Shadow's Dangers (12 page)

He put one of his hands on the headrest of my seat next to my face. My heart rate immediately began to race.

“First, I was trying to take care of you, as Leighton had asked. Secondly, I tried to lighten the mood to make you more comfortable. You see the wickedness and vice everywhere,” he said, his jaw tight. “I mean you no harm. And I’m not trying to belittle you or avoid you. But since you think it’s the case and you’re so stubborn, why should I try to dissuade you?”

He got away from me as much as the space would allow and I sighed in relief, no longer feeling the urge to run away at full speed because of his proximity. Feeling the tension emanating from him, I started to think. Was it still my mind playing with me? Did I see evil everywhere, as he said? Did I feel compelled to find flaws in him or to escape every time, simply because I was afraid to attach myself to someone? All because I always ended up losing the people that mattered to me, proof again with the recent departure of Leighton. In the end, perhaps all these visions were a way of protecting me, making sure to lock myself in silence and get away for people to no longer suffer. It was a crazy theory, but wasn’t it just as foolish as my nightmares and all these things that I had seen without being able to explain them?

I suddenly had a fierce desire to cry. Why couldn’t my life go back to being normal? All this strangeness, this odd behavior, it wasn’t me. I’d never acted like this before and this new aspect of my personality that I discovered in the presence of Garreth, I didn’t like it at all. The first sob escaped me inadvertently. I cursed myself for not being more discreet when I saw Garreth turn to wards me. Deciding that I had inflicted enough on the poor boy for today, I undid my seatbelt, grabbed my bag and opened the door, determined to go home in the thick, pouring rain.

7

Between Attraction and Repulsion

“Here we are,” Garreth said while turning off the engine.

After I left the car to flee under the blanket of rain, Garreth ran after me and insisted that I let him take me home, despite what I had inflicted upon him. He was tough, I recognized.

My eyes tried to focus outside. I saw nothing. Everything was black. Only the persistent sound of the downpour let us know that the storm had not yet passed. I could not even distinguish the outlines of my house from where I was. Anyway, Annabelle wasn’t there because I saw no light filter through the windows. No doubt she stayed at a colleague’s house or perhaps she was with Andrew.

“You want me to walk you to the door?” Garreth asked me.

I nodded in a second, not even bothering to hide my eagerness, relieved not to face the hostile darkness alone. He opened the door, stepped out into the storm, closed it and in a blink of an eye he was by my side, opening my door so I can get out. I took my bag and hurried to extricate myself from the car. While we were running to my house, I felt his hand slip into mine.
To avoid me falling on the way to the porch,
I told myself to reassure me and relax at his touch. Water completely blinded us, so it was difficult to move, but Garreth succeeded anyway.

Under the porch, he shook his hair, while I tried to find my keys. Unfortunately, it was difficult for me to look while I still had blurry vision and shaking hands because of the cold and emotion. Garreth saw my distress and took my bag to search for them himself. A few seconds later, he came out with my keys. He put the key in the lock and opened the door. I put my bag in the front entrance to go turn on the lights in the living room and kitchen. Then I remembered Garreth.

Looking around me, I realized he hadn’t followed me. I immediately went back to the entrance, where I assumed he’d be. And I was right. Totally wet, he was waiting for me on the doorstep, his hands in his pockets.

“You’re not coming?” I asked, puzzled, trying to hide my confusion facing the more than pleasant view that he offered there on the threshold of my home.

One moment, I couldn’t find something good in him and another, I felt like he was too perfect to be real. In this case, there was something off about him being here. Really, what I felt in the presence of Garreth was both ambiguous and disturbing. I didn’t know how to deal with all these conflicting feelings he provoked in me.

“The last time I came in without your consent,” he replied, giving me a strange grimace, “you expressly made me understand that I was not welcome here.”

Nervously, I threw my wet hair behind my shoulder and winced at the memory of that really odd moment in my room.

“You can come in,” I told him. “After what you did for me tonight, it’s the least I can do.”

The poor guy couldn’t possibly understand my behavior. Me either for that matter. I went from one extreme to the other in his company, from irrational fear to anger, then to warm hospitality. He crossed the threshold and I closed the door behind him and locked it. Even if it was a figment of my imagination, fear due to my mishap the day before with the two animals was tenacious and always present.

“Follow me,” I ordered him, taking the path upstairs.

He obeyed without a word. Once there, I went to the closet to find what I was looking for. I opened it and began rummaging inside.
His
clothes were there, I noticed after a few moments of searching. I soon found some sweats and a T-shirt that would suit Garreth, until his own clothes dried. I handed them to him. He took them while examining them before sending me a quizzical look.

“You’re soaked,” I explained, confused by his expression. “I would feel guilty if you caught pneumonia.”

He smiled, which didn’t help me get over my embarrassment.

“The owner will not claim them?”

He probably thought that they were the remains of a one-night stand of my sister’s. Obviously, he’s heard a full report about my family. As I turned, my eyes fell on one of the many pictures adorning the wall. A photograph of my mother and father on a trip in Canada, both smiling, the love they felt for each other shining in their eyes. I really would have loved to see this wonderful bond between them for myself.

“He cannot claim them anymore,” I said in a shaky voice.

Either he knew where I was going or he noticed where my eyes had wandered because he took my chin between his fingers before lifting it so he could fix his gaze on me. And probably divert my attention from the object of my sadness, too.

“I’m sorry. I speak without thinking, sometimes.”

I shook my head.

“You couldn’t guess. I promise, all is well. Anyway, it’s over and we can’t change what happened.”

With his look a thousand miles away, he replied, “But the past will always affect the present.”

I could only agree with his words. I felt he spoke knowingly. My curiosity was piqued, wanting to know more, but I didn’t question him.

“Well!” I exclaimed, trying to change the mood. “You can get dressed in that room,” I added pointing down the hall. “I’m going to get some stuff.”

I headed to my room, then abruptly stopped and turned to him before concluding:

“I’ll meet you in the living room.”

He nodded before closing the door of the room in which he had just entered. It was then I finally realized that I was alone with him in here. No possibility that any person could disturb or stop us. I swallowed hard while an emotion that I wasn’t in the habit of feeling came over me. I had to stop thinking that way. Right now.

Once changed ten minutes later, I walked down the stairs to the living room when, from my vantage point, I saw Garreth. He was standing in the living room, watching the impressive collection of books on different peoples, folklore and legends that Tess had accumulated over the years. I never understood her love for these stories, but she had always encouraged my interest, which is what occurred. She always said it was a good thing to have an open mind and be interested in all cultures of the world to understand humanity better.

Garreth finally put down the book he inspected with curiosity only to become interested in the photographs standing on the mantelpiece and some old furniture that Tess had dug up in flea markets. Because she wanted objects with a soul, she said, when I asked why we were not going to buy new ones in stores. A nostalgic smile spread on my lips thinking about everything that reminded me of my grandmother in this house. I leaned against the door frame and watched Garreth examine each photograph. He paused longer on the two frames where I was, respectively, with my grandmother at the age of fifteen years and with my parents when I was still a small child, one of the moments with them that my memory had obscured the smallest fragment.

“These pictures are beautiful,” he said suddenly, turning in my direction.

It was he who should have been surprised and frightened by my appearance, but it was I who jumped at the sound of his voice and his abrupt about-face.

“I think so too,” I said stupidly.

These images represented the most beautiful moments of my life. Moments forgotten for many. And unfortunately, I was sure I wouldn’t live happy and simple moments like that again.

Eager to escape my gloomy thoughts, I found myself, I didn’t know how, contemplating Garreth. One could say that the clothes fit him perfectly. I immediately dismissed the disturbing fact that they had belonged to my father. The fabric outlined the well designed curves of his chest and I imagined that his abs would be just as perfect. Thanks to the T-shirt, I finally had the opportunity to see his muscular arms. With a climate as cold as Alaska, I had no chance to see him like that in class, except in gym or perhaps when the weather turned warmer in the spring. It was absolutely necessary that I stop looking at him this way or I was sure that I would ridicule myself. If I started to drool, it wouldn’t even surprise me. After all, I had passed out in front of him...although not because of his physique.

I really tried not to stare at him with such insistence, but I quickly found myself wondering if I wasn’t inventing the vision taking place in my living room.

“Are you okay?”

Stop your nonsense! He’s really here and you’re making a fool of yourself.
I offered him a weak smile to reassure him. He looked at me strangely. No doubt, he was questioning my mental abilities. He wasn’t the only one...

After a few moments of intense observation, he looked away and went to the window. As if his thoughts were away from this house, he sighed, his eyes glued to the dark. I approached him and looked out, too. Apparently, the rain was still in the game. He wasn’t going to go home. This news pleased me unreasonably. Ignoring the feeling of joy that was born in me, I internally reprimanded myself because it was my fault if he had to stay here. It was clear he didn’t want to stay in this house with the whimsical crazy that I was, at least in his presence.

“Sorry,” I muttered sheepishly.

He seemed to come back to the present moment. His eyes stared at me, dubious.

“You can’t go home because of me,” I explained.

He replied with a shrug.

“It’s nothing. Plus, there’s no electricity at home; we forgot to pay the bill. I think I’m doing pretty well by staying here.”

I held my tongue. For once, I didn’t try to suppress the joy that overcame me following his answer. I shook my head remembering that I had dared to contradict him when he said I was fickle! I really played it both ways when I was in his company. I was so foolish in front of him that my reactions to him were making me dizzy.

His face darkened suddenly, as if he had to think of something unpleasant. He seemed... annoyed?

“I doubt I can stay here, actually,” he said.

He really was upset about something. I wasn’t the only one acting strangely in the room. It was both comforting... and disorienting.

“Uh... I don’t understand,” I confessed, crestfallen.

“It’s not a good idea for me to stay,” he continued, tense. “And there’s your sister. I don’t think she would like to see me here when she gets back home.”

Garreth made the same upset face that Leighton had made in front of my sister when they met. His sister must have told him about the incident in the bathroom or that Annabelle had behaved like a shrew while I was still unconscious. I stared at him with surprise.

“Do you see my sister here? Considering the raging storm, I doubt she’ll be back before tomorrow. We’re alone.”

An expression that I had never seen on him lit up his face for a moment before a single smile came over his lips. When I thought about my speech, I realized that my last sentence sounded like an invitation to something more that I certainly wasn’t ready to do with him. Not ready to do with anyone, in fact.

“You can stay here to have some sleep,” I specified, emphasizing the word
sleep
.

His smile had not faded one bit. If he had some absurd idea in mind, he would quickly be disillusioned. There was no way I’d do anything with him, except let him spend the night in a bedroom upstairs...any one but my room. Uncomfortable, I looked for a way to escape the room.
Always trying to escape him, in the end...
I pretended to yawn to support the words that followed.

“Um... I’m tired,” I said in a voice that I wanted to be drawling. “I’m going to bed. TV is at your disposal or if you want to go to sleep, you can go into the room where you changed.”

“Okay. I’ll go to sleep too. Thank you again for your hospitality.” He paused for a time before continuing. “Good night, Deliah.”

I didn’t even stop for the slightly amused tone he used that I didn’t understand. I only held back because of his voice saying my name in a way that led me to shiver. My heart was leaping in my chest. Traitorous body that couldn’t stop doing stupid things when it came to Garreth!

“Good night,” I whispered while initiating the climb up the stairs.

He gave me a nod and followed me until we parted on the floor to go to our respective rooms.

***

When I woke up the next day and opened my eyes, a single thought reigned in my mind.
Sleep.
I want to sleep so badly.
My eyes glued to the ceiling paint slightly chipped in places, I kept telling myself mentally that I had to go back to sleep. Failed attempt.