Sharecropping The Apocalypse: A Prepper is Cast Adrift (35 page)

“Hi Bertha, that’s is a fine bonnet you got on today! Very pretty!” Loomis said remembering his manners and what to say to get on the old girls good side.

“Fine indeed Miss Bertha! You’re looking well today!” Crick said wondering if she had just changed the underwear recently in that hat and if it might have been the mule’s bonnet at one time or another and stifling a grin at the thought.

“Hey Crick, Loomis, Ya’ll ready to fire everything up and go on down to the landing now? I can’t wait for you to see my invention in all its glory a paddling along” Clem said with his eyes sparkling and boots twitching to get on down to the river and let the show and fun begin.

“Now Clem, you said we were going to discuss this first even though we are going down there to the river bank directly. What about those boys Ben and Beauregard you looking for, that Ben feller is, what did you call him, a bonding man?” Bertha said.

“No, a bondsman, you know the guy that puts up money when you got to get out of jail! A bonded man is kinda like a slave or indentured servant.” Loomis began before Bertha said “I’m taking my gun with me now instead of this stick, there ain`t nobody making no slave out of me, bonded with dentures or not!” Bertha exclaimed and hustled to go get her gun before Crick put a calming hand on her shoulder and slowed her down before things got out of hand with her ideas about bonded and unbonded dentures.

About that time Rossy Ross rounded the corner with her venerable old single shot 20 gauge shotgun, declaring she ain`t going to be no dentures servant either and that them city folks could stay on that island whether she had herself a sore tooth or not!

“Now ya’ll settle down, ain`t nobody talking anything about indentured servants or slaves! All we got here to be concerned with is to go out and look for this Ben the Bondsman and a fellow they call Beauregard that took themselves a raft ride over here to also escape that island and find some help who we ain`t seen hide nor hair from  yet. They are supposed to be somewhere downstream as far as Crick and Loomis  knows. But Crick said if they didn’t find any help down that way they’re supposed to be coming back up this way.” Clem explained.

“Them bondsmen, are they like them slave hunters of old like my Grandmamma told me about?” Bertha said looking around worriedly.

“No Bertha they the money guys you got to go see like when we had to get Jebediah out of the cross bar motel.  Course if they gets you out of jail, they also make sure that you show up at court whether you want to or not so they don’t lose no money.” Clem said jogging her memory.

“Oh yeah, I know what they talking about Miss Bertha! My Momma has to get one of them fellas once in a while, but they always seem to want something more than money when they come around!” Rossy said scowling and holding her gun a little tighter.

“Now there are good ones and bad ones just like in everything. Think about them like money changers in the Bible, Bertha. They exchange a little bit of money for freedom, you don’t have the money then they share it with you but you beholding, it’s more like sharecropping: you ain`t got it, I lend it to you then you got to work it off till you pay it back with interest.” Clem said.

“Oh we going to be like bail bondsman’s now then!” Bertha said puffing out her ample bosom a bit, imagining something new.

“Well I understand sharecroppers foreman gets a piece of the crop you make, but the bail bondsmen they get you out of jail it’s like they own a piece of your body!” Rossy said remembering her Momma’s experiences.

“That not what it is at all, the worlds full of haves and have nots and people that profit from saying that they’re helping somebody out but sometimes abusing others by overcharging for the right to do so. Might be what you call a necessary evil. Now you remember Bertha around here, payment for shares of the crop were always fair, nobody had their finger on the scales to cheat you of money so you could afford to take your young un to the doctor, The McCloud plantation always been fair, we going to carry on that tradition! We don’t need no bondsmen no more, according to Crick there ain`t no jails around here, no more bonds, no fines, no rich folks trying to get no richer, it’s just us and the little bit we have and those less fortunate we trying to help to replace what’s lost, ain`t that right Crick?” Clem said.

“Well yeah, but we need to talk about that a bit more. I would like to find my two friends first before going to the river, like Crick said he’s one of the good ones, have no fears about him!” Loomis declared.

“I know me and ma needed a hand out or help up sometime. If someone wanted to help us out they wasn’t always in it for the profit. We used to call that being a good Christian, guess they got names for it all nowadays what with no government food stamps nor such things anymore. I don’t know about being Christian all the time though, that holier than thou preacher down at the four lane there got kinda handsy with me and my Ma when we needed some donated clothes from down there once.” Rossy said not sure about what intentions were sometimes represented as always.

“I fixed  him good for you Rossy. I don’t think anybody’s heard about him in five counties have they?” Clem said before spitting on the ground.

Loomis and Crick eyed each other with a bit of sorrow over the ways of the world and how these families had survived so long without society around to help them for so long and now these good souls were going to be the salvation for so many.

“Now when the hell do I get to go see my brainy contraption work? I’ll explain everything later about how to find your friends, do we have to go gallivanting off to find your two friends first or can we go ahead on down to the landing? Hey Crick, you better keep that tractor close to the shore, that paddle wheeler thing is older than the hills; keep you and it close to shore in case it decides to show its age and come apart at a seam! Why don’t we honk our horns along the way to the landing and maybe them two will hear and come see what all the commotion’s about!” Clem said not to be put off any longer than necessary today, from what he called ‘floating the boat”

“How about me and you Clem just take ourselves a run up and down the highway a mile or two in each direction and see if those two made it up here that far? If they made it past this access road then they might be trying their hand at hitch hiking, you know, we will just take us a quick little look see around the general area before we take off and test the machine! I gave you enough gas for that little jaunt, didn’t I? I might be able to spare a bit more if not”” Crick said thinking about what was best thing to do at the moment.

Well I suppose we could, but it’s gonna cost you a tiny might though. If I agree that we are gonna ride a few miles up and down the road looking for your lost friends Frick and Frack the Fresno twins first, then we gotta come to some terms, do you agree?” Clem said speculatively.

“I dunno, what’s it gonna cost me then?” Crick said confused.

“Oh not much at all, the deal is, that iffin that thing floats the first go round and you don’t drown or sink it in the mud, then I get me a turn at driving it Ok? I sure would like to spin them old paddle wheels around one more time by myself.” Clem said clapping and rubbing his hands together with glee while looking dreamily off into the distance thinking about all the fine tales he could tell afterwards for years.

“Daaamn! Well sure, why not? I guess you can have your turn then Clem, I was going to let you give her a try anyway but if you want to call it a deal, then it’s a deal!” Crick said looking to Loomis for confirmation that they were going to let this crazy old race car loving country plough boy play with their one piece of equipment for survival.

“Hey Bertha, how would you like a ride on the lake with me up in the cab? That tractor of Cricks is so damn fancy it’s even got speakers in the wheels that plays radio that you can hear more of if you leave the doors open to listen!” Clem said grinning at Crick about his modern conveyance.

“I ain`t going to be thinking about listening to no damn music coming out of any of them wheels while you try driving it Clem! I ain`t even considering listening to no more of your craziness neither, so don’t even try it Clem Bowman. There is no way that you are getting me to ride that darn thing off with you out into that muddy river water. You knows I can’t swim! And don’t you even think about asking Rossy Ross neither just so’s you can have a passenger to bedevil along the way. She is going to be standing right here by me on the shore and if you swamp that thing or try splashing us with it I am going whomp you with my pokey stick when you get back ashore!” Bertha said only half serious and wanting to see how good of a job Clem did driving it in the river before maybe she would think about letting Rossy Ross have a turn at being part of such a spectacular thing.
Imagine that she mused to herself, a tractor boat! Oh Clem is going to be hard to live with after this adventure; he would talk them to death.

“Are you really going to let him drive that thing?” You think it’s safe?” Loomis whispered to Crick.

“I got no choice Crick; he traded us for the wheels.” David whispered back listening to the animated threesome chatting excitedly in front of them.

No, hell no, I done told you a dozen times already Bertha them boys we are looking for ain`t got nothing to do with no dentures or bonding servants if we find them.  The word was
indentured
and I don’t have time to explain to you what it means again. Just treat them folks when we find them the same as you did when we found Crick and Loomis and everything will be alright.” Crick overheard Clem to say.

“Now then Mister Crick do I get to ride the tractor some if it works?” Clem questioned wandering away from Bertha and Rossy.

“Sure no problem, I told you so already!” Crick answered before Loomis poked him in the ribs to ask when was it going to be his turn to try it.

“Dammit, we can’t be riding all the gas out the tractor and spend a ton of time playing with it. You know Ben and Beauregard didn’t even have those packets of hot chocolate MREs like we did and they will be in far worse shape than when we were when we arrived here. Sorry for the fussing guys. I just figured that we needed to hurry up and go out and look for them boys as quick as we can, course they might be doing fine up river somewhere working on a rescue plan of their own. I just don’t know.  Anyway I need to get back over to the island and tell them folks about how we are planning on getting them off there and what our plans are after we get them back to this side. Hell I ain`t going to look for them two river rats that long anyway. Shoot if we did find them I bet they probably would ask a turn to drive that dang tractor thing around themselves some also” Crick said still smiling and laughing at the strange company he found himself keeping these days.

“Loomis!  You get your cotton picking fingers outta there, I done fed you once already this morning!” Bertha said as Loomis peeked under the cover on the wicker basket in order to see what there might be available for lunch later.

Aw hell Bertha, I just thought you might need some help carrying it and wanted to make sure it wasn’t stone soup or something and it be too heavy for you to tote all by yourself!” Loomis declared smiling at the old woman.

“What’s stone soup Clem? Never heard of such before, oh maybe I do know what it is. Did you show them that there patch of wacky weeds where those hippie boys you run off had all that rabbit tobacco growing? Loomis you have had my wild weed gathering and cooking before, you know I ain`t got you neither stoned nor made nobody sick yet when I fix it! I only use a little Sherry in it once in awhile if it’s available” Bertha declared thinking Loomis had broken her taboo about saying anything derogatory about her cooking.

“Now Bertha, he didn’t mean anything. He has just got himself a healthy appetite for your good cooking and wanted to see what kind of vittles you got fixed up for us. I don’t know nothing about no stone soup though, but it sure sounds awful interesting. Can you eat that shit too, Loomis?” Clem asked.

“Eat what? Uh, what is it your talking about Clem?” Loomis exclaimed, totally confused as to what it was the old man was exactly referring to.

“The stoner soup we was talking about, is it made out of that stuff that some folks call wildwood weed or Mary Jane that people say they get stoned off of? Is that why the dish you is talking about called stone soup?” Clem said as Loomis looked like he caught on to what it was they were talking about.

“No not that stuff at all, He wasn’t referring to marijuana. What he was talking about is an old story about a hungry soldier that got a village to all add to the pot to make soup. You never heard that one before?
Stone Soup is an old folk story in which hungry strangers persuade local people of a town to give them hidden food. It is usually told as a lesson to children in cooperation and community sharing.” Crick declared laughing at the confusion.

“What kind of stone do you use Crick? Has it got salt in it or did he get the villagers stoned to get them to donate?” Bertha asked more confused than ever as Loomis groaned and shook his head.

“No its well, its well what you might say is a fable sort of thing with a moral at the end to teach people something. I ain`t going to try to explain it to you right now, Crick you want to take over here and explain it?” Loomis asked as Clem and Bertha waited for more information on this mysterious culinary dish.

“Me or Loomis will tell you all about that story later on; meantime, right now we got to be getting this show on the road folks! OK, now then, I tell you all what I think we should be doing. I don’t know my way to get down to the landing so I am going to follow Clem`s truck down there later on so what I suggest we do now is we all load up on that pickup truck and we spend a little time running the roads around here a couple miles up and down have ourselves a look see around the area outside this plantation. Could be we see a sign of Beauregard and Ben. We get done with that and then we can all come back here and start up on seeing if that tractor will float. Do we all agree?” Crick said looking at the group.