Shattered Dreams (22 page)

I stand back and watch everyone place their
gifts under the tree. I see the note from Alec on the table and
walk over to get it. I would hate for someone to see it and
misinterpret its meaning. Danny walks past me and smiles. “Where
are you going?” I ask. 

“
You know Cheryl. I need to
get a casserole and homemade cinnamon rolls from the
car.” 

I smile and look at Cheryl. “You made your
famous cinnamon rolls for breakfast?” 

“
Of course, I know how much
my grandson and you love them.” 

My mouth waters and I need to lick my lips.
“I’ll get some coffee on.”  

“
Momma, can we open our
presents?” 

“
After we eat. Do you want
to see if Santa ate his cookies and milk?” 

James smiles and jumps up from the floor
where he was sitting between the tree and the fireplace. I smile
when I see the log has finally caught on fire. I follow James into
the dining room, where he climbs onto a chair so he can see the
plate, bowl, and glass. “Look, momma, Santa was hungry.” 

I look at the cookie crumbs on the plate and
on the table and smile. “He sure was, and he was a bit messy,
too.” 

I pick up the dishes and carry them into the
kitchen. Once the coffee is done and we are all sitting at the
table eating, we talk about previous Christmases when Max was a
child. James listens while we tell funny stories about his daddy
when he was small.  

“
One Christmas Max opened up
all of his presents and played with the empty boxes instead of the
toys
all day long. He built the biggest
fort you have ever seen.” Danny speaks fondly of his son. We laugh
and cry. The memories are nice, but the pain that lives deep in
your heart will never go away.  

“
One time he tried to ride
his pet dog, Dexter. He had his conductor’s hat on with his bib
overalls saying ‘choo… choo,’ like he was a train,” Cheryl adds.
Dexter was a black lab and he loved Max.  

Cheryl tells James that one year his dad said
he wanted to be a Smurf when he grew up. We all laugh and James
asks what a Smurf is. 

After we eat, we leave the dishes on the
table. My dad sets up a video recorder on the tripod in the corner
of the room and Cheryl is elected to play Santa Claus. Every year
someone is chosen to be Santa and their job is to wear a red Santa
hat, sit nearest to the tree, and pass out the gifts. 

James giggles when his grandmother wears the
Santa hat. We all sit on the floor in a circle and wait as Cheryl
calls out the name on the gifts, then we pass the gifts to that
person. James has a very large stack and is already opening his
gifts. We wait and watch him open his gifts before we open
ours. 

He is excited about everything he got, even
the clothing. I am grateful to see all the nice clothes his
grandparents got for him. James has so many toys, so the clothes
are a nice surprise.  

“
We noticed he is having a
growth spurt, so we decided clothing would be better than toys this
year,” my mom whispers. 

I nod. “He is getting so tall, he can
definitely use the clothes.”  

After all the gifts are
opened and the dishes are done, everyone leaves. We are having an
early Christmas dinner at Mom and Dad’s. Cheryl and Danny will also
be there. Brooke, Brice, and the boys went home to Oklahoma for the
holidays. I miss them, but I know they are having a great time,
although Brooke calls me every day complaining about the cold and
snow.
That girl is never happy. When she
is here, she complains about the heat. 
 

James takes a bath and once he is dressed in
his new clothes, I take a bubble bath. I leave the door open so I
can hear him playing in the other room.  

After dinner and we visit with everyone,
James asks if we can go home and play with his new toys. We say our
goodbyes with hugs and kisses. On the drive home, I tell James that
his daddy loves him and misses him.  

“
I know he does,” James
says. 

“
You do?” 

“
Yep, I had a dream about
him last night. In my dream he was playing with my ear and it
tickled.” 

I get goose bumps. “He did? Did he say
anything?” 

“
Yep, he said he loves me
and you, ever and ever.” 

“
Did he say, always and
forever?” 

“
Yep, that’s what I said,
ever and ever.” 

I smile and look away. My nose tingles and my
eyes fill up with tears. Max visits me in my dreams, but I didn’t
know he also visited James. Why am I surprised? A tear falls onto
my cheek. Max loved James before we even had him. Of course, he
would visit him and make sure he is all right.  

We go home and James and I
change into sweatpants and tee shirts. We play with his remote
control cars and his trains, and we watch a movie he got in his
stocking,
The Lego Movie.
I remember Alec saying Raelynn was with her
grandparents. I look at my phone and then the movie.
Should I call him?
I pick
up my phone and scroll through my text messages until I find the
ones from him. I look under the tree at the single wrapped gift
sitting under it. James wanted to get Raelynn a gift for
Christmas.  

I’ll text him and see what he’s
doing. 

Emma: How is your and Rae’s
Christmas?
 

He is probably busy. I shouldn’t have sent
it. I am shocked when my phone chirps with an incoming
text. 

Alec: It was good, and how
was yours and James’?
 

Emma: Good, just sitting
here watching
The Lego
Movie
.
 

Alec: Sounds like fun. We
are watching
The Polar Express
for the 50
^th
time.
 

That makes me smile. A grown
macho man is watching
The Polar
Express
. That’s kind of hot,
too.  

Emma:
Sounds like fun, too.
 

Alec: Now I know how you
felt watching
Die Hard
with me last night. Please forgive
me. 
 

I laugh out loud at his
comment.  

Emma: That was pretty tough
to take. Oh. You left your movie here and thank you for eating the
cookies and drinking the milk last night.
 

Alec: Anytime, I love
cookies and milk. That reminds me, I’m starving. Is there a pizza
place open tonight?
 

Emma: I have no idea. I’m
hungry, too. We ate Christmas dinner early today. If you find one
open, let me know. 
 

Alec: Hold on and I’ll
check.
 

I smile at the thought of having pizza on
Christmas day. I think this will be a first for me. Or am I smiling
because of Alec? 

Alec: Hey, we’re in luck. I
found a place. No delivery, just carry-out
only. 
 

Emma: Great, do you and
Raelynn want to come over here and eat? Maybe the kids could play
together. 
 

Alec: I asked Rae and she
is already putting her shoes on. So, that is a yes. What do you
like on your pizza?
 

“
James, do you want pizza
for dinner?’ 

“
Yes, momma. Pepperoni,
please.” 

Emma: James and I like
pepperoni.
 

Alec: Ordering it now, so
I’ll be there in 30 minutes or so. 
 

Emma: Great, see you
soon.
 

Alec and Raelynn come over carrying a very
large pizza. James runs to the door when he sees them pull up. I
smile and wait on the porch for them. Raelynn skips up on the porch
first and she and James dart past me and go into his room. I hear
the train on his wall start up and the whistle
blow.  

Smiling, Alec walks up on the porch. “Merry
Christmas,” he says. 

“
Merry Christmas to
you.”  

“
Honey, I’m home and I have
dinner,” he says, holding up the very large pizza. 

“
Not just dinner, but
Christmas dinner,” I add. 

We both laugh as we walk into the house
together.  

We eat the pizza on paper Christmas plates
sitting around the dinner table. “You sure do know how to set a
beautiful table,” Alec says, holding up his paper Santa
cup.  

“
Thank you, I do like to
save my fine china for special occasions.” I
laugh. 

“
I think this is a first for
us,” I say, looking at James, Raelynn, and then Alec. “Having pizza
for Christmas.” 

Alec looks at me and then to Raelynn, “I
think this is a first for Raelynn and me, too.” 

After dinner, Alec starts a
fire in the fireplace and we all play
Operation
and
Chutes and Ladders
while Christmas
shows play on the television.  

We unwind by having pumpkin
pie and whip cream while watching
Miracle
on 34
^th
Street
. The kids fall asleep before
the movie ends. Alec and I talk and laugh well past midnight. I
learn he is one of four children and I also learn that he has a
four-year-old twin niece and nephew, and another small nephew, and
that his sister is pregnant with her and her husband’s first child.
I also learn that his father is a surgeon and his mother is a
college professor in English. 

He is surprised to learn that I am an only
child and that James is the only grandchild on both sides of his
family. I tell him Max’s parents live on the island and that they
are very involved in James’ life. I want him to understand they are
a part of my life and that will never change.  

Alec

I tuck Raelynn into bed and kiss her
goodnight. I also text Emma once I get the house picked
up. 

Alec: I just want to thank
you for a great evening.
 

Emma: You’re welcome, I
can’t remember ever having a Christmas like this
one. 
 

Alec: Pizza for Christmas
dinner is definitely a first for us.
 

Emma: And for
us.
 

Alec: Good night,
Emma.
 

Emma: Good night,
Alec.
 

Alec: Are we still on for
breakfast?
 

Emma: I am looking forward
to it.
 

Alec: Good, me, too, We’ll
be there at 9.
 

I think back on the last few days and I am
ready to move forward with my life. I thank Emma for that. Spending
time with her has opened my eyes to see what life for Raelynn and
me could be like. It doesn’t have to be filled with sadness and
loneliness.  

The next morning I pick up
Emma and James for breakfast
and then we
were going to do some after-Christmas shopping. This will be a
first for Emma and myself to shop after Christmas for next
Christmas. During breakfast at The Broken Egg
Restaurant
,
I get
a call from mom and dad saying my sister, Cameron, is at the
hospital in active labor.  

“
Is everything all right?”
Emma says. 

“
It’s fine, my sister is at
the hospital in labor.” 

“
Oh, wow, that’s exciting,”
Emma says. 

“
Aunt Cameron is going to
have her baby?” Rae asks.  

“
Yep, Rae, you’re going to
have a baby cousin soon.” 

“
Yay,” Rae says
excitedly. 

“
Do you want me to watch Rae
while you meet your family at the hospital?” Emma
asks. 

“
Emma, I was thinking maybe
you could come to the hospital with us,” I say, picking up the bill
to pay it. 

“
Your family will be there,
right?” 

“
Yes, I’m sure they will all
be there.” 

“
Alec, do you think that’s a
good idea? Maybe it’s too soon for me to meet your
family.” 

We all stand up from the table. “I think it
will be a good time for you to meet them. They’ll all be together
at the same place. If you meet one, you might as well meet them
all.” 

Once we arrive at the hospital, I realize we
are the last to arrive. Mom and dad are pacing the floor and
everyone else is sitting on the couches and chairs. They all look
at the door when we enter. I didn’t tell them I was bringing Emma
or her son. Rae hugs mom and dad before she walks around the room,
kissing and hugging her aunts and uncles.  

I walk up to my mom and dad and introduce
them to Emma and James. They greet her warmly just as I knew they
would. “We were having breakfast when you called, so we came right
over,” I explain. “Is there any news about Cameron?” 

“
No, Ian is with her
now.” 

I hug both my parents and look around the
room. Raelynn and James are the only children here. “Where are the
twins and Noah?” 

“
Jill and Victoria’s parents
came to their house to watch the kids,” my mom says as she
continues to pace the room. 

Ian’s family isn’t here. They live out of
state and plan to be here next week, after the holidays.