Authors: Ella Fox
Even my college graduation
last week
was joyless. I’d spent the da
y in agony. I missed
my parents
so much that I could barely function. Having to see Damien had damn near killed me, and I
did
everything I could to
be as far from his as possible, even managing to avoid looking straight at him.
Dominique and Delilah were thrilled to graduate, bu
t in photos from that day, it’
s clear to see that I’m not really present.
The only good thing about the day was seeing Tally again, and starting to get to know her. She and Dominique are so well matched, and even though it stings to see someone else so happy and in love when I’m miserable, it makes me happy for Dominique. She deserves to be happy.
I’m sure that it doesn’t help that I am currently out of school and haven’t been working. Dante had tried, so hard, to talk me in to starting
on Monday
when the girls did, but I just couldn’t. There is no way that I can see Damien every day
at work just yet
. I think it would destroy me.
It’s been
three
weeks since the night I
realized that Damien wanted me to go away so badly that he’d perpetuated a huge lie
, and I know I can’t keep going like this. I’ve decided that today I am going to get my hair and nails done. I care not a bit about doing either, but I need to get myself out of the house.
After a quick shower, I go in to my closet and put on a pair of navy shorts and a white tank top. After spraying myself with my raspberry body mist, I slip in to a pair of white sandals. Taking in my reflection in the mirror, I groan. I look gaunt and my eyes stare flatly back at me.
Is
this ever going to get better
, or am I confined to living half a life without the person that I’d wanted to love me
?
Before leaving I add a pair of sunglasses and grab my purse. Once I’m in my car I put the roof down. I’m hoping the sun and the fresh air will help lift my mood.
I feel a bit more grounded when I get back home
a few hours later
. I see now how people get sucked in to a funk and just can’t get out of it. If I don’t pull myself out now, I never will.
Once
inside, I call Delilah. I quickly explain to
her
that
I want to go out
,
and then ask what her plans for the night are. She can barely contain her shock.
“Really, you want to go out? Oh, thank god! I’ve been so worried Brooke. I’m headed out tonight with some old friends from the sorority house. Most of them are girls that you know. Get yourself over here by eight and we can head out after that.”
It’s an effort, but I force myself to dress up for the night. “I must get back to normal,” I tell myself over and over.
I settle on wearing an aqua colored mini skirt and a white off the shoulder top. Once I’ve got a pair of sexy platform sandals on, I feel like I look pretty good.
As good as it gets right now, anyway.
The bar that I wind up in with Delilah and her frat sisters is relatively low key, which is nice. I’m not sure that I could handle loud right now. It would be completely overwhelming.
A bunch of the girls have brought friends with them, and some of them are men. Clearly, I’m not looking for anyone, but after an hour or so of being at the bar, one of the guys strikes up a conversation with me. His name is Doug, and he’s actually very attractive, in a surfer boy kind of way. He’s easy going and chilled out.
Although I have no attraction to him, he is easy to talk to. We spend about
forty-five minutes
talking about our afte
r college aspirations.
I’m just starting to feel good about my decision to come out tonight when I sense a change in the atmosphere around me.
At first I ignore it and continue talking. I’ve been ridiculously out of it for weeks, and I conclude that I’m probably just over stimulated.
The look of discomfort on Doug’s face is the only clue I get that someone is behind me. The next thing I know, a warm hand
has slid across my shoulder. The goose bumps that
immediately rise on my arms can only mean one thing, and I turn slowly to find Damien staring down at me.
Just like that, the butterflies that have been asleep in my stomach for weeks flutter to life. How does he do this to me with just a small touch?
Why am I no closer to not caring?
Glaring at Doug he says, “I’m sorry to interrupt, but I need to speak with Brooke immediately.”
While his mouth says that he’s sorry to interrupt, his body language and his tone of voice say that he is anything but.
I watch, half amused and half infuriated, as Doug beats a hasty retreat.
Damien uses Doug’s exit to his advantage and slides himself on to Doug’s stool within seconds.
I drink the sight of Damien. Oddly, he doesn’t look so good. There are dark circles under his eyes, his skin is unusually pale and he looks as though he’s lost weight.
I shiver
when he takes my hand in his and h
e doesn’t let me pull my hand away, even though I try to.
“Brooke, I can’t do this anymore. I was as patient as I could be,
and I’ve given you your space. I’m dying here.
Can we please go somewhere and talk this out?”
I
struggle to comprehend what I’
m seeing before me. Unless I’m losing it, Damien has tears in his eyes. What the hell?
He’s right. We need to put this behind us. Dante and Sabrina’s wedding is coming quickly, and Damien and I need to be able to speak to each other or the day is going to be a nightmare.
I nod my assent at him. “Where and when?”
He swallows before answering me.
“How about my
house
and right now?”
I guess it’s best to just get it out of the way. No sense in delaying the inevitable. After answering in the affirmative and telling him that I came with Delilah, he heads over to tell her that we are leaving. She gives me a hopeful smile, but I just shake my head.
This isn’t going to have a happy ending. At the end of the day, Damien still doesn’t want me.
These last weeks have been the worst of my life. I didn’t realize until
I lost her
how much I’d come to rely on
being with Brooke.
Seeing her at her graduation, and not being able to speak to her, was agonizing. She was right in front of me but a million miles away at the same time.
She refused to even look at me, and it broke my heart into a million tiny pieces.
It’s true what they say. You don’t know what you have until it is gone.
While I knew that Brooke was amazing, I’d failed to fully understand the million different things about her that filled my heart. It’s only in her absence that I realize what I’ve really lost.
My heart is shattered, absolutely done in. With the way that I’d been brought up, I thought I knew pain. I had no idea. This is real pain, and it
isn’t dissipating at all.
Everyone is tip-toeing around me. After a week of all but ignoring me, even Sabrina
had started to try and help me come out of my self-imposed exile. Like my brother, Spence and my sisters before her, she failed.
I can’t forgive myself for what I did to Brooke. I lie in bed every night torturing myself as I picture her face when she pushed me away. There was no caring left in her for me, and I think a part of me died right then.
Like every
night for the last few weeks, my plan is to sit on my ass tonight and do nothing but be miserable. Right now, I’m excelling at that.
It seems to be the only thing I do well anymore.
When I hear my front door open, I want to scream. As Dominique, Tally and Spencer walk in, I glare at each of them.
“What the fuck?”
Glaring right back at me, Spencer gestures to me. “That’s our line bro. What the fuck are you doing sitting here day after
day with your thumb up your ass? You’re
fuckin
miserable and so is she. You need to fix this.”
After smacking Spence on the arm, Dominique comes and sits down next to me. “Spence was a little crass with the way he said it, but he’s right. You’re sitting here doing nothing, and all that’s telling Brooke is that you really don’t care.”
“What? Of course I care! I’m fucking dying over here without her. She walked out on me. I’m
giving her what she wanted. It’s the right thing to do. What would you guys have me do, stalk her?”
Giving me his most exasperated look, Spence shakes his head at me. “No one is saying stalk her you asshole. What we are saying is that it’s time for you to stop being such a bitch. Right now,
you’ve still got a chance to fix this, but every day that option dwindles more and more. You’re scaring the shit out of all of us, and Brooke is no better off. It’s time to shit or get off the pot.”
“She doesn’t fucking want to talk to me! You didn’t see her face when she left me standing in that room. She hates me. She fucking hates me!”
Hustling across the room, Tally grabs me in a bear hug. “Damien, she doesn’t hate you. I saw her face that day in the kitchen. She’s in love with you. Yes, you hurt her. But if you take responsibility and tell her the truth, there
is
a way back. It won’t be there forever though. If you don’t do something, and do it soon, then yes. You will have lost her.”
I’m too full of nervous energy to sit, so I start to pace. Just then
I hear my text message alert
buzz.
Picking up
my cell
, I see the text is from Delilah. It reads: “I’m out with Brooke.
It’s t
ime for you to get off your ass.” Her next gives me there location.
“Um.
Guys?
I just got a text from Delilah. She’s out with Brooke. What do I do?”
In unison they all answer, “GO!”
Glancing down at myself, I note that I’m wearing a pair of black jeans and a dark gray tee shirt. It’s
going to have to do, because I’
m not wasting time changing.
As I put my shoes on, I address the three of them. “I hope to god you’re all right about this.
Wish me luck. I think I’m going to need it!”
The sounds of the three of them clapping and yelling “Good Luck” is what I hear as I run out my front door. It would appear that their wishing me luck worked, because the address to the bar Delilah and Brooke are
at is less than fifteen minutes from my house. Finding a spot in the lot, I head in to the bar.
I spot her before I’m all the way through the door. Brooke stands out to me like a beacon of light in the dark. I take note of the guy she’s talking to. He’s keeping a respectable distance, but I still fight agains
t instinct to go over and tell him to get the hell away from my
girl
.
In the end, the reason I don’t do just that is because I know Brooke would never tolerate that. If there is one thing I know about the Tyler girls, it’s that they don’t put up with that caveman shit.
On my way over to where Brooke is sitting, I make eye contact
with my sister. She mouths, “G
ood luck”
to
me, and I nod in thanks. I’m going to need it.
I shiver as I come up behind Brooke, close enough to take in her scent. Staring at the guy she’s talking to, I slide my arm around her shoulder and gently pull her toward me.
Glaring at the guy she’s with I say, “I’m sorry to interrupt, but I need to speak with Brooke immediately.”
The good news is that the guy isn’t a dumbass, and he beats a hasty retreat.
As soon as he’s off his stool, I slide on to it so that I’m facing Brooke. She’s so beautiful that it takes my breath away. I’ve missed her beyond reason, and it pains me to see that she seems more fragile than
I’ve ever seen her
.
Leaning forward, I take her hand in mine. It feels amazing to touch her again. I’ve missed her so much.
When she tries to pull her ha
nd away, I keep her hand
. Seeing her… it’s almost too
much for my heart, and I have to blink a fine sheen of tears away from my eyes.
“Brooke, I can’t do this anymore. I was as patient as I could be, and I’ve given you your space. Can we please go somewhere and talk this out?”
I am prepared to fight for her, thinking that I will need to convince her. I’m shocked when she
I nod
s in agreement
. “Where and when?”
Now that she’s agreed, there is no way I am letting her out of my sight until I explain everything to her.
“How about my
house
and right now?”