Shadow of Vengeance (44 page)

“I’m not,” he said and had the nerve to look innocent. “I was just stretching my neck. Of course, if you want to, we could—”

“Nope.” She chuckled. “Well, I do, but we have to work.”

He rose and went back to his spot on the edge of the bed. “All work and no play…when was the last time you had a vacation?”

“Christmas.”

“I’m not talking time off, I’m talking getting on a plane and flying off to someplace fun vacation.”

“Never.”

Shock crossed his face. “Never?”

“How could I? I had either Sean to take care of, or school, then there was the Army, now my job…there just never was a good time to up and leave. If I did, I’d feel…selfish and guilty.”

“You put too much responsibility on yourself.” He leaned back on his elbows again. “That’s going to change.”

“Really? Got a magic wand on you?”

He looked to his crotch. “Well…I don’t know if I’d call it that.”

Laughing, she acted as if she was going to throw the notepad at him.

“Be nice,” he warned with a grin. “I’m taking you on vacation. I think some tropical island resort would work, don’t you?”

She instantly pictured him shirtless and lying on a beach, the sun dipping as the waves lapped along the shore. “That’ll definitely work. But for now,
we
have work to do. We’re supposed to meet with Jake in an hour.”

“Fair enough. Let’s get at it.”

“Okay.” She looked at her notes. “We need to stop at the university’s human resources department and hope they have that list of visiting professors for us. I didn’t have a chance to dig into their database last night to see if I could find something dating back further than last year. Like you said, we really need to make sure none of the current faculty had been here at any point prior to their current position.”

“Like Stronach?”

“Yeah, he’s on my radar. And not because he’s an ass.”

“Mine too. He orchestrated the Bigfoot festival at a time of year when he knew Hell Week was a possibility.”

“Plus he considers it nothing more than a legend. It’s a stretch, and doesn’t make him guilty of anything but being eccentric.” She tapped the pencil against her lips. “Okay, Jake took care of speaking with former deputies…”
 

“I guess that means you didn’t have a chance to look into GSI?” He rose from the bed. “What were we doing that kept you so busy?” he asked with a grin and moved to the opposite side of the room where he began rummaging through his suitcase.
 

“No, I didn’t. And don’t start with that again.” Damn, she hadn’t even jotted down the name of the company that had provided Wexman University with the malfunctioning security equipment. The dean’s secretary had called just as she had entered her brother’s hospital room. Distracted and focused on Sean, she’d forgotten about it. Last night, she’d intended to research the company after the festival, along with the visiting professors, but once Owen had her clothes off, she couldn’t think about anything but him.

She glanced at Owen’s laptop. Time to rectify her inexcusable absentmindedness. Every CORE member had the same computer system. Hers was a little more elaborate, but for what she was looking for, his would do. She opened his laptop, and froze.
 

Her throat closed as she stared at an email from Ian. His message had been a reply to an email Owen had sent yesterday afternoon. She scrolled down, and as she read through Owen’s original email, each and every one of her fantasies fizzled and died, along with her hope for a future with Owen. Betrayed, shocked and hurt she looked across the room and glared at his back as he pulled a black sweater over his head.

“Rachel has proven that she, as we already know, is an excellent investigator,” she read the first line out loud, then looked at him again.

He turned and smoothed out the front of his sweater. His eyes were unreadable, his face expressionless. “Ian wanted me to keep him updated on our progress.”

“This isn’t just about our progress,” she countered, her voice rising. “It’s about
me
.”

“What I wrote wasn’t bad.”

“Really? Let me refresh your memory.” She looked to the laptop screen. “That being said, I’m not sure Rachel is qualified to work in the field. While she has led an aggressive investigation into the Hell Week disappearances, emotionally, she does not yet possess the strength required when dealing with a murder victim. She even voiced her concerns to me and has admitted to having second thoughts about working in the field.” Glancing at him, she shook her head. “Ringing any bells?”

Narrowing his eyes, he moved to the edge of the bed and sat. “I know exactly what I wrote. If you continue to read, you’ll see that I gave you a lot of props, especially considering you’re also dealing with what’s happened to Sean.”
 

“Aren’t you a prince? Thanks so much for the
glowing
report.” She slammed the laptop shut, then scooped up her notepad and pencil. “And for sharing something I admitted to you in private.”
 

He shot off the bed and blocked the door. “Where are you going?”

“To my room.” She needed time to think. Alone. Professionally, she’d trusted Owen. Personally, she’d been ready to dive head first into a full-blown relationship. But he’d betrayed both her professional and personal trust. That email would keep her chained to the desk and locked in CORE’s evidence and evaluation room. If Ian didn’t think she was capable of running an investigation and dealing with murder victims, there wasn’t a chance in hell he’d give her a position in the field. Whether she wanted it or not.

“Rachel.” He gripped her shoulders. “Answer me honestly. Do you really want to be a field agent?”

“That’s not the point.” She shook his hands off and threw her arms in the air. “You of all people knew how much I wanted this.”

“And now that you’re doing it, you’re miserable.” He sighed and shook his head. “Honey, I know this week has been hard. There are days you act like a fish out of water. That’s one of the reasons why I bought all that stuff and turned Joy’s dining room into a mock evidence and evaluation room.”

She knew everything he said was true, but it still infuriated her that
he
would make himself part of a decision that didn’t concern him. People had been making decisions for her since she could remember. Her mother had decided Rachel should play the role of mommy to Sean in order to continue with her carefree, screwed up lifestyle. The Army had decided she’d been more suited to a desk job, and so had Ian. And while there was a very strong chance she’d choose working behind the scenes at CORE versus in the field, it should be
her
choice to make.
 

“Look,” he said, and reached for her, but she stepped away. He dropped his hands to his side. “You obviously saw Ian’s response.”

“Right. Keep an eye on her,” she quoted.

“Exactly. So no harm done.”

“No harm done? You’ve possibly jeopardized my career. And on top of that, it’s obvious I’m not the lead on this investigation, after all. Ian humored me by making
you
my babysitter. And you went along with it. Come on, Owen. After everything you said, after we…I told you something in confidence. When I was down and vulnerable, I trusted you. I trusted that I could talk to you about how I felt about seeing…” She glanced away when Bill’s lifeless, gruesome image emerged. “Your email, whether it’s true or not, takes away my opportunity to decide what’s best for me.”

“Being in CORE’s evidence and evaluation room is what’s best for you. That’s where you thrive. And I’ll be honest, that’s where I want you. Not out here where there’s a chance you could get hurt or worse.”

“Keep the little woman locked safe in a closet,” she said with an eye roll. “Doc Brown, time to refuel the Delorean and leave 1955 behind. I
do
have combat training and can take care of myself.”

“I know you do, but when was the last time you used it? Basic training?”

“I’m not doing this. Please move. I need to look into the security company.”

“Not until we’ve finished discussing this.”

“There’s nothing more to discuss. You win, Ian wins…I don’t want to work in the field. Okay?”

“No, it’s not okay. I don’t want this coming between us. And for whatever it’s worth, although I don’t think you’re qualified to work in the field, I
do
know how important being here is to you and I want you to have the chance to finish what you started. Despite what you think, I’m not here to babysit you. I’m here to guide you.”

She’d known for days she wasn’t qualified to deal with certain parts of field work—like dead victims—but to hear Owen say it? That hurt. Bad. She’d tried hard to keep herself, her emotions in check. She’d failed miserably the day they’d found Bill’s dead body. While she’d held up throughout the day, she’d unleashed those tremulous emotions later. Cried for Bill, for his family, all while an overwhelming amount of guilt had plagued her. Owen had witnessed her breakdown. He’d held her, then later loved her body. And while he hadn’t put in his email to Ian anything about her emotional collapse, she’d read between the lines. She couldn’t hack it, and the only thing she
could
hack was a computer.
 

She glanced at the clock on the nightstand. “We leave in forty minutes. Let me go to my room and look into the security company before we go.”

He kept the door blocked. “Are you going to let this come between us?”
 

She didn’t want it to, but in her heart she knew it would. She’d trusted him and he’d betrayed that trust by not being upfront with her…by not supporting her. He’d made love to her, made it clear he’d wanted a relationship, but how could they have anything—professionally or personally—between them without trust and reinforcement?
 

He, of all people, should have supported her. Beyond the intimacy they’d shared, he understood her better than any of the other CORE agents. Her throat tightened with the strong urge to cry. Instead of telling Ian she was unqualified, he should have come to her first. Talked to her face to face. Told her Ian had wanted updated reports on her progress. Shown her how to move past the emotional side of investigating. In the four years they’d worked together, they’d made a great team. Team members should never forget their partnership or to support each other. Owen had forgotten that. He’d gone behind her back and what he’d written left her hollow.
 

“Well?” he asked and took a step forward.

She clutched the notepad to her chest. “At this point I’m wondering how much of an us there really was.” The acknowledgement broke her heart.

He widened his eyes, then immediately narrowed them. When he reached for her, she took another step back. Dropping his hand, he shook his head. “I want there to be an us. I also want you to know that I’ve never said anything to Ian about how you dealt with finding Bill.”

The betrayal thickened and her skin prickled with unease. “You’ve talked to Ian?” That was a news flash. She hadn’t spoken to her boss once the entire week. Of course she’d reported in, but only via email and had assumed the same for Owen.
 

“Only a few times, but I told you I didn’t bring up anything—”

“I don’t care what you talked about. I care that you didn’t bother to tell me.” She smacked the notepad against her thigh. “I care that you didn’t have the balls to say what you thought of me—as an investigator—to my face. But, I suppose that would’ve made for some pretty shitty pillow talk, huh?”
 

He’d wanted their relationship to become complex, now it had become beyond complicated and tainted with ugly betrayal. She loved him, but based on his actions, he made it clear he didn’t feel the same or even remotely close. He might care, but not enough to be completely honest.
 

Insecurity squeezed her chest. Damn it…his opinion mattered. What he thought of her mattered. Not just as a woman, but as a fellow agent. She’d worked hard to prove her worth to CORE. Now she realized sex with Owen had been a huge mistake, and she questioned whether she could move past this.
 

His face reddened as he gripped her shoulders. “Our personal life has nothing to do with our professional one. If you haven’t noticed, I’ve let you take the lead during this entire investigation.”

She tried to shake his hands off, but he held her steady and drew her closer instead. His familiar scent, his nearness was a painful reminder of how close she’d been to finally fulfilling her fantasies. “You
let
me take the lead? What a joke.” God, she felt like a fool. “And while you were
allowing
me to be the lead, did it ever occur to you to give me a few pointers? Did you ever stop and think that maybe giving me a little advice might have helped?”

“I…up until we found Bill, you were doing fine.”

“And then?” she asked, even though a part of her didn’t want to know. Insecure and unsure of herself, she wasn’t sure her ego could handle another blow.

He gave her a slight shake. “When I found you in your room on the floor crying…I knew in my gut that you weren’t cut out for this. Rachel, honey, I’ve been doing this for a long time. And I remember each and every victim I’ve seen. I don’t want that for you. I don’t want you struggling to find ways to erase the memories.”