Shattered & Scarred: The Sacred Hearts MC (9 page)

“
Naw man, wait ‘til you meet her. She’s sweet as fucking pie. Cooks for the damned MC morning noon and night. Even cleaned the clubhouse bathrooms.” He took an end of my box spring and I took the other. We hefted it up the three flights of stairs and there was no more talking for the moment.

Derek set down one end of my couch,
one of the guys from the shop set down the other. I motioned for them to put it against one wall. The slid the black leather monstrosity back and straightened.

“Yeah man,” Squick said, “He’s got her working the counter at the shop. She’s quiet and freaking tiny! I think my eight year old niece is bigger than her.”
I gave him a look like he was being ridiculous which he was… but not entirely so.

“Okay other than ‘quiet’ and
‘tiny’ what’s she freaking look like?” Derek asked as we trouped down the stairs to get more stuff.

“She’s got eyes like the sun.” I said and Derek barked a laugh.

“Dude, that’s not him being poetic and shit, she really does; her eyes are gold. Never seen anything like it.” Reaver affirmed.

“Okay, what about the rest?” D
erek asked.

“Long auburn hair to her butt.” Squick said.

“She’s a member of the itty bitty titty committee.” Reaver said and I glowered at him.

“What!? She is.” He said defensively.

“You still don’t have to put it like that.” I said.

“Dude you in love with this chick or something?” Derek asked laughing. I stopped and thought about it
, I cared about her, sure and she’d done a pretty spectacular job of getting under my skin in all the right ways… but love? Derek’s face fell.

“Holy shit
. You’ve known this bitch all of a week! I mean fuck man, if you have to think about it…” he didn’t finish the thought probably because I had a look on my face that screamed if he did I would break his fucking arm.

“Look, I like Ashton, a lot. I want to make sure she’s safe and that she can put her douchebag ex in the rearview once and for all. I’m just doing what I’ve done from the moment I met her, playing shit by ear and going where the road takes m
e. Whatever happens, happens.” I shrugged and the three of them exchanged looks and shrugged too.

“Now hurry t
he fuck up so I can go get her. She was so excited when I left she’s probably about ready to pee herself by now.” The guys laughed and I joined in this time, a little bothered by my recent introspections.

Ash
ton kept saying everything was moving really fast and she wasn’t wrong but this was the first time
I
was thinking along the same lines. So far everything had been comfortable, had felt right even. Now I wasn’t so sure. We hustled through the last of what was on the truck and I left the guys putting furniture together. I jogged out to the truck and started it.

Truth was
, despite my afternoon’s misgivings, I was excited for her to see the apartment, to claim the space for her own. I couldn’t afford to get her a bed so I got her one of those air mattress beds that inflated in a minute. I’d set it up in her room along with some white sheets for tonight and a gift card for a hundred bucks at Wal Mart for her to pick what she wanted blanket wise. She should be able to get some cheap ass particle board furniture for the room too.

Nothing fancy, but at least it was a
start.

I felt a pang about not having her in my bed anymore. I’d slept better in the last week
than I had in months if not a couple of years. I turned onto the highway and drove towards the club house.

I was beginning to think Ashton was as much a tonic to some of the broken parts of my soul as I was to hers. Her broken was just a lot fresher than mine, more noticeable.
Still, comfortable or not, sleeping better or not, it was time to take a step back, give her some time to recover. I could still be there for her but she needed some space.

I guess in some ways I felt like a parent trying to teach their kid to ride a bike, only with stakes much higher. The training wheels had to come off but I was still holding on to the bike running alongside. Eventually I would have to let go and she would either pedal down the street on her own or she would fall.

I hit the signal and turned into the clubhouse driveway.

I didn’t have to let go today and despite my unease on if I was really doing her a solid or becoming a crutch for her, I wanted to enjoy this, hopefully see her smile. 

Yeah, that would be good.

Ashton…

I stood just inside the door way to Ethan’s room and made sure I had gotten everything that was moving to the new apartment. The bed and bedding remained as did the small television and DVD player. A change of his clothes hung neatly in the closet but everything else was piled in the common room waiting for Ethan to arrive and take us home…

I sank down onto the corner of the bed.

Home…

It felt foreign in my head. I hadn’t had a home in a very long time. When my mother died, I had been bounced from temporary foster home to temporary foster home two or three times before landing permanently with the Tuckers. I had been lucky. Nothing bad had happened to me to remove me from any of the homes. You hear horror stories all the time of abuse or molestation… none of those things had happened to me, it had just been a matter of supply and demand.  The need for good foster homes vastly outweighed the homes available. So I’d had to play a short game of musical homes until one came available.

Living with the Tuckers from eleven to eighteen had felt like home after the first year or so. Then it was off to college and no matter how much you personalized a space, a dorm room was just that… a dorm room.

Then I had married Chadwick, right after graduation and I had thought that finally I would have a home of my own. A family. I had been an absolute fool.
The first few months of our marriage had been good. We’d honeymooned in the South of France, made love just about every night, then about eight months in things began to change.

At first, Chadwick had decided that he didn’t like me going out with my friend A
lley. He’d declared her trashy and a bad influence. He began nagging me after a fashion, lecturing me every time I went out, told me that he was disappointed in me which had hurt. I didn’t want him to be disappointed and so I began to see her less and less until eventually I didn’t see her at all.

Then he became too busy for us to visit home for me which was the Tuckers, just two states away and he wouldn’t hear of me going alone. What if something happened to me? He’d ask, and then he would tell me how he couldn’t live without me, how much he needed me in his life.

Then after a year or two of married life he had become critical of my appearance, stating I required diet and exercise that he hadn’t married a fat woman and he wouldn’t
be
married to one. Instead of letting me go to a gym he’d had one put in at the house and had hired a personal trainer. Handpicked a woman who had taught me yoga. She and I became friends and he fired her. Told me that people like us didn’t make friends with the help. I argued with him and that was the first time he hit me.

“Ashton?” Ethan knelt down in front of me.

“What’s wrong?” he asked. I looked up from my lap to his silvery eyes and smiled. His expression softened.

“Just thinking about how I got here.” I murmured.

“About out on the road?” he asked.

“No, about college and how everything just got so… lost.
” I sighed.

“Tell me?” he asked and sat down cross legged on the floor.  I took a deep breath and I told him, about my mom, about foster care and about how I had worked my ass off in high school to make my mom proud. About the essays and scholarships and grants… About meeting Chadwick at one of his fraternities rush parties.

About how sweet he’d been, taking me on dates talking long into the night, about how he’d proposed on Valentine’s Day our junior year. How we’d gotten married just after graduation and how he’d immediately gone to work for his father. He listened patiently as I stripped myself bare, about how I’d grown increasingly isolated about the first time Chadwick had hit me, about how he’d brought flowers afterwards and how he’d apologized and how I had wanted so hard to believe him. How I had believed him until it happened again…

Ethan gently thumbed tears from beneath my eyes and had smiled sadly at me. He struggled for a time, fishing for something
, anything to say. He looked lost and so I bravely smiled and stood up. He got to his feet and pulled me into a hug.

“I know it’s been said before but I’m
gonna say it anyways Sunshine.” He leaned back and tilted my face up to his, gently cupping my face with his broad hands… “Things are going to be different from now on.” He said softly and I nodded, his fingers sliding against my skin sending a wash of goose flesh down my spine.

“I’m
gonna keep saying it and spend every day proving it until you finally believe it too.” He smiled. I smiled and wiped my eyes and sniffed.

“Ready to go see the new place?” he asked gently.

“Yes.” I nodded.

We went out to the common room. The door was opened wide and the pickup backed to it. Doc stood in the back of the truck while Dray handed him up boxes and suitcases and duffels of clothes. I had put trash bags over the hanging clothes, poking holes in the top for the hooks of the hangars to go through.
Those hung off of the empty gun rack inside the truck against the back window.

“Thanks.” Ethan grunted at Dray and the darker man gave him a curt nod. I didn’t even pretend to understand their relationship. More often than not they seemed to butt heads and yet Dray still helped Ethan despite their ongoing thinly veiled animosity.

“Thank you.” I murmured as I went past and Dray grunted.

“Whatever gets the club house back to man-land
faster.” He said and I smiled despite his grumpy attitude.

“See you over there
Darlin’.” Chandra blew out a plume of smoke as she spoke and I smiled. She and Doc were coming too. I bit my lip and turned back to Dray whose expression was storm clouded. I was going to invite him but lost my nerve. I got into the truck and Chandra got in beside me. Ethan was riding his bike over.

We drove along and sang to the radio and the raincloud over my heart slowly moved off. By the time we were pulling into the apartment building’s driveway behind Ethan and Doc’s bikes I was suffused with the warm glow of excitem
ent, fairly vibrating with it. I was out of the truck before Ethan could reach for the handle. He laughed.

“Excited?” he asked and I nodded emphatically.

“Hey! There she is!” I heard from above me and shading my eyes from the sun with my hand saw Andy from the shop, though for some reason everybody called him Squick.

He was a lanky fellow, tall and rail thin and nothing but knees and elbows. He was covered in a myriad of colorful tattoos large and small, all patch worked together on both arms. The colorful cartoon-like images he explained to me were “new school” climbed both sides of his neck and cascaded down his ribs, leaving his narrow chest and stomach bare. He favored faded band tee shirts with the sleeves cut out, leaving gaping holes down his flanks so his tattoos were visible. He paired the shirts with holey jeans, the knees ripped out and frayed, ending over the top of his black converse, more threads trailing at his heels where he’d walked off the back cuff of his pants.

I smiled and waved up at him. A man I didn’t know stood beside him. He was shorter than Andy by a lot, but who wasn’t? He was built sturdy, and carried himself like a soldier. Back straight, shoulders back. He wore jeans and a green tee shirt, and peered down at me speculatively. His brown hair was hidden under a black baseball cap turned backwards on his head. It was the kind with a solid back, without the adjustable plastic thing some of them had. A small silver logo rode between his brows, too small to be seen from this distance. I couldn’t make out his eye color from here, but Andy’s I knew was a warm brown.

“Ashton.” Ethan called and I went to where he stood and took the banker’s box with my yearbooks and photos from him. He heaved his big green duffel bag over the side of the truck and nodded that I should go ahead. Doc and Chandra followed, each carrying something.

I took the stairs carefully. My sneakers quiet on the wooden treads, all the way up to the third floor. Andy stood outside the open apartment door and ushered me in with a flourish. I smiled at him and went in. Standing just inside the door it smelled strongly of fresh paint, the living room was to my left, couches and the television already in place.  A fireplace was in the corner, the window set into the wall beside the fireplace was wide open overlooking the parking lot below and letting in the fresh spring air.

To my right was the small kitchen and in front of that, sharing space with the living room, was a dining area. A table and four chairs, correction a
nice
table and four chairs was set up in front of the open breakfast bar leading into the kitchen. A liquor cabinet hugged the wall by the front door, though as of now it was empty. A hallway was directly across from the front door and held four doors. Two on the left and two on the right.

“Stuff is getting heavy honey you might want to step aside.” Doc called from behind me.

“Oh! I’m sorry!” I called and stepped to the side, into the dining area. Ethan, Doc and Chandra filed in passed me. The strange man I didn’t know was watching me from the living room, arms crossed, hazel eyes coolly assessing. I swallowed.

“Hi.” I ventured.

“Hey.” He answered.

“Ashton, Derek… Derek, Ashton.” Ethan said and disappeared down the hall. He went into the second door on the
left and I nodded politely to Derek who raised an eyebrow at me. I went down the hall, the air in the apartment cool against my legs. I had chosen a pair of shorts and a tee based on the sun shining outside. While it was warm in the direct sun it was still too cool for shorts which I had belatedly found out but it hadn’t been worth it to go digging through everything for pants.

The first door on the right passed the kitchen was a bathroom. It looked stark without a shower curtain. Everything was white. The walls, the bathtub, the toilet, the sink even. The only thing breaking up the stark white monotony was the tan counter top and the earth toned linoleum.

The door across from it was the linen closet and so I went passed it and looked into the room Ethan had disappeared into. He was standing beside his bed, a king size by the look of it. It was made of a rich dark cherry wood, a four poster with large round cannonballs atop each post at chest height. A matching dresser sat against the wall at the foot of the bed. His back was to me as he pulled clothes from the duffel bag which was almost as big as me. He was separating them into piles on top of the bare mattress and I crept further down the hall to the last door on the right.

The walls were white like everywhere else in the apartment. The carpet a light cream. An air bed covered in a white bottom sheet and white top sheet
sat in the middle of the floor, the head pressed up against one wall. The closet was just inside the door to the left and I set my box inside it on the floor. A blue square of cardboard sat on the foot of the bed and I picked it up with shaking fingers. I sank to the floor and opened the gift card envelope.

For blankets and whatever else you can get out of it. Welcome home. –Ethan
was written in his careful printing. I sank cross legged the rest of the way onto the carpet and looked around the stark and empty room, the window in the back wall was closed, the venetian blinds drawn but turned so that the natural light illuminated the room.

“You okay?”
Ethan asked softly from the door way.

I turned to look at him, he was standing, shoulder propped against the door jamb, arms crossed over his chest causing the fabric to strain across his broad shoulders, the sleeves tight around his biceps. His long hair was only half pulled up and hung behind his ears, down his shoulders. He was watching me, carefully considering, his expression schooled into one of neutrality as he waited to see what I would do. I turned back to the empty room and looked it over again.

“So this is what it feels like to start from the beginning?” I asked.

“Yeah.” He said, tone neutral.

I wanted to laugh, I wanted to cry, I wanted to sing and I wanted to scream all at the same time. I felt swamped by emotion and yet I felt numb. I didn’t know what to do with myself and so I did what came naturally… I was unerringly polite.

“Thank you for my gift card.” I whispered.

“You’re welcome Babe.” He said.

“Hey she in here?” I heard Andy ask.

“Oh good!” he exclaimed and I turned at the sound of rustling paper. He held a flat rectangular object wrapped in white birthday paper, colored balloons and streamers printed on its surface, cursive script proclaiming ‘
Happy Birthday!'
flowing between them. I couldn’t help it, I broke into a smile and frowned at the same time.

“My birthday is in December.” I said.

“Yeah well, it’s a housewarming present.” He said and shrugged, “And it’s sort of like your birthday too… I guess.” He smiled and I laughed and that made Ethan smile for some reason.

“Can I come in?” Andy asked and I looked at him and Ethan both, just outside my bedroom door and sobered.

My bedroom door… they were asking if they could come in… I nodded rapidly, my throat suddenly squeezed tight by unshed tears. They came in and sat on my floor with me. Andy put the large housewarming package in my lap. Doc, Chandra, Reaver and the man I didn’t know, Derek stood in the door way.