Shadow Walker (35 page)

“That’s none of your business.”

“I’m making it my business.”

“You left me, Cole. You promised me nothing and I asked for nothing. I should have known better than to trust you.” What she really meant was
that she should have known better than to fall in love with him. “Live in the past, cherish your memories, I don’t care what you do. I’m going to marry Sandy.”

Something inside Cole snapped. Grasping Dawn’s shoulders, he gave her a violent shake. “Are you sleeping with Sandy? You
will
answer me, Dawn.”

“No, damn you! No! You’re the only one.”

A shudder went through Cole. His hands fell to his sides and his chin dropped down to his chest. When he raised his head, his shuttered expression gave away nothing of his feelings. Dawn had no inkling of how hurt and disappointed he’d been on hearing that Dawn was bedding his best friend. At first he hadn’t wanted to believe it of her, but now he didn’t know what to think.

He gazed down at Dawn, suddenly aware of her waiflike vulnerability. His anger deflated when he realized that he had acted like a bastard in the past. He’d treated Dawn like a possession, afraid to admit his love because of guilt. Unfortunately, he’d come too late to the realization that Morning Mist belonged in that distant part of his brain where all good memories are kept. Dawn was his present and his future. Now that he was finally ready and eager to love Dawn with his whole heart and being, he had lost her.

No, he wouldn’t let that happen. He knew Dawn better than he knew himself. She couldn’t, wouldn’t, take men indiscriminately into her bed.

“What about that auction I walked into tonight?”

“Sandy hadn’t shown up for the past couple of
nights due to the flooding. Cully Porter was losing business because of the rain and he wanted to liven the place up. I didn’t agree to the auction. I’d never do anything like that.”

“Does Cully Porter own the Watering Hole?” Dawn nodded. “Was he forcing you to participate?”

“Yes, but I would have found some way out of it,” Dawn said with a hint of defiance.

Cole’s fists clenched at his sides. “I’ll kill him.”

“You won’t do any such thing. I’ve answered your questions, now it’s time to answer mine. Why have you come back? Did you find Running Elk? Is all well with him and his people?”

“Running Elk is taking his people to Canada. The government wants to deprive all Indians of their weapons and ponies and force them onto lands that are too small to contain their numbers. Do you know what that means? They’ll all die of starvation and sickness.”

“Are Spring Rain and Sun In The Face well?”

“They’re fine. Indian losses were light at the Little Big Horn.”

Dawn couldn’t help asking the question that burned on the tip of her tongue. “And Laughing Brook? Was she pleased to see you?”

His eyes were dark and enigmatic. “She offered to share her mat with me.”

Dawn lowered her eyes. “I see.”

“No, you don’t see. I didn’t. I … I couldn’t. I kept thinking of a blue-eyed beauty waiting for me in Oregon. I’ve finally come to my senses, sweetheart. Am I too late?”

Dawn stared at him, her face pale but determined. “Far too late, Cole. I’m going to marry Sandy.”

Cole refused to believe that Dawn felt nothing for him. He couldn’t let her go. Not now, not when the jagged edges of his life were finally coming together. If not for Dawn he’d still be living in the past, grieving for a dead woman who was beyond the ability to return the love he had stubbornly kept alive. From the beginning he had accepted responsibility for Dawn, and now he knew why. It was simple, really. He couldn’t let her go because he loved her. Loved her with his whole heart and soul. And she loved him. He’d stake his life on it.

“You’re not going to marry Sandy,” he said harshly. “You love me.”

Dawn’s jaw jutted out defiantly. “I
don’t
love you. What love I had for you died for lack of nurturing. I’m not Morning Mist, nor will I ever be. You were attracted to me simply because of my
resemblance to your dead wife, but I don’t want to be a substitute for a dead woman. You freed me from the nightmare my life had become with Billy, and I’ll always be grateful. I want a real home, children, stability. But most of all I want a man who will love me.”

Cole stared into the volatile depths of her blue eyes and realized how empty and without direction his life had been all these years. Dawn was everything he’d ever wanted. Without her, life had no taste, no scent, no purpose. He’d wallowed in grief for years, lost, incomplete and wanting, and had been too stubborn to realize that his Maker had given him another chance. Dawn was his beginning and his end, with many years of loving in between. But only if she came to her senses and realized they belonged together.

“I love you, Dawn. I want us to be together forever.”

Dawn stared at him, her expression blank. “I don’t believe you.”

Dawn wanted to believe him, but she was frightened that if she remained with him she’d lose him again. She wouldn’t be able to bear it a second time. She had a child growing inside her to consider and protect. Cole couldn’t be trusted to settle down to a normal life with her and their child.

Desperate to prove his words, Cole caught Dawn up against him. His eyes blazed fiercely as he lowered his mouth to hers. The cool air of the room only heightened the raw heat of his mouth as his hungry kiss shattered her composure. Cole was taking unfair advantage of her vulnerability,
stealing her will and making a mockery of her resistance.

Cole deepened his kiss. Dawn fought against succumbing to the passion he tried to coax from her. But it was a losing battle. Her lips parted of their own accord, inviting the sweet invasion of his tongue. The gentle massage of his tongue inside her mouth sent currents of desire spiraling through her. It had been far too long since she’d been in Cole’s arms, felt the powerful persuasion of his embrace, experienced the sweet joy of taking his body into hers.

“You want me; I know you do,” Cole whispered against her lips.

Her denial sounded hollow to her own ears. “I might have wanted you at one time but I’m not the same woman you left behind. After you abandoned me, I was forced to survive in a world I knew nothing about.”

Cole held himself to blame for all her troubles. After he’d left her, she had dug deep inside herself, curled into a shell, shutting her emotions away from the world she now inhabited. He searched frantically for a way to break through the protective shell she’d pulled around herself.

Raw despair drove him as he dragged her against the hard wall of his chest. He kissed her again. And yet again, trying to reach her on a physical level after failing to reach her emotionally. He moved his mouth over hers, devouring her softness, more demanding this time. His kiss was like the soldering heat that joins metals. He showered kisses around her lips and along her jaw, then moved back to her mouth, his lips caressing
and demanding, his tongue plunging deeply.

His hands roved freely over her body, causing a curling heat to begin low in her stomach. She felt his lips tugging at her nipple and suddenly became aware that Cole had unfastened her dress in front, baring her breasts to his greedy mouth.

“Cole, I don’t want this!” Her trembling voice belied her words.

Ignoring her protests, he raised her skirts and slid his hand through the triangle of soft black curls at the juncture of her legs. His hand grew bolder as he explored the tender flesh between her thighs. He gave her a slow smile when she cried out, thrusting her loins against his hand.

“Tell me you don’t want me, love.” He slipped one finger inside her.

Dawn’s protest became a strangled sob as tongues of fire licked along her nerve endings. Spreading the petals of her sex wider, he slid a second finger beside the first, easing both of them out, then back in. She could feel her wetness welcoming him as he prepared her, and resentment welled up inside her.

“You’re not being fair,” she cried brokenly. “You know exactly how to make my body want you.”

“You’ll always want me, love. Don’t deny me now. I promise to be the best husband a woman could ask for.”

She shook her head in vigorous denial, unable to speak with his fingers working their magic down below and his lips pulling on her nipple.

Suddenly Cole gathered her dress in his two hands and pulled it off her. With a swiftness that left her breathless, he rid her of her petticoats,
corset and chemise. Her stockings and shoes were the last to go. Then he quickly shed his own clothing, still damp from the rain. When he returned to her, Dawn tried to roll away, but Cole caught her and held her fast against the raging heat of his body.

“Easy, love, I’m not going to hurt you. I want to love you. I’ve been dreaming about this moment since the day I left Oregon City.”

“You didn’t have to leave,” Dawn accused.

“If I hadn’t left I might never have realized how much I love you.”

He stopped her angry retort with his mouth. His seductive kisses sent her senses spiraling out of control. His lips tasted her mouth, then her breasts, sucking them, then sliding his mouth down her stomach to the tangle of ebony curls at the joining of her thighs. Dawn held her breath, fearing he’d notice the slight protrusion where her babe rested beneath her heart, but he barely paused as his mouth found the tiny jewel hidden within the dewy petals of her sex.

Heat throbbed in her belly as he kissed and laved, opening her pink flesh with his tongue so he could take more of her into his mouth. He tugged, nipped and tasted. She felt her moisture flowing, hating herself for responding as she wept into his mouth.

Cole made a ragged sound low in his throat. Then he was parting her legs with his knees, positioning himself between her thighs. He stared avidly down at her. She was open and vulnerable to his perusal. She tried to hide herself with her hands but he pushed them aside. “You’re beautiful
all over,” he said hoarsely. “Don’t hide yourself from me. I’m going to spend the rest of my life looking at you and loving you.”

Dawn’s eyes settled on his arousal, painfully aware of the mindless pleasure he was capable of giving her. Cole followed the direction of her gaze, and his heartbeat accelerated.

“Touch me, love.” He dragged her hand to his erection, clasping it around him. He closed his eyes and groaned as violent shudders seized him.

When Dawn tried to remove her hand, he held it captive against him and moved it slowly up and down the length of his sex. She felt the scorching heat of him as he grew and expanded within her palm. Sweet agony seized him as he cried out and flung her hand away. He moved up her body.

“I can’t wait! I’m coming inside you, love.”

Dawn’s body tensed. She wanted to deny her need but could not. He knew exactly where to touch her to make her want him. It had always been thus between them. It was as if their bodies were in complete harmony with one another. She arched upward to meet his thrust, crying out as he filled her to bursting. He fit her like a glove, she thought dimly as warmth flooded her body. She had always loved the feel of his hard-muscled body lying atop hers and the rigid length of him inside her. It was no different now.

Anger prevented Dawn from saying the words Cole ached to hear. He had the ability to reach her body, but he still hadn’t convinced her to trust him. Dimly it occurred to her that she could not marry Sandy now that Cole had returned. It would only cause dissension between men who had been
friends long before she’d met Cole. It would be best for all concerned if she just quietly disappeared. Then coherent thought fled as her body took over, responding violently to Cole’s loving.

Cole increased his rhythm, his movements growing faster, deeper, his muscles straining. Her own muscles began to grow taut. Pleasure rippled over her, through her, sending raw fire spilling into her veins. He was swollen and rigid; she could feel him pulsating inside her. He lifted her, then thrust again and again, his hard hands digging into her hips. His breath was harsh, deep, raw, as he waited for Dawn to reach her climax before allowing his own.

Brilliant fire consumed her, and Dawn felt as if her soul was leaving her body. Felt a great rush of pure rapture spiral through her quivering flesh. She screamed, unaware that she called Cole’s name as she exploded convulsively. Cole clawed his way to the crest as his own release overtook him. He threw his head back and shouted.

Reluctantly Cole left her body and rolled to his side. Dawn turned her face away so he couldn’t see how deeply his loving had affected her. Cole was the only man who could reach her emotionally, the only man she could respond to physically. The thought of being touched by another man sickened her. Despite his ability to move mountains with his loving, she still feared to place her life and that of her child into his keeping. All she remembered of her father were harsh words and a heavy hand. Then he had sold her to Billy Cobb and her life had become unbearable. Not that she thought Cole would ever mistreat her physically.
But withholding his love would be a far worse kind of abuse.

Perhaps she didn’t deserve happiness, Dawn reflected. She should go away, now, before she started to yearn for things beyond her reach. Cole had left her once and he would likely leave her again.

“You can’t deny what we have together,” Cole said when he regained his breath.

“Are you referring to lust?”

“No, dammit! I’m referring to love. Tomorrow I’m taking you home. We’ll be married as soon as arrangements can be made.”

“Just when did this great revelation come to you?” Dawn asked with a hint of sarcasm. “As I recall, you weren’t interested in loving another woman after losing Morning Mist.”

“I went away because I needed to know if I could trust my feelings for you. I’d denied my love for you, fought my own emotions until I was too confused to think straight. It didn’t take long to realize how very much I needed you. I missed you desperately. It takes some men longer than others to come to their senses. In my case, memories of a love I refused to let die prevented me from realizing you were my destiny.”