—measured them by his kiss… It had only been once and all too brief, but the feel of his mouth against hers, the taste of his tongue, was forever imprinted on her memory. She wasn’t saving herself for him. He’d made it clear she’d never be his. But the problem was that no guy had ever been able to heat her blood since him. Not even Nate, and believe her, he’d tried. But after several unsuccessful attempts, he’d figured it out quickly enough, and their relationship had failed to launch, right from the start.

Sighing, she grabbed one of her duffle bags and trudged into the bathroom, feeling like she had a lead weight in each leg. Perhaps a shower was what she needed to clear her mind and help her gain a fresh perspective on the whole Balen situation. It didn’t help matters to know that he’d been right—she could see now that it’d been a mistake to come here with Mitch. The closer they got to finding Olivia, the clearer it became that Mitch might not be the great guy she once thought he was. Maybe that little stunt he’d pulled with her in his bedroom had been the real Mitch, after all, and the alcohol had just been the catalyst for him to let his guard down enough for the true him to come out.

She took a quick shower that did little to refresh her, or her mood. Deciding she wasn’t up to having supper with Mitch, after all, she forwent her bra, put on a tank top, and slid on a pair of black lace boy short panties. Ashley was fingering through her damp curls as she walked into the main room and was instantly struck with the scent of pepperoni pizza—her favorite. She halted mid-step and gasped, looking up to see Balen setting the box on the table.

He glanced at her, and she heard his breath catch across the room. His eyes instantly darkened, turning a deep stormy blue, though she didn’t understand why. He straightened to his full, imposing height and tensed as his hungry gaze swept over her. When it lit on her breasts, she became acutely aware of the fact that she wasn’t wearing a bra. The thin cotton material suddenly felt like sandpaper against her flushed, overheated skin. An ache bloomed deep in her core as his low, throaty groan called to her from across the room.

“Balen…” She didn’t even recognize her own breathless voice. When she spoke, she must have broken his trance, because he hastened a stuttered apology and suddenly disappeared. Leaving her alone, a frustrated scream built in the back of her throat. “Coward,” she grumbled. “I know you can hear me, Balen! You’ve been avoiding me all day and I want to know why.”

Silence answered her. No doubt, he wasn’t coming back until she was dressed. She hated that she couldn’t see him, but the question was could
he
still see
her
? Heat continued to warm her core, her skin felt too tight—her breaths too short. Was he watching her now, or was this simply the aftereffect of being caught half-naked in a room with him?

Huffing in full-on irritation, she pulled her pajama pants out of her bag and put them on. Yanking a sweatshirt over her head, she shook out her hair and pulled it back in a clip. “All right, I’m dressed,” she snapped at the air. “You can come out now!”

Nothing…
Dammit!

Then from behind her a low, husky voice said, “Don’t be angry with me for doing the right thing here, Ashley.” She spun around and nearly collided with Balen. He stood so close she had to crank her head back to see his handsome face pinched into a tightly restrained scowl. His breaths quickened, his gaze burned. “And I wasn’t avoiding you today. If you must know, I was busy with court business. How can you even think I’d do that? Do you honestly not know how I feel about you?”

“How would I know, Balen? The last time we had this conversation, you told me to go be with Nate.”

His scowl deepened. “That’s because I couldn’t be with you, Ashley! It would have been pretty horseshit of me to tell you I was in love with you and then leave, don’t ya think?”

“Why not? I was in love with you and here I am, alone, just the same!”

He grabbed her shoulders, his grip tight, as he yanked her a step closer. She’d never seen him this heated, this close to losing control. Perhaps her nearly nude state had had a bigger effect on him than she’d originally thought.

“Why
are
you alone, Ashley? I never asked you to wait for me! I never made you any promises!”

Now, that hurt. He stiffened a second before her hand cracked across his face. He’d known it was coming—perhaps he’d even wanted her to do it. She wouldn’t put it past him to push her away to avoid where this was headed. “No, you didn’t,” she snapped. “But you certainly had no trouble knocking Mitch across the room for touching me!”

“Mitch is an ass! I know it. Liam knows it. And you know it! You and I both know where that night was heading if I hadn’t stepped in. The last time I checked, ‘no’ doesn’t mean ‘yes’ in the English language!”

“Well, you would know! You’re certainly familiar enough with the word, because that’s all I’ve ever heard from you!”

“I’m doing it for you!” he yelled.

“Yeah, well then please stop doing me the favor!”

His frustrated growl sounded more feral than human as he yanked her against him and crushed his lips against hers. She hadn’t expected his kiss and sucked in a startled gasp when his tongue brazenly breached her lips. He tasted better than she remembered, of warm, muted spices. His kiss was consuming and possessive, leaving her breathless and owned. The artful way his mouth moved against hers weakened her knees.

Ashley was on fire with need. Her heart beat so fast, she became dizzy. Her world tilted as Balen swept her into his arms and carried her over to the bed. She’d never felt more alive. Every fiber of her being tingled with energy that wasn’t hers and it continued to build the longer Balen touched her. His hands were in her hair, holding her firm as his body pressed her deep into the mattress, his lips tasting the sensitive curve of her neck. When her fingers slipped under his shirt, wrapping around his waist, he groaned in approval, pulling her closer.

The racing rhythm of her heartbeat pounded in her ears—
banging... banging...
Wait…banging? “Balen,” she panted as his tongue traced the fluttering pulse at the base of her throat. “Someone’s here.”

“It’s just Mitch,” he growled, pulling her sweatshirt over her head. “He’ll leave.”

Oh, she wished he would. Balen’s lips traced her collarbone and her hands dove into his hair. She arched her back, encouraging him lower. The banging resumed, more persistent this time. “I don’t think he will,” she whispered. “We were going to get something to eat.”

A feral growl tore from Balen’s throat as he leapt off her so fast, she wasn’t aware he’d moved until a breeze blew past her scantily clad breasts. She hastily pulled her sweater back on as he wrenched the door open and barked, “What?”

Mitch slid his calculating gaze over Balen and arched a suspicious brow. He tipped his head to glance around Balen’s hulking body. His smug, knowing smirk brought a rush of heat to her cheeks. As she reached up to smooth her damp, wild curls, she heard him grumble “hypocrite” to Balen under his breath.

Balen answered with a warning growl.

 “You know, Ash, if I take you out looking like you’ve been tossed, people are gonna talk. I’m just sayin’.” He held his hands up defensively and chuckled.

Her cheeks burned with embarrassment. “Not funny, Mitch,” she snapped, scooting off the bed and padding over to the door. “Excuse us,” she said to Balen, squeezing past him as she slipped out, grabbing Mitch’s arm and dragging him along behind her a few paces down the hall. “Why are you baiting him?” she hissed. “Do you
want
to eat your teeth for supper?”

Mitch just shrugged as if he didn’t really have an answer for her. “I take it we’re not going out to grab a bite?”

“I don’t think so. I’m tired, and Balen already brought me something to eat. I just need some rest.”

“Whatever. If that’s what you call it. You change your mind, you know where I’m at.”

He’d wanted to grab some beer and wings with her at the bar down the street. She hadn’t intended to go, hence, the pajamas. After being cooped up in a car with him for the last twelve hours, she was ready for some Mitch downtime, especially after his little outburst earlier. Yeah, that was still eating at her.

  “Catch ya in the morning.” He turned and waved good-bye before entering his room four doors down from hers.

Grumbling to herself about what an idiot she was to ever have gotten involved in this mess in the first place, she marched back into her room to find Balen pacing. The small space now looked a whole lot tinier with him taking up the majority of it. He glanced at her when she pushed the door closed with her back and clicked the deadbolt in place. His eyes no longer held that smoldering sapphire, and the tension radiating from him vibed aggression.

“He really rubs you wrong, doesn’t he?”

Balen waved his hand dismissively. “That guy’s a tool.”

Ashley sat on the edge of the bed and watched him. His movements were languid and graceful, yet swift and powerful. She wished like hell Mitch wouldn’t have come knocking on her door. What she wouldn’t give to be back in Balen’s arms, kissing him, touching him…

“How much did you hear in the car?”

 “Enough.”

“You think he meant it? He said he didn’t.”

“People say and do lot of things,” Balen replied evasively. “Sometimes they mean it, sometimes they don’t.”

Why did it feel like they were talking about more than just Mitch here? Was he trying to give her an out?—or maybe she was just being paranoid. “And what about Mitch?”

“He meant it.”

“And what about you, Balen? Do you always mean what you say and do?”

He tensed, and those breathtaking violet eyes locked on her. “What are you really asking me, Ashley?”

The fact that he hadn’t swept her up in his arms and carried her back to bed to finish what they’d started should have been answer enough for her. But apparently, she needed the full rejection meal deal. “Kissing me… Do you regret it, Balen?”

When he hesitated to answer, anger surged up inside her.

“I don’t regret spending time with you, Ashley. Every minute we’re together is a gift.”

Smooth…
“That’s not what I asked you, Balen. Do you regret kissing me?”

He expelled a breath and dragged his hand through his tawny blond hair. “I mean everything I say and do, but that doesn’t mean everything I say or do is right.”

Well, there you have it.
She hadn’t expected him to admit it, but then again, he couldn’t lie. Obviously, he didn’t feel what she felt for him, because she would
never
regret kissing him.

She was such a fool. How could she possibly have convinced herself, for even a minute, that his love for her went beyond an obligation? Who was she kidding? Look at him. He was stunning—perfect in every way. How could perfection ever desire a mess like her? She wanted him to love her the same way Liam loved Olivia, and the knowledge that he didn’t, left her with an aching pain in her chest.

Ashley bit her bottom lip, fighting to contain the well of tears threatening to flood her eyes. She did not want him to see her like this. She’d already embarrassed herself enough with him—no more. “I think you need to leave.”

When he only nodded as if this was what he’d fully expected her to say, another wave of anger surged up inside her. He wouldn’t even fight for her, dammit! Not an “I’m sorry.” “I don’t want to go.” “Let’s talk about this.” “I love you.” Nothing… He just gave her a last, fleeting look of regret and disappeared.

Ashley couldn’t hold back her sob any longer. She’d always been a crier, whether she was angry, sad, frustrated, or tired—and she hated it. It made her feel weak and pathetic, which pretty much summed her up right now. She wasn’t sure how long she sat there having her “pity party for one,” but however long it was, it’d been just long enough for her to get good and pissed off. The door down the hall slammed shut and the heavy steps passing her room sounded a lot like Mitch’s. Suddenly, the idea of being alone right now didn’t sound as appealing as it did an hour ago. Leaping up, she ran to the door and called after him. “Hey, Mitch, wait up.”