Shattered Innocence (11 page)

He leans down trailing soft kisses down my spine before pulling out of me. I don’t have the energy to move my body. I think my hangover has already started and my muscles are on strike.

“Turn over, babe.” I roll over groaning from the movement. Damon gently wipes me off making sure not to be rough. It’s like he knows the damage that he has caused. I always read books where they say they will be sore the next day and roll my eyes. I know that tomorrow I’ll be walking like I have a stick up my ass.

I feel his arms wrap around me and lay me down on my pillow, pulling the blanket up to my chin. His lips softly kiss mine. “I have to get up early tomorrow. Call me when you wake up.”

He’s leaving? I want to protest but my mouth is unresponsive. My entire body has shut down and is basically telling me to shut the hell up and go to sleep.

Chapter Sixteen

I wake up to a pounding headache and the sliver of light peeking through my window is like the brightest spotlight you can imagine. I slowly sit up hoping I don’t lose it all over my bed. I notice a bottle of Gatorade and some aspirin on the end table. Damon must have left them for me before he left. I can’t believe he left, not that I would have been conscious enough to interact with him.

After a little while of sitting on my bed and waiting for the pill to kick in I decide to take my chances on walking. Lo is in the kitchen bouncing around and singing. The bitch never gets hungover and it’s the most irritating thing in the fucking world. She turns when she hears me coming.

“Damn girl, you look like shit.” She slides over a mug of coffee. “He really did a number on you last night, huh?” My only reply is a grunt and giving her the finger. “What was up with the stick it and split he pulled?”

I look up at her. “Stick it and split? He had to get up early, and he wasn’t even supposed to be here last night.”

“Whatevs. From what I heard last night, he served his purpose.”

I laugh. “It was definitely a pleasurable experience.”

“So tell me, is he into any kind of kinky shit? I’m in a dry spell and I could use some inspiration.”

“You’re disgusting.”

She laughs. “C’mon don’t be a stingy bitch.”

“Okay.” She smiles like the Cheshire cat and sits down next to me. “Have you ever had a guy pull your hair?”

“Yes, I reached up and pulled that motherfuckers hair and asked him how he liked it. He actually did which was just fucking weird, in my opinion.”

“Well, Damon will do it sometimes and I think it’s so hot. Does that make me crazy?”

“Nope.” Thank God. “Being a hooker who dates her pimp makes you fucking crazy.”

“He is not my pimp!”

She laughs and then looks at me like I’m crazy. “He books you jobs and you report to him before and after. He’s your damn pimp.” I cradle my head in my hands. “Hey Jess?”

I look up at her hoping she will say something profound. “You think I could be a pimp after Damon goes to jail for beating up one of your clients?” Nope. Nothing. “Get your ass ready, I’m leaving for class in twenty.”

I reluctantly lift myself off of the stool. I’m thankful that it’s Monday for once, that means I have the week to figure out what the hell to do about seeing Damon before and after the jobs this weekend.

I get dressed in yoga pants and a loose t-shirt, my must haves on any normal day. When I pick up my phone I see a message from Damon.

Wish I could have stayed with you last night. Let me make it up to you tonight?

I reply yes before heading out the door. On the drive to school Lo and I fight about the volume of the music. It feels like thousands of little jackhammers are going off in my head, and this bitch wants to blast Rihanna.

Classes are basically a blur because all I can think of, when I’m not trying to keep from passing out, is Damon. I don’t know how we are going to make this work, but I’m hoping we can. I go home and grab a shower, I feel disgusting after I drink and I didn’t have the time to shower this morning. When I’m done I grab another pair of yoga pants and throw on one of Damon’s shirts that I had found in my bag. He must have put it with my stuff by accident when we were packing up the hotel room. My hair is still wet so I throw it up into a messy bun so I can wear it down and curly tomorrow.

When I walk into the living room Lo is laying on the couch reading. “You and your damn smut books. You know that no guy will ever live up to that shit, right?”

She looks up at me. “Then I guess it will just be me and my B.O.B”

“B.O.B.?”

“Yeah, Battery Operated Boyfriend. You really are naïve for a slut.” She looks me up and down then laughs. “Honeymoon phase over already?”

“What are you talking about?”

She sits up. “No makeup, messy bun, yoga pants, and his old t-shirt. Either the honeymoon phase is over or you’ve lost your damn mind. You’re not supposed to show him the ugly until he puts a ring on that shit.”

I shake my head and walk out of the door. I drive over to Damon’s and try not to let Lo’s comments bother me. She makes me so damn crazy sometimes, but I know it all comes from a good place. Where most friends might tell you that another shirt would look better on you Lo will tell you it makes you look like a cow and moo at you. If I didn’t love her, I would hate her guts.

I walk up to Damon’s house and knock on the door. He opens the door and smiles when he sees me. “You’re wearing my shirt.” I step in and wrap my arms around his waist enjoying the feeling of being pressed against him. “I have to say, it’s kind of hot.”

Ha! Take that Lo! Damon shuts the door and we walk over to his couch and sit down. “So, what did you do today?”

“Nothing much, why?”

“You said you had to get up early.”

“Oh, yeah. I had to go to the DMV to get a new ID. I couldn’t find mine when we got back from the trip.”

I can’t shake the feeling that he is lying to me, and that it’s not the first time. I’m about to ask him what’s up when my phone rings. I don’t recognize the number, but I answer it anyway. “Hello?”

“Baby girl, where are you?” No. Not while I’m here. “Can you bring some pizza home with you?”

I sigh and try to collect myself before answering her. “Mom, I’ve told you before that I don’t live with you anymore. I’m at college, I have been for the last four years.”

“Why don’t you love us, baby girl?”

The tears are starting to gather in my eyes. I feel Damon standing behind me. Why does he have to be here for this? Why does she have to do this to me all the time? “I do. I just needed better.”

“You think you’re better than us? You’re just an ungrateful little bitch who I should have fucking had aborted.”

Damon rips the phone out of my hand, hangs up and throws it on the couch. His arms wrap around me as I start to sink down to the floor. He picks me up and carries me over to the couch, placing me on his lap.

“I need to go home. I need to go talk to Lo.”

His arms tighten around me. “No. Let me be here for you. Tell me. I’m not going to run, Jess. I’m here for you. You just need to let me in.” I shake my head no. I don’t want him to know everything about me; I don’t want to be that vulnerable around him. “Yes.” His hands grasp the sides of my face and make me look up at him. “Please, let me in.”

I close my eyes and bite the inside of my lip. “The day I left home I had tried to talk to my mom and dad all day. They were having a huge party that had carried over from the night before. I had been telling them for a while that I was leaving but I think they never took me seriously, or they were too high to care. I tried to talk to my mom but she just kept asking me to go get them more liquor. My dad basically just told me not to get knocked up wherever I was going because they wouldn’t deal with another unwanted kid. When I started to walk out of the door with my suitcase I think the realization that I was leaving and doing something better with my life hit my mom. She got pregnant with me when she was a senior in high school and she never graduated. She started to scream at me about how worthless I was, that I would never make it on my own, and how no one could ever love me.”

My eyes are still trained on the ground because I can’t bear to see his face. “She told me that she regretted having me every day of her life. I should have never been born and her life would have been perfect if it wasn’t for me. The last thing she said to me before I left was that now I was going to go out into the world and fuck up someone else’s life. Every once and a while she calls me, higher than a kite and acts like I’m still there. She asks me to pick her up food or booze. When I tell her I left she screams about how much she hates me. They never pay their bills so it’s never from the same number. I always answer though because I know one day it won’t be her, it will be a hospital or the police telling me she’s dead.”

I can’t hold it back anymore and I break down. I bury my head in Damon’s chest and let go of everything I’ve been holding in. He kisses the top of my head and rubs my back, the entire time staying silent. After I finally compose myself, I look up at him, and I can see so much emotion in his eyes. We just sit there and look at each other, until I turn away. “I’m so scared that what she has always said to me will be true.”

Damon stands with me still in his arms, and walks with me down to his bedroom. He lays me down on the bed and then lies down next to me. His hand is slowly skimming my skin and it’s so comforting. His fingers pinch my chin and he turns my head toward him. “She was wrong, Jessie. I can see in your eyes that you’re scared it’s true, but it’s not. You’re an amazing person. You have pulled me in since the first time I laid eyes on you. I haven’t been able to think of anything or anyone since you first told me to go fuck myself. I know letting people in is hard for you, but I’m not going anywhere. I can also tell you’re scared that no one will ever love you. I can guarantee you that is not true.”

Did Damon just say he loved me? I don’t have time to ask before he is softly kissing me. There is no fire, but there is pure emotion and it’s flowing through me filling all of the lonely places inside me. For the first time, Damon took things slow and we spent hours indulging in each other. If it didn’t scare the shit out of me, I might say that we made love.

Chapter Seventeen

I wake up wrapped in Damon’s arms and his head is buried in my neck. I never sleep better than I do when I’m with him. Being wrapped up in his arms makes everything else fade away. In this bed right now there is no uncertainty, no fears, and no troubles.

Having my mom call when I was with him last night was a blessing and a curse. It opened up a part of me that I wasn’t ready to share. However, at the same time letting him see that side of me strengthened our bond. It’s scary for me after years of keeping everyone out to open myself up to him. I need to let that go though, because if I don’t, I feel like I might end up pushing him away.

His arms tighten around me and I smile. “Good morning.”

I turn toward him. “Good morning.” He kisses me and his hand begins to skim down my body. I grab it quickly and halt its journey, as he looks up at me confused. “I have to go. My class is in less than an hour, and I don’t have any clothes here.”

He pouts at me hoping that will guilt me into staying with him. It would have totally worked if I didn’t have a presentation to do today. “Stay with me.”

I laugh and quickly roll out of his arms knowing that catching him off guard will be the only method of escape. “I’ll see you later, okay?” I get dressed and then turn back to look at him. He is lying down with his hands behind his head. The sheet is pulled down just above his waist, showing off his muscular chest and abs. My eyes trail farther down to see the obvious evidence of how much he wants me to stay.

I really want to stay now but I know that I can’t and standing here looking at him is torture. “You don’t play fair.”

He smirks at me. “Why would I?” Damon hands goes to reach for the edge of the sheet starting to lift it up.

I quickly turn and walk out of the room before I get sucked in. That man is absolutely insatiable, not that I’m complaining. I shake my head as I walk out to the car. The entire drive to the apartment I go over my presentation in my head praying to God that I don’t majorly screw up. When I walk in, I don’t see Lo anywhere, she must be getting dressed.

I throw on a pair of jeans and a nice shirt, not wanting to look like my usual bum self when I’m standing in front of the entire class. The bathroom door opens and Lo walks in. “I noticed you didn’t come home last night, hooch.”

I smile at her. “I spent the night at Damon’s.”

“No shit, Sherlock.” We both laugh. “So how’s it going with pimp daddy?”

“Shut up, Lo.”

She raises her hands in surrender. “Okay, okay someone is testy. I would say you need to get some but we know that you don’t. What’s up?”

I sit down on the bed and look at her. “My mom called last night.”

“Shit. While you were with him?”

I nod my head. “Yep.”

“How did he take it?” She sits down next to me. Lo has been there for almost every call over the years and obviously she was with me the day I walked out. She knows how badly the stuff with my mom affects me, and how much I didn’t want him to see that.

“Honestly? He was amazing. He made me feel better, and calmed me down.” I take a deep breath before daring to say the next statement out loud. “I think he tried to tell me he loved me.”

“Tried? How the hell do you try to say something?”

“I don’t know, Lo. He didn’t come right out and say it but he implied it. It’s almost like I felt it flowing out of him, it was crazy.”

She just smiles and shakes her head. “Girl, I have known that man was in love with you since Halloween.”

“What are you talking about?”

She cocks her head to the side and looks at me. “Really?” I give her a confused look and she sighs. “He shows up to ‘fight’ for you. You tell him to fuck off and start mauling a guy in front of him. Then instead of leaving he goes into your room to wait for you while you’re bumping and grinding all over a drunken cowboy. Then he doesn’t leave after you guys have sex but stays to spend time with you in the morning. Come on, chick.”