Shallow Love (10 page)

The funeral wasn’t
a big affair, only close friends and family, her mother looked devastated to see her younger daughter lying in a coffin, wearing a stunning wedding dress. Jackie shuddered, her heart beating hard into her chest, like a drumroll, as a wave of nausea rolled through her. It was too awful to contemplate. She feared her heart would burst from its pounding rhythm, her head spun with it and her body trembled.

“I am sorry Jackie, this shouldn’t have happened,” her mother said crying. “I was not supposed to bury my daughter, I wish I could have been in your lives a lot more, can you ever forgive me?”

Jackie felt like telling her then and there, that she had buried her daughter’s a long time ago, when she had shut both of them out of her life to run an international business. If anything she had been more like a mother to her sister, than her own mother ever was! But instead she swallowed her fury and tried to keep her composure and the peace between them.

“I can forgive, but unfortunately I can never forget! Carrie and I needed you so many times, we needed a mother and a father to be there, when we were growing up?”

Her father gave her a firm pat on the back, “I am sorry child, we really did you wrong, both you and Carrie and I don’t know how we can ever forgive ourselves, for running away from your lives?”

That’s exactly what they had done to both of them, they had both fled to another country to get rich, wealth had always been on the top of their list of priorities. But Jackie was no child anymore, she had become a mature woman, who despite her parents emotional neglect, was willing to forgive them.

“You know time heals all wounds, I hope that with time we can become close again,” her mother begged, her face ridden with guilt.

“Listen Jackie, as your father, let me bear the burden of the funeral costs, I’ll pay for everything, it’s the least me and your mother can do, send me the invoice, I’ll take care of it?”

That’s how it had always been between them, they needed money, their parents would take care of it. They needed their time, they were always coming up with excuses. Their trips to Australia, had always been scarce and rushed. Jackie and her sister had never really felt loved, her mother had lacked the emotional comfort, they had craved from her. It was just too late, to go back now, her sister was dead and she was standing there hearing her father out, who thought he could make everything right just by writing out a cheque!

She looked at her parents disheartened and with a heavy heart, “no I don’t need you to pay for anything anymore. It’s not what me and Carrie ever really wanted, you can’t patch the past up with money, it’s too late my sister is not here anymore.” And there she said it! She stood up to her parents like never before, she suddenly felt a weight lift from within, it had been the weight of neglect.

“We are sorry you feel that way,” said her mother, “if you do need our assistance for absolutely anything, when we fly out, we are only a phone call away?’’

Jackie did not respond to her mother, but gave a crooked smile, she wasn’t the least impressed with her mother’s sarcasm, she might have meant well in her books, but she had no idea how to comfort her. A mother who occasionally washes your clothes and cooks for you, listens to your boy troubles and takes you out to lunch or shopping, because she is your mother! It was the little things, that Jackie and her sister had missed out on when they were younger, not the hand over the money approach and I’ve done my job as a parent!

The neglect of a mother and father for their children was something Jackie wanted to dish to both of them, a very long time ago. But they were never in Australia, so she could settle the score. Well she was glad she did now, even if it had to be at a funeral, Carrie would have cheered her on from the grave, she was certain! Jackie’s Christian belief, had led her to believe that the soul after death, was free to go anywhere for forty days, before harbouring in heaven or hell. Carrie had a pure hearted soul and Jackie believed she was going straight to heaven, to be with the lord and his angels.

When the funeral
was over and they had said their goodbyes, her parents fled the country and again she had a deep feeling of melancholy. The absence of her parents, was something she had been used to in the course of her life, but her sister’s absence was the hardest to bear. For Jackie, Carrie, had meant so much more to her than she even realised, it was like she had lost a daughter and sister in one. It wasn’t going to be easy to move on and she knew that her life would never be the same again. It’s what happened to people when they lost someone, through death, or even a broken relationship. When someone suddenly takes a detour out of your life unexpectedly, and you don’t see it coming, the consequences can be quite overwhelming.

For Jackie, it was a cross that she was going to bear for the rest of her life and Carrie would always occupy a place in her heart and she would honour her memory. But it would take her a long time to come to grips with the fact, that she would never see her sister’s smile or hear her laugh, ever again. Those were the things that sister’s appreciated about each other, the little things, like laughing at each other’s jokes or making jokes of each other. Going out for lunch and coffee dates to boy talk and the famous girly shopping for shoes and clothes. It was an unbreakable bond, that Jackie had shared with Carrie, the type of sisterly support you knew would always be there, if times were tough. That’s what Jackie would miss most about her sister, her beaming smile, her kindness, her sense of humour and her ravenous for life.

When late afternoon
came around that very next day she was so hungry, that she drove by ‘Fast Feast’ and bought herself a beef burger with double bacon and cheese. The anti-depressants she was taking, had increased her appetite and had helped her control her grief. When she got home, she was still hungry and was about to reach for the pantry, to stuff her face with a choc-chip muffin, but the doorbell rang and she raced to answer it.

“David! What are you doing here?”

“I’m here to see you babe, are you up for a bit of fun tonight?’’ he winked.

Jackie was speechless, that David could even mention fun right now, but she hadn’t had a chance to tell him what had happened.

“Come inside will you?”

“Now you are talking babe,” he smirked at her.

“Take your hands off me,’’ she lashed out at him as he walked in her house, her eyes a blaze.

“What’s your problem?’’ he responded defensively. “Why don’t you just say you don’t want to see me again?”

“I just lost my sister and her fiancé in a car accident and you want to have sex? I haven’t heard from you in weeks, where have you been?”

“Well you didn’t exactly call me, did you?” He protested in a smug voice.

“I don’t chase men, I never have, I’m too old school for that, but are you hearing me?” she yelled aloud. “I just lost my sister?”

“That’s a tragedy, but what’s that got to do with us? By the way have you put on a few pounds babe?”

“You are unbelievable David!’’ He made her feel ridiculously self-conscious. “I can’t believe you are so unresponsive to my grief and all you can think about is sex and my weight!”

She looked and felt like an abandoned child and she was shocked, that David wasn’t being nicer, he wasn’t even the boyfriend she thought he was. He kept looking at her in a weird way, the kind of way someone looked at you, when they didn’t feel any attraction for you. Sure she had gained weight, she hadn’t weighed herself in a while, but she wasn’t in any emotional state right now, to worry about her figure. What she had found most annoying right now, was David’s insensitive response to her bereavement. He even made her feel a bit uncomfortable, with his penetrative gaze.

“Anyway since you are busy and in a bad mood right now I am going to go, I shouldn’t have come over.”

All of a sudden he had become arrogant, commanding and cold. “I am not in a bad mood,” she defended herself. Then without thought, she blurted out, “I think we should take a break for a while?”

“What do you mean?” David paced up and down in the hallway, clearly agitated. “You don’t want to sleep with me anymore, is that what it’s all about?”

“Did I say that?” She said cutting him off. “I think we should just see each other, only on the weekends from now on, I need some time alone.”

David left without a response, he stumbled on his feet as he opened the front door, slamming it after himself.

Jackie wasn’t in any state of mind to give into David’s hot-headedness, he was very impulsive at times and if he had something in his head, he would want to act on it. She was in no mood, to play the sexy girlfriend in the bedroom. She had lost a sister and sex was the last thing on her mind and as far as she was concerned, David would have to keep his tiny cock in his pants for a while.

Two weekends had
passed by and she had not heard from David, she had extended her leave from work for a further month, as the psychologist had been concerned for her mental health. She had never felt so alone in her life, as much as she had now. It had hurt her that David had remained anonymous, even after she had told him she was grieving for her sister. In an act of extreme despair, she picked up her mobile and called him. The phone rang before it went off to voice mail and she left a short message for him to call. But he never did and hour after hour, she kept torturing herself checking the time, until it was six o’clock and her phone rang.

“Hi David.”

“Hey, how you doing? Have you had dinner?” He asked outright.

“No,” she lied, but had devoured a pepperoni pizza about two hours ago.

“I’ll meet you at the Italian Pizzeria in an hour.”

It seemed David wasn’t in the mood for short talk, but she was glad he had asked her out, she needed to see him, she had missed him like crazy. Their time apart, made her long for him even more, she truly loved him, she knew that now, absence had a remarkable way of making the heart grow fonder. Sure they had a terrible dispute, last time they encountered each other, but she was not one to bear grudges. She knew he was still a boy, growing into a man and he just needed time to find himself and be comfortable in his own skin. He may have been a tad too physical for her at times, but she had a plan to mould him into the gentleman, he needed to become. She loved him enough to stand by him and she wanted to have a real relationship with him.

They met at
the Italian Pizzeria and Jackie was going to pretend she had been starving, because she really missed him and didn’t want to turn him down for dinner. She wore baggy white pants and an oversized pullover, something she wouldn’t be caught dead wearing in the past. But she had become a different Jackie now, she was fighting the flight of depression and worrying about fashion anymore, was not something on her mind daily.

“Hey you,” she bumped David on the shoulder, as they both sat down at a table nearest to the window. “I nearly didn’t recognise you.” David had coloured his blonde hair jet black, to Jackie’s disappointment.

David gave her a wry smile, his face dropped when he saw her and he shook his head in irritation, taking off his jacket. But it wasn’t the kind of jaw dropping look you gave someone when you were impressed, it was more like the opposite.

“Hey what’s happening, where you been?”

Jackie felt like saying, where have I been, what about you? But instead she said, “nothing just the usual routine, I’m not back to work yet and you?”

“Just been going to the footy, hanging out with me mates, nothing much brewing.”

“I see,” Jackie pronounced. “So your life has been as mundane as mine, right?”

“Too right,” David smirked his hand on his chin, “Anyway I’m starving. Let’s order.”

Jackie was not really that hungry, but she couldn’t let up, that she had already eaten a whole pizza on her own. “Yeah me too, lets order.”

The Italian Pizzeria
was very busy and understaffed, they waited for twenty minutes and no one came to take their order. During that time Jackie could see David was getting annoyed, he looked absolutely furious. Jackie was trying to keep the conversation flowing in the meantime, but David was not even listening to her, he was biting his fingernails in agitation and pursing his lips.

“Where the fuck is the waitress? I am starving here!” He got up from his chair instantly and went over to the front cashier.

“I want to see the Manager, I’ve been waiting forever in this place?”

Jackie was taken aback by his fury, she had never seen him act like this before, this was a side of David, she didn’t see coming. Sure they had waited a little, but he was really out of control.

“I’m sorry the Manager is on leave, can I take your order?” The employee behind the cashier replied.

“Well you most certainly better I’m a paying customer and just for the record your service sucks!”

“I’m sorry, we have been understaffed today sir, what would you like?”

“Well that’s not my problem, I would like pizza of course, that’s what you make don’t you?”

The employee panicked adding, “pasta too, we have a menu if you want to look at it?”

“No way I have waited long enough as it is, to worry about looking at the menu.”

Jackie couldn’t believe David’s temper, he seemed very impatient, angered easily and had no manners. He didn’t even bother to ask her about the order, it was all about him, what he wanted.