Shattered (15 page)

“Ok, ok, I’m going.” With one last look at Tyler I say, “We will have our time, Tyler, best believe that.” I spit in his face and then walk away.

Walking back over to my car, I hear Falls telling the other officers to “get this piece of shit outta here.” I look down at my hand and I have glass covering my hand, and I hope that Tyler has glass in his face. I get in my car and sit there for a second. Deep breaths, I need to get control over myself before I’m faced with my mother and the boys and Gen.

I watch the car that has Tyler in it drive away.

I will have my revenge.

Man

Sitting in this white room with my dead mom in my arms and it still hasn’t hit me that it’s real. My mother is dead. Dead. The word doesn’t even feel right coming from my mouth. You never really know what weight the word carries until it’s in your face. You know dead means gone, no life, no breaths, no smiles, no laughing, no nothing. I’ll never see my mother smile at me again. Never feel her arms wrapped around me, I’ll never hear her voice. I’ll never hear her tell me she loves me, ever. How am I supposed to live with that? Smiling down at mom I say, if you’re gone, who is going to smack me in the back of the head for cussing mom? I need you here with me, you can’t be gone. Wake up, Mom, and we can just walk out of here like none of this ever happened.”

There is no movement. I knew there wouldn’t be but dammit, I just want her to wake up. But she is gone and never coming back. She was taken away from us by the man that helped create me. My own father took what I loved most in the world away.

“He will not get away with this, Mom,” I say as I kiss her forehead and smooth her hair back.

Right then the curtain that separates us from the door is pulled back, I look up and pull mom closer to me. I don’t really know why. People have been trying to get me to let her go since we got here and I’m just not ready to let her go just yet.

Storm, Falls, my Grams, Callum, Malachi, and Genesis are all standing in the door. Gen is the last one in and softly closes the door like she doesn’t want to wake mom up.

Grams is the first to come to me. She brings her hand to my face and wipes tears I didn’t even know were falling from my face. Shit I’m crying, when did I start crying again? Hell, maybe I never stopped crying. Who knows?

I look up at my Grams. She has tears in her eyes but they haven’t fallen. “She is gone, Grams.” My voice sounds weak and it cracks with my words.

“I know, baby, you have to let her go now. Let the doctors look her over. Come on baby, come with me.”

I pull mom even tighter and lean away from Grams. I’m not ready to let her go.

“I’m sorry, Grams, I’m sorry I didn’t protect her better.” I look out at my family. “I failed her. I let Tyler kill her. I wasn’t there when she needed me the most. I’m so sorry y’all.” I say it to them first then I look back down at my beautiful mother and say, “I’m so sorry, Mom. I never meant for this to happen. I was supposed to keep you safe. You weren’t supposed die like this. I’m so sorry.” I bury my face in her hair and cry while my family stands around feeling the same regret I feel.

My face is grabbed by a strong hand and pulled not so gently to face my Grams.

“Now you listen to me, boy. You all listen to me, this is not your fault. None of it is. You all did the best you could. You kept her safe. Rain left Tyler. The five of you and Liam gave her the strength she needed to finally leave him. We don’t know how or why she ended up back over there, and until Liam wakes up, we won’t. So you all hear me and hear me damn good, this is in no way anyone’s fault. The only one that can hold any blame is Tyler Childs. Rain would have left him years ago if it wouldn’t have been for him threating y’all.

Now, boy, lay ya mama down, let her rest now. You know good and damn well if she was here, and saw you acting like this, she would kick your ass all over this hospital.”

Grams puts her hand on one of my arms and looks in my eyes.

“Let her go, baby, it’s her time to rest.”

“I’m not sure I can, Grams.”

Grams nods her head to Storm and he comes to my other side.

“It’s ok, son, I have her now,” Storms says while he takes my mom from my arms.

“Now get up and let me lay her down.”

When I get up, Grams, my brothers, and Gen put their arms around me as well as each other. I need to remember that this isn’t just about me. I’m not the only one that lost someone. They all lost their mom, Grams lost her daughter, Storm lost his sister, and Liam lost the only woman he has ever loved.

I look back over at Storm and my mom. He lays her down, kisses her forehead, whispers something in her ear. “I’m sorry, baby sister. I won’t fail you again.” When he stands, a tear falls down his face. He pushes her hair back, then turns to us.

He won’t fail her again? What does that mean? Before I can ask, he goes to Falls. Falls leans into him and says, “I did what I could”.

It’s now that I know that Storm has something planned. If it has anything to do with Tyler, come hell or high water I will be a part of it.

Facing my mom again, I see Grams is bent over saying goodbye to her only daughter. My heart drops. I feel like I should have been better. Kept a closer eye on her. Maybe I should have killed Tyler years ago. Mom would still be alive now.

“You rest now, baby. I love you and I’ll see you again one day.” That’s the last thing Grams says to mom before standing up and taking in the room with tears pouring that she is trying to get control of.

I take in my brothers and sister. Callum’s face has gone hard. You can see no emotion in his face. Malachi is pissed and hurt. He has angry tears falling from his eyes. You can tell from the way his jaw is set. Genesis is hanging onto Malachi for dear life. Her face is soaked with tears. They are all saying goodbye to our mom.

Everyone is about to leave but my voice stops them.

“When I was little, and shit would get bad at home and I got scared, mom would always tell me to say the Lord’s Prayer. That no matter what was going on, I could say it and it would make me feel better. She taught it to me when I was four. I never forgot it. A few weeks ago, I asked mom if she still said it when things got bad. She said she said it every day, and that when things got bad that was what she would say over and over until it was over. I think we should say it before we go. All of us together.”

I look around at everyone and they have their heads down. I know we all know it. Mom taught all us kids and I know Grams taught it to mom and Storm. I hold out my hands and wait for my family to grab hold. We all bow our heads and say it out loud.

                        Our Father, who art in heaven

                          Hallowed be thy name

                       Thy kingdom come,

                           Thy will be done,

                        On earth as it is in heaven

                        Give us this day our daily bread

                        And forgive us our trespasses

                     As we forgive those who trespass

                             Against us

                      And lead us not into temptation

                        But deliver us from evil.

                       For thine is the kingdom

                       The power and the glory

                       For ever and ever

                             Amen

When I say Amen, I take one more look at my mom, then turn and walk out of the room, leaving my mom behind and alone.

Once I make it out of the room, I press my back against the wall next to her room. I slide to floor, my knees up, elbows on my knees and my head in my hands and I cry. Again I fucking cry. I feel lost. I feel empty. I feel mad as hell.

Uncle Storm comes out of the room some time while I was crying. I don’t want to look weak in front of him, but it feels like my heart was just ripped clean out of my chest. Storm puts his arm around my shoulder and pulls me close to him. I know he is trying to make me feel better but I don’t want his words. I want some payback. I want to make Tyler bleed.

“Grams is right, son. Rain wouldn’t want you to feel like this. She would want you to remember that she loves you. It’s her time to rest, son. Let her rest knowing that you know that.”

I explode. “Fuck that, Storm. Fuck it all. She is in a better place and resting. You know I can take that shit from Grams but not you, man. Not you.” Pointing to the room we left mom in I say, “She should be here with us. Me, you, Callum, Malachi, Genesis and Liam, not about to be worm food. What the fuuuuu…”

My air is cut off when Storm wraps his hand around my throat.

“I know you’re hurt, kid. I know you are mad and feeling lost, and that’s fine. I will tell you this only once, if you ever talk about your mother like that again, I will beat your ass.”

I try to push away from him. Fuck him. She is gone and not coming back.

“Stop fighting me, Man. I’m not the one you are mad at. Calm down and listen. We will figure this out together.  I know the reason her and Liam were at Tyler’s.”

He pushes papers against my chest. I don’t look at them yet. I’m too mad, too hurt. No matter the reason, she was there. I should have protected her better. Mom’s death is on me. I’ll carry it with me forever.

I just want the pain to go away. I don’t want to feel it. But I calm down because I know that if I’m acting like this when I ask Storm to let me in on whatever he has planned for Tyler, I know he will say no.

“I know you don’t want to hear it, son, and I’m sorry this happened to you. Shit I’m sorry it happened to all of us, but we can’t fall apart. I love my sister but I don’t want her coming back to haunt me. If we fall apart and start the fucking blame game, she will haunt all of us.”

“What are we going to do about Tyler, Storm? We can’t let him get away with this. Mom is gone because of him. So tell me, what are we going to do?”

Storm steps back from me, he had let me go to push the papers at me but had never stepped away. “We aren’t going to do shit. You are going to look out for your brothers and sister, and when the time comes, I will handle Tyler.”

I don’t get a chance to speak, Callum comes from Mom’s room, and says, “Not alone you won’t. He killed our mother, we should get our payback. When the time comes and he is out and good for the gettin, we will all get him.” He holds his hands up when Storm tries to talk. “I’m not done,” he says. “When the time comes, we will be ready, and it will be you that makes us that way. Now I’m finished, well at least for now.” He then turns and walks away, not giving me or Storm time to answer. But Storm speaks loud enough for him to hear and it stops Cal in his tracks. Malachi, Genesis, and Falls have made their way out by now and are listening.

“Ok fuckers, but not Gen. You’re too young. We don’t know what will happen, how many years he will get. I want you focused on school. I don’t want you out there getting hurt.”

Genesis doesn’t like this at all and she lets Storm know.

“I know you want to keep me safe, and I love you for it but, Storm, when he gets out I’ll be older no matter how long he gets. I won’t be 13 forever. You could start training me now and I’ll be ready. But no matter my age or if you train me, when he gets out, I will get my revenge, even if I have to go solo. So really the only question is, will I get my revenge with you and all of your training or will I be going out alone and possibly giving you another body to bury?”

“Fuck,” Uncle Storm says. “That is not fair, Genesis. Your mom would want you guys safe. Why are you wanting to put yourself in the line of fire?”

“For the same reason you are. She was our mother. That bastard took her from us. We want to help to make him feel the pain that he gave her. He deserves no less.”

“You kids are going to be the damn death of me. Genesis, you are just like your mother. Shit. Fuck. Fine, you train with us too. Let’s go check on Liam and get the hell out of here.”

We all start walking but Storm stops, as a group we turn and see why he stopped. He is giving us his, “I’m not fucking around with what I’m about to say,” look.

“I have one rule. This is my show. You do what you are told and only what you are told. No cowboy shit. You understand me? If any of you go against what I say, I will lock you in my basement with bread and fucking water until Tyler is dead. Now is there anything I said that y’all don’t understand?”

We all shake our heads and say got it.

“Ok good. Training starts for us as soon as we lay your mom to rest. When Liam is up and around and is up for it he will join training.”

“Are you sure that Liam is going to want to, though? I mean, with everything that happened…”

Storm meets my eyes and says, “You try and stop him”

Storm turns his head to look at Falls. “Do you have anything to add or a problem with anything that I have said? You have been acting kinda funny so if you have a problem, you need to speak now. If you are going to try and stop me, you need to walk away now because I will not let you get in my way.”

“Nope, I didn’t hear anything but how hurt these kids are over losing their mother. But I will say that if you need any help or back up, you have mine and I mean that. The sooner the fucker is dead the sooner things can go back to normal.” Falls then shakes hands with Storm as well as the rest of us. To us kids he says “I’m sorry about your mom.” Then, just looking at Storm he says, “Y’all stay smart and call me if you need anything.”