Shattered Heart: The Donnellys, Book 3 (18 page)

Chapter Twenty-Seven

A
fter locking the glass and metal front door, Cyn looked around her quiet office and tried to calm the nerves playing hockey in her stomach. She’d been handling business from home, meeting clients at coffee shops, and hadn’t been on premises since the attack over a week ago.

The thought of being in the office, or worse,
leaving
the office after work was more than she could stomach. Every time she thought about it, heat would crawl up the back of her neck, making the hairs stand on end, and she’d start sweating like she was sitting on top of a hot stove. And then her heart would race. She’d excuse herself from the room if she wasn’t alone—but since Shane had decided to stay in town, being alone was a rare thing.

That morning—which she couldn’t recall the reason now—she’d decided it was time to get back to normal. Cyn wiped the sweat from her brow. She was seriously rethinking that decision now. Carlos was out on bail, thanks to the attorney his family was paying for. There was a “no contact order” in place as part of his bail, but a lot of good that’d do her if he chose to ignore it.

Pulling herself back from the tunnel of fear, Cyn walked down the hall from the reception area to her small office. After setting her things on the desk, she took a seat, pulled her laptop from her bag and started it up.

The shrill ring from her cell phone echoed from her purse and Cyn jumped clean out of her skin. “Jesus Christ!” She pressed her hand to her chest. Fishing the device from the bottom of her purse she swiped the screen and put it to her ear. “Hello?”

“Hey. How’s it going? You all right?”

Cyn blew out a harsh breath. “I’m fine, Shane! Jesus Christ, I
just
got here. I haven’t even finished booting up my laptop yet.”

“Come on now. Go easy. I just wanted to check on you.”

She paused, knowing and hating that she sounded like a complete raving bitch. Yet, she couldn’t seem to stop ripping Shane’s head off and tap dancing on his kidneys every time he opened his mouth to ask if she was okay—but for the millionth time, she was fucking fine!

And she really wanted him to just stop asking. Plus, whenever she asked him when he was going home, he wouldn’t give her a straight answer and it was seriously beginning to piss her off. It wasn’t that Cyn wanted him to leave exactly, she didn’t mind Shane being there. She just… She’d had a plan and wanted to get back to that plan. “I thought you were going for a hike with Joey today?”

“I am. But who knows if I’ll have cell service once we get out there, so I figured I’d check in before we took off.”

Annnnd
now she really felt like a bitch. Cyn frowned and rubbed her forehead. Her whiplash emotions were enough to give
her
a headache. Never mind what they were doing to Shane. Poor guy was just being attentive—in all the ways Carlos never was. Or any other guy in her past for that matter—and here she was again, acting like he was doing something wrong. “Oh.”

He was quiet for a moment, his breath the only sound in her ear. “What time do you think you’re going to get out of there?”

Cyn glanced at the clock on her computer screen. “I don’t know. I have a couple of clients coming in. Before three I hope.”

“Sounds good. I’ll be back by two thirty and meet you there.”

“Shane, you don’t have to do that. It’s not necessary.”

“I know what I don’t have to do. I also know what I want to do. Necessary or not, I’m meeting you there. So deal with it.”

The authority in his tone brooked no argument, damn alpha that he was. It sucked because she had liked this side of him. A lot. But now, it only served to annoy her. Cyn sighed, loud enough so he could hear her. “Fine.”

“Fine. Have a good day.”

With that, he disconnected. Cyn pulled the phone from her ear and tossed it on her desk. “
Fiiiiine
. Ugh. I’ll show you fine, mister-alpha-male-who-thinks-he-knows-what’s-best for—”

“Hey, boss? Who’re you talking to?”

Once again, Cyn jumped from her skin, but this time with an added scream.

“Oh my God, I’m soooo sorry.” Her assistant came rushing over to her. “Shit, I’m really sorry, Cyn. I didn’t mean to startle you.”

When Cyn finally caught her breath, she started laughing. “It’s okay.” She shook her head and got to her feet. “Not your fault, Lisa. I didn’t hear you come in.”

“Might’ve been that little rant you were caught up in.” Lisa raised her brows and smiled.

Heat flooded Cyn’s cheeks. She had been ranting, hadn’t she? Like some sort of lunatic. Cyn rolled her eyes. “Yeah. Might’ve been.”

“Well, I’m here. You’re here. How about a cup of coffee and then we get some work done?” Lisa rubbed Cyn’s shoulder.

Work was the farthest thing from her mind, but that was the whole reason for being there, wasn’t it? That and she wanted to see if she could actually do it and not be a total basket case the whole time. So far she was failing. Cyn forced a smile. “Sounds like a plan.”

“Cool. I’ll be right back.” Lisa exited Cyn’s office. Cyn resumed her seat and finished logging into the planning database. A few minutes later, her assistant returned, mug of coffee in hand for Cyn. She set it on the desk. “I’ll check the schedule and see who’s on deck next.”

Cyn glanced up from the laptop screen. “Thanks. Pretty sure it’s the Andersons’ event. They’re scheduled to be in at ten. But let me know if there’s anything I missed.”

“Will do.”

Lisa left Cyn’s office and once again, she was alone. Not technically alone, since her assistant was in the office too, but she still felt a little isolated. She tried to shake off the feeling and focus on work, but it wasn’t easy. She could do this. She had to.

Shane had mentioned a therapist a few times since last Saturday, and Cyn was still reluctant. Not running her business properly was not an option. Moreover, as far as she was concerned, seeing a counselor wasn’t an option either. Not in her book anyway.

Also, there was the little issue of Shane. He’d been set to leave—Cyn had been ready for him to leave, until the little run-in with Carlos. Anger pulsed though her. She was supposed to be single right now—technically she still considered herself single, sort of.

Yes, she and Shane were having sex, nightly—the most incredible, mind-blowing sex of her life—and he was staying at her house. But that didn’t mean they were a couple. Not officially. Again, not in her book anyway. Good sex…did not a relationship make. Plus, all of his helpful, considerate behavior was bugging the ever-loving shit out of her.

Annoyance spilled through her and she dropped her head into her palm. What the fuck was wrong with her? Annoyed because he was
considerate
? Really? God, wasn’t that the one thing she’d always wanted? Well, one thing on a long list of things, but still. And truly, if she examined her little mental list of what she wanted in a man, Shane had damn near checked off every box for her. And awesome sex was pretty freaking high on the requirement list. He’d fulfilled that dream item the very first night they were together. So what exactly was her malfunction, anyway? Cyn pulled her hand away from her face and stared down at her fingers. “Fucking broken picker.”

How in the hell would she every trust her own judgment again? Especially after the last “pick” she’d made. That’d turned from bad relationship to nightmare break-up…her choosing Carlos gave new meaning to the broken picker issue.

Shane kept telling her that the attack wasn’t her fault, and yes, she understood, Carlos had lost his damn mind, but hadn’t she contributed by simply staying with him for as long as she had? Hadn’t she brought it on herself because she’d allowed him to treat her like crap as well as allowing him to breeze in and out of her life like it was a revolving door?

She had. No matter what Shane said, as far as Cyn was concerned, a good chunk of the blame fell on her shoulders.

To make matters worse, Shane was still in town, showing no sign of leaving, plus acting like they were a couple and—Cyn just couldn’t get past her doubts. He was a nice guy. But weren’t they all “nice guys” at one point? They sure as hell were, and because she couldn’t tell the difference, there was no fucking way she was going to just trust Shane because he was who he was.

He was still a guy, and since he was interested in her, he was likely a broken one.

“Cyn, the Andersons are here.”

Cyn jumped at the sound of Lisa’s voice, but thank God didn’t scream this time.

“Sorry, honey.”

“No, it’s fine. I’m fine.” Cyn eyed the clock on her laptop and cringed. An hour had passed and she’d just been sitting there, staring into space, trying to sort out the tangled web of thoughts in her mind.
Shit.
So much for not failing at doing her job.

A
rriving about thirty minutes early, Shane rested his ass end on the front bumper of his rental SUV and waited for Cyn to come out of her office. He’d had a great morning and afternoon with Joey. The hike they’d taken in the hills just outside of Glendale had been much-needed fuel for his soul. The lunchtime shooting-the-shit banter with his best friend had definitely topped off Shane’s tank.

Wanting to avoid bugging her further, Shane hadn’t reached out to Cyn since their phone call in the morning. The fact that he’d bugged her to begin with had not been lost on him. It’d been the theme of each and every day since the attack. That was until they were having sex. When they were fucking, Cyn wasn’t bugged at all. Then again, kinda hard to be annoyed with him when he was giving her multiples.

Sad thing was, it was the only time Shane felt like she let him close to her anymore. She kept asking him how long he was staying and each time he deflected the question. Reason being, he wasn’t sure himself how long he planned to stay, so he couldn’t really give her an answer.

She didn’t like it, but he didn’t like it much either. In the meantime, he kept an eye on his checking and savings account balances and banked on things working out exactly how they were supposed to.

He shifted, and stared down at his boots. The rental was costing him a decent amount each day, and his small mortgage payment would be due the beginning of the next month. Plus all the utilities. But the good news was Shane had a pretty hefty savings, as well as some investments, due to all the hazard pay and per diem he’d made while deployed. In addition he had the trust money from his father’s life insurance invested still. He wasn’t wealthy by any stretch, not by society’s standards anyway. He just preferred to live a low-profile life, but because he did, he could float, for a long time, or as long as he needed to while he was in L.A. with Cyn.

Maybe he’d pick up a few side handyman jobs in order to keep himself from getting bored. He could also do some work on Cyn’s house while she was at work—though that might agitate her too. Shane blew out a breath, checked the time and glanced over at the entrance door to her office. Just as he thought he might go inside to check on her, she emerged.

She glanced at him, adjusted the strap of her laptop bag on her shoulder and walked his way. “Hi.”

“Hi there.” He placed a hand on her hip and bent to kiss her, but only landed a quick peck because she pulled away too quickly. Though it stung, Shane ignored her reaction and straightened. “How’d it go?”

“Fine.” She shrugged and moved toward her Wrangler.

He stuffed his hands in his front pockets and followed. “I think that’s becoming your favorite word.”

Cyn tossed her bag and purse from the driver’s side over to the passenger seat. “If you say so.” She turned back to him. “How was your hike with Joey?”

He smiled. “Fine.”

She rolled her eyes, but a small smile tilted her lips. “Whatever.”

“Oh, wow! Shit!” Shane widened his eyes.

Cyn’s brow furrowed. “What?”

“False alarm.”

“Shane! What?”

“Well, you almost smiled for a second there. I got scared hell might’ve frozen over.” He smirked. “But all is still on fire down there. Poor damned souls. You’re back to frowning.”

“Ugh, whatever.” She rolled her eyes and slapped his arm. “Can we get out of here, please?”

“Careful now, you almost smiled again. You’re gonna knock the earth off its axis.” He hooked an arm around her waist.

“Shut it.” She smirked, then licked her lips.

Surprise rolled through him and in its wake, his dick thickened. Cyn knew exactly what licking her lips did to him. His girl was in need, and Shane was happy to be her supplier. “Licking them lips? You need something between them?”

Pressed against him, Cyn’s eyes sparkled with lust as she stared up at him. “Only if it’s your cock that’s sliding between them.”

Shane bent his head and trailed his lips over her ear. “You want me to fuck that pretty mouth of yours?”

She let out a little gasp and gripped his T-shirt in her fingers. “How about you feed me then fuck me?”

With a growl he nipped her earlobe. “Done. Get your fine ass in your Jeep and meet me at your house.”

He swatted her bottom before letting her go. She yelped and rubbed her butt cheek as she stepped back. “Fine.”

“You know what ‘fine’ means don’t you?” He slid into his rental.

“Nope. But I’m betting you’re gonna tell me.” She slid behind the wheel. “Just do it after…” She winked and shut the door.

Shane chuckled, closing himself in the SUV. The moments of fun banter with her were few and far between anymore, and he hoped it’d carry over through dinner. Plus, his prick was rock hard as the anticipation of her sweet mouth pulsed hot in his veins. No matter how difficult and tense things had been, at least the chemistry between them remained strong. He was grateful for that. It was all they had. The sex might be the only stable good thing between them right at that moment, but Shane was sure, once Cyn got through the healing process, there’d be more. There had to be.

Chapter Twenty-Eight

C
yn slid into the passenger seat of Shane’s rental and glanced around. He’d had the SUV since he’d gotten into town, which if she remembered right, had been about a month ago. Give or take a day. “How much is this costing you?”

Shane glanced over at her as he turned the key in the ignition. “Why?”

“Because you’ve had it the whole time you’ve been here. That’s gotta be adding up to a pretty penny.”

He backed out of her driveway. “It’s fine, Cyn. Don’t worry about it.”

There it was again, the standard “don’t worry about it” answer she seemed to be getting from everyone lately. She shifted and glared at him. “Don’t tell me what to worry about, Shane! I asked you a simple question. Have the courtesy of answering it. At the very least tell me to mind my own business, but for fuck’s sake, don’t tell me not to worry about it. I’m getting real fucking sick of that answer.”

He glanced at her, then focused back on the road. “All right. Mind your own business.”

“Ugh, really? Fucking wow!” She crossed her arms and faced forward. “Fine.”

“You already know what ‘fine’ means.” His tone was low and calm as he pulled onto the main road, a completely impassive expression on his face. Which just pissed Cyn off more.

“Yes, smart-ass. I know what it means.” She cringed at her cutting tone of voice and also that she’d called him a name. Jesus, it was like she’d lost all boundaries where he was concerned and saying anything had become an acceptable norm. But Cyn was well aware that this behavior was not acceptable or the norm for her.

He spared her another glance. “Tell me.”

God, he was annoying. Didn’t he understand that pushing her only pissed her off more? Cyn groaned and stared out the side window. “It doesn’t matter.”

“Oh, it does, but I’ll give you a pass. For now.”

“What the hell is
that
supposed to mean?”

“It means—” he leaned closer to her, “—that maybe I’ll make you tell me later by putting you over my knee.”

Lust-infused heat flooded Cyn’s body and rushed straight between her legs. A soft gasp left her and she licked her lips. “Dammit, Shane.”

He rubbed his hand up her thigh. “You’re wet now, aren’t you?”

“Not fair.” She was—totally was. The thought of him bending her over his knee and swatting her ass until she begged him to either stop or keep going, she wasn’t sure which, made her libido stand up and flail.

They had sex every day, sometimes more than once. She may not have been sure of what they were doing exactly, or even sure about him at all, but Cyn was more than sure his dick was made of crack. His tongue too.

On a daily basis, in between work or being annoyed and anything else that cropped up, she thought about giving him head. All things considered, it served as a pretty decent distraction. In fact, all in all, she’d sucked Shane’s cock more times than she’d sucked dick in her entire sexually active life. Blowjobs weren’t her thing, never had been her thing, but with him it was totally her thing.

In addition, on a scale of one to ten, the sex between them was an easy twenty. Even when she was annoyed or pissed with him, kinda like she was right then, she still wanted to fuck him. If she didn’t know better, she’d say she was losing her mind because she wanted sex all the time now but not with just anyone. She only wanted it with Shane. Cyn bit her bottom lip and frowned. Maybe she’d already lost her mind…

“You’re thinking about sucking my dick right now, aren’t you?”

Cyn crossed her arms. “Yup. But you’re thinking about me sucking your dick too, so I guess that makes us even.”

Shane blurted a laugh. “Now that’s a game I don’t mind being tied in.”

What if the sex had become a distraction for her? Some subconcious-mind kind of bullshit she was unaware she was pulling to avoid dealing with the Carlos issue?

Maybe she was in trouble. Maybe Shane and everyone else were right, and she needed to deal with what had happened with a professional. Anxiety crawled up the back of her throat and Cyn swallowed it down. She could barely consider the idea without wanting to vomit.

Screw this. If the sex was serving as a distraction, she’d take it. She leaned across the center console, licked a line up his neck to his ear and cupped his balls through his jeans. Shane tangled his fingers in her hair, groaning as she pressed her palm against the bulge she felt growing behind his zipper. “I want you in my mouth right now.”

“Gonna be the death of me, girl.”

Cyn tugged open the button on his pants and slid her hand inside. “Always so hard for me.” She nipped his earlobe and fisted his shaft in her palm.

He groaned and thrust his hips up, and his length slid through her grip. “Fuck…as much as I want you to keep doing that, you need to stop because, hello, California drivers, and we’re almost to Ryan and Maiya’s.”

“Boo hiss.” Cyn pouted, but stroked him once more for good measure. “Guess I’ll just have to wait.” She pulled away, sliding her hand free, but stroking him slowly as she did.

“Come on now. I’m fine with you being the death of me, but not literally.” He smiled, tugged her close again, and kissed her.

“Killjoy.” She giggled.

“Yeah, that’s me.”

And just like that, the tension between them evaporated…at least until he annoyed her again. It didn’t escape Cyn’s notice that it was because of the sex. But whatever, lost mind or not, it was what it was. Not like she was running around screwing anything with a pulse. Cyn had no interest in that. She was only like this with Shane. They had good sex. They had incredible chemistry. Outside of that, she wasn’t sure what they had…because they weren’t supposed to have anything! Because he wasn’t supposed to still be in L.A.!

Ugh!
And hello whiplash, Cyn was annoyed. Again.

* * * * *

S
hane sat in a chaise lounge on Ryan and Maiya’s back deck. Cyn was positioned between his legs, her back resting against his chest. He had his arms around her waist, enjoying the feel of her petite body snugged up close to him.

Maiya was on the other chaise smoking, and Ryan sat on the edge, her feet in his lap while he rubbed them. Angie was across from them in one of the regular deck chairs. They were having great conversation—all talking, about anything and everything, and sometimes over the top of one another.

But not his girl. Cyn was quiet, her head on Shane’s chest as he held her.

“I dare you, Ryan. I dare you to do that shit at Mom and Dad’s and see what happens.” Angie laughed.

“No way. I am no fool. Mary’ll come after me with a frying pan! You do it.”

Maiya laughed. “I dare you both to do it. Tell you what though, that’s something I’d pay money to see. However, I’ll be hiding around the corner and watching from a safe distance.”

“That’s because you’re a smart woman.” Angie raised her beer to Maiya. “Ryan, how did you land such a smart woman?”

“Pfft, easy. My good looks and charming personality.”

Shane laughed and Maiya blew out a cloud of smoke with a cough. “No, baby. It was the khakis. They did me in.”

“Was that it? Just the khakis?” He tickled her foot.

“
Hayhayhayyyy
!” Maiya jerked her foot away. “None of that!” She laughed. “’Bout to get yourself kicked, Mr. Donnelly.”

Angie clapped her hands. “Get him, Maiya!”

“She’s all talk.” Ryan pulled his giggling wife close and kissed her. “You’re not gonna kick me, Mrs. Donnelly.”

Maiya wrapped her arms around her husband’s neck and rubbed her nose over his.

“Ugh, you two are beyond cute.” Cyn smoothed her hands down Shane’s thighs.

Shane kissed her cheek. “Agreed.”

“It’s almost gross.” Angie tipped her beer back.

Maiya peeked around Ryan to Angie. “Do you need a bucket, Miss Thang?”

Angie let out a loud burp and then laughed. “Nah, I’m good.”

“Well, that was pretty! Thank God you didn’t bring a date tonight.” Ryan straightened and went back to rubbing Maiya’s feet.

“Thanks!” Angie crossed one leg over the other. “Off the market at present moment.”

Cyn shifted and sat up. “You met someone?”

“Hell no, I didn’t meet someone. I’m still doing your ‘stay single for a year’ thing.” Angie shrugged. “You’re not, like we agreed to obviously, but I figure what the hell. I may as well see how it goes.”

“What ‘stay single for a year’ thing is that?” Shane asked.

Cyn stiffened and glanced over her shoulder at him. “Don’t worry about it. It’s nothing.”

Angie visibly cringed. “Ignore me, Shane. It’s just the beer talking.”

Maiya had gone silent, staring straight ahead. Shane looked over at Ryan but he looked just as confused as Shane was. Shane looked back to Angie and she shrugged. He shook his head. “Wait…what’d I miss? Did we just enter the
Twilight Zone
or something?”

Cyn sighed. “And that would be the cue that it’s time for me to leave.” She got to her feet. “You ready?”

What the hell? That was all far too strange. Clearly she was keeping something from him and he intended to find out what it was. He stared at her, and realized Cyn didn’t give a shit one way or the other if he was ready to go. Nor did she give a shit if he knew what the hell she was talking about.

Agitation flared hot in his blood stream. He’d been damn patient with her, dealt with her mood swings and her mouthy temper tantrums,
and
verbal abuse pretty fucking well over the last two weeks. But there was no fucking way he was going to deal with her keeping secrets from him. Just wasn’t going to happen.

Shane got to his feet. “If you’re ready to go, then we can go. But this conversation isn’t over.” Shane stepped away from her to Ryan and Maiya. “Thank you both for the awesome dinner, I had a great time.”

“You’re welcome. Happy to have you both over,” Maiya said.

Ryan stood and shook his hand and pulled him into an embrace. “Anytime, man. You know you’re always welcome here.” When Ryan let Shane go, he clapped him on the shoulder and nodded. “Any time.”

“Appreciate it.” He moved to Angie and bent to kiss her cheek. “As always, good to see you, Angie.”

“You too, Shane.” She frowned and mouthed an “I’m sorry” to him. He shook his head, and gave her a “no big deal” expression. Whatever Angie had let slide, she sure hadn’t done it with malicious intent. He turned to see Cyn making her way into the house. “Okay, then. Guess we’re going.” He shrugged and followed after her.

And once again, he buckled up to continue on the roller coaster named Cyn Donnelly. Yes, he’d always loved the excitement of the twists and turns, and the big drops down the hills, and even the loops, but he was starting to feel pretty beat up and beyond worn out.

Cyn needed to go to therapy and face the bubbling sea of shit she was carrying around. If she didn’t, Shane would have no choice but to walk away from her.

It broke his heart even thinking about it, but he was starting to wonder if that particular fate—the loss of what he’d found with her—was unavoidable.

C
yn sat in silence on the drive back to her house. The dead air continued once they’d gotten into her house and even after she’d taken a shower and dressed in her pajamas. Only once she was settled on a lounger on the back patio, mug of hot tea in her hands, did it come to an end.

Shane took a seat in the lounger beside her. “I want to talk about what happened at your brother’s.”

“Well, I don’t. How about we talk about when you’re going home instead.”

Shane jerked back in the chair as though she’d slapped him. “You really want me to go home?”

Cyn shrugged and stared out to the pool and the darkness of the backyard. If he stayed, she’d deal. If he didn’t, she’d deal. Either way, she was good. “It doesn’t matter.”

“Cyn, it fucking matters.”

She really did not want to do this with him. Any of it. She was too tired, too emotional and too…fine. “Then I guess it matters to you.”

“Damn right it matters to me. I care about you. I’m worried about you. Christ, you won’t even sit in your own living room for fuck’s sake.”

“Why do you care if I sit in my living room or not? Big fucking deal!”

“You are
not
fine, Cyn.” He leaned forward bracing his elbows on his knees. “You refuse to talk about the attack. With anyone.”

“So what? Why can’t you leave me alone about it? Why do you have to keep bugging me, harping on me constantly? I’m fucking fin—” Cyn groaned and pressed her lips together, knowing exactly what he’d say next.

He let out a sigh and ran his hand over his head. “Exactly.”

“Yeah, sure. ‘Fucked-Up, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional’, right? Fuck you, Shane.”

“Fuck me? Sure. Anytime, Cyn.” He stood. “But while you’re fucking me, you need to see a counselor. You need to talk about it until it’s not so big in your head. You need to work this shit out until it’s straight again, Cyn. If you don’t it’s gonna eat you from the inside out. It already is.”

White-hot rage seared through her veins. Fuck him, she did not
need
a counselor. Cyn got to her feet, and with her hands propped on her hips, she stepped up to him. Cursing how short she was, Cyn craned her neck back and glared up at him. “What I need is for you to leave me the fuck alone about it. Which obviously you can’t seem to understand, leading me back to my first question:
When. Are. You. Going. Home
!”

He glared right back and the muscle in his jawline twitched. He had damn near a foot of height on her, but it didn’t matter. She was pissed with no intention of backing down. He needed to get this through his big meathead skull of his. Cyn was well aware of the fact that she’d been on edge, a lot. But truly it was because no one would leave her alone about the attack or her mood or if she was okay…
blah blah blah
. If they’d back the hell off, she’d be just fucking fi—
Ugh!

Shane sighed through his nose and then cleared his throat. “I’ll go home after you have your first session.”

“
Are you fucking nuts
!”

“Maybe, but that’s not really the concern right now.” His voice had gone low, sounding deep and gravelly.