She Laughs in Pink (Sheridan Hall #1) (30 page)

I peek at her, wondering what her response will be, but she says nothing as she stares out the window.

So I go on. “When she told me I’d received the scholarship, she convinced me to take it and to move to the dorm. She said it would save my life. I went to NJU with good intentions, but I wasn’t ready, I guess. Like I said at Halloween, I think my purpose in going there wasn’t to find me, but to find you.”

I sneak another peek. She’s still looking out the window, her arms crossed. I know she’s listening when she says, “Keep going.”

“I’m on probation until my birthday. Sara and I were arrested for disturbing the peace. I’m allowed to go to New Jersey to school, but that’s it. That first day on the train when we missed our stop? Technically, I was violating probation. Drinking, drugs, fighting, all violations. Being here in Pennsylvania? Violation.”

“So you’re a criminal?”

“I guess so. A reforming criminal.”

She ignores my quip. “When’s your birthday?”

“February first.”

“Keep going.”

Somewhere along the Pennsylvania-New Jersey border, I tell Juliet about my trust fund. “My parents and Rob had some major art deal when I was a kid, I don’t know. They never touched the money and they put it in trust for me. All three of them, even Rob. I don’t know much about it. I only tapped into it once. For you.” I tell Juliet that I’d funded the mystery scholarship that Miss Stephanie had offered her for ballet. “I wanted you to dance, but I also wanted you near me. I knew if I offered you the money outright, you wouldn’t take it.”

“You’re right, I wouldn’t have. But thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” I glance at her but she’s holding strong. No signs of color, no fire.

“Continue,” she says, as she looks out the passenger window.

I sigh, dreading the next bit. “The night before Frank’s memorial service, I called Sara. Mostly because I couldn’t deal with the sadness and the fear. We didn’t sleep together though. I mean, we slept together, but we didn’t have sex.”

Across from me, she shrugs.

“I swear,” I add. “Do you believe me?”

“I do.”

The weight of my secrets begins to lift as I talk. I tell Juliet that, historically, I’d used women and alcohol to numb myself. Sara was the first woman I’d ever felt something for and had committed to, but I realized that our relationship was toxic on so many levels. I tell Juliet about the baby, about how I tried to stop the abortion. “I think she uses my guilt about that to keep me close, or maybe it’s her guilt that keeps her tied to me. I don’t know.”

“Oh, Chase.” She sighs, and I think that’s the last straw. That she’ll ask me to turn around and bring her back to Evander. Instead, she asks, “Is that everything?”

“Yes.” I breathe a sigh of relief. I feel free. I don’t have to worry about my secrets anymore. If she leaves now or if she decides to stay, she’s informed. I sneak a peek at her, but my nerves get the best of me. Focusing on the road, I stutter, “I-I’m so sorry for everything. I want to focus on the future. With you, if you’ll have me.” I tell her that I’m back in AA, I’ve ended things with Sara, and I’m trying to get back on track with the New Life Plan.

“I’m glad.” This time when I glance at her, I see her colors swirl in shades of green. It’s not the pinks I like to see, but I’ll take it. “Thank you for telling me all of that.”

“You don’t have to thank me. I love you,” I say.
Our line.
It’s a ballsy move and I know it.

I catch her grin, but then she looks back out the window. “I know,” she murmurs.

She’s still not on board with me.
I hope my surprise remedies that.

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Juliet

Chase parks the car at the Student Center and leads me to Sheridan Hall. “It’s not open until after the New Year,” I say.

“Is that so?” he says, one eyebrow raised, walking me to the door. He whips out a swipe card. “I have connections. Will you come in with me?”

I haven’t been to Sheridan since the day it all happened. I look at the door, then at Chase. If I’m going to step inside again, I want to do it with him. “Yes,” I answer.

Chase swipes the card, and I remember the morning of the shooting—the morning I’d spent pacing outside. My biggest worry then had been how to tell Ben about Chase. We step into the stairwell, and my breath catches. I’m not sure I can move.

“Are you okay?” I see the concern on Chase’s face, and I loosen my grip on the handrail.
I can do this
. I squeeze his hand as he leads me down to the basement.

When he opens the door to the hallway, I stare past him, mesmerized by what’s before me. I’m not in the basement of Sheridan Hall anymore—not the Sheridan Hall I remember, not the Sheridan Hall where Frank was murdered. Instead, I stand in a hallway full of color and life. I step onto the drop cloths that cover the floor.

“Chase!” I breathe. “Oh my God!”

The smell of fresh paint awakens my senses. Color shines off the walls of the hallway. My heart pounds and my breath stops, not from fear, but from awe.

“Start here.” He stands in front of room one.

Across from my room, Chase had painted a giant-sized Pooja sitting in lotus position, her hands in prayer, dressed in a colorful sari. She floats on the wall like the goddess she is, her colors swirling around her flowing hair, her big black eyes looking down the hallway. I want to keep staring at her, but I want to see the rest. I smile at Chase, and he looks at the floor.

I’m next to Pooja. I wear a black leotard and pink tights and toe shoes, and my leg extends behind me in an
arabesque
. Red lips line my smile, and my brown eyes reflect joy. Swirls of pinks and reds surround me. Chase painted a red heart on my chest with a faint dotted line extending from it.

“Oh, Chase,” I gasp and run down the hallway following the dotted line to the men’s room door and the other portraits, to the two doors to the lounge. The dotted line circles around a giant-sized Ben, but then ends where I’d hoped, at Chase’s heart. He’s painted himself in the bottom corner of the hallway in front of room six, smaller than the rest of us. He sits behind an easel painting a picture of me as a ballerina.

I giggle and remain in front of room six. I examine Chase’s portrait of Ben. Chase painted Ben larger than life, from ceiling to floor in an NJU jersey, arm cocked back, ready to throw a football. Ben’s face, complete with the scar over his eye, smiles right at the viewer, confident and beautiful.

I sigh as I move toward the Fives, who sit on a grassy hill surrounded in a gray mist, which I know is Chase’s not-so-subtle nod to their smoking habit. Musical notes float up to the ceiling over the lounge doors to Rocco.

In the middle of the hallway, between the two entrances to the lounge, Rocco’s portrait stares down at me, as large as the painting of Ben. He has bulging muscles and a big white smile, his dark hair held back by a red bandanna like he wears when he works out. On his flexed bicep, Chase painted a tattoo—of Pooja.

I smile at Chase again and grab his hand as I continue down the hall. Megan and Maggie hold cups of coffee and books and smile at me through a sea of red hearts. The steam from their coffee cups wafts toward the ceiling, their sweetness shining through their giant smiles. The steam from Maggie’s coffee cup floats over Megan’s head and morphs into a black wire, held by Winston.

I pull Chase after me. Computers and gadgets with colored lights surround Winston and Rodrigo, tangled in a mess of wires. Chase painted their heads bigger than their bodies. I shake my head, smiling.

I return to Pooja and me. I touch the swirl of color over Pooja’s head and follow it back to Rocco’s red bandanna as I run down the hallway.

Happiness fills me as I start over and look again, studying the colors and the faces of my friends, discovering the background that mimics the grounds of campus. We all float on the grassy hills of NJU, the distant New York skyline silhouetted against a blue sky. I turn my back to the portrait wall and look at the side with our room doors. The walls between the doors continue the campus theme and I recognize most of the buildings. Words spread over the doorways from my door, all the way to Chase’s door. They’re Pooja’s words: UNITY, HONESTY, LOVE.

I cry as Chase steps behind me and puts his arms around me. “Do you like it?” he whispers near my ear.

“I love it. I don’t even have words. It’s incredible. You’re amazing.”

“Merry Christmas, gorgeous.”

I spin in his arms to face him. “Thank you,” I say and kiss him gently on the lips.

“Forgive me?” he asks in a shaky voice. He kisses my cheek and nuzzles into my neck. “Please,” he begs, holding me close like he’s afraid I’ll walk away.

I nod against his neck.

“Thank you,” he whispers.

“You don’t have to thank me. I love you,” I say.

“I love you, too.” I pull away to find his eyes, and he points up. “There’s one more.”

In a rush of emotion, I didn’t realize Chase had painted Frank on the ceiling, looking down on all of us like he’s an angel. Instead of the bold colors he’d used for the rest of us, Frank is painted against the white ceiling in beiges, golds, and silvers, so lightly he’s almost not there.

I think Chase gets frightened when I gasp through my tears because he starts to babble. “Frank was tough. I had to use a plank of plywood laid across ladders. I wasn’t sure, I mean, I didn’t know if I should.” I hear the nervousness in his voice. “Tina helped me a lot. With Frank, and with the backgrounds and stuff.”

He’s waiting for my approval, but I can’t speak yet. I walk down the hallway with my face to the ceiling, studying Frank as his presence surrounds us. I lay on the drop cloths on the floor and stare up at him. Chase joins me.

“He’s perfect,” I whisper. “Here, but not here. I can’t believe you did this.” We look at the ceiling in silence for a few moments. I still find it hard to believe he’s gone. I know it, but I can’t feel it yet. “I miss him.”

“Me, too,” Chase murmurs to the ceiling.

Some time later, he pulls me up and leads me to my room. I stare at the door, remembering what had happened inside on that awful day. I remember Pooja telling me how hard it would be to come back, but I’d thought I was tough enough. I thought I’d be able to do it. I continue to stare at the closed door. Between the doorframe and the ceiling, Chase painted a white dove.

“For Justine,” he says, watching me.

I snap my head to look at Chase. “Justine?”

He nods, and I throw my arms around him. He strokes my hair as I cry. “It’s going to be all right, baby. I promise,” he whispers. “I want to be here with you. You’ve been so strong, for me—for everyone. You’ve been pulling me out of my hole since the day I met you but, I know now, I can do it myself. Let’s do this. Let’s get out of our holes on our own, but together.”

I nod and wipe the tears from my eyes and focus on Chase. We have a lot of work to do on ourselves and on our relationship, but whatever the road ahead has in store for us, I know we are a formidable team. If we support each together, we can beat anything.

“I can’t believe you did all this for me.”

“I’ll do anything for you. I’m not scared anymore. I don’t want you to be scared either.”

Nose-to-nose, Chase and I stand at the door to room one. Despite everything, we’re here now—together. “I’m not scared when I’m with you.” I kiss his nose, then his lips.

Chase

When Juliet kisses me, I feel her love, I see her colors, and everything’s right, even though we’re about to walk into the room where everything went wrong.

I hold her hands and nod toward the door. “Are you ready to go in?”

She nods, but her eyes flicker with hesitation.

“Are you sure?” I don’t want to push her. She’s been fighting to get back in, but if she’s not ready, I’ll respect that. I may never know what happened that day, but I want her to know that I’m here for her as we move onward.

“I want to try. Being here, with you, with this,” she gestures down the hallway, “It’s creating new memories. Our future, Chase. I think I can do this if you do it with me.”

“Do you promise you’ll let me know if you want to leave?”

She nods again. “I’m going to focus on you.”

“Okay.” I step out of the way. Juliet takes a deep breath. She puts one hand on the doorknob, the other in mine, and opens the door. I follow her in.

“Oh, Chase!” Juliet says. “You did this?”

I exhale and smile when she turns to me. I’m glad her first impression of the room is one I created, not a horrible memory.

“Rob helped.” Earlier, Rob and I had set up the room for her. It had been cleaned and repainted, but we brought sheets and plants and, most importantly, a Christmas tree. Rob helped me string it with white lights.

“Can we keep the tree forever?” she asks, examining its branches.

She’s still holding the tree when she looks around the room. I see her colors change and watch her eyes darken. I follow her gaze to the smoke alarm, which hangs by a wire from the ceiling, not yet connected. I don’t want to lose her to the bad memories, so I start talking. “Remember the first time I saw you at the train station? You know, I had a nickname for you before you came down to room six and introduced yourself.”

“What was it?”

“The Yoga Hottie.”

Juliet returns her attention to me. “Yoga? I’ve never done yoga.”

“I had just sworn off women. I walked through the train station and there you were with your upside down map, the lost starlet. I thought to myself,
screw celibacy,
because you had on these super tight yoga pants and…” I bite my lip and groan. “Damn, you were hot. You were the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen.” She smiles, and I look her over. “You still are. I get goose bumps whenever you walk into a room.” When she looks me in the eye, I know she’s here with me, away from the bad memories.

“Then I came down to room six looking for Ben.”

“When you said,
I’m Juliet from room one,
and did your sexy smirk, I knew I was a goner. Completely smitten and in love, even though you were obsessed with my roommate.” Juliet’s laugh fills the room with pink. I’ve never been happier to see her colors.

“If it makes you feel better, I thought you were amazingly hot the first time I saw you, too. I couldn’t see the color of your eyes at the train station, but you know what almost made me pass out? Your lips.”

“My lips? Huh.”

“You have really nice lips, Sexy Train Man.”

The way she says those eight words makes my body tense. “Want to kiss them?”

“All the time.”

She reaches for me and kisses me next to the Christmas tree in her new, old dorm room, and the whole world is in my arms.

“You know,” I sing, stretching out the words, “I’m going to be practically living with you here in room one.”

Her eyes pop but she grins. “I don’t remember having that conversation.”

“You don’t expect me to be down the hall with Ben when I can be here with you, do you? Ben snores. And he’s the worst snuggler.”

Juliet taps her lips with her finger and squints. “But—”

I wiggle a finger at her. “No, no. No buts. Pooja’s going to be in room four.”

She raises her eyebrows and crosses her arms, her smile staying pink. I love getting a reaction from her. “Technically, we’re broken up.”

“Well…we never
really
broke up.”

She nods. “Oh yes we did. Come to think of it, we’ve never even been on a date. I think it will be a long time before we move in together.” She juts a hip and waits, not realizing her way-into-the-future projection of us moving in together makes me insanely happy.

I play with her. “Did you want to be engaged first? Cause I’ll marry you. Tonight if you want.” Even though I’m playing, I know I would totally marry her.

She doesn’t bite. “That’s the worst proposal in the history of the world. And no, you freak, I won’t marry you.”

“So you’re just going to use me for my body? Have your cake and eat it too?” I want her to tell me she’ll marry me, sad as that is.

She doesn’t cave. “Yep. At least spring for dinner and a movie first.”

“But you will marry me someday, gorgeous?” I gulp.
Why the hell am I nervous?

Juliet sighs, her brown eyes dancing. “Someday, maybe, I’ll marry you, Chase Cooper. But I want a real proposal. This doesn’t count.”

Someday
,
she said.
Someday she’ll maybe marry me
. “Counts to me. I’m holding you to it.”

I smile like an idiot.