Shifting Gears (Crossroads Series Book 2) (7 page)

But she was doing it. She was really fucking doing it and it was hard to be happy for her the way he should. He just wanted her to be okay.

“Sounds nice,” he said, remembering that he should probably answer his mom.

“It will be. So what’s going on with you? Were you with Rod again last night?”

Shit. The last thing he wanted to do was talk to her about Rod. “Yeah. He has a spare room and he lives closer to the shop.”

“That sounds convenient.” He didn’t have to look at her to know she was smiling. Christ, this was awkward. “I’d like to meet him sometime.”

That made him snap his head up. “What? Why? He’s a friend.”

“I’ve never met any friends of yours. You left so young and you rarely came home.”

Guilt burrowed deep inside him. Yes, he’d left. He left her and Shanen both, but he hadn’t disappeared. He could never do something like that. “I know, and I’m sorry. It’s not a reason to have Rod over for you to meet him though. We’ve only known each other for a few weeks.”

“You seem close…”

“Can we not do this? I’m a little old to have these discussions with you.”

She sighed and then nodded. “Fine. I’ll share my life with you instead then. I’m thinking about doing in-home caregiving again. It was painful but rewarding work.”

“If you think you’re up for the emotional toll, I think that’s a great idea.” It had always been hard on her and he understood that.

“I think it’s important work. I’d like to make a difference. What better way than taking care of people’s loved ones?”

Before he could reply, she continued, “Have you put anymore thought into getting your own place?”

Where the hell had that come from? Not that he didn’t want his own place, because he did. “You’re really trying to kick me out, aren’t you?”

“No. You know that’s not true, Landon. I know you don’t want to live here though. And that’s okay. Shanen was okay with it, but that’s not you. I guess…life is short. I want you to be happy. I want all of us to be happy.”

“I’m fine, Ma. It’s nice to stay with you again.”

She didn’t look anymore convinced than she had a second ago. But at least he’d tried.

“You know I love you, right, Landon? You and Shanen are the most important people in my world. I might not have always shown it the best way. It’s true what they say, we hurt the ones we love the most. That doesn’t mean we don’t love them.”

Discomfort slid down his spine. Landon set down his fork and looked at her. “What’s going on? Are you okay?”

“No, no. I’m fine. I promise. I didn’t mean to scare you. And thank you for trying to make me feel good, but I know I hurt you. It was never intentional, but I did. I hurt both of my kids, and your father. Neither of us were innocent.”

Landon grinded his molars to dust. “Don’t compare yourself to him. You stayed.”

“Landon—” He looked at her, trying to tell her with his eyes that he didn’t want to go there. “Okay, fine. I’ve said my piece. I’ll let it go.”

The look she gave him said,
for now.
He wanted nothing to do with this conversation again. “I might stay at Rod’s place a little more often, if he’s okay with it. It’ll give you your space without letting you kick me out all together.” He tried for light and it worked.

She smiled at him. “Whatever you want, Landon.”

Whatever he wanted. Too bad he didn’t know exactly what that was.

***

Rod smiled when Nick and Bryce walked through the doors of Rods-N-Ends. It was the first time they’d made it besides opening day when things were a mess.

“We figured we’d come check out the new digs,” Bryce told him with a smile.

“It’s about time. I assume you’re both a little more familiar with the products now… You won’t be needing my help. I mean, I’m glad to offer my assistance. I have new favorite products.”

Both men laughed, Nick looking a little more embarrassed about it than Bryce was. That was Nick and Bryce—Nick would always be a little more under the radar than Bryce was.

“It looks good.” Nick looked around the building.

“Looks fun.” Bryce wiggled his eyebrows and Nick wrapped an arm around him, pulling him closer.

“I agree,” Rod told them.

It was Nick who replied. “It’s dangerous to get the two of you together.”

“I’m going shopping in a minute. We can stock up on fun stuff.” Bryce winked at Nick and then looked at him. “So what’s up with you and Landon? I can’t get a read on him.”

“What do you mean you can’t get a read on him? He’s a good guy,” Rod said, suddenly feeling defensive.

Bryce grinned. “Simmer down. That’s not what I meant. I just didn’t know if something was going on with the two of you. He’s mentioned coming from your place a few times.”

Landon had stayed at Rod’s place four of the last seven days. He’d asked if Rod minded, Rod told him no, and that was that.

He’d offered Landon the keys so he could go there when he was at work, but he always refused them.

There was a chair at the end of the counter now, because he spent evenings here with Rod.

He didn’t know what in the fuck it meant. Landon still slept in the spare room every night. Apparently Rod was good enough to use his house but not good enough to have sex with. “We’re
friends.
He stays at my place because it’s closer and easier.”

The second Bryce opened his mouth, Rod knew the kind of words that would come out of it. “Nope, not even the kind of friends who get off with each other. I tried. Believe me, he won’t do it.”

“It’s sex. Hell, I’d never had a guy before and I was excited as hell about the chance to fuck Nick.”

“Jesus, Bryce. I’m going to kill you,” Nick said, his cheeks flushing. “Can we not talk about our sex life every chance you get?”

“What?” Bryce looked shocked. “It’s Rod. Have you forgotten our very first conversation with him? We’re past being coy when it comes to him.”

“Yes, no need to be coy,” Rod said. “I’d be willing to suffer through the two of you sharing even more with me if you wanted to.” Rod winked at them. Nick shook his head and Bryce laughed. “But yes, I agree with you. We enjoy each other’s company. Neither of us wants a relationship. Why not get off with each other? Apparently he just doesn’t enjoy sex.” At least not the thought of it with Rod.

“Is there something wrong with a man who doesn’t want to fuck any and everything in sight?” Nick asked.

“Yes,” Both Bryce and Rod said at the same time. Bryce was a man after his own heart.

In reality, he respected the right to be more open about sex, and also those who chose not to. Whatever floated your boat. It wasn’t as though he thought all men only wanted sex, but teasing was the only way he knew how to deal with what he was experiencing.

“I didn’t want to fuck anything that walked,” Nick reminded them. Nick had only been with two people in his life—his ex wife, and Bryce.

“I know,” Bryce said. “But you wanted to fuck me so that’s different. You were holding out for me.”

“Well, apparently Landon isn’t holding out for me.” Unfortunately for Rod, that bothered him more than it should.

Landon was horny.

This was the longest spell he’d gone without sex since he left home at eighteen. Stroking one out wasn’t working anymore, so he figured it was time to do something about it.

It was his day off from the shop. He wished it wasn’t because at least when he was at work, he had something to do to keep him busy. Sitting here in an empty house while his mom was out for the day left him downloading a stupid fucking app to his phone.

An hour later, he sat in the same place talking to a man about two miles away from him who was looking for a quick hook-up.

I want to be fucked,
the guy said. Jesus, he felt like such a cliché.

Still he replied with,
I can do that.

Good. I’ll be naked when you get here. My address is—
“Hey, Landon. What’s up?”

Landon fumbled his phone at the sound of his sister’s voice. He hadn’t even heard her come in. He exited out of the app, feeling pretty fucking awkward that he’d been planning to screw a stranger when his sister walked in. He really needed to get his own place, to keep accidents like this from happening.

“You look like you’re up to something. Is that Rod? Our mother keeps talking about him.”

“Aw, fuck.” He tossed his phone to the couch just as Shanen sat on the other side of him. “Why is she talking to you about him? She won’t stop, and it’s driving me crazy.”

“Are you dating him?” she asked.

“No. Not that it’s any of your business. He’s a friend. I’ve told her that a hundred times.”

Shanen sighed. “I think she just wants so much for both of us to be happy in ways she never was. But then, I worry that it might hurt her at the same time. You know how she is. She doesn’t do well with change, and she’s afraid to be alone.”

Yeah, yeah, he knew that. “She keeps telling me she thinks I should look for my own place. I have to tell you, Shan, it’s really fucking tempting.”

“I know.” Shanen leaned her head on his shoulder. “It’s hard. I’ve done it all my life.”

Guilt cut off his air, threatening to strangle him. He knew Shanen hadn’t said it to make him feel that way. She’d only spoken the truth.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. You made the right decision for yourself. I made my own choices as well. If you feel like you should go, go. It’ll work out. She’s joined this group and she has plans. She’s happier than I’ve seen her in a long time.”

And she was. He enjoyed seeing it. He wished she could always be this happy. “We’ll see. I’m not sure what I’m going to do yet.”

She sat up and poked him in the side. “Even if you stay, that doesn’t mean you have to be here all the time. You can still stay with your boyfriend sometimes too.”

Landon rolled his eyes at her. Shanen was just like their mom in some ways. She’d never give up on this Rod thing now.

“He’s not my boyfriend.”

“You can have one, you know?”

He nodded. “I know.” But did he really? Shanen believed that, but Landon was pretty sure he didn’t.

“You can bring your boyfriend to the wedding too, if you want.”

His first thought was that Rod would like Shanen. They’d get along well. Both his mom and Shanen would like Rod. “Shut up.”

Shanen winked at him. The people in his life were going to drive him crazy.

When she left, Landon found himself deleting the app from his phone, but refused to let himself think about why.

***

“Just so I can get this straight, we’re not going on a date, right?” Rod asked when Landon showed up at his house on the Fourth of July. He knew this wasn’t a date, but he loved giving Landon a hard time. When he dropped his head back and looked up at the sky, Rod knew he’d hit his target.

“Nope, not a date.”

“So we’re just two gay guys, spending the day together on your bike, and then watching fireworks?”

Landon groaned before tossing the helmet to him. “Put this on and shut up.”

“Whatever you say, sir. Ooh, that’s kinky. I’ve always wanted to try and role-play that master/boy stuff. What do you think? Want to order me around? Make me strip for you?”

He could see Landon trying to bite back a smile, which was exactly what he’d wanted. Landon had seemed a little down lately. Rod knew if he asked, he wouldn’t say why, so he decided just to try and cheer him up instead. “You can tell me to get on my knees and suck your cock. I’d do it for no other reason than to experience the sub fantasy.”

Landon grabbed his own helmet off the bike, and unlatched the straps. “Oh you would, huh? Sounds like a real hardship.”

“No one said life was easy.”

“Shut up and put the helmet on,
boy
.”

Heat shot through his body. “Oh fuck. That was actually kind of hot. Huh. Who knew? Maybe next time I go out I’ll look for a guy who wants to order me around.”

Landon’s jaw tightened in an unfamiliar way. “No. Don’t do that.”

“Why?”

“Because.” He fiddled with the straps on his helmet. “Just because.”

“Just because?”

“Can we go?”

Rod would much rather find out what that because was about. He stood there without a word, and it only took a few seconds for Landon to groan again. He obviously knew Rod well and knew he wasn’t going to let this go. “Because there are a lot of creeps out there. That’s not the kind of thing you just look for with some random guy at a club, or on an app.”

Well shit. That wasn’t the response he wanted. “You don’t think I can take care of myself? I’m not stupid.”

Landon looked at him with puzzled eyes as if he really did suddenly think Rod was dumb. “I never said you were stupid or that I think you can’t take care of yourself. You’re obviously doing a fine job of that. I just don’t think it’s smart to play around with that shit unless you’re experienced. That’s all. You don’t need some random asshole to tell you to get on your knees for him. You’re better than that—and before you say anything, it’s not because I give a shit that it’s a hook up. Hell, everyone I’ve ever fucked has just been a hook up, so I’m not anti-fucking who you want. I’m not anti Dom/sub either. I just…just don’t do it.”