Shattered Rose (25 page)

The back of the house was even more beautiful than the front. There was a long porch with large hanging lanterns around it. The stairs led down to a walkway that ended in a covered pier overlooking the lake. The pier was lit with white Christmas lights, as well, and had two beautiful wood rocking chairs that I imagined made for breathtaking sunrises. I was naturally drawn to it and started heading that way.

I leaned on the rail, just watching the black water beneath me. It seemed to captivate me as I stared at it. I started to wonder what I was doing here, and why I always seem to allow myself to be put in situations I didn’t want to be in. Why couldn’t I just say
no? Jake’s arms were suddenly wrapped around me, and I immediately felt my heart start to race. It felt too familiar. He didn’t say a word, just held me tightly as we watched the water. I thought of Parker and how unfair this was to him. I needed to end this thing with Jake once and for all; I knew I did.

“I want to know why,” I said softly. He didn’t say anything, just sighed.

I moved his arms from around me and turned to look at him. “I want to know why now, and how you went from being a guy who wanted to just have fun to being this guy. What was the turning point for you, Jake, because it seems you only want me until you have me.” My hands were shaking as I spoke. I had never once confronted Jake on any of his actions and wasn’t sure how I had the confidence to do it now.

Jake sat down on one of the rocking chairs
, and I followed suit. “The answer is so cliché, I almost hate to say it,” he started. “When I first saw you, I was immediately attracted to you. You were bouncing around in your pajamas, without a care in the world. I wish I could say it was more, but honestly you were just another cute girl who had piqued my interest. But something happened as I got to know you. You did everything different than any girl I had been with.  It wasn’t just different, but it was right, like you knew exactly what I needed to make my world stop spinning. It would amaze me. I would put you in situations and you come through them beautifully, with such grace and strength that I couldn’t get you out of my mind.”

“But you broke up with me,” I reminded him.

“Because it scared the hell out of me, the feelings I was having. Avery, I’ve felt nothing for months, and all the sudden, with you, I felt everything.” He turned to stare at me when he said it, and I felt my eyes fill with tears. I was not expecting this answer from him, and it seemed to do nothing but muddy the already delicate resolve I was having. He responded by standing up and bringing me up to him, staring so lovingly in my eyes that I was sure I would faint.

“That night together…” He trailed off as he caressed my face. The tears were spilling over my eyes now as I felt all the hurt that night had brought me. He wiped them away with his thumb and drew me into a tight hug. I could hear the music from the house and watched as the lights danced across the lake. “I’m so sorry I hurt you.”

“We should get back,” I whispered, knowing that if I stayed in his arms too much longer, I would do something cruel the one person in my life who didn’t deserve it. Thinking of Parker made my stomach turn. He deserved better than this from me.

Jake kissed me longingly on my forehead and then let go so we could head back to the house. My mind was spinning from his confession, and I decided to have that glass of wine after all, hoping it would somehow clear my head.

The party was in full swing when we returned to the house, with Issy naturally at the center of it. She squealed when she saw me and pulled me on the makeshift dance floor with her. I tried my best to get lost in the moment and put the confusion and chaos out of my mind, but Jake’s eyes were relentless as he watched me dance, and I soon felt insecure under the scrutiny. I told Issy I was done, and her eyes knowingly glanced in Jake’s direction.

“No problem,” she said and put her arm through mine. She lead me to multiple groups of people whom surprisingly turned out to be really interesting. Most of them were actually in college to learn something and could hold a conversation without slurring their words. I especially liked Branson. He was kindhearted and so sweet to
Issy. She was miles out of his league, but she allowed him to dote anyway.

True to their word,
Issy and Jake left at the two-hour mark. Issy wasn’t too drunk which was a nice change from the norm and was actually a lot of fun tonight.

“I had a great time,” I announced as we walked in the apartment. The wine had gotten to my head, making me more relaxed than usual.

“Of course you did, silly. You were with me,” Issy responded, heading to the kitchen to rummage through the pantry. I shot her a look, and Jake laughed. It was a beautiful sound, and one I hadn’t heard from him in a long time.

“Well guys, I’m going to bed,” I said as I started to my room.

“No! It’s too early! Stay and watch a movie with us. It’s my turn to pick and we can totally watch a chic flick.” Issy had already put the popcorn in the microwave and was getting us all drinks. I had to admit it sounded fun. After a week of walking on eggshells with my parents, it felt good to be around Issy and her carefree honesty.

I went to my room and put on my favorite pajamas. I knew I should check my phone to see if Parker called, but for some reason I didn’t. Instead, I shut the door and joined
Issy and Jake on the sofa. I started by sitting with my legs crossed in the middle of them, but somehow throughout the evening I ended up cuddled next to Jake, and that’s where I was when I woke up at two in the morning.

He was on his back asleep and I was curled up on his chest just like we had done so many times before. His arms were locked tightly around me, and I could hear his rhythmic breathing as he slept. I quietly wrangled out of his grip and stepped off the couch.
Issy must have gone to her bed because she was no longer on the sofa. I softly shut my door and checked my phone. Parker had called twice, once at 10:00 p.m. and again at midnight. I felt a little pang in my chest as I realized how selfish I had been last night. I didn’t even tell him I got home safely. I knew deep down that I didn’t call because I didn’t want something to stop me from doing what I knew was wrong. I didn’t want the accountability. I curled up in my bed, feeling horribly guilty. Last night had been a mistake—one I wouldn’t let happen again.

“I pray, Lord, that she knows she has a savior who is able to sympathize with her weakness, and that she knows she can find grace in her time of need...”

17. telling secrets

The morning seemed to come too quickly for me as I dragged myself out of bed. It wasn’t early, but I still seemed to lack any energy.  Parker was coming home today, and the thought of seeing him made me nervous. Two days ago, I had been so sure, convinced that I had put Jake out of my life for good. But last night, he was broken and honest, all the things I loved so much about him when we first met.

I needed to run, to clear my foggy head of all the emotions it was feeling. I got dressed and opened my door—sure Jake would be long gone. He always seemed to disappear when things got too intimate, and last night was well beyond the limit for him.

But, he wasn’t. Instead, he was sitting on the couch in his undershirt and boxers watching Sportscenter. He looked disheveled and ridiculously sexy, and I immediately blushed when I felt myself daydream of us together. He looked up and saw me, flashing me his signature grin that always made my heart stop. I had to snap out of it. It was unhealthy how easily I could get sucked back in.

“I thought you’d be gone already,” I said walking towards the kitchen. His eyes followed me as I moved, making me feel self conscious about how I looked.

“I thought we might go do something today. You got plans?” He was standing up to stretch, and I could see his muscles bulge through his shirt. I looked down, embarrassed, but he was quick to catch me staring.

He walked to the kitchen, grinning and kept putting himself in my way, so I would naturally bump into him. I was getting frustrated and it only made the sparks between us that much more intense. I finally was about to say something when
Issy walked out of her room. She looked like her hair had spun in the dryer for two days, and I couldn’t hold in the laughter when I saw her.

“Ha
ha. We can’t all look like a running goddess in the morning,” she snapped and then noticed Jake standing right behind me, his hand resting on my hipbone. “What are you still doing here?”

“Lovely to see you too, sleeping beauty,” Jake replied as he walked past her
, ruffling her already crazy hair. He settled back in on the couch, but shot me a seductive look before he did. Before I could even get my hands to stop shaking, there was a knock at the door.

“You expecting anyone?” I asked
Issy as she drank her coffee at the bar. She shook her head like I was crazy to even think she’d have someone here this early. They knocked again, and I realized that no one else was moving to get it.

The minute I unlocked the door and cracked it open, Parker was inside the room, cupping my face and kissing me with full abandonment. I hardly had any time to react before he stopped and looked lovingly at me.

“I have been wanting to do that for days,” he whispered as he leaned in to kiss me again. I pulled back before he could, and nodded to the other people in the room when he looked at me questionably. He registered for the first time that others were around us and backed up to actually take in the scene.

“Morning Parker,”
Issy called from the bar, enjoyment apparent in her voice.

He didn’t take his eyes off Jake who sat comfortably watching TV as if he owned the place. “Good morning,” Parker finally said back to her.

The tension in the room was palpable, and the longer the silence hovered, the more severe it became. Jake never took his eyes off the screen, but I could see a slight hint of a smile on his lips. I grabbed Parker’s arm and motioned to my room. He followed stiffly, never fully taking his eyes off Jake. We got in the room, and as soon as I shut the door he asked, “What’s he doing here, Avery?”

I could tell he was upset. “He’s
Issy’s cousin, Parker. They are pretty close to inseparable,” I explained, trying to downplay the situation.

“He sleeps here?”

“Um, yeah, most of the time. He has a key. Sometimes they crash at his place too. It just depends. He comes and goes at will.”

Parker seemed even more irritated at that piece of information, and I knew I needed to distract him before he started reading too much into it. “I don’t want to talk about that, though,” I said walking up to him and putting my arms around his neck. “I missed you.”

He took the bait and leaned down, capturing my mouth in his. I kissed him back this time and he seemed to relax.

“I was worried when I didn’t hear from you last night,” he said softly, running his hands through my hair as he looked over my face like he was taking in all of me.

“I know. I’m sorry. Issy got me right as I walked in the door and dragged me to her friend’s party. We got back so late, I didn’t want to bother you.” It wasn’t totally a lie, although my heart was racing as the guilt started to eat at it.

“Avery, it
’s never too late to call me, ok? I always want to know you’re safe,” he said reassuringly and I nodded, frustrated at myself for thinking about Jake for even one second when I had such a wonderful man.

“So, I’ve come to kidnap you,” he said with a sparkle in his eye.

“Really, where are you taking me?” I asked intrigued.

“It’s a surprise, but I can tell you that you need to wear jeans and hiking shoes.”

“What, my running attire is not acceptable?” I asked doing a little curtsy. He looked me up and down and his eyes got a sultry look to them that made my stomach do a somersault.

“They’re something alright,” he agreed
, sighing, as he turned away to look at other things around the room. “I have to admit, Avery, it bothers me that he’s here, especially knowing you look like that in the morning.”

I knew I was being forward, but I didn’t care. I walked up to his back, wrapped my arms around him and started moving my hands across his chest, running my fingers along each of his muscles, while I slowly kissed his shoulders. I could feel his body tensing, but I just continued to persist. I wanted to feel close to him, wanted something that would finally break through all the confusion.

He turned around and captured me in his arms, kissing me with such ferocity that heat started to consume my body. We fell on the bed, and I continued to be bold, pulling him closer and closer. I put my hands under his shirt, rubbing them all over his back and chest. He started to do the same and then froze, pulling his head away, trying to catch his breath. I continued to tug at him, searching for his lips, but he was moving off me with determination.

I sat breathless on the bed, while he stood gripping the desk. “You’re making it very hard for me to stick to my convictions, Avery. I think your room is now officially off limits,” he stated, taking a deep breath. His voice wasn’t harsh, just labored, as I knew he was fighting to regain control. He looked up at me
, and we stared at each other in silence before he moved to the door. “I’ll wait for you in the car while you change.” He headed out my door and the apartment without saying another word. I felt stupid and insecure for pushing him, when he had made his feelings on it so clear.