Authors: M. R. Merrick
“But Rayna’s never shifted.”
“I think in her case, it has more to do with her other parts. She’s a hunter, a shifter, and a witch, so her beast affects her differently. For a regular shifter, the result would be the same. It might not be their eyes; it could be anything, a tail maybe?” She smirked.
I pictured her with a panther tail and laughed.
“Sometimes, though, we don’t come back at all.”
“It kills you?”
Karissa shook her head. “I don’t mean like that. I mean the human won’t come back. We’ll be stuck in animal form forever.”
“Oh...”
“The human doesn’t disappear when we shift. It stays trapped inside, watching through the beast’s eyes. If it’s unable to get out, well…you can imagine what that can do to a person’s psyche.”
“And you guys were stuck like that for weeks?”
Karissa nodded. “That’s why we’re lucky. The chances of a shifter coming back from that are slim-to-none. We were both blessed, but we have you to thank.”
“I’m pretty sure I didn’t do that.”
“You’re a water elemental, right?”
“Among other things, yes.”
“It was your magic that healed us that night.”
I thought back to that night in the basement and shook my head. “I don’t remember using my water element.”
Karissa smiled. “You think too literally. You don’t have to use your magic for it to affect people. You were just learning about your abilities. When you don’t know how to control yourself, whether it’s your beast, or in your case, your element, it leaks out. It moves around you like an aura and spreads on its own free will. Most don’t notice it, but shifters’ senses are hyper-sensitive. ”
“I think you’re stretching it, but I’ll take your word for it.”
Karissa smiled. “You’re doubtful and that’s okay. I know why I’m here, and why Garrett and I are okay. It’s because of you.”
“You seem to know more about me than I do.”
“No, I just see you for what you truly are.”
“And what's that?”
“A hero.”
I laughed. “Maybe all of you didn’t come back after all. Sounds to me like you lost your mind a little. I’m no hero.”
“You saved us. You protected us when no one else could.”
I shook my head and looked back out over the forest.
“What do you see when you think of yourself?”
I shrugged.
“Don’t be like that. This is an exercise for both of us. Whatever we say here doesn’t go anywhere else; it stays between us. It might seem silly, but it helps. Just let it out; don’t be shy.” Karissa’s smile was honest and genuine.
I looked out over the cliff and felt her eyes burning through me. I remembered what Chief had told me. This retreat could be good for me, too. In this moment, I wasn’t able to help Rayna with her shift. She was in Garrett’s hands.
I took a deep breath and turned to her. “Fine, what do I do?”
“Tell me what you see when you think about yourself.”
“I don’t know…a hunter that has a lot to learn I guess.”
“That’s way too vague. Dig deeper. Who do you want to be?”
I rolled my eyes and kicked some stones that broke free of the platform. “Right now, I just want everyone to be safe.”
“But…”
I sighed. “But most days, I’m lost. I spend more time trying to keep myself in check and my elements under control that I forget about everyone around me. I let my emotions rule me, and more often than not, they get in my way.”
“Tell me about your elements. They sound a lot like our beasts. They’re ruled by our emotions too.”
“Most days they control me, but for no rhyme or reason, the last few days it’s gotten better. Nothing’s different, it’s just…easier.”
“Don’t spend time searching for answers because they aren’t there to find. For us, one day shifting becomes easier. It’s less painful, it happens quicker, and as time goes on it becomes an enjoyable experience. Maybe that’s what’s happening with your magic.”
“Maybe…”
“What’s it like? Being able to manipulate the elements?”
“I don’t know.” I shrugged. “I never really thought about it. I don’t do it unless I have to.”
“Why?” she asked.
“Using your elements comes at a price. In small amounts it’s fine, but it uses energy just the same as anything physical. In large portions it’s exhausting, not quite as extreme as after you shift, but similar.”
“Strange.”
“Look at it like this. If you’re training for a race, over time, you strengthen your body. You can run farther and faster than before and it uses less energy.”
“So you’re learning to control your abilities. That’s a long process among any of us; it doesn’t come overnight. You let your emotions rule you; we all do, that’s a part of growing up. It sounds to me like you’re a lot harder on yourself than you should be.”
“It’s not that simple…”
“No?” Karissa got to her feet and moved towards me. “From the outside looking in, I’d say you spend too much energy worrying about everyone else. Nobody
expects
you to be their protector, Chase. You don’t have to be the hero. You’re a person like anyone else.”
“If you only knew…”
I tried to turn away, but Karissa grabbed my shoulder with surprising speed, forcing me to look at her. “You have to take care of yourself first. You only think about others and keeping them safe, but you can’t do that if you don’t know who you are. You need to find peace within before you can truly help anyone else.”
I looked down at my hands. I could feel the magic stirring inside me. Power vibrated beneath the surface of my body and it was more than I could handle. There was something new inside me. I didn’t know what it was, but it was there, craving escape.
I wanted to tell her she was wrong. I did know who I was, and what I wanted out of life. But I couldn’t. I’d never looked that far ahead. My goal since I’d been exiled was to survive. So far I’d done that. I should’ve been happy, but I wasn’t. Someone hadn’t survived, and that death took all the happiness I had left. Finding myself would have to wait. Right now, I needed to stop anyone else from dying. There’d be time to search my inner feelings when everyone was safe.
Silence fell between us again and we both noticed the sun getting low in the sky. The sound of leaves slapping together came from behind us, and Rai burst out of the forest. She chirped and landed on my shoulder, rubbing her head against my cheek. I couldn’t help but smile. I let my hands rub down her back, caressing the soft, golden feathers.
“Oh my.” Karissa jumped to her feet. “We better head back.”
I didn’t want to go back. It was quiet here. No hunters, no Riley, no Dark Brothers, and no demons trying to make a trophy out of my head, but most importantly, everyone was safe for the moment. Here was good.
“Come on. We’re going to miss out on the festivities!” Karissa yelled from inside the thicket.
“Festivities?” I asked, looking at Rai. I didn’t do
festivities
.
The sun made its final descent when I stepped into the clearing, only to find it empty.
“Hurry, we’re already late,” Karissa said. At the other side of the field, Karissa ducked down under a few branches and disappeared into the trees.
“More forest?” I grumbled. I followed Karissa through an opening and was thankful to find a path. I couldn’t handle anymore bushwhacking today.
It was dark and it took my eyes a moment to adjust. Karissa seemed to move through the shadows with ease, but by the time I got used to the darkness, a light flickered, signaling our destination.
Surrounded by more trees, the forest opened up to reveal a fire pit warming the area. Logs and stumps sat around the fire, and the smell of burning wood was thick.
“Last, but not least. I thought we’d lost you.” Chief stood from his seat as we arrived. “I trust your day was wonderful and full of self-discovery.”
“Of course it was!” Karissa said.
“Excellent. Why don’t you take a seat and we can begin.”
There was only a single log that remained unoccupied and we took our seats. Rayna sat a few stumps away and I smiled at her, but it only earned me a glare. I was guessing her day wasn’t going well. Jonathan sat next to Chief. I imagined Chief arranged it that way to keep him close, but Jonathan’s pale eyes were fixated on Rayna.
“Today, we searched our human-selves through others. Tonight, we come together as a pride and find ourselves through our beasts. You will stay in your pairs as previously indicated, but Karissa, you shall go with Garrett, and Rayna, you will stay with me. You may shift when you are ready and go discover the other side of yourselves beneath the moonlight.”
Everyone cheered and jumped to their feet. Power ignited the air in a suffocating wave. The crunching of bones and dripping of fluid surrounded me as dozens of shifters changed into their animal counterparts.
Rai’s claws bit into my shoulder and her chirps were panicked. She pushed off my shoulder and the bright white feathers faded into the dark sky.
Orange tigers with thick black stripes, lions with the largest of manes, cheetahs built for speed and agility, and a spread of cougars, lynx, jaguars, leopards, and panthers all came to form. Scattered throughout the cats were coyotes, foxes, a few bears, and abnormally large birds that disappeared into the sky. Some of them shifted flawlessly, the fluid and blood hardly noticeable. Others ripped their beast forward, spreading the liquid with an explosion of authority. I felt like I was stuck in a cage at the zoo, but the power was enticing and forced adrenaline to pump through me.
Watching the cats take shape sent chills down my spine. They roamed around me, hungry eyes devouring me. My pulse sped and my nerves tightened. Magic flexed inside me and I clenched my fists, as if that could help. My elements came to life and a new magic throbbed in my soul. It pushed inside me, begging to be set free.
Sweat ran down my face as the cats neared and I tried to hold the power back. Fire and water stormed inside me while a new magic roamed between them.
“Relax.” Karissa’s hand touched my arm and I could feel her beast vibrating beneath the surface. “They won’t hurt you.”
The warmth of her hand grounded me and the pulse in my throat slowed. “You sure about that?” I asked, rising from the log and stepping back.
“We still have our own minds when we shift. Things just become more primal.”
Garrett stalked towards us and extended his hand to Karissa. “May I?” He looked at me.
“Uh, sure.”
“I had a good day with you.” Karissa smiled.
“Me, too.”
“See you tomorrow?”
Before I could respond, they both changed. In a few bone crunching moments, two large panthers stood in front of me. Garrett was huge and came up to my hip, while Karissa stood just above my knee. She turned, and bright golden cat eyes stared up at me. Garrett rubbed his head against her neck and they both broke into a run, diving into the underbrush.
The rest of the pride cleared the area. Paw prints of all sizes littered the dirt around the fire pit, and as the last few animals broke into the woods, the only sound that remained was the crackling of the fire. Chief stayed seated on his stump, staring into the fire, while Rayna had her head down, her body throbbing with deep breaths.
“Hey.” I walked towards her. “Everything okay?”
Rayna grunted and her breathing sped up.
“Okay, so you’re mad. What’d I do?”
Rayna’s head snapped up and heavy breaths escaped her lips. Blood stained her chin and fangs hung from her gums. Black veins moved beneath her skin and the bright light of the fire showed the thin layer of sweat on her face.
Bright eyes reflected the flames as the beast inside of her stared at me, and it didn’t look happy.
“Oh…” I said, taking a step back.
“It’s the power of the other shifters. It calls our beast to the surface,” Chief said calmly.
“You seem fine,” I said, not taking my eyes off of Rayna.
“It mostly affects the younger shifters, those who cannot yet control their beast.”
“Why’d you bring her here if you knew this would happen?”
“She needs to know what it feels like to be in the presence of her own kind. When the beast feels the power of a united pride, its natural instincts are to join it. Once it respects what we are, Rayna can force it to submit to her command in order to be a part of it.”
Rayna fell onto all fours and her body quivered. Her hands shifted quickly into the thick black paws I’d seen all too often lately. Deep growls moved through her lips in a ferocious roar as the beast pushed outward. Her legs shifted, but as the beast began to fully break through, she collapsed.
Chief dropped and pulled his beast up from within.
“Don’t let it go, Rayna.”
His power filled the space like a dozen werecats and he threw all that power into Rayna. Her beast roared and I jumped back again. Its eyes found me and Rayna fought the beast back until she broke through.