Shattered Heart: The Donnellys, Book 3 (21 page)

Cyn frowned. “Why is my stuff in the garage?” She rubbed her forehead. “And why are you sitting in here?” Shane’s smile faded and Cyn had a sinking feeling she was missing something. Shoving the feeling aside, she crossed her arms and waited for an answer, to both questions. He just stared at her, an expression on his face she swore looked a lot like confusion and maybe sadness.
What the fuck!
“Shane?”

He got to his feet and approached her. “Do you not see?”

“I see that my stuff is in my garage and I don’t know why.” Craning her neck back, she stared up at him.

“Yeah—” he glanced away and then back to her, “—I get that you see that. But don’t you see why?”

“Shane what the hell’re you talking about? Can you not answer my question?”

“Wow, really?” Shane moved to the window and opened the shade. The room filled with the fading daylight. Then he moved to the other end table and turned on the lam—

Wait! Cyn’s eyes went wide as the room came into focus around her. She looked at the end table, the one that wasn’t hers to the lamp that also, was not hers. She shifted her focus to the different rug in the center of the room to the coffee table, then let her gaze travel over the—
oh my fucking God
—walls. “What did you do?”

“I gave it a face-lift. I gave it a change so you could—”

“Why would you do this? I didn’t ask you to do this?” Rage boiled within her, lying in wait to explode like a volcano. “What the hell, Shane? So I could what?”

“So that maybe you’d feel better about the room and be comfortable coming in here again.” His voice was low, his tone filled with…disappointment?

She pushed that down too, fuck his disappointment. “I didn’t ask you to do this. Did it occur to you that maybe you should’ve asked me first? This is my home, Shane. Not yours. Fucking hell! And so you know, I am
not
paying you for this.” She pointed her finger at him and he flinched. She pushed that down too. It didn’t matter. “Take it back if you want because I don’t want it.” Cyn turned and stormed down the hall toward her bedroom.

“Hey, Cyn?” She stopped short at the harsh tone in his voice, and looked back at him. “Receipts are on the table. You fucking take it back if you don’t want it.” Shane dropped the rose in his hand on the floor and disappeared into the kitchen.

Again, his voice was low, but this time his tone was laced with anger. Cyn stared into the space he no longer occupied, fury bursting through her at a fevered rate. The door to the garage slammed and she flinched. Well, fuck him and his tone, plus his grand gestures. He shouldn’t have done this.

Cyn moved to her bedroom, closed the door and locked it. Sliding off her pants, she climbed into bed. He could sleep on the couch when he came back—
if
he came back. As her anger cooled, Cyn’s last thought was one filled with guilt before sleep finally took hold.

Chapter Thirty

C
yn felt the bed dip, and then the familiar feel of Shane’s body spoon up behind her. He wrapped an arm around her waist, snugged her closer to his body and pressed his nose to her hair. She had woken up a little while ago, a bad dream she guessed, but then wandered out of her bedroom to see if Shane had come back. He hadn’t.

She did, however, really look at all the things he’d done to what’d become her least-favorite space in her home, and although Cyn still didn’t want to go into the room, she realized what he was trying to do for her. And her heart broke.

She’d run back to her bed, tears streaming down her cheeks, guilt coating her insides like thick molasses, feeling like the biggest raving bitch this side of the Mississippi.

Shane moved his hand down her stomach to her hip and let out a sigh. Unsure if she wanted him to know she was awake, Cyn hadn’t moved or responded to his touch. But the guilt was growing. And shame was weaving its way through her veins too. This kind and loving man was only trying to take care of her, and no matter what she did, Cyn couldn’t seem to let him.

It was as if she’d lost all control of her moods or temper, or even the ability to see the concern people had for her.

Shane, along with everyone else close to her, kept saying she needed to see a therapist, but Cyn just…she just didn’t want to give in. And maybe it was stupid, but she really felt as if giving in and seeking professional help meant Carlos had won. There was no way she could let him win, and that meant dealing with it herself.

But no matter how hard Cyn tried, she failed and ended up blowing her top like some lunatic on steroids.

“I’m sorry I lost my cool and walked out,” he whispered to the back of her head.

Cyn closed her eyes as a tear ran over her nose onto the pillow. He was sorry? For fuck’s sake, he had no reason to be sorry.

Shane moved his hand around her stomach again. “Babe, I know you’re not asleep.”

Dammit.
It didn’t matter. Cyn remained quiet and tried like hell not to wipe her nose that was now running. She felt him pull away and return, and then a tissue was dangled in front of her face.
Ah, Christ.
Cyn tugged it from his hand.
“Fine.”

He lay back down and resumed his hold on her body. “Told you.”

“Whatever. You didn’t know. You just got lucky.” She blew her nose.

Shane chuckled against the back of her hair. “Gonna be the death of me.”

Cyn’s heart cracked a little more and she knew there was no way that’d happen. This man had already put up with so much shit from her, she couldn’t imagine him actually breaking or dying from it. Never mind the fact that any other dude on the planet would’ve cut and run five minutes after he’d walked in on her ex-boyfriend in the middle of a psychotic break and attacking her.

Shane Conlon was a goddamn rock. In fact, he was her rock…even though she swore to everyone, including God and herself that she didn’t need him. With her tears back in the game—running like a faucet—Cyn rotated within his embrace and faced him. The thought of needing him terrified her. In the pale light of the room, she took in his strong features. Cyn smoothed her fingertips over his cheeks and then touched the dimple centered on his chin. She loved that gorgeous dimple. “I’m the one who should be sorry.”

“Cyn—”

She pressed a finger to his lips. “No. Shh…listen.
I
am sorry. I don’t know what else to say. I can’t make any excuses. I can’t blame anyone. I can’t even—” she sucked in a shuddering breath, “—I can’t even figure out what my issue
is
exactly. I do know that I’m fucked up but I know that I
will
be okay once whatever this is passes. I know I’ll get through this.”

He stared at her a moment before he bent his head and kissed her forehead. “Apology accepted.” Shane smoothed his palm over the back of her hair. “Can I ask you something?”

She sniffled “Sure.”

“Why won’t you even consider seeing a therapist?”

Cyn flinched. She couldn’t answer his question. He’d just argue her points of why and she was too tired to argue anymore that night. “Shane, please? I don’t want to fight again.”

He sighed through his nose. “I don’t want to fight either. Trust me on that. Just promise me one thing?”

Christ, he was relentless. “Maybe.”

“Ha. Fair enough. Promise that you’ll at least think about it, Cyn? Just…think about it.”

“How could I not think about it? Everyone brings it up so much we could choke a horse with it.” She wrapped an arm around his waist and snuggled closer.

It was true that no one let her alone about the therapist topic, but she knew that’s not what Shane meant. He wanted her to think about it, as in consider it—as in decide to go because she thought it was a good idea. Cyn didn’t want to think or do any of those things. She just wanted to feel normal again. She just wanted to rewind the clock and have none of it happen at all.

“Not the same, but I’ll take it. For now.” He slid his hand down to her lower back. “Can I ask you something else?”

“Oh God, really?” She let out a mock snore. “G’head.”

“Did you at least like the paint color?”

“Maybe.”

“You did. You totally loved it. It’s okay, you can admit it.”

Cyn giggled and then shrugged. “Not gonna admit anything, Sergeant.”

Shane moved his hand down to her ass, cupping one butt cheek in his palm. “What about the rug? Did you like the rug?”

“Can’t say, I didn’t really get a good look at it.” She pressed her lips to his throat.

He slid his palm to the back of her thigh and raised her knee over his hip. “The tables?”

Cyn kissed along his neck and smoothed a hand down his side. “Didn’t really notice.”

Shane rolled his hips and the blunt head of his erection grazed her clit. “Liar.”

“I am not,” she breathed. Damn if she wasn’t already wet for him. How did this man do this to her? Obviously he was sexy, and gorgeous, with an incredible body, and also great in bed…but that wasn’t it. There’d been plenty of men over the years in her life that had those very same qualities. With Shane it was different. Everything was different…but how could she be sure?

“Mmhmm.” Shane framed her chin between his thumb and fingers and took her lips in a soft kiss.

Cyn lost all focus and let his mouth take over. Tender, sweet and filled with intensity…her heart cracked more. A feeling she’d felt too many times—for too many of the wrong people—welled in her chest.

Love whispered, like a warm breeze, through her mind and she hushed it, but it whispered again.
Dammit.
Cyn wouldn’t allow herself to feel it.

But she felt it coming from him. Shane hadn’t said the words, and she prayed he wouldn’t, but Cyn felt it in the heat of his kiss and the brand of his touch.

With a shift of her hips, the swollen head of his cock teased the mouth of her pussy. Cyn moaned against his lips, tangling her tongue with his. Shane rolled them and she raised her other leg as he slid his length fully inside her.

He broke the kiss and propped himself up on his forearms. Staring down at her, he thrust his hips forward. Cyn gasped as he ground against her clit, moving back and forth with his cock buried deep in her core. She matched his movement, digging her heels into the mattress as her body arched with each roll of her pelvis.

Shane stroked her cheek with his thumb but stayed quiet save for the breaths coming from him as their bodies moved together. He was making love to her…he was saying, “I love you” with his body and with his soul, and she felt it through every part of her being. She closed her eyes, and Shane kissed her again.

And Cyn’s world was knocked from its axis.

Wrapping her arms around his sides, she held on to him with all her strength as their bodies slid together and her orgasm built. Again he broke from her lips, groaning as his pace increased, but only just a little. There was nothing rough or rushed about what they were doing. This wasn’t fucking…that was very clear. But it was no less passionate than everything she’d already experienced with him. In fact, it was probably more so.

Shane reached back, gripped her thigh and raised her leg higher, changing the angle. Cyn gasped as he raised his pelvis from hers and slid back in, this time grazing her g-spot. Cyn arched her head back. “Oh God.”

“Cyn…” He kissed down her neck and took a breast in his hand.

She rocked her hips. Shane flicked the pad of his thumb over her nipple, then dipped his head and sucked it into his mouth. She arched on the bed, and he rolled his pelvis forward. Her orgasm surfaced, hot tingles spreading over her skin. “Shane!”

He released her nipple. “Come for me.”

Shane didn’t have to ask because her orgasm had already broken free. Warmth spread through her as wave after wave rocked her body, her pussy spasming and clenching around his thickness. “Yes!”

Shifting again, Shane slid his hands beneath her ass, tilted her pelvis up and continued thrusting inside her. “God, yes. That’s my girl.”

The change in angle was another assault on her clit. Cyn gasped, and gripped his ass. “So deep, baby.”

Shane groaned and buried his face in her neck, grinding into her. “So good. Love your cunt.”

“Come for me, Shane. Let me feel your thick cock come inside me.”

He growled and bit her neck, driving into her harder, faster—

His orgasm hit, and Cyn nearly came again from the feel of his prick jerking inside her, spurting all his hot seed deep within her pussy. He shuddered above her. “Yes! Fuck, yes!”

She dug her nails into his ass and wrapped her legs around him. She didn’t want him to move away. She wanted him there for as long as he’d stay. Shane buried his fingers in her hair and settled between her thighs, all of his weight on her. And Cyn held him even closer.

For the love of all things holy, she didn’t know what she was going to do when he finally did leave.

Chapter Thirty-One

Tw
o days later, Shane followed the hostess through the restaurant at a golf club in Pasadena to where his mother was waiting. She’d texted him that morning asking him if he’d meet her for lunch. He’d been so shocked at the invitation he just stared at the message for a long while and finally replied that he’d come. With everything going on between him and Cyn, the last thing Shane wanted to deal with was his mother, but curiosity won out, so there he was, heading to her table.

The hostess motioned to the table and Shane thanked her before bending and giving his mother a kiss on the cheek. “Mom.”

“Shane, darling. So good to see you again. Please, have a seat.”

“Sure.” He took the chair across from her. “Good to see you too.” The waiter placed a menu in front of him and then filled his water glass. “Nice place.”

She smiled and sipped from her water glass. “Thank you for coming.”

“Sure.” He placed his napkin on his lap and hoped like crazy that the conversation between them might become an
actual
conversation instead of their standard light and polite chit-chat because at the rate they were going, Shane wouldn’t make it past ordering his food. “To be honest, I was kind of shocked by your invite.”

His mother tilted her head to the side. “Oh? Why’s that, darling?”

Shane cringed. She rarely called him by his name, always using the obnoxious endearment instead. In the rare cases she used his name it was in combination with the expression. Unless he’d pissed her off, then she used his name. Usually in a very clipped tone. “Because it’s not something we do.”

“I’m not sure I’m following.”

Jesus, she was going to make him say it outright. Talk about starting off with a bang. “We don’t usually spend time together, Mom.”

“Well.” She looked down, probably adjusting her napkin on her lap. “I suppose that’s true.”

“Mom, listen—” he leaned forward and lowered his voice, “—why don’t you just cut to the chase and save us both the pain of an entire lunch together.”

She narrowed her gaze on him and pressed her lips together. Shane looked up to see the waiter beside the table. Perfect…time to order food. Shane sat back and glanced over the menu while his mother placed her order. When she finished, Shane gave his selection and once again, they were alone. He studied her across the table. As usual she looked beautiful, definitely younger than her fifty-six years.

“I would really like it if we were closer, but honestly, I am simply not sure how to connect with you, darling.” She straightened her salad and dinner forks. “I thought this might be a nice way to start.” Her lips curved into a meek smile.

If he didn’t know better, he might actually think she was sincere. Except his mother was
never
sincere. Shane cringed at his cynical attitude. Was he really that jaded? He hated to think so. Maybe she actually did want to be closer. He drew in a deep breath and took another drink of his water. “All right, Mom. I’m willing to try. Let’s start over.” He stretched his hand across the table, palm up.

She smiled, leaned forward and laid her hand in his. “That pleases me so much, darling.” The glass of Chardonnay she ordered arrived and she let go of Shane’s hand and settled back in her seat. “So, tell me about Texas?”

“Well, not much to tell really. I live just outside of Dallas, in Garland.”

“Near where my father’s family is?”

“Yes, actually. Uncle Bob and Aunt Cerine are still there. They’re doing well, by the way. You should call sometime.”

She nodded and sipped her wine. “It’s been years since I’ve spoken to either of them. Not since my daddy died, really.”

“That’s a long time, Mom.”

“I suppose it is.” She set her glass down. “What else?”

He wasn’t used to her wanting to know things about him, and because of that Shane wasn’t used to sharing things with her—not personal things anyway. Nervous energy bounced through him, but he tamped down his trepidation. He said he’d try and that’s exactly what he intended to do.

* * * * *

Shane sat in Joey’s kitchen, beer bottle in hand, cursing himself for being so stupid.

“Dude, it’s not your fault.”

He shook his head. “Joey, I should’ve known better.”

“Come on. She’s your mother. It’s only normal to trust your own mother.”

“Not my mother.” Shane tipped the bottle back and took a long swig. “Christ, you should’ve seen her. All sincere-like. Asking about my life in Texas, about my home and job. All so she could figure out if she’d get the house from me.”

“Yeah, it’s fucked up. I’m sorry, bro. I never knew your dad left the house to both of you.”

“Honestly? I knew, but never really thought about it. I mean, why the hell would she leave our house? Dad’s insurance paid it off free and clear. But of course, she took out a second mortgage on it. Which was fine, I guess.” He shrugged. “But she can’t sell it without me signing over my part of the deed.”

“What do you think you’re going to do?”

“I don’t know. Part of me says fuck it, let her have it. Not like I’m moving back here.” He tipped his bottle back again.

“You sure about that?”

Shane lowered the bottle and leveled his gaze on his best friend. “Why do you ask like that?”

“I’m just saying, you’ve been here a lot longer than the ten days you originally planned to be here. And from what I can see, you aren’t showing any signs of getting out of town any time soon.”

“Only because I’m worried about your sister. Which is a whole other topic I’m not ready to get into right now, but yeah. I don’t want to go until I know she’s okay, Joey. I’d think you’d appreciate me looking out for her.”

“Go easy, I do appreciate it. Believe me, selfish bastard that I am, I’d love nothing more than for you to stay here permanently. But you gotta do what makes you happy too.”

“Your sister makes me happy. Or she did—” Shane blew out an agitated breath, “—before that asshole Carlos attacked her, she made me beyond happy. Now, in between the happy, she gives me a hard time. About
everything
. It’s fine, I’m not complaining, but yeah…not easy.”

“I can only imagine. We’ve all had a little taste of Cyn and her constant agitated mood.”

“It sucks and now this shit with my mother. I can’t imagine selling that house, Joey.” Shane shifted his gaze to the windows. “Been a lot of years since he passed, but to me, that’s still his house. Our house, you know?”

“I couldn’t imagine my parents selling their house, I can’t even begin to imagine what it’s like holding onto yours because it’s tied to the memory of your father. He was a good man, Shane. I don’t blame you for wanting to preserve it. But at the same time, it’s just a house. Your father’s memory is with you always, regardless of whether or not you own that property.”

Shane ran his palm over his head. “Yeah, I know. I know.”

“What did you tell her?”

“Not much…when she finally spit out her point, and I realized the play she was making, I got furious and walked out.”

“Damn, Shane.”

“Dude, if I didn’t walk out right then, I would’ve started yelling. I don’t think the rest of the country club would’ve appreciated my choice of vocabulary.” He swirled his bottle of beer. “Though it would’ve been fun to see her go ten different shades of red had I laid into her.”

“No shit.”

Shane stared out the kitchen windows to the backyard and sighed though his nose. His mother was a real piece of work. Luring him in the way she did had stung layers that ran so deep inside him, Shane was still feeling the burn. Based on what she’d laid out for him, her new man had proposed to her and they were going to tie the knot sometime in the next few months and shortly after, move to Arizona where his family was. Basically, Derrick had persuaded her to sell the house so they could buy a great big one in the Phoenix area and pay cash for it.

The idea that money from his father’s house would end up buying her
and
her new husband a nice new showplace house, free and clear, made Shane want to puke. Bile burned the back of his throat and he smoothed his palm over his skull. What kind of man used his woman’s dead husband’s house for seed money to get her a new one? Shane shook his head and swallowed the last of his beer. Not any kind of man he ever wanted to know or needed in his life.

“I’m going to go check on Madi. You good or you need another beer?” Joey stood.

“Yeah, I guess I’ll take another. Thanks.”

Joey stepped out of the room and Shane picked up his cell from the table. He hadn’t heard from Cyn, which had turned into the norm with her. She never texted or called during the day, though on occasion he’d hear from her when she was leaving the office. She’d make up some excuse why she called, but Shane knew deep down it was because she was freaked out walking from the door to her Jeep. Even if it was still daylight.

Sadness bloomed in his chest. Shane really needed to hear her voice. But more, he wanted to tell her all about what had happened with his mother, and know that he was safe to share how hurt he was over the whole thing. He just didn’t think he could bear her rejecting him.

Bad enough his own mother didn’t give a fuck about him, Shane didn’t need to be cast off by Cyn too. Although, it wasn’t like he was feeling a whole lot of want from her side to begin with. She wanted his dick though. And what he could give her…she took all of that, but aside from the sex, she didn’t give a whole lot back.

God, he wished she’d seek some help. But no matter what he said, or how many times he’d tried to convince her, she wasn’t budging. Now, with this level of rejection from his mother, and her wanting to take away a part of his childhood, he felt pushed past his limits and worn down to the bone. Shane wasn’t sure how much longer he could hang on, waiting for Cyn to figure her end of things out.

He knew there was a future for them. There wasn’t a doubt in his mind, even with the big mess in the middle of their start, they were meant to be together.