Casey sat in the bookstore reading his chapter in the anthology of stories about parenthood. Her heart sank when she read how he’d met his wife in Paris while he was there teaching a class in creative writing.
A friend had arranged for them to meet, as they were both lonely Americans in Paris. She’d come walking into the elegant bar with a skirt and a pair of cowboy boots on.
In his chapter, he’d said he’d fallen in love with her immediately.
Shortly after they were married, she’d gotten pregnant and she had the baby in Paris. Finding it difficult to navigate a different healthcare system, they’d moved to Maine shortly after that, where Paul could teach at a nearby university and be close to his beloved ocean.
He was ecstatic, he wrote, at his late and last chance at fatherhood and Casey could tell his daughter meant the world to him.
Casey closed the book and closed the chapter on Paul Neal for good.
He’d found his happiness, something she couldn’t begrudge him for.
But in that moment, Casey Larson realized it was time for her to find her own joy.
*****
When Sarah went off to college, Casey decided that it was time for her to leave Cape Cod. She’d done her duty as a mother—something she felt good about. But she was still young enough to broaden her horizons, maybe even find a broadcast job at a local television station in New York. She was too old to be groomed for national news, but she thought doing local news in the city would be a good compromise.
April was due to graduate in a year. Both she and Robert agreed that she was too far along in high school to leave, but that Casey would alternate weekends, having April take the three-hour train ride to New York, while Casey would come to the Cape on the odd weekends. She’d rent a small apartment on the Cape to serve as a home base.
Casey loved New York and she loved her job even more. It was so wonderful to finally take a slice of life and forge her own adventures. She made new friends at the station, a few who recommended she get a complete makeover and start her life in the city as the new Casey Larson.
She spent her free time visiting museums and galleries and walking through Central Park in all kinds of weather. In some ways, she was trying to make up for lost time.
One day, as she was walking back to her studio from work, she passed a bookstore with a sign out front announcing that best-selling author Paul Neal would be there for a signing that evening.
She stopped dead on the sidewalk, staring at the sign.
Her brain tried different scenarios on for size, trying to decide which felt more comfortable.
Should she keep walking, pretending she never saw the announcement, or should she rush home, put on a chic, casual dress and show up for the signing?
She decided a compromise felt best. She’d go home, freshen up, and then show up at the bookstore, just skirting the edges of the store without committing herself to approaching Paul.
The book signing started at 7:00 and she showed up a half hour late, just to be safe. When she walked in, she found a row of books to hide behind and peeked out through a crack.
She felt ridiculous, but it was wonderful to see him again, still in a scruffy beard and casual clothes, but indeed looking more than a decade older. He was still handsome, she thought, and she could tell by the way he was talking to his fans that he was still gentle and charming.
She opted out of approaching him, but was still glad she got to see him again, if only from behind a stack of books.
She began to make her way back down the long aisle, answering a text to April as she walked. At the end of the row, she saw a pair of shoes in front of her and when she looked up, there stood Paul Neal.
He was grinning in a sweet way.
“You weren’t going to leave without saying hello, were you?” he said.
“Oh my gosh, Paul,” Casey said, stammering for words. She was utterly dumbfounded that she had been caught stalking him in a bookstore. How had he known she was there?
“I saw you walk in,” he said. “How could I not have spotted those infamous blue eyes? I saw you on the news this afternoon, Casey. I knew you were in New York and was hoping you’d stop by to say hello.”
“Well, I’m sorry,” she said. “I wasn’t trying to be rude. I guess I wanted to see you again without the drama of approaching you. I feel ridiculous.”
“I want to talk to you,” he said, looking as if it were important to him. “I have a few more hours here. Let’s meet up next door at The Green Door at 10:00. Would that be okay?’
Casey spent two hours walking the streets of the West Side, thinking about their weekend romance, wondering if she really wanted to spend time with him tonight. As silly as it was, her heart had been broken when he’d written her that last letter. Somewhere inside, she knew she wasn’t enough for him. She was a single mother then, living a life of unfulfilled dreams—even somewhat desperate.
But today she was her own person, forging ahead with her plans for her life, no matter how late they had been in coming. She was in her early 40s, and even though she’d put off fulfillment for many years, she felt good about her choices. Her daughters were bright and beautiful and she’d helped them get a good start in life.
She walked into the bar at 10:10, and there was Paul, waiting for her with a beer in front of him. He looked tired but relieved that she’d shown up after all.
“Tell me everything,” he’d said. “I’m dying to hear about your new life.”
Casey recounted the last decade to him, letting him know that she was happy with the way it had all worked out.
“Most important to me were my children,” she explained. “Jackie Kennedy once said that if you screw up raising your children, you can’t be good for much else. I believe that—that if you bring children into the world, it’s your responsibility to turn them into happy, responsible adults. I don’t live a life of guilt now. I put them first and I don’t regret that.”
Paul listened to her thoughts, and admitted that now that he was a father, he had come around to her point of view. He told her he was separated from his second wife and was struggling to see his daughter as much as he would like.
“You don’t live in the same town?” Casey asked, somewhat incredulous.
“No, they’re in Seattle,” Paul said. “I moved back to Northern California. It’s the only place I can write.”
That’s what Casey needed to hear. She’d never gotten to know him enough to see who he truly was. And while she didn’t judge his choices, she realized that they could never have been together. Casey’s priorities were different than his. She couldn’t have lived his life.
“You know,” she said, looking for her purse and getting up from the barstool. “I have an early day tomorrow.”
“How about dinner tomorrow night?” he asked. “I’m going to be in town for a few days.”
“I don’t think so, Paul, but thanks for asking. Let’s just leave it at this: we’ll always have Hurricane Betsy. It was the best weekend of my life so far, but I know that might not always hold true. I still have my whole life ahead of me.”
She walked out into the streets of Manhattan and stood at the corner to flag down a cab. She felt good—for the first time in a very long time. She knew that life was full of surprises and that Paul had come along at a time in her life when she needed to be reminded that she was still beautiful, still worthy of a little magic in her life.
She owed him a debt of gratitude for that. But in that moment, she was even more grateful for having always known who she was.
THE END
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Bonus Story 6/10
“Ma’am, the schoolhouse called and said Gunner has been waiting for over an hour.”
“Over an hour!” I yell at my secretary, as I stuff my laptop into my bag. “Michael was supposed to pick him up today! That good for nothing jerk!” I swing my bag over my shoulder and run out of the office as fast as I can.
I hate the fact that my son has to wait. Worse, I hate that he’s constantly being let down by his dad. They were supposed to go to a baseball game and then get ice cream. I should’ve known that he would never show up. It’s not the first time and I know it wouldn’t be the last.
It’s half past three as I pull up to the private school. Gunner’s sitting on the stairs, patiently waiting. I park on the street and help him into the car. I can see the look of despair on his face as he realizes, yet again, that his dad has forgotten about him.
“How’s school today honey?” I ask, hoping to lighten up the mood.
“He forgot, didn’t he Mom?”
“Well, honey, your Dad called and said he’s stuck at work.” I can’t believe I’m lying for this guy! “He says he’ll…”
“You don’t have to cover for him Mom.” I can hear the shakiness in his voice as he tries to hold back tears. “I know he forgot.”
Gunner is only ten, but he’s so mature for his age. I couldn’t ask for a smarter or braver child.
“Well honey, I can’t take you to the baseball game, but why don’t we catch a movie and I’ll take you out for ice cream afterwards?” I hope this will change his mood.
“I just want to go home Mom. I have homework.” I quietly nod, and head for home.
Michael has been like this since we’ve been married—extremely flaky and inconsiderate, just plain rude and a temper not to be messed with. I don’t know what I ever saw in him. Not only was he a terrible husband, but he’s also a lousy father.
I can’t believe that we’ve been divorced for five years and Michael is still making my life a living hell. I have to pretend to be cordial with him for my son’s sake. There’s no getting rid of him. Michael’s exact words when we signed the divorce papers were, “If I can’t have you, no one can.”
At first I thought it was a joke, but he wasn’t bluffing. Every guy I’d ever dated never came back after the first few dates. They’d always make excuses. But Michael w0uld rub it in my face that it was him who drove them away.
Life was supposed to be better.
I know Gunner needs a father figure in his life. He needs a good role model and a hero. Try as I may, I can’t fulfil that role. My job as the CEO of an up-and-coming financial institution keeps me extremely busy.
Just then, my phone rings and snaps me out of my pity session.
“Hello, Ms. Concordia speaking,” I answer.
“Ma’am, its Nancy. I’m sorry to disturb you, but Mr. Henderson called and asked if you could bump his meeting up to 9 a.m. tomorrow morning. He says the board…” I let Nancy trail on while I go back to daydreaming.
Truth be told, I’m so tired of my job. I’m overworked and underpaid. I need to go on a vacation. I haven’t been on one since Michael and I got married. That was over ten years ago! Now we’re divorced.
“Nancy,” I interrupt. “Clear my schedule for the next two weeks. Move all the important meetings out and cancel the meaningless ones.”
“Ma’am?” says a puzzled Nancy.
“You heard me right Nancy. I’m going on a vacation. My son and I both need some time away.”
From the back of the car I sense Gunner perk up. I can feel his aura change.
“Uh, yes Ma’am. About tomorrow’s meeting…”
“Move that meeting two weeks out until I return. The COO should be able to handle everything else while I’m away.”
“Yes, Ma’am.”
“And Nancy, no phone calls or emails while I’m on vacation. Understood?”
“Yes, Ma’am.” And with that I hang up. Wow, I’ve never done anything so spontaneous before. Aside from Gunner, my job is everything. Now I’m finally putting it on the back burner while I enjoy some time away.
“Mom, are we really going to go on a vacation?” Gunner asks.
“Of course honey! Why not?”
“Well, for one, I have school.” School…I forgot about Gunner’s school.
“I’ll figure that out honey. Don’t worry.”
I pull up to the driveway and into the garage. My dream house. My home. Finally, a home. I worked so hard for everything I got, despite all the obstacles in my way. This is definitely something to be proud of.
Inside, I pull out my laptop and plop it on the dining room table while Gunner runs up to his room.
“Honey, do your homework before anything else,” I yell out behind Gunner as I began my email.
SUBJECT: Gunner Concordia
Ms. Tyler,
Please excuse Gunner from class for the next two weeks.
I pause. Well, I can’t say that Gunner will be going on a vacation. It wouldn’t be acceptable. What else should I say?
Due to my heavy workload, I’ve decided to take a vacation and Gunner is coming with me.
I decided against lying. I’m a horrible liar anyways.
I understand that its last minute, but I believe this will help Gunner. He will be refreshed upon his return, thus improving his schoolwork.
It’s not like Gunner needs a break from school to refresh. He’s a smart kid and is way ahead of his class.
If there is a cause for concern, please feel free to contact me.
Respectfully,
Ms. Lexi Concordia
I press ‘send’ and immediately start searching for vacation destinations. I have no clue as where to go. I don’t want to go to a place that is too touristy.
I start with the Bahamas. I’ve always wanted to go there. Growing up in a poor family meant vacations and travels were up to how far my imagination would take me. Plus, the Bahamas was our originally going to be our honeymoon destination until Michael opted for a motel 50 miles away instead. Romantic isn’t it?
I bring up a map of the Bahamas on the search engine and pick the first island I lay my eyes on, a big island about 50 miles or so from Cuba.
I haven’t heard much about the Inagua Islands so it shouldn’t be too touristy. I’m aiming for some place nice and low-key.
“Mom?” I jumped.
“Geesh, Gunner. Don’t surprise me like that.”
“Sorry Mom,” Gunner says while rubbing his belly indicating that it’s time for dinner.
After dinner, I settle down into my bed and started searching for flights and hotels to Great Inagua Island. I book the flights but am not able to get accommodations for a hotel room. Oh well, I’ll figure something out when we get there. Happy with what just transpired, I log off my computer and lie in bed.
Loneliness creeps over me. It’s pretty lonely in this huge bed all by myself. But, I shrug it away. I’ve been own for years now, and I’ve managed to survive.
***
“Attention all passengers, flight 4242 will be boarding in 30 minutes,” the flight attendant calls over the speakerphone.
“That’s my flight Miss, can I cut in front of you!” the man behind me exclaims.
“Sure.” I usher him in front. So many people have no sense of time. That is why I’m always early for a flight. I don’t like doing things last minute and I don’t like doing things without planning ahead.
So this last minute vacation is out of the ordinary for me. But it also feels very exhilarating at the same time. That will never happen again. I could very well be like this guy if I kept that up.
“I’m so excited Mom!” Gunner sounds like a kid now. Good thing too, I was starting to think he’s been an adult all of his ten years. He seems to be more cheerful today. He’s finally gotten his mind off his deadbeat dad.
Gunner and I finally make it through the gates a good one hour ahead of schedule. He reads his book while I flip open a magazine. Just then, my phone rings.
“You’re taking our son out of the States? Without MY permission?!” It’s Michael and he’s as irate as ever. No surprise, this seems to be the only mood he knows.
“Michael,” I calmly reply, “I don’t need your permission because I have full custody of Gunner. Let’s not forget that the only reason you’re in his life is because I’m allowing it.” Wow where did that come from? I’ve never been brave enough to stand up to Michael except for when I wanted a divorce. Even then, I almost succumbed to his rants.
“LEXI! ARE YOU THREATENING TO TAKE MY OWN SON AWAY FROM ME??! LEXI LET ME TELL YOU…” He screams through the phone so loud I know everyone within a one mile radius can hear.
Gunner stares at me wide eyed. I smile at him and hang up on Michael. I quickly turn off my phone. There’s no point in trying to reason with a lunatic.
“It’s ok honey. We’re going on this trip no matter what,” I assure him, knowing full well the wrath I’ll get from Michael when I return to the States.
The flight to the Bahamas isn’t bad. I’ve traveled many times before due to my job. But, Gunner isn’t too thrilled during the ride.
“Mom, I’m feeling queasy,” Gunner tells me or, “Mom, I don’t feel good.” Poor boy, it’s his first time on an airplane.
The landing is hard for him, and I can tell he’s trying to put on a brave face. Once the plane lands, he’s more than eager to step foot on solid ground.
“I’ve always wanted to fly on a plane, Mom. But after that, I might have to re-think my traveling career,” Gunner jokes.
“Honey, you’ll get used to it,” I laugh.
We gather up all our luggage and head for the rental car lot. Gunner wants to explore and sightsee, but first we need to find a hotel.
“We have to find a hotel first honey. After we drop off our bags, we’ll go do whatever you want,” I assure him.
This was what I’ve been missing. I spend so much time working that I failed to notice that Gunner is growing too quickly for his age. Right now, he’s more of a child than ever. I can see the excitement in his face. He’s so anxious he can barely contain himself.
Unlike the other islands, Greater Inagua is not much of a tourist destination. I like this. No elbowing through people. Everyone here is so friendly, all the locals go out of their way to great us.
The island itself is beautiful. There’s just something about this island that’s making me a little frisky. It’s been awhile since I’ve been in a man’s embrace and right now, this environment is making me long for a man’s touch.
We’re lucky enough to find accommodations at our first stop. The flight exhausted me, so I’m eager to take the first available room they had.
“Mom! Mom! Mom! Let’s go see the water! Or the flamingos! Or the salt mine!”
Gunner can hardly contain himself now. He soaks in everything the locals tell us about this island and all the sights we should see. He’s jumping up and down on the bed like any excited 10-year-old should.
“Ok, ok honey. Calm down,” I reply as I turned my phone back on only to discover tons of angry texts from Michael. I roll my eyes, don’t even bother to read the texts, and shut off my phone again.
We start off just walking around the vicinity. Gunner is so talkative with the locals that I find myself having to kill the conversations. We come upon a local who introduces himself as Adon. He offers to take us snorkeling since he is on his way out there anyways.
That gets Gunner’s attention. He turns to me with droopy puppy eyes. I couldn’t resist. It isn’t every day that I get to see Gunner acting like he should; a 10-year-old boy.
It isn’t like me to just follow some local around for a tour and to go snorkeling, but I want to give Gunner a memorable time. Plus, the crime rate is pretty non-existent on this island anyways so I feel pretty safe.
Gunner and I go back to our room to gather our swimwear while the local chats with the clerk at the front desk.
Once out there, the water is just beautiful. It’s a beautiful blue with a greenish hue. You can clearly see the fish swimming about the reef.
“You two can explore here, but don’t go far,” the guide says. It must be because I haven’t been with a man for a long time, but his accent sends thrills throughout my body. He gets bombarded with Gunner’s questions, allowing me some time to jump into the water and explore by myself.
I jump in, forgetting all my worries—forgetting about the job at home and the ex-husband, who after five years still hasn’t left me alone. I spot a beautiful fish down at the bottom and decide to dive deeper. Just then, I bump into something or someone.
It’s a man in full scuba gear who blended in so well with his surroundings that I didn’t see him. He grabs my hands and pulls me towards him.
I’m afraid. I look upwards to find the boat, but I must’ve gotten lost while I was daydreaming. I can’t see the boat. I can’t see Gunner. I try to get free. The man’s finger comes up to his mouth, to indicate for me to remain silent and still. Then he drags me upwards breaking the water’s surface.
What’s he going to do to me?
***
Once we break the surface, I see the boat, but know that Adon won’t be able to see me. Freedom seems to be in reach, but I doubt I’ll be able to outswim this stranger.