Shifting Gears (Crossroads Series Book 2) (6 page)

“No.” Landon shook his head. “I don’t think that would be the best idea.”

“Afraid you won’t be able to keep your hands off of me?”

Landon rolled his eyes.

“Then shut the hell up and come hang out at my house. We can watch a movie and then retire to separate bedrooms and stay awake all night thinking how much better it would have been just to have sex and get it over with.” He winked at Landon.

“You’re relentless.”

“You know I’m just giving you a hard time, right?” It wasn’t that he didn’t really want to have sex with Landon, because he did, but he also didn’t want to push the guy away before he was ready to leave. “I really do respect your boundaries. I just like to tease you and your reaction is fun.”

“Yeah…yeah, I know.” There was a brief pause and then Landon continued, “So what do we need to do before we can get out of here?”

That was exactly what Rod wanted to hear. “You sit. I’ll work. Oh, I need to stop by the store and grab some pizza chips and chocolate milk first. I can’t watch a movie without them.”

“Wait. What? Pizza chips?”

“Chips that are pizza flavored. I love them.”

Landon crossed his arms. “Really? They don’t taste like pizza, you know?”

Rod walked to the register and Landon followed, staying on the other side of the counter.

“I invite you to my home and you insult my taste in food? And yes, people like them. I like them. You will too. I’ll convert you.”

Landon frowned. “Convert me into someone who eats pizza flavored chips with chocolate milk. I don’t think so. You really are insane.”

“You’ll see.” Rod winked at him. “Now be quiet so I can count the drawer down.”

The smile on Landon’s face made warmth flood Rod’s chest. He liked making Landon smile. He decided he’d try to do it more often.

“Young Kiefer Sutherland was so fucking sexy.”

Landon nodded at what Rod said. “And Emilio Estevez. He’s badass. That makes him even sexier.”

“They’re all gorgeous, every fucking one of them. I can’t believe you like these late eighties, early nineties westerns too. I thought I was unique.” This wasn’t the first time in the past two weeks they’d ended up on Rod’s couch, watching movies while Rod ate pizza flavored chips and drank chocolate milk like he was twelve years old. Contrary to what he said, Landon still wasn’t a fan.

He huffed at what Rod said. “I think you’re the most unique person I’ve ever met.”

“Thank you.” Rod shifted on the couch, then laid down and put his head on Landon’s lap, just put his fucking head there like it was the most normal thing in the world.

He almost said something, but then decided to keep his mouth shut. At first he thought the guy acted the way he did because he was just really fucking horny. Now, he wondered if it was something different. It was almost like he needed the attention, which was why he was so outspoken. It wasn’t that Landon thought Rod was the type of guy who wanted to be the center of everyone’s universe, but it was like he needed something he didn’t have, yet he wasn’t sure how to get it. Like he was looking for comfort or validation through affection.

He didn’t think Rod was as confident as he seemed. Which honestly, was a good reason for him to keep his distance—another reason, that was. That had been a large part of the problem when it came to his parents. Jealousy and lack of confidence, which resulted in a competition of one hurting the other before the other hurt them.

Still, Landon put his feet up on the coffee table and didn’t say a word as Rod used his thigh as a pillow.

“Chip?” Rod held up the bag for him, but Landon waved it off.

He looked down at Rod, studied the curve of his face. The cut of his jaw, and how smooth he was. He’d obviously shaved this morning. Rod wasn’t what he would call a twink; though smaller than Landon, he was too big for that. Everything about him seemed softer than Landon was, though.

Rod set the bag of chips on the floor. “You want me. You’re watching me instead of Emilio.”

Landon rolled his eyes. “I was trying to figure out how to get your big head off my lap.” He really shouldn’t be here. He wasn’t quite sure why he was. All Landon knew was that he enjoyed Rod’s company and that was that.

“Ugh, fine.” Rod started to sit up, but Landon put a hand on his shoulder.

“You’re okay. I wouldn’t want his majesty not to be comfortable.”

“Oh, I like that. You should call me that all the time. It can be your pet name for me.”

“I already have a pet name for you. It’s Delusional. It fits well, don’t you think?”

“You’re a funny guy. Now be quiet. I’m watching young Kiefer.” Rod didn’t move from his spot for the rest of the movie and Landon didn’t ask him to. They were friends. It wasn’t a big deal, he told himself. Still, he couldn’t remember ever watching a movie with someone’s head in his lap before.

The longer the movie went, the antsier he became. Rod didn’t seem to notice. If he did, he didn’t say anything. Finally the movie was over, and Rod sat up. Landon made the decision that he should definitely head home. He opened his mouth to tell Rod, when he asked, “Who do you sleep with more often, men or women?”

“That’s not why I’m not having sex with you.”

“I didn’t say it was. I’m just curious about you. We’re friends, right? We better be otherwise this celibacy thing really needs to go out the window.”

Landon leaned back against the seat. He hadn’t realized he’d gone tense until now. “I don’t know. It started out mostly women. I lost my virginity to a girl and—”

“How old were you?” He pulled his feet under himself and sat cross-legged on the couch.

“Um…seventeen.”

“That old?”

“What do you mean that old. How old were you?”

“Fifteen. I don’t recommend it,” he said as though Landon going back in time and losing his virginity earlier was an option. “Boys at fifteen don’t know what they’re doing. It hurt like hell.”

His chest squeezed at the thought of someone hurting Rod. “I’ll keep that in mind. As I was saying, I knew I was bisexual even then, but coming out in high school wasn’t an option for me. My mom found out the typical way, because of porn, but her and Shanen were the only people who knew.”

“What about your dad?”

Landon worked his jaw so hard it hurt. His sperm donor was the last thing he wanted to talk about. “He wasn’t around. I don’t want to talk about it.”

There wasn’t a pause, wasn’t an awkward silence as Rod asked a different question. “How did she take it?”

He appreciated that about him, that he didn’t push. “She was okay. My mom’s got a romantic streak a mile wide. She’s always looking for love in everything she does. She was hypnotized by the whole forbidden love thing. She just knew I was going to fall in love with some boy and lose him because of society.”

Rod’s forehead wrinkled and he definitely understood the reaction.

“So, yeah, women at first. I left when I was eighteen with no plans to come back. It was pretty equal—men and women for a while, but then the last few years, it’s been mostly men.”

“Men for me in case you’re wondering.”

No, he hadn’t been. The guy was a nut. Landon picked up one of the couch pillows and threw it at him.

“What? How do you know I haven’t been with a woman?”

“Have you?”

“No, but you couldn’t have known that.”

Landon nodded because he was right. “Fair enough.”

“Strictly top or do you bottom?”

“Ah fuck.” Landon rubbed a hand over his face. “Are we really going to do this?”

“We’re getting to know each other,
friend
.”

Knowing Rod, the man wouldn’t stop until Landon told him. “Mostly top but I do bottom from time to time. You?”

“Mostly bottom but I do top from time to time.”

See?
His answer seemed to say:
We’d work perfect together in bed.

And they would. The relentless attraction that Landon felt for him went into high gear. He definitely needed to change the subject or who knew where Rod would take it? “Do you have any family?”

Rod’s body language changed. He frowned so swiftly that Landon wondered if he realized he did it. “No. My mom died when I was young, no siblings and my dad passed a couple years ago.”

The mood in the room darkened, became heavy. This was definitely a sore spot for Rod, when he tried to make everyone believe he didn’t have any. He understood that. He had those painful wounds inside him as well that he wanted to forget existed.

Landon reached over and touched Rod’s leg. “I’m sorry.”

“Eh.” He shrugged. “Such is life. I wasn’t old enough to really know her and he hated me anyway.” His voice was light, too light, and Landon knew that it bothered him, even though he tried to pretend it didn’t. How could thinking your own father hated you not bother you? But his dad had stayed. That had to mean something.

“I’m sure he didn’t hate you.”

“Oh no. He did. There’s no question about that. But it’s fine. I’ve had a lot of years to get over it. I’m tired. We should hit the sack.”

He couldn’t imagine someone disliking Rod. He was electric, magnetic.

“Are you staying?” Rod stood. Landon looked up at him and nodded. It didn’t matter that only a little while ago he’d planned to tell Rod that he was going to go home.

Rod jerked his head toward the hallway and Landon stood. Words teased his tongue but he didn’t know what they were. He was afraid to open his mouth because he wasn’t sure what would come out. He wanted to know what happened. Maybe part of him wanted to share his own history with Rod. Or hell, maybe he just wanted Rod to know that if his dad did hate him, that it was his loss and not Rod’s.

None of those things came out.

Rod turned off the TV, and then the lights. Landon followed him down to the end of the short hallway. The bathroom was on the left side—next to it one bedroom and across the hallway another.

“You’re in there.” Rod pointed to the room on the right as though Landon didn’t know. He’d used the spare room a few times over the last two weeks.

Landon nodded, still not trusting his fucking tongue. What in the hell was wrong with him?

“Goodnight.”

Rod went to walk into this room, but Landon reached out and wrapped a hand around Rod’s wrist. He tugged him closer and then pressed his lips to Rod’s forehead. When he pulled back, Rod had his eyes closed. “Don’t do that. Please don’t fucking do that unless you plan to go with me to my room. I don’t know what we’re holding out for. Just once…” Rod opened his eyes. “Just once and then it’ll be out of your system. We’ll fuck then be friends. Friends who have fucked. I like it.”

Landon smiled, but felt almost sad for some reason. He didn’t like the way Rod said that Landon would have him out of his system after they slept together. Which technically should be exactly what he was going for, but it felt wrong the way Rod said it.

“No. We’re friends who will be good friends. Good night.” He walked in the room and closed the door. He spent the whole night doing exactly what Rod said he would do two weeks ago—lying awake and thinking about how much better it would have been to have sex. He wondered if Rod was doing the same thing.

It was the next afternoon when Landon climbed off his bike at home. As soon as he opened the door he smelled sauce cooking. He made his way into the kitchen to see his mom standing in front of the stove with an apron on. “Smells good. Is that for me?” He grinned at her.

“No, but you can have some.”

He looked at the large pot on the stove… “You feeding an army?” She’d used the biggest pan in the kitchen. It would take a month for the two of them to finish it and that was if they ate it every night Landon was home.

She laughed. “No. I joined a club for people over fifty. It’s a place to meet friends, get out of the house, stuff like that. It’s a Meet Group…? I think it’s called.” She waved her hand at him. “I can’t remember, but we’re having a potluck tomorrow and I’m making pasta and sauce.”

“A meet group for people over fifty? That makes it sound like you guys are old.”

“We are old,” she said and Landon laughed. “Here, make yourself a plate.”

Landon did as she suggested before making one for her. The two of them sat at the kitchen table when she said, “I’ll probably be busy a lot with the group. They have a lot of activities. I want to be more active in my old age.” She winked at him.

He liked this playful side of her, and he liked the idea of her getting out of the house and meeting people. It was almost as though she decided Shanen getting married was time for a new start for her as well. “Good. I’m glad. That sounds nice.”

“How was your day at work?” she asked.

“Good. How was your day?” He took a bite of his food and then a drink of ice water.

“It was nice. Shanen has finally decided on her colors for the wedding. She’s going with lavender and silver. It’ll be pretty.”

Landon nodded. As ridiculous as it sounded, there was a part of him that was surprised Shanen was getting married. She was a year older than him. She’d been roommates with their mom until she moved out a few months before. She’d focused on college and her career, and he’d always assumed that’s what it would be for Shanen the same way it was for him. Cut out the tears and the fighting. The
I love yous
that turned to
I hate yous,
before they became declarations of love again.